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Wednesday 31 December ~ by George
Our vacuum cleaner has never been one of my favourite things, and after today's incident I like it even less. Not only is it unpredictable and noisy, but it has a downright cheek and a total disregard for my Best Things. It was doing it's usual noisy and unpredictable thing over the different levels of our activity centre, so I watched from the hall (a very safe distance). I watched as it's horrid long snout went all over levels two and three, sucking up our old discarded fur, and then it moved on to level one, which is where my Wiggly Waggler (still my Best Toy) was, and... 'Oh no, not my Waggler!' And there it was gone, just like that, quick as a flash, Waggler one minute, No Waggler the next. It disappeared right up it's snout making a sort of 'Tthhhhhwwuck' noise, and then the vacuum cleaner started making a funny noise too. The folks had to take it's horrid snout to bits, and luckily there was my Waggler, totally unharmed! (Phew, breathes sigh of relief, wipes brow, cuddles Waggler).
Tuesday 30 December ~ by Gemini
We had a second go at 'Boxing Day' today, with the arrival of a very interesting box indeed. It's the size of a cat carrier, and the sides are made of a sort of rope/twine stuff with holes at either end. I was a bit suspicious at first, in case it really was a cat carrier, and that it might even contain a cat! Luckily that wasn't the case, it had boring people-food in it (yaaawn) and a bottle of people-drink (yeuurkk!). On the plus side, it contained loads of those white polystyrene balls that go everywhere, paticularly when they're encouraged to go everywhere by two enthusiastic cats (that's us). The box itself must have been designed by a cat though, with the inside being big enough for a cat to sit in, and the outside being a perfect sratching board. I suppose the contents could have been better, in a sort of prawny-creamy-custardy way, if you get my drift!
Monday 29 December ~ by George
There's fish, then there's fish, and then of course, there's fish. It's a puzzle really, why fish can be fish, and yet not fish. If you see what I mean. If you don't see what I mean, then I best explain. Fish Type No. 1 = Fish swimming round in the pond, as in our fish, the ones that entertain us in the summer, but that we don't consider as food. Fish Type No. 2 = Coley fish, wet, smelly, floppy, chewy, and defintely the best kind of food, (no relation to Fish Type No. 1). Fish Type No. 3 = Chip Shop Fish, flaky, succulent, yummy, sometimes with crunchy bits on, sometimes with tomato ketchup on but never mind, (no relation to Fish Type No. 1 but maybe a third cousin twice removed from Fish Type No. 2). Today we had Fish Type No. 3, Chip Shop Fish. I wonder what would happen if we had Chip Shop Fish swimming in the pond, would we still be able to eat them, or would they become family? Fish makes you smarter apparently, but if that's true, why are fish so daft?
Sunday 28 December ~ by Gemini
There must have been something very special going on in our grass today, though I'm not sure what. Maybe a sudden influx of worms, or a particularly active ants nest. Whatever it was brought loads of starlings down at once, all hopping and pecking in a flock they were, all in the same patch of grass too. Lucky for them it was far too cold for me and George to want to bother going outside to chase them. It was one of those days where it seemed more appealing just to sit on the warm cooker hood and look at them out the window. They'll still be around when we're in the mood for hunting, and by then they'll be nicely fattened up for us!
Saturday 27 December ~ by George
Oh well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! One of the folks even joined in on the Walnut Whacking today, they threw the walnut into play, and we did the chasing, dribbling and whacking. I'd say it's become our best game. We're still perfecting our techniques of course, quite often the walnut goes missing, and we haven't made up any rules for it yet, but it's early days. Here's me demonstrating 'Walnut Whacking for Beginners'.
Friday 26 December ~ by Gemini
Boxing Day. And where is our box? The box we only had yesterday, our Christmas box? Already in the garage, that's where, along with the wrapping paper that we were having so much fun with. Personally, I blame it on all this recycling malarky. There was a time when the folks would leave things like boxes and paper laying around for ages until they found a use for it, or got round to throwing it out, but not these days. These 'recycling' chappies come round every couple of weeks and take it all away somewhere, so all ours now gets dutifully rounded up, boxed up and put away until collection day. So where does that leave us cats? Boxless, that where. Boxless on Boxing Day, surely we deserve better than this? It's just as well we've still got walnuts.
Thursday 25 December ~ by George
I know Christmas Day is supposed to be full of surprises, but one of the biggest surprises today was that it was sunny! Isn't it traditionally supposed to be freezing cold, cloudy or raining? Not that I'm complaining, it meant that we could take a couple of our presents out onto the patio to play with. Our traditional Jingly Balls presents in fact. They jingled their little hearts out for oh, at least three minutes until we got fed up with them. Personally I think Gemini's 'Walnut Whacking' is an altogether better game, (I wish I'd thought of it). Naturally we were right about the fishy and cheesy treats, given that we could smell them through the wrapping paper. But we also got catnip treats, milk chocolate drops and some cream off the banoffi pie. Our best presents of course, were the pile of wrapping paper and the cardboard box... pounce-tastic! Merry Christmas to us!
Wednesday 24 December ~ by Gemini (again ~ sorry I had to, on account of the walnut!)
I really felt I had to do the diary today, seeing as it was me and not George who discovered the best new Christmas game ever. I should also say that we had a visit and a fuss from our old mate Man in Socks, and we got to lick the banoffi cream bowl, but still the most exciting thing was My New Game: Walnut Whacking!
Tuesday 23 December ~ by Gemini
I'm quite getting into this Christmas thing now, particularly after today's dinner. We had turkey pieces, proper turkey, not the bits you get in 'turkey style' cat food, this was the real McCoy. Our folks don't have turkey at Christmas, or any other time come to that, so it was a bit of a surprise to say the least. They'd gone off out somewhere for a couple of hours, and returned with all these succulent, juicy turkey bits in a bag, just for us! This surely proves what I've suspected all along, that me and George are the most important things in their life, we must be if all they went out for was to get us turkey pieces. Anyway, at the risk of sounding food obsessed (which I am not, despite what George says), I'm fairly sure we're going to get some fishy and cheesy treats soon as presents. I really don't know why they bother wrapping our presents up in coloured paper though, we're cats for heaven's sake, we can smell right through it! And what's with the 'To' and 'From' tags on them? Who else in this house would they be giving cat treats to? The goldfish?
Monday 22 December ~ by George
I just can't believe I fell for it again! Only last month I was fooled by telly animals, and I swore I'd never let them trick me again, but today I got taken in by a pigeon. It's all David Blaine's fault, and if anyone else saw his programme today they might remember the pigeon. The pigeon only played a very minor role, sort of a walk-on part really (no lines), but he was exactly life size, and that's how it tricked me into thinking it was real. I leapt off that sofa, and pounced up at the screen with such speed and efficiency I'd have caught it for sure if it'd been real. Grrrrrrrr. Still, it was good practice for catching next door's pigeons I suppose. It made me wonder though, do pigeon actors get paid for their roles? And if they do, what do they pay them, bird seed? worms? I think I could be an actor you know, Gemini says I act up all the time, so I wouldn't need much training. I could never be in a programme with pigeon actors though, I'd end up eating the rest of the cast!
Sunday 21 December ~ by Gemini
One of my morning jobs is to make sure both the folks actually get out of bed! Sometimes one gets up before the other, so I have to go and make sure the other one gets up too (otherwise I swear they'd be there all day!). Normally all it takes is some well-placed 'pawing-and-clawing' up close to their face, and maybe a bit of dribbling down their cheek or arm. Sometimes though, on really cold mornings like today, I can't find any exposed bits to dribble down, so my only course of action is to crawl inside the bed with them. So, I squidged myself down below the pillows, squirmed my head under the duvet, wiggled my bum a bit and tunnelled down into the bed. I must admit it was very cosy in there, but any thoughts of napping would have to wait, I had a job to do. As soon as I found a limb I went to work, pawing and clawing (gently but firmly), it's amazing how quick they get up once I start! Mission stage one accomplished: Humans out of bed. Mission stage two followed: Cats take over bed!
Saturday 20 December ~ by George
Our cat flap has been locked up for the last couple of nights due to the intruder with the 'inconsiderate urination' problem (that's Gemini's posh way of saying he pees where he shouldn't). I don't mind that on cold and windy nights like last night, but when you've had a boring night not going out, then breakfast seems far more interesting than normal. And when food seems more interesting than normal, you tend to eat it quicker, don't you? And when you eat food quicker than you should, well, you know, it doesn't always stay put, does it? Mine doesn't anyway. So unfortunately my breakfast ended up in a pile on the living room floor about five minutes after I'd eaten it. It looked much the same as it had in the bowl actually, only warmer. What? Oh, sorry, Gemini's just told me to stop talking about disgusting things. That's not disgusting, it's natural! Eating snails, now that's disgusting! Oh yes, I do eat snails from time to time, but I was banned from writing about that ages ago!
Friday 19 December ~ by Gemini
I don't know what got into me today, but it got there in the morning and stayed for most of the day. I just kept feeling lively and energetic, how weird is that? I kept getting these strange urges to go haring round the house, chasing George where possible, and making a general nuisance of myself the rest of the time. The folks kept saying I had 'ants in my pants'. I freaked them out at one point with my advanced table-skating, when I raced down the hall, launched myself up onto the kitchen table on which the folks had mugs of tea, and skidded straight into one of the mugs! I didn't quite manage to knock it over, but I did make half the tea slosh out everywhere. George was totally impressed and awestruck, so I think I'm his hero today. This sort of behaviour is rather out of character for me you understand, I'm normally much better behaved. I can only put it down to the time of year, or my time of life, it certainly can't be my fault!
Thursday 18 December ~ by George
Yes! Yes! They're up! Our Christmas lights are finally working and are up in our tree. And the tinsel too, the tinsel box came out today too, which was completely pounce-tastic! It's a bit exciting when it happens all at once, and I was a bit torn as to whether to pounce on the tinsel or to get in the box instead. Gemini solved my dilemma by getting into the box first, and as there's definitely only room for one cat in there (particularly when it's Gemini), I did tinsel pouncing. And, a nice surprise for a Thursday, we had coley fish for dinner, how much better can things get? Actually I've no idea how much better things could get, but I decided not to go off on any secret missions, just in case they did. Turned out that coley and tinsel was as good as it got, but I did have a spontaneous game with one of the folks and my 'Wiggly Waggler', as you can see from this picture. It's totally lost all it's catnip smell now (it's last Christmas's Waggler), but it still has plenty of entertainment value. If any cats out there fancy having a Waggler of their own, you can get them from cosycatscattery.co.uk, 'As recommended by George'!
Wednesday 17 December ~ by Gemini
Some cats have no manners whatsoever, it's quite unbelievable, did their mothers not teach them anything? I'm talking specifically about the type of cat that sneaked in through our cat flap last night. I'm not a selfish sort of a cat (unless it comes to prawns, but that's different), so if a passing cat is desperate enough to want a few of our biscuits I'm not going to get upset about it. But what I do object to is the fact that he peed up George's litter house on his way out! No, I'm sorry that's just ungrateful and downright bad manners. It was a litter house for heavens sake, couldn't he at least have gone inside it? Was that too much to ask? What's even worse is that I know what'll happen tonight, the folks will lock up the catflap. This means that effectively we'll be under house arrest all night just because of matey-boy's inconsiderate urination! There should be a law against it, and cats like that should be sent back to Kitten School!
Tuesday 16 December ~ by George
I know it's nearly Christmas, because the folks got the tree lights out today. We always have lights in our outside tree, which I love. Mainly I love to sit in the window and look out at them, but when we're outside underneath it, the lights make us go different colours. I light up better than Gemini of course, being white, I reflect all the colours (that's scientific, Marmaduke told me about it last year), and Gemini being tabby doesn't. She looks interesting under the green lights, but I can look interesting under yellow, red and blue as well. Still, we're not looking interesting under any coloured lights just yet, because they appear to be broken. The folks spread them out over the kitchen floor, and mucked about with them for ages, but they haven't made them work yet. I managed to find a stray bulb, so I batted it across the floor and sent it scooting off under the cooker (I think it's still there). Come on, hurry up and fix my lights, I want to look colourful and interesting in time for Christmas!
Monday 15 December ~ by Gemini
It was so bitterly cold and windy today, I almost gave in and used George's litter house for my business. I say almost, I got as far as putting my paws on the threshold and then my tabby pride wouldn't let me do it! So I braved it out there in sub-zero temperatures and gale force winds, but I was mighty quick about it that's for sure. Our friend Squashy Belly Man came to see us this evening, and he looked like he had ten jumpers on to keep the cold out, but most of it was actually his Squashy Belly, which no doubt keeps the cold out anyway. There's nothing wrong with a winter belly in my opinion, I grow one every year and it sees me through the winter perfectly. Proof if proof were needed of the merits of a winter belly - if George bothered to grow one, he'd have enough insulation to do his business outside. Either that, or I'll have to buy him a woolly hat and scarf for Christmas!
Sunday 14 December ~ by George
No you don't! (no she doesn't!), I can honestly say, paw on heart, that Gemini most certainly does not 'just sleep'when she sleeps. She does twitching too, ears, nose, whiskers, feet, the lot! I didn't realise that I did twitching until I just read Gemini's diary from yesterday, I thought it was just a Gemini thing. Now I need to know who twitches the most, but how can I ever find that out? The only way to measure it is to compare twitch levels when we're asleep, and to give each other marks out of ten or something. The problem is that at least one of us has to be asleep during the experiment, and you can't give marks out of ten when you're asleep, so one of us would have to stay awake. Then what if the one who was asleep didn't twitch that time, it would get very boring for the one who was awake, so boring in fact that they'd no doubt fall asleep! Someone needs to invent a 'twitchometer'. I tried to think up a design for a twitchometer myself, but I wasn't getting anywhere so I fell asleep.
Saturday 13 December ~ by Gemini
Seeing as George appears to have sloped off somewhere, I'll take this opportunity to write about an observation of him that I made last night. I was watching him while he was asleep on his favourite cushion, and I couldn't believe what a little twitcher he is. His paws were twitching and jerking so much I'm amazed he didn't wake himself up! He must have been dreaming of chasing a mouse or stalking a bird, or (knowing George) playing hazelnut football. It's no wonder he never puts on any weight, if he carries on running around even after he's gone to sleep. I'm glad I don't do that, when I sleep, I just sleep.
Friday 12 December ~ by Gemini
Thank goodness it's my turn to do the diary today, I couldn't bear it if George gave his version of today's events, he'd be sure to exaggerate, and probably snigger a lot too. Before I go on, I have to say in my defence that the folks moved some computer stuff round the other day, and the desk and drawers too, so it wasn't my fault I got stuck, OK? I'd decided to investigate down behind the office drawers, which is not usually a problem, but today I got down there (just) and realised there was at least two inches less space between the unit and the wall than there used to be, so try as I might I couldn't get back up again. I could just about get my front paws back on the top, but not the rest of me. It ended up with 'her' lowering a towel down for me to dig my claws in, then she pulled me up until I was high enough for her to get a hand under my rear end. I can laugh about it now of course, but at the time I thought I might have to spend the rest of my life down there!
Thursday 11 December ~ by George
Today I have proved to the world that I am truly a master of technology. It's an accepted fact that machines obey my every command (I can make the answerphone play it's messages), and that computers quake in my presence (I can push three buttons at once with just one paw), but now I've mastered the subtle workings of the TV remote control. And I don't just mean the on/off button either, oh no, I'm talking volume control here! There was some really boring humans on the telly just going on, and on, and on (like they do), so I figured I'd just turn them down a bit. It was easy really, the remote control was on the arm of the chair, and all I had to do was lay down and put my chin on the volume button, and Hey Presto, they shut up! Gemini was most impressed, but said she'd be even more impressed if I learnt how to lower my volume button. Grrrrrrrrr.
Wednedsay 10 December ~ by Gemini
Today was an intriguing box day. This is not to be confused with Boxing Day of course, which we haven't had yet. George got all worried because he thought it might be Boxing Day and he'd somehow missed Christmas Day, but I assured him that wasn't the case, this was a different sort of Box altogether. Turned out it was a box with a new computer in (yawn), but luckily it also had lots of polystyrene bits in (that's more like it) and plastic bubble wrap (Yay!). I didn't think there was anything wrong with the old computer to be honest, but maybe this one makes custard or dispenses prawns or something useful. Until we find out, I'll just keep a good eye on the box.
Tuesday 9 December ~ by George
Gemini couldn't believe her whiskers today, she thought I'd gone completely barking! We had a visitor this afternoon, and I jumped straight up onto the table to let him fuss me, which is something I never, ever let a stranger do. Anyway, he fussed me really good and proper, just as I expected, and Gemini just sat there on level three of our activity thingy staring at me, wide eyed and looking as surprised as a surprised thing. She was so surprised that she didn't even try to muscle in on the fussing, which she would usually do. What she didn't know, (and this is my little secret) was that I'd met this visitor before and she hadn't, so all she saw was a 'Big Brave' George going straight up to a Big Stranger, which hasn't done my image any harm whatsoever! We've named him Paint and Plaster Man, because that's what his trousers were covered in. We're very logical when it comes to names, but because of this we can't say what names we give our folks, in case our coley rations get cut!
Monday 8 December ~ by Gemini
Our Mondays aren't usually noted for being very exciting, so it was nice to have something out of the ordinary happen today. It started with a little puddle on the floor (no I did not, and neither did George!), it was a puddle of water. It gradually became a big puddle, and that's when the folks decided to investigate. I was first on the scene of course, but my expertise is in bicycle maintenance not in plumbing, so I couldn't really advise. Turns out it was to do with the washing machine and a hose and a pipe, and things not going where they should. Anyway all the wooden fronts had to come off the bottoms of kitchen units, then there was lots of buckets and mopping (thankfully not my department). My skills were needed to squeeeeze under the units and do a thorough investigation. Here's my Official Report: Lots of dust, three daddy-long-legs and one of George's old collars (so that's where it went!). I felt a bit peckish whilst I was under there though, so there's now only two daddy-long-legs.
Sunday 7 December ~ by George
Me and Gemini's 'three squeaker' fights on the landing are almost the stuff of legend these days, although whose 'leg' and whose 'end' it is is not always easy to work out. We're normally rolling, tumbling, thumping and squeaking so fast that it's not easy to capture in a photo, but here's a snapshot of today's little 'bundle', which was one of our best tussles yet. I cleverly tipped Gemini off the landing down onto the stairs quite early in the match, which is one of the trickiest manoeuvres, and which trebled all my points. She got a couple of extra points by flattening me under the radiator, and managed to get the full three squeaks out of me by the end. You only get one point for a 'squeak' though, so I think I won on points.
Saturday 6 December ~ by Gemini
I don't know where the folks went off to last night, but wherever it was they didn't make it home until today, and wherever it was, they had a cat! (Strange cat smells on the trousers, always a dead giveaway that). I was left in charge naturally, with a little help from next door lady and her amazing feeding abilities. She could teach our folks a thing or two about biscuit quantities I can tell you, although she hasn't yet managed to produce coley fish, so maybe there's room for improvement. It must be such a treat for her coming in to feed us, because despite knowing how fantastic we are, they still don't have a cat!
Friday 5 December ~ by George
The fun I have with my litter house just never ends. Not only is it the best place in the house for scrabbling and digging around in, and the only place in the Universe (probably) where I can do my tricky trick number eightly four. If you don't know what tricky trick number eighty four is, I'm afraid I've been banned from mentioning the details, in case it sets kittens a bad example! As I say though, the fun never ends, and today I discovered a way of making superbly artistic gravel trails on the floor outside the litter box, by scrunching as much gravel in between my toes as I can just before I emerge. Then, as I walk away from it, I slowly relax my toes, releasing the gravel as I go! The folks aren't as appreciative of my artwork as they should be, and tend to sweep it up before they've had a chance to see the depth and feeling in my work. This, unfortunately is the fate of many great artists, and is no doubt why a cat has never won the Turner Prize. One day though, one day...
Thursday 4 December ~ by Gemini
I'm not sure whether to be more worried by todays spectacle, or less worried. It's to do with this strange ritual one of our folks sometimes performs on a long spongy mat, involving such things as standing on one leg, or sticking their arms out at strange angles for no apparent reason. I know us cats often stick our limbs up in the air for the important purpose of washing, but I have yet to determine what the reason is for similar behaviour in humans. The worrying development today was when I realised that she is not the only human in the world to do this. There was also a human doing the same thing on our television at the same time, in fact I'm reasonably certain that one was copying the other, although who was copying whom I don't know. I can only assume that after all these years, people are finally realising that cats know best, and are trying to follow our example. Mind you, if she wants to be able to lick between her toes, I'm afraid she has an awful lot of practising to do!
Wednesday 3 December ~ by George
When I was younger I didn't seem to need a lot of fussing, I was more your 'Oi Gerroff me, I'm Big and Tough and don't need girly fussing!' sort of a cat. But I've grown to appreciate a good fussing more and more as I've got older (I'm nearly seven and a half so I'm very nearly adult!). Today I thought I'd test out how many fusses I could get in a day, before the folks got well and truly tired of stopping what they were doing to give me a fuss. I usually get at least one fuss off each of them in the morning, but then I tend to let them off and go and do Important George Things, but not today! Today was my Big Fussing Experiment Day! I hope you're ready to be impressed, because I got SIX fusses from one and FOUR from the other, and that was just before lunch! I'd lost count by the end of the day, but suffice to say it was a big success. Gemini said I was just being a pest and a show off. Who? Me? Anyway here's a photo of me posing in my handsome, butter-wouldn't-melt mode. Now does that look like a pest to you? I think not.
Tuesday 2 December ~ by Gemini
I'm rather enjoying this second kittenhood of mine, it means I can pester George as much as he usually pesters me! I got him good and proper this morning, while he was in his litter house doing his 'daily routine'. I jumped up on to the roof while he was still scrabbling around in the gravel, and made him scoot out like a bat out of hell (or a George out of the Box). As soon as he emerged I gave chase, up the hall and into the living room, round the sofa, back out and into the kitchen. Then he tried to give me the slip by jumping up onto the kitchen table, but I was hot on his heels and we both landed on some newspapers the folks had left there. This is when we (unintentionally) discovered a new sport! It's a version of coffee table skating, only it's for two players at once. Newspapers on shiny tables are just fantastic for skating on. You can only have one go at it though, because after that all the newspapers are on the floor!
Monday 1 December ~ by George
Gemini seems to be right about her having a 'second kittenhood', either that or she's swallowed a bag of jumping beans. She's been insufferable today, chasing me round the sofa, having a 'three-squeaker' on the landing (my squeaks, not hers), and playing one-up-one-down on our activity centre. Mind you I was the 'one up' today which means I batted from level three down to her level two, so she didn't stand a chance of winning. I began wondering how many kittenhoods we get, and when do we know when we're not having one? I can't remember ever not being kitteny, so I must still be in my first kittenhood, and I'm nearly seven and a half, so I'll have to hurry up and stop having my first one, so that I have time to have my second one when I'm nearly eight and a half (which is how old Gemini is). Well, I don't want to miss out, do I?
Sunday 30 November ~ by George
I don't know if the next door folks have seen it yet, but there's one of those pesky slightly-haunted carrier bags stuck in their tree, very similar to the one that's stuck under our Big Bush (which is still there despite my threats to it). I'm sure ours had intended to scare me, but it'll take much more than a slightly haunted carrier bag to scare Big Bad Tough Streetwise George, that's for sure. Yeah. Grrrrrrr. I can only assume that next doors one is supposed to scare their pigeons, but they don't look very scared to me. Where do these ghost bags all come from? that's what I'd like to know, we never had any before. Must be to do with the warmer winters we've been having, or the state of the global economy or something. Anyway, more importantly, I got fussed with the curry comb today, and I managed to get my nose in a shoe at the same time, heavenly!
Saturday 29 November ~ by Gemini
I think I'm entering my second kittenhood. One of the folks (her) was sewing (that's sewing in it's loosest definition), when I was taken by this sudden, overwhelming desire to chase the cotton! I'd rushed across the room and swiped at that thread before I knew what had come over me. I don't know which one of us was the most shocked. The second clue to my kittenhood revival was when I decided to try out a long-forgotten mode of transport, one which I used quite often when I was a kitten. I'm referring to the draped-round-human-shoulders mode of transport. It's not very reliable if you want to get from A to B however, because their B is almost always different from my B, in fact it's more of a mystery tour. Funny though, it seemed that much harder to stay up there and secure than I remember, even with all my claws dug into their shoulders I still felt a bit wobbly round the corners (the house's corners, not mine, I don't have corners). Still, I suppose there's slightly more of me to keep steady these days.
Friday 28 November ~ by Gemini
I wonder if any other cats have this problem with their housemates? Much that I love to curl up with George on our favourite chair on cold winter evenings, I do sometimes wish he'd keep his legs to himself! Here's what I mean....
Thursday 27 November ~ by George
Coley fish! Yes, yes yes, coley fish! Oh happy day, it's coley fish! Ahem, right then, yes, compose yourself George. Coley fish was the best thing that happened today. There was also lots of in-between things that happened, but they don't make for interesting diary entries (slept, washed, scratched, lounged about, poo'd, watched birds, slept. See?). There was however, one very worst thing that happened today. We had a visitor. Not one of our regular visitors either, oh no, this was a small one. Small as in mini-person, if you know what I mean, (I think it's like a human version of a kitten). Anyway, it crept up on me while I was curled up asleep, and decided to stroke me! Aaaagh! Naturally I ran like the clappers. If the truth be known I probably ran faster than the clappers (George warp speed twelve at a guess). Thankfully the little-person-human-kitten thing couldn't run that fast. Sometimes there's a lot to be said for days that just consist of sleeping, washing, scratching etc.
Wednesday 26 November ~ by Gemini
Result! I think George's little protest yesterday has actually had an effect - there wasn't a vegetable in sight in our breakfast this morning. He's right, cats aren't meant to eat vegetables, if we need 'greens' we'll munch on some grass thank you very much! After our (much improved) breakfast, I had a nice wash on the office windowsill, using my tried and tested 'lazy-cats way to clean paws'. What's the lazy-cats way to clean paws? Oh it's easy, all you need is a window with net curtains, then follow these simple steps: (1) Sit beside net curtain (2) Raise paw up to mouth height, with claws extended (3) Stick claws into net curtain so that your paw is hooked on securely (4) Proceed to wash front leg, paw and toes with hardly any effort required (the curtain takes all the weight, you see). Doesn't it make holes in the curtain? you might ask. Well, yes it does. And don't our folks mind? you might ask. Well, er... I'm not sure. Since when have cats ever known (or cared) what humans think?!
Tuesday 25 November ~ by George
At the risk of sounding food obsessed (that's Gemini's job) I just have to make my feelings known about a very important feeding issue. Breakfast is very important to me, being a Top Secret Special Agent, I can't undertake Top Secret missions on an empty stomach now can I? So I have to complain about this morning's breakfast, and ditto for a few meals recently as well, which have been all but inedible. Why? Well, there's a particular cat food manufacturer (can't name names) that has decided to add vegetables to it's recipes. Yes, you did read that correctly, v-e-g-e-t-a-b-l-e-s! What's that all about? We're cats for heavens sake, we don't do vegetables. I've sort of put up with it until now, but no more I tell you. I just walked away from my bowl in disgust. So all I ate this morning was a few biscuits, I wasn't going to touch that muck! Even Gemini left half a bowlful, and that's completely unheard of. I think it's called voting with your paws!
Monday 24 November ~ by Gemini
Never Mind Alice through the Looking Glass, I'm more interested in G & G through the Cat Flap. The outside view of our cat flap is well known, (and beautifully modelled by us on our own pages), but I wondered how many human folks out there had ever considered the importance of the inside view of the Cat Flap, from a feline perspective. It's not just a window to us, oh no, it's a threshold of thoughts, a doorway of dilemmas even. Forget, 'to be or not to be', that isn't an issue for cats. 'To go out, or not to go out?' That's the real question. If you've never got down on your hands and knees and looked out through a cat flap, may I suggest you try it today? Don't try to go through it though, unless you're a cat, that can have very embarrassing results!
Sunday 23 November ~ by George
I have to say as sundays go, this one will take some 'topping'. In fact me and Gemini have really got this sunday treat lark 'licked'. It wasn't difficult for the folks to 'whip' up our enthusiasm for today's treat, and afterwards I couldn't have eaten another thing, because I was a 'trifle' full up! Oh yes, we were the cats that got the cream today, the whipped cream to be precise, and the custard too (Gemini's favourite bit). Trifle is one of those rare dishes that is made equally for cats or humans, well apart from the jelly and fruit bit, they're welcome to that. We get to lick the bowls, the spoons, and the folks fingers if they're lucky, and today I even found an extra bit that had got stuck on my forehead (from when I'd had my head in the cream bowl earlier). Luckily I've got a super long tongue, so it didn't get missed for long! Aaaaaghh, I've just realised I've spent a whole diary going on about food, I must have been living with Gemini too long!
Saturday 22 November ~ by Gemini
It just hasn't stopped raining today, which is great for the fish in our pond, but not great for cats. I went out on garden patrol of course, but being wet doesn't suit me, so I decided to help out in the office instead. I arrived just in time to find a pile of files being put into George's Magic Drawer. For those who don't know, the drawer itself isn't magic, it's just that it's the drawer where George does his magic trick (going in one drawer and coming out another). I've performed this trick myself in the past, so with new files in the way I thought it was a good time to try it out again. Trouble is, you have to go right to the back of the drawer and sneak out into the inside of the cabinet to make the trick work, and getting to the back of the drawer wasn't easy over those extra files. So I breathed in and squeezed myself flat (well flatt-ish anyway), wriggled a bit, breathed in some more, squeezed a bit flatter, more wriggling... and I did it! There you go George, told you I don't need to diet!
Friday 21 November
by George & Gemini
There's nothing better than a nice surprise, especially when it's unexpected. Surprises of new food is always good, but a surprise new game is even better somehow. Today's surprise game came in the form of piles of sparkly, scrunchy, purple wrapping paper in our hallway. Christmas already? Can't be. Birthday? Nope. We couldn't work out the reason for this exciting purple development, so we decided to stop asking questions and just play! And if our folks are planning Christmas things yet, we'd both like wrapping paper again this year please, and boxes. Wrapping paper and boxes. Wrapping paper, boxes and string as well please. Oh and tinsel. Wrapping paper, boxes, string and tinsel. Yep that's the lot, that's our Christmas list done!
Thursday 20 November ~ by George
Something Gemini taught me from a very young age was never to let a strange human fuss you on first meeting, and most of the time that's very good advice. Sometimes though, you meet someone that you know without doubt, straight away, that they are a one hundred per cent, through and through, solid, no-nonsense, honest to goodness, scratch and stroke and fuss, completely feline friendly sort of a person. It sticks out a mile. We had one such person visit today. As soon as she walked through the door I knew. She might as well have had 'I love cats' tattooed on her forehead. For a change I got in there first, and got the full blast of her fussing! Big strokes (yep, that's good), head rubs (even better), scratch under the chin (oh yes, come on, don't stop now), fuss, fuss, fuss (fantastic!). The only thing missing was a shoe, I could have done with a handy shoe to stick my nose in, that would have been the best. Maybe she'll bring a shoe next time.
Wednesday 19 November ~ by Gemini
I feel quite sorry for next door's pigeons. The last of the leaves has finally fallen off their tree, so they'll have to find somewhere warmer to spend the winter. It did mean however, that the folks did the end-of-season leaf clearing in the garden today, which naturally I supervise. Piles of leaves get scooped up and relocated, mainly to under the bushes, around the weed borders and into the compost bin. I mostly supervised from on top of the compost bin, but I came down to do a little 'froglet herding' when a pile of leaves they were living under got moved. No more leaves also meant that the net thing came off the pond today too, so no more walking across the wooden frame, stopping mid-pond and freaking the folks out! Still, with a bit of luck the pond will freeze over in the winter and I can freak them out even more by walking out onto that, heh heh heh!
Tuesday 18 November ~ by George
I'd like to point out something about Gemini's diary yesterday, namely the fact that she must have been talking about another George entirely, it certainly can't have been me. I mean would I, Big Bad Tough Streetwise George retreat from fireworks noise? No I would not. What I did was curl up by Gemini to reassure her, and make sure she wasn't scared of the noises. And would I, Special Agent George, Double-O one and a half, run away from a slightly haunted carrier bag? No I would not. What really happened was that I confronted it, growled at it, threatened it with my wrath, and then went to warn Gemini to steer clear of it until I'd found my wrath with which to carry out my threats. See? Are these the actions of a Big Bold Fearless George? (that's me by the way). Yes they certainly are! So, just to prove my point I spent ages today trying to find my wrath, but I just can't remember where I had it last. All I found was one of my old elastic bands and a nut that had been missing since last Christmas. When I do find it though.... Grrrrrrrrr, that ghost-bag had better watch out!
Monday 17 November ~ by Gemini
Hah! George's email girlfriend has sussed him out at last. She's obviously a bit of a smart cookie, and isn't fooled by his 'I'm Big Bad George, Defender of the Universe' stuff. She began to smell a rat when he let slip about retreating from the noise of the fireworks (the actions of a fearless cat?), and then there's him using an indoor litter box in the winter (a little wimpy maybe?), but I feel certain the fact that he ran away from a slightly-haunted carrier bag was what really alerted her to his true inner nature. Still, love is blind, particularly when it's only love-by-email, so they continue to exchange prolific dribbles and strange shoe-stories (don't ask). Odd really, she seems so smart, a good hunter and a Top Tabby to boot, so what she sees in him is beyond me. I suppose he has a certain charm, but he'll always just be little George to me. I wonder if he's ever told her about that time with the mechanical frog? No I bet he hasn't. (Don't worry George I'll keep quiet... for now!)
Sunday 16 November ~ by George
I thought of something else I can bring up at the next Cat Chat committee meeting - furballs! I told that one to Gemini and she just groaned and buried her head further into the sofa cushion. Well I thought it was funny, in fact I make myself laugh each time I remember it. I thought maybe the Parallel George through the mirror might appreciate my joke more than Gemini did, I mean being a George he's bound to have the same sense of humour as me, so I went off to see if he was in (and he was). I jumped up on the arm of the chair under the mirror, (that's the best place to view his parallel office) and unbelievably he'd jumped up on his parallel chair at exactly the same time! We startled each other so much I forgot the punchline!
Saturday 15 November ~ by George
Apparently today me and Gemini became officially honorary and trusty. This is a bit of a mystery to me as I've always been trusty as far as I know, so why will being official make any difference? And I don't know what honorary means, or at least I didn't until Gemini put me straight. She said it was a posh title that meant we were on the committee but we didn't have to actually do any of the work if we didn't want to. (What Committee? What work?). She also said we were 'Trust-ees' not trusty! (although she admitted we could be both) Turns out that Cat Chat became an officially Registered Charity today, and we have been made 'Honorary Trustees'. Oh, now I understand... not! Does this mean we get coley more often? Or prawns perhaps? Gemini didn't know the answer to those questions, so we're going to bring it up at the next committee meeting!
Friday 14 November ~ by Gemini
I must say George was totally convinced by those kittens yesterday, gave us all a laugh. I have to admit I've been fooled by 'TV animals' myself in the past, but I blame Rolf Harris and David Attenborough entirely. The scariest moment for me was just over seven years ago, I was upstairs napping when I got woken up by the sound of a kitten mewing loudly downstairs. I figured Rolf Harris was probably at fault, but went to investigate anyway, only to come face to face with an eight week old George. Now that was scary! To my credit though, he was instantly more scared of me that I was of him, (but that might have had something to do with me hissing at him and chasing him behind the settee). In my experience, one should never be too friendly to visitors on first meeting, especially not other cats. And especially not other cats who expect to move in, sleep on my soft furnishings, and eat some of my food! I didn't get to be Top Cat around here by not laying down the ground rules!
Thursday 13 November ~ by George
Bah! I hate being tricked! It's my job to do tricky tricks, not to be tricked, and therefore I should know one when I see one (or in this case hear one), but this trick caught me well and truly unawares. There I was minding my own business behind the living room curtains when I heard this bunch of kittens mewing in the room. I immediately stopped minding my own business and came out to investigate. I couldn't see them, but I could certainly hear them, plain as a plain thing. They were behind the telly, or so I thought, or maybe underneath it, but no, I went round the telly at least three times before I realised they were inside it. Bah - tricked by telly animals! Tricks aside, I'm generally a smart sort of a George, I know that animals inside the telly never, ever come out into the house. This is just as well, particularly when there are Elephants in it.
Wednesday 12 November ~ by Gemini
Can you tell what it is yet? No, it's not a cat with two tails, but it was certainly a windowsill with two cats! We had a bit of a lazing and gazing day today, not least of all because it was cold and wet outside. Generally, us cats would prefer not to go out and get cold and wet, we leave that to people and dogs! This windowsill is upstairs, and is our preferred viewing platform for three reasons, 1. We can see next door's pigeon tree (keeps George happy) 2. It gives us a wide view of the garden to check for uninvited feline intruders (keeps me happy), and 3. There's a radiator underneath (keeps our bums and tails happy!)
Tuesday 11 November ~ by George
The haunted carrier bag is still under our Big Bush, but it's not very haunted, only a little bit haunted. In fact after studying it for some time today I'm not even sure it's properly haunted at all. It seems haunted because it twitches, but when I put my sensible head on, I realised it was just the frogs living underneath it. I always thought frogs flew south for the winter, but maybe our Big Bush and a slightly-haunted carrier bag is warm enough for them. I'm jolly glad I'm not a frog, I like my central heating too much. The Top Moment of today was an impromptu mega brushing session this evening. One of the folks has this big round hairbrush with little bobbly things on the bristles, which is the absolute best brushing experience ever. It made me go all floppy and soppy, and left me looking even more handsome than ever. That's another reason I'm glad I'm not a frog, nobody ever brushes frogs!
Monday 10 November ~ by Gemini
I have to take issue with George over his idea that some of my days are boring. Boring? I think not! They may be relaxed, or chilled out (like today) but never boring. I can sit, stare, lounge, stretch, yawn, roll over, nap, sleep, dream, wake up, eat, wash, then go back to sitting, staring, lounging etc. all over again and not get bored once. In fact, if George finds that sort of day boring, then he's not trying hard enough! To become a well-read and well-rounded cat of above-average intelligence (like myself) requires a great deal of serious contemplation time, and you can't do contemplating if you're racing about all day on Top Secret Missions. To prove my point, today I contemplated that the feline equivalent of 'Horses for Courses' has to be 'Cats for Mats'. Profound, don't you think? I was all contemplated-out after that and had to go and finish all the biscuits.
Sunday 9 November ~ by George
I can't, it was all Top Secret, and a Special Agent like myself is expected to keep Secret Missions secret, that's the whole point of being a Special agent! (Special Agents know when not to spill the beans). Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that I didn't do any Top Secret stuff today, but of course that means it wasn't nearly as exciting as Friday (which I still can't mention). Getting up on top of the wardrobe was about as exciting as it got today, although having a 'Three-Squeaker' play-fight on the landing with Gemini was quite fun too. I've noticed that Gemini likes to write about her day no matter how boring it is. I expect that's why she's not a Special Agent, she'd spill the beans all over the place!
Saturday 8 November ~ by Gemini
George! What sort of a diary was that! You won't get away with it you know, you'll get complaints. Your email girlfriend will complain for one. You don't have to write about the Top Secret bits, couldn't you just write about the rest?
Friday 7 November ~ by George
Oh no, I can't possibly write about my day today, it was far too Top Secret for that!
Thursday 6 November ~ by Gemini
I had to chuckle at George's diary yesterday about being fearless and smart and stuff. Well I'll agree with the 'stuff' bit, and very occasionally the 'smart' bit, but I'm not convinced about the fearless bit. Today for example, he came crashing in through the cat flap all wide-eyed and startled, wailing on about a ghost under our Big Bush. A ghost, I kid you not. He said it was white and scary, and had flapped at him. He reckoned it had come out at Halloween and got stuck under the bush. 'Come on then, show me where it is then,' I said, but he was already on the windowsill hiding behind the curtain by the time I was halfway through the sentence. Investigate? Of course I did. And I can officially report that our Big Bush is being haunted by a Co-op carrier bag!
Wednesday 5 November ~ by George
Remember, remember the fifth of November indeed, I think I'd rather forget it thanks! We've had so many fireworks nights recently, that I'd forgotten when the real one was, but there was no mistaking it tonight. It's a good job we know they are just fireworks, otherwise we'd think it was the end of the world. Goodness only knows what our frogs must think of it all, I'm sure they haven't got a clue and they don't even have settees to hide behind! Er, not that I hide behind the settee, oh no, I didn't mean that. I'm Big Bad George, Defender of the Universe, and as such am Bold and Fearless and Smart and stuff. I still don't like the loud bangs though, so curling up on the chair furthest from the window, with Gemini on one side and a cushion on the other seemed like the smartest thing to do, so that's what I did. Never let it be said that I don't do the smartest thing!
Tuesday 4 November ~ by Gemini
It's not often I follow George's example, he usually follows mine, but I couldn't let him get away with boasting about his Horizontal Pull-ups without giving it a go myself. It was almost like doing exercise, so it must be good for me, and certainly gave me an appetite (which is always a good thing in my book). It's good for testing the claws too, and mine stood up to the test marvellously. Also, today I found out who yesterday's intruder into our garden was, he'd left his 'calling card' on a couple of our bushes, and I might add, on Thermal, the stone cat by our pond. Now that's the mark of a cat with no manners, peeing on stone cats indeed! If I ever spot him, I'll teach him some manners the hard way!
Monday 3 November ~ by George
I'm undecided about which game was best today, the outdoor one or the indoor one. The outdoor one was pouncing in the leaf piles, which gets better every day due to the leaf piles getting bigger, and the indoor one was doing Horizontal Pull-ups on the landing. Oh you know what I mean, it's where you lay down on the landing, dig your claws into the carpet and pull yourself along. I've tried it in other rooms but the landing is best. I can pull myself at least half-a-George length at a time, I'm very skilled. I'm also extremely skilled in knowing when not to go out leaf-pouncing, and the best time not to do that is when there's a menacing looking pale tabby in the garden, six times my size (at least). I'm still Big Bad George, but my Big and his Big are in different leagues! So here's me deciding that Horizontal Pull-ups was the best option under the circumstances!
Sunday 2 November ~ by Gemini
Rain, rain, rain, that just about describes today I think. I had a very productive morning sitting in the upstairs window watching the rain splashing in the pond and making puddles on our kitchen roof. I was hoping it would stop in time for me to go out to do the business, but it didn't stop, so I had to get my paws wet in the end. I could have used George's litter house of course, but I'm not that wimpy, and I don't like doing it where people might see me, (it's a tabby thing). So in the absence of wellington boots, I came back in with four very wet paws. Wet paws make beautiful patterns on sheets of nice white paper and envelopes I discovered. The folks didn't seem quite so impressed with my artistic efforts though, so the Tate Modern will have to survive without my unique brand of progressive paw-art for now. 'What're you like!' they went. Well um, now let me think, what am I like? Tough one that. Maybe I'm stating the obvious here but I reckon I'm pretty much like a cat!
Saturday 1 November ~ by George
So, about this new prize draw on our front page, what's going on here? As far as I gather it, those mad people at Cat out of the Bag have given us thirty Christmas stockings stuffed with lovely cat treats and toys, and what do our folks decide to do with them? Give them to me and Gemini, their resident and very favourite cats? Oh no. Instead they decide to give them away to total strangers, that's what! (I have no words sufficient to describe my disbelief). I mean thirty stockings, we could have had Christmas every week until the middle of next July on those! And we're not even allowed to enter the draw, bah! I was beginning to think they didn't care about us anymore, but then they played Blanket Boxing with me (a day early) and let us both lick the custard bowls, so I feel all loved again now. And Gemini washed inside my ears, so all's well with the world!
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