Tuesday 31st March - by Gemini
Oh, I do like first-thing-in-the-mornings. Particularly
first-thing-in-the-mornings like today, when I get up onto the folks' bed, pummel the pillow, get fussed, go under the duvet, get fussed again, go back out and pummel the pillow some more, get fussed some more, and then dribble into our human of the female variety's hair. I think she likes me doing that. She always says you can't beat a good cat-dribble conditioner. She reckons someone should bottle it and sell it. Well, I'm not sure about that last bit, I don't dribble that much, (well, not enough to launch a commercial enterprise anyway). Pickford doesn't dribble at all you know, not one drop! I don't know how he does it, I mean he gets fussed just as much as me, and he's very good at purring his head off these days, so how does he keep from dribbling? With me it just seems to happen, I can't stop it. As soon as my purrs reach their optimum pitch, out it comes - a regular stream of perfectly formed droplets of Gemini-dribble hair conditioner. And that of course, is the secret behind why my fur always looks so completely gorgeous (see photo). "Cat Dribble Conditioner - by Gemini... because I'm worth it!"
Sunday 29th March - by Pickford
I can't see no problem in havin' a lie-in of a weekend, can you? Nah, thought not. Well I 'ad a nice long lie-in yesterday, just because I could. Well, and 'cos the folks've put me favourite Pickford's Pillow by the airin' cupboard (me latest Best Spot). Anyway, Gemini moaned about me when I got up, she reckoned four o'clock in the afternoon was waaay too late, even for a weekend lie-in. Called me a good-for-nuthin' layabout she did! The folks were gettin' worried about me on account of me havin' missed breakfast. They kept comin' and checkin' to see if me ears were hot (they weren't) and if I was still purrin' (I was). I dunno, can't a cat 'ave a Duvet Day wihout all this bother? Well anyhow, I made up for it today, I was up first up out of everyone this mornin', I was... and I got the folks up to give us an early breakfast (the Colonel would've been proud of me)... and I done perimeter patrol, and pond patrol... and next door's compost-bin duty, all before me mid-mornin' nap. Now I dunno about Gemini, or our folks, or the rest of the world come to that, but I definitely didn't lose an hour today. In fact I reckon I got back the ones I lost yesterday!
Friday 27th March - by Gemini
I'm starting to think cats' claws change as they get older. I mean, do they get sharper? Or longer? Or just more independent perhaps? I always thought I had complete control over my (incredibly beautiful) claws, but lately I'm not so sure. I've started noticing that when I get picked up for a cuddle, my claws seem to totally embed themselves in the nearest jumper / shoulder / arm, and stay there whether I want them to or not, until they are gently and expertly prized out, one by one, by the owner of the jumper / shoulder / arm. They never used to be like that. I used to be able to tell my claws 'In' or 'Out' on a mere whim, but these days they seem to take no notice whenever they feel like it (usually when stuck in a jumper, arm or shoulder). Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not going soft and starting to feel sorry for jumpers or shoulders, but it is a bit annoyoing when I've had enough cuddles and want to get down, only to find that I'm still hanging on like a mountaineer swinging perilously off the north face of the Eiger, held on only by ten super-strength, still-under-guarantee grappling hooks. The problem is, I don't know whether it's my claws that are getting old and cranky, or if it's me... and maybe, truth be told, I don't want to know!
Wednesday 25th March - by the Doves from Above (who live in next door's tree)
Dove 1: Alright matey? Have you been down on the bird-table and tried that new seed yet?
Dove 2: New seed?
Dove 1: Yeah, new seed. It's got new bits in.
Dove 2: No, I haven't tried it yet matey. Is it any good?
Dove 1: It's alright, yeah, I liked it. Well, it makes a change, doesn't it, having new bits?
Dove 2: Yeah, I suppose so. Mind you, I quite liked the old seed.
Dove 1: It's alright matey, it's still got all the best bits of the old seed in - just that it's got new bits too.
Dove 2: Oh that's alright then. You know matey, I reckon our seed's much more exciting than what they feed them cats. I heard they have to eat 'cat food' every single day. How boring is that?
Dove 1: Seriously boring matey, seriously big-time boring.
Monday 23rd March - by Pickford
Yeah - result! It's official, all me ear-mites 'ave gone! I saw me favourite vet today and she checked every nook and cranny in me ears (I still reckon cotton buds are evil), and she said I ain't got ear-mites anywhere - not one, so no more ear-mite-goo for me! I can start gettin' rid of me spiky-punky Johnny Rotten look now. WIth the 'elp of me 'airbrush of course. Oh yeah... listen... I better say about me 'airbrush before Gemini spills the beans. I don't want anyone thinkin' I've gone all girly or nuthin'. It ain't like that at all, see, I'm not right good with cat brushes, or combs and stuff, but the other week, when I was still havin' me ear-mite-goo and gettin' all spiky, the folks tried this 'airbrush on me, just a regular one like people use, you know? Well me and that 'airbrush got on from day one, we understood each other, see? He's the sort of brush what just goes through your fur gently, all soft and casual, not pullin' at you like some of 'em do, and he gets just enough fur off me to make his job worthwhile. I've never been keen on much brushin' before, but I could be brushed for hours with this. dunno If I've got enough fur for hours of brushin' though, maybe a coupla minutes at a time's enough. Yeah, as long as I've always got more fur than the 'airbrush, I reckon we'll be good mates.
Saturday 21st March - by Pickford
'Ow on earth can I smell like popcorn? That's what our human of the female variety said today when she picked me up and snuggled me, she said I smelled like popcorn. I don't know what (or who) popcorn is, let alone what it smells like, but it must smell OK, 'cos she kept snugglin' me and smellin' me. All a bit odd if you ask me. Never mind that though, 'ere's the best thing - the best thing is, this is the second day in a row what's been proper all-day sunny, so I've started bein' a sundial again. That's where I go sunbathin' out the front, and when the sun shifts position, I shift position too. Gemini says the folks use me like a sundial, and that me tail can tell the time. I dunno if that means me tail's smarter'n me, but I don't think it can be, I mean, we go everywhere together and I'm always in the lead. I dunno what'll 'appen next week though, Gemini says the clocks go foward and we lose an hour. Well I can tell you this for nuthin', I'm not jolly well losin' an hour, and my tail ain't goin' nowhere, specially not forward, so there!
Thursday 19th March - by Gemini
Although I do think it was rather sneaky of Pickford to spill the beans about me and that frogspawn, I'm honest enough to admit that he was right, he did see me eat some at the weekend. In fact I ate some yesterday too, and this morning. And now that I have a bit of a taste for it, I might even eat some tomorrow if the mood takes me. Oh, don't worry, there's plenty of it this year, loads more than other years, I won't be wiping out the frog population of south east England or anything. Some of the frogs have got a bit smart this year too, and put theirs out amongst the floating weed half-a-cats-length away from the bank, well out of reach. You know, all these years I've turned my nose up at it, couldn't see what the other cats saw in the stuff, and then the other week, I just ate a bit by accident (well there's so much of it in our pond, it's hard to have a drink without getting an automatic frogspawn-chaser to wash it down). And so, at nearly fourteen years of age (assuming they are the same age as me), my tastebuds have finally decided they like frogspawn! Still, I don't care how adventurous my tastebuds feel, I will absolutely be drawing the line at tadpoles!
Tuesday 17th March - by Gemini & Pickford
Gemini: Excuse me Pickford, you don't mind if I just nip up here and share the bench with you, do you?
Pickford: Errr... no... no, 'course not. You, ummm... you don't want me to get off then?
Gemini: No, I don't think that'll be necessary, not today. Just as long as you stay up your end and I stay up my end, it'll be fine. Nice of you to offer though.
Pickford: Yeah, well, you know, I was just a bit surprised that's all. I mean, you don't normally get up on the bench with me.
Gemini: Ah yes, but it's the sunniest spot right at the moment, and it's St. Patrick's day (whoever he is), and it's springtime, and we had prawns, so all in all I thought I'd make an exception.
Pickford: Oh right, OK. So... what would've 'appened if if we 'adn't had prawns then?
Gemini: Well of course, I'd have expected you to get off then, wouldn't I? I mean, that goes without saying, surely.
Pickford: That's alright then, I was gettin' a bit worried there for a minute.
Sunday 15th March - by Pickford
And the frog-fest continues... You know, I'm sure them frogs never carried on this long other years. They've been celebratin' for five full days now and they're still makin' more frog-jelly. Anyway, I might be speakin' out of turn 'ere, but I'm goin' to spill the beans on the Lady Gemini. Yep, the same Lady Gemini who's always goin' on about other cats comin' round, and stickin' their 'eads in our pond and eatin' the frog jelly. And more to the point, she's always goin' on about how disgustin' she thinks the stuff is, and how could anyone bear to eat it, and all that. Well, this mornin' I saw 'er eatin' the stuff 'erself! Honest I did, I couldn't believe me whiskers. First off I thought... 'Nah, can't be, she's just havin' a drink' (like you do), only then I saw she 'ad a long gloop of frog-jelly hangin' off 'er toungue, and there she was lickin't it in and eatin' it! Apologies to anyone who's havin' their lunch while they're readin' this, but how do you think I felt seein' it in real life? It nearly put me off washin' me bum, that did.
Thursday 12th March - by Gemini
Sometimes, in what I can only assume are moments of pure madness, our Human of the Female variety 'goes swimming'. I have never actually witnessed this spectacle I'm pleased to say, but I understand it entails being totally immersed voluntarily, in water, and sort of paddling along somehow. A bit like a frog I suppose. In which case, both I and our frogs, are eternally grateful that our pond isn't big enough for her to swim in. She apparently reasons that it's 'fun' and 'good exercise', whereas if it is, as I suspect, similar to what frogs do, it's really just pointless... and wet. Well, maybe not completely pointless, as today I discovered the best bit about 'going swimming' - the swimming bag. Oh, it's glorious this bag, honestly, it's scrunchy and slippy and it even has a string attached! I pummelled and pounced that bag all round the place today, I stalked it, chewed it and tugged it's string, then pummelled and pounced it some more. I'm sure I must have had at least 20 lengths worth of fun and exercise out of that bag - and I didn't even need to get wet! I made some lovely claw-holes in it too... I hope it's not meant to be waterproof.
Wednesday 11th March - by Pickford
Now, bein' a tabby cat I know a thing or three about camouflage, and blendin' in and all that, but I tell you, I ain't got nuthin' on our frogs, they've got bein' invisible down to a fine art. They can stay invisible for months! See, in the summer, we 'ave stacks of 'em livin' in our pond, I dunno how many, I can't count that high. I reckon what with their froglets, and their froglets'-froglets, there's got to be 'undreds all told. So 'ere's the thing right - how do that many frogs manage to be invisible all winter and then suddenly appear out of nowhere - like they did this mornin' - Ta Da! - just like that!? It ain't like we've got a massive garden or nuthin', and I patrol it every day (sometimes more than once), so where 'ave they all been hidin'? It's a mystery, I tell you. Well, wherever they've been hidin', they ain't hidin' no more, they're all goin' bonkers in the pond on their annual Frog-Fest, makin' a right royal racket and tons of frog-jelly. Forget your daffodils, your crocuses and your cuckoos, the Frog-Fest means it's proper Spring!
Monday 9th March - by Gemini
Now that wasn't supposed to happen! When I nagged the folks into upgrading the outside box-house under the bushes, it was so it'd be comfier and warmer for, well, you know... passing strays. Cats who might be a bit down on their luck, and need a bed for the night, that sort of thing. Well maybe they upgraded it a bit too well, because the last couple of days it's been inhabited by a very well-looked-after, fluffy, white-with-brown-bits thing who is about as much a stray as I am! Oh I know who she is, I've spotted her many a morning trotting across our garden like lady muck and drinking out of our pond. I don't know exactly where her home is, but I do know she has one, (I mean she's only been using our box-house in the daytime I notice, she goes off home at night!). I just hope that if a genuine stray-in-need comes along that she'll have the decency to give up her seat, as it were. Yes, they definitely went over the top with those refurbishments. The double-thickness duvet bed was a nice touch, and the wrap-around insulation I can understand, but maybe the fitted carpet and chintz curtains was just a step too far. (OK, OK... so I'm joking about the curtains).
P.S. as at Tuesday 10th March: photo added on day three of box-house-occupation. Yes, she's still in there!
Saturday 7th March - by Pickford
Oh no, not again! Come on guys, this isn't fair! The folks've started stickin' ear-mite-goo in me ears again, twice a day, just like before. What..? Oh, right, Gemini's just reminded me that it's not exactly like before - this time I'm only gettin' three drops of goo in each ear instead of four. Yeah, like that makes all the difference. Goo is goo, and it's 'orrid and yucky no matter 'ow many drops you 'ave. Now my favourite vet, right, she reckoned my ear-mites were seventy percent gone - well that means I've only got thirty percent of 'em left, so I can't see what the big deal is, I can live with thirty percent! It's only the folks and the vets who can't apparently, oh well. Good job we 'ad some lovely sunshine today to take me mind off me ears. I like sunbathin' I do. It's a shame ear-mites don't like sunbathin'. If they did, they'd've all come outside today instead of stayin' indoors in me ears. I'm not selfish neither, I mean, I'd've made room for 'em on me sunlounger if they'd wanted... all thirty percent of 'em!
Friday 6th March - by the Doves from Above (who live in next door's tree)
Dove 1: Have you been over to the bird table this morning, matey?
Dove 2: No matey, not yet. I'll wait until the starlings have cleared off. So, what's on the menu today then?
Dove 1: Seed.
Dove 2: Oh good, I like seed.
Dove 1: There's a dish of that fat stuff too, mind you I'm not fussed on that.
Dove 2: Me neither, matey. We'll leave that to the starlings then.
Dove 1: So, what're you doing after you've had your seed then, matey?
Dove 2: Well I thought I'd go and sit in the tree for a bit and watch them cats next door. What about you?
Dove 1: I thought I'd go and sit in the tree for a bit, and watch them cats next door too. They're bound to do something interesting one of these days.
Dove 2: Hmmm, maybe. I wouldn't hold your breath though matey, they're only cats, after all.
Dove 1: Yeah, fair point.
Wednesday 4th March - by Gemini
Humans do an awful lot of strange, and frankly
unnecessary things, don't they? You know, like making the bed for example, (surely beds are much more comfy when they're all in a muddle?), or like ironing clothes so that they go all flat, (what a waste of energy!), or mowing the grass in summer (grass is much more fun when it's long), and numerous other pointless activities. But the most ridiculous thing of all in my opinion has to be blow-drying hair. Now, I'm no scientist, but one thing I do know is that hair - just like fur - will dry perfectly well all on it's own, it doesn't need any help from the sort of noisy, nuisance of a contraption that our human of the female variety insists on using. Hairdryers should be banned! Especially when they're used within mere feet of a sleeping cat (today's sleeping cat being me). But here's the really pointless bit - she doesn't use it just to dry her hair, oh no, apparently it's to style it... which, from what I've observed, means heating your hair up so that it goes in a different direction to the way it's meant to go. Who on earth thinks these things up? Words fail me. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I'm glad I'm a cat! (and as such, my fur always goes in the most perfect direction possible!)
Tuesday 3rd March - by Pickford
OK, right, fair enough, so I didn't see that coming'... again. Pickford the Brave got tricked into a cat-box... again. Tricked into a cat-box and dragged off down the vets today I was, just so's me favourite vet could 'ave a look in me ears and see if me ear-mites 'ave moved out. Well, she stuck me on the scales again too, and I've lost another point-one-of-a-kilo, (reckon I'm slimmer of the year, me!), and she felt the lump on me leg again (it's still lumpy), but it was me ears she really wanted to look at. She said they was lookin' loads better as it goes, only I wish she wouldn't keep stickin' cotton buds in 'em, I 'ate that, I do. Anyway, me ear-mites 'ave all moved out, only she reckons there's still goin' to be eggs in there (eggs?), and so she gave the folks another bottle of ear-mite-goo. They 'aven't given me any of it yet mind, but I know they will. I dunno, just when I'd lost me Johnny Rotten look too. Tell you what though, the worst part about goin' to the vets ain't the goo... or goin' on the scales... or bein' prodded about - the worst bit is dogs in the waitin' room. I 'ate dogs I do, they're even worse than cotton buds!
Monday 2nd March - by Gemini
I’ve always been puzzled by Pickford’s prawn criteria. I mean, a prawn’s a prawn – surely? Well not in Pickford’s book it seems. For picky-Pickford it has to be the ‘right sort of prawn’ before he’ll eat it. Unfortunately today’s prawns were very much the ‘right sort’ and he wolfed them down without a thought to me! It’s hardly fair though is it, I mean, he’s perfectly happy for me to clear up his uneaten prawns when they’ve turned out to be the ‘wrong sort’, but where does that leave me when it’s the ‘right sort’? A prawn short of a bowlful, that’s where! As the late Colonel Beau would say... Hrrmph!
Saturday 28th February - by Pickford
Is that it then? Does that mean all me ear-mites 'ave gone? I've been gettin' right fed up havin' ear-mite-goo stuck in me ears twice a day, and then tonight, for the first time in over a week - I didn't get the goo! So, I dunno if that means they've all gone, I 'ope so, that goo leaves me all spiky round the 'ead. Trouble is, see, the goo's all cold and feels funny, so I shake me 'ead and some of it comes out and sticks to the fur round me ears, so then the folks try to mop it up with cotton wool, only that don't work very well 'cos the goo's all... well... gooey, so then they splosh warm water on me and try to sort of sponge it off, so then, right, I'm all gooey and wet round the 'ead, so me fur goes all spiky. I look like Johnny Rotten, I do. My favourite vet wants to see me again soon, dunno when, but she wants to check all the ear-mites 'ave gone. Well right now, I dunno if she'll even recognise me, never mind the ear-mites!
Friday 27th February - by Gemini
Ah yes! And about time too! The folks have finally got round to cleaning our catflap window. I don't know if any other catflaps are like this, but the top of ours seems to attract all the loose bits of fur as we go through, and after a while it forms into a sort of furry curtain so that you can't see through that bit. Then there's Pickford's dirty paws making marks on the lower bit (I'm sure it can't be mine, I'd never let my paws get that dirty), so the accumulation of mucky smudges cuts down visibility by a good fifty percent, I'd say. Well today our human of the female variety got some soapy water and a sponge, cleaned the lower bit and removed the furry-tabby-curtain from the top bit, and hey presto! We can see out again! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the infrequency of the catplap cleaning, I mean, I don't ever recall seeing them wash the actual window windows. Anyway, now I'll be able to see when Pickford's new 'best mate' is sitting outside waiting for his hero to appear - and make no mistake... best mate or no best mate... I'll still chase him up the fence!
Thursday 26th February - by Pickford
'Ow about this then - I've got myself a new Bezzie Mate! My new mate, well, he's the one Gemini chased up the fence few weeks back. Fair play to 'im though, I mean some cats wouldn't 'ave set a paw in our garden again after gettin' chased by Gemini, but my mate, he's a bit brave, like me. He's only a young 'un though, a skinny little black and white thing he is, with a collar. First off, he'd just come round to sit by the pond sometimes, then he started followin' me about - like, he'd come up the path behind me and sit outside the catflap. Well anyway, now he sits outside and waits for me, and if I'm not kippin' I go out and we just 'ang out together, you know? I like havin' someone to 'ang out with (Gemini tried it a coupla times, but she's not very good at it). I reckon Gemini'll 'ave to find someone else to chase up the fence now.
Monday 23rd February - by Pickford
I reckon I'd rather 'ave ear-mites! Nah, honestly, I do, I'm sure they weren't as much bother as all this goo the folks keep stickin' in me ears. We got along alright, me and them ear-mites. It's true they're a bit itchy sometimes... and I 'ad to shake me 'ead and scratch a bit, but by and large they was no trouble. But me favourite vet don't like 'em and our folks don't like 'em either (or at least they don't like 'em bein' in me ears), so they've got to move out. The thing is, right, I ain't got no choice in the matter, see, if I don't 'ave the goo in me ears, then I don't get fed! That's proper sneaky that is, the folks do the goo-thing right before breakfast and right before dinner, so I can't just go off and be somewhere else then, can I? So what I do is, I get me goo, then I get me food, and then I go off bein' somewhere else after that. Like this mornin', I went off bein' somewhere else with Thermal by the pond. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot - I saw the first frog of the year today! It plopped in the water right when I went by, it did. Frogs are pretty cood dudes I reckon, stayin' a-kip all winter and just comin' out to play when the weather warms up. Lucky for frogs everyone seems to like 'em, not like ear-mites. You don't get vets givin' people goo to get rid of frogs, I bet. Nah, and no save-the-ear-mite petitions neither. Poor old ear-mites, they get a right rough deal, I reckon.
Friday 20th February - by Gemini
As soon as I heard about Pickford's mighty... errr, I mean, his mitey ears, I knew what he was in for. Now I know this may be hard to believe, but I had ear-mites once - oh yes, many years ago of course, when I was first adopted here at about six months old, so that'd be, umm, thirteen years ago. These days the little horrors wouldn't dare come anywhere near my perfectly maintained ears, or I'd give them what for. I may have been barely out of my kittenhood when I had them, but I still remember only too well having that disgusting ear-mite-goo squidged into my ears. Eeeurgh! Absolutely awful business. Well, now it's Pickford's turn. He's not the most co-operative patient as you can imagine, and the folks attempts to restrain him in a towel ended in total disaster. He's too quick, too strong, and well, let me put it this way - it'll take more than a bath towel to keep Pickford still! Sensibly the folks gave up on the towel, cleaned up their wounds, and worked out a new strategy - which, amazingly, seems to be working. It basically involves putting Pickford onto the kitchen table, then our human of the male variety lays across him effectively pinning him down, while our human of the female variety administers the goo - which, with a bit of luck ends up in the correct set of ears! I have to say, Pickford's been taking it all better than expected so far... but then it's only been three days. Little does he know, the goo lasts three weeks!
Tuesday 17th February - by Pickford and Gemini
How could I have forgotten about cat boxes? 'Ere's the thing, see, I 'aven't been put in a cat box for errr... I dunno, months and months, so I sort of forgot about 'em. So that's 'ow I ended up in one today, I just weren't expectin' it. Anyway, I got took to see my favourite vet, (she loves me, she does). She put me on the scales (I've lost point-three-of-a-kilo), then she 'ad a feel of the lump on me right leg (nuthin' to worry about unless it gets bigger), and the little lump behind me ear (ditto), and a look in me mouth (still only got one tooth) and a feel round me belly (dunno why), and then she got her cotton buds out and she said I 'ad Mighty Ears! Pickford the Brave's got Mighty Ears, that's somethin' to be proud of, I reckon! Well, then she stuck some cold gooey stuff in me Mighty Ears, (that weren't too nice), and wiped 'em out with cotton wool, (I didn't much like that either), and then...
Gemini: ...Pickford... did you say she said you had mighty ears?
Pickford: Yeah, mighty ears, summat like that anyway. My favourite vet said it, so it must be true.
Gemini: Yes, but, I don't suppose it was more like mitey ears... like mites in the ears... like ear mites, by any chance?
Pickford: Errrr, well, yeah, now you say it like that, it could be, I spose. It did sound a bit like that... oh crumbs!
Monday 16th February - by Gemini
Oh! Oh my goodness, this is awful! I'm going to have to say it though, no matter how awful it is, just so that other people know about it. It's Rabbit Man's cat. Oh, this is really awful. Poor Rabbit Man, he's so upset. So are the folks. It seems his cat... he ate something last night... well not just any old something, it was anti-freeze, (stuff that goes in cars apparently), and... goodness me, this is awful. Well, he must have licked some of it up, and... the poor little thing, he was barely three years old, just a baby! He was in the vets most of today I gather, and they tried everything they could, but sadly, he didn't make it. It only takes a couple of licks-worth of the stuff, and it can kill dogs, cats and probably lots of other animals too, even people I should think. Rabbit Man and the folks have been telling everyone they know about it, and putting notes through all the neighbour's doors so that they can all be on the lookout for this horrid stuff. So if anyone reading this has anti-freeze for their car, please make sure it doesn't get spilled onto the ground. Poor Rabbit Man. Poor Rabbit Man's cat. Horrid, horrid anti-freeze.
Sunday 15th February - by Gemini and Pickford
Gemini: There! See, I told you you'd get a nice cat bed made for you if you sat under that radiator long enough!
Pickford: Yeah, cool, innit? I reckon this is the comfiest bed in the whole house. And the warmest radiator, too.
Gemini: I'm pleased for you Pickford, I really am. Anyway, I'm not surprised it's comfy, did you know your new bed's got a whole pillow inside? And what's more, I helped to make it!
Pickford: Errr... has it? And... did you? Crumbs! So... 'ow exactly did you 'elp to make it then? I mean, I know you're smart and all that, but I didn't think you could do sewing.
Gemini: Well, no... I didn't do the actual sewing part, that'd be silly, I mean sewing's like manual labour, isn't it, and that's humans work. No, I did the important bits, you know, like swatting the cotton, and umm, oh yes - batting the thimble around the floor, and of course the most crucial job of all - sitting in the sewing box. So basically, I did all the taking charge and supervising bits. Your pillow wouldn't have been the same without my help, you know.
Pickford: Crikey, I never knew there was so much to it, thanks Gemini! There, see that - that's Pickford's Pillow, that is.
Thursday 12th February - by Pickford
Ages ago Gemini told me that if one of us cats starts sittin' in a place, like regularly, then sooner or later our human of the female variety makes a duvet-cushion-cat-bed to go there. That's 'ow come we got a duvet-cushion-cat-bed on the wicker trunk upstairs, and on the top of the old scratch-post thing downstairs, and on the kitchen table too. Now, seein' as Gemini uses the one on the wicker trunk and the one on the kitchen table, and I only use the one on the old scratch-post thing, I reckon it's high time I got one somewhere else, somewhere not in a Gemini place. Well, guess what - I found a place! Right under the radiator in the Cat Chat office! It's all warm there see, so I've been goin' there for a couple of days now - you know, havin' a kip and makin' it into a Pickford place. Gemini's got her bed under the radiator, see, but that's a different radiator, so she don't go under this one. I dunno 'ow long you 'ave to go in a place before you get a duvet-cushion-cat-bed there, but I don't reckon it'll be long, I seen 'er up there with a tape measure already! So 'watch this space' as they say, (and I'll watch the space under the radiator in the Cat Chat office).
Tuesday 10th February - by Pickford
Our folks get some right weird stuff off eBay sometimes I tell you, but this latest thing what turned up the other week 'as to be the weirdest thing yet. It came in a big roll, right, but when it came out of it's bag it got even bigger! Now I dunno if I imagined that bit, but it did seem to sort of puff up after it got loose. Anyway, I weren't sure what it was, I never seen nuthin' like it, see, it's a big, long, white puffed-up sort of thing. I'd never 'ave guessed, but turns out it's for the bed in the Colonel's quarters (reckon that room'll always be called that), so it's like an extra mattress on top of the regular mattress (yeah, I know, told you it was weird). Well last night, right - last night I went up on it! I did, honest, I 'ad me brave 'ead on and just jumped up there... and that's when I found out how really weird it is. I tell you I ain't never walked on anythin' so funny in all me life. It's sort of hard... only sort of soft at the same time, and if you stand still too long your paws start sinkin' into it all slowly, like it's goin' to gobble you up or somethin'. Gemini said it's called memory foam. Yeah, well, I dunno what mattresses need to remember, but I'm goin' to remember not to go on it again unless there's a good thick duvet on top. I'm not havin' any weird eBay mattress gobbling me up thanks!
Monday 9th February - by Gemini
I do think Pickford's being a little unfair mentioning my 'playing days', making it sound as if I don't play at all on the other days. That's not true you know, I just play in moderation, that's all, (well, one shouldn't over do things, should one?), and sometimes, quite deliberately, I do playing when Pickford is out or asleep or just when he's in another room. Well I have to, otherwise he'd just want to join in every time, and sometimes you just want your catnip mouse or your wiggly waggler or Da Bird and the folks, all to yourself, don't you? Another thing that Pickford doesn't know is that at the weekend I discovered a game that he hasn't even thought of, how about that! I was in the toilet you see, oh... no, not in the actual toilet, I mean in the room where the toilet is (I like to get fussed in there, but I shan't elaborate on that), anyway, the loose end of the toilet roll was hanging down to about a cat's height off the floor, so I ummm... you know... swatted it a bit. Only, it turns out that when you swat the loose end of a toilet roll it's hard not to get your claws stuck in the paper. Well, I think you can guess the rest. I had it draped halfway across the landing before I managed to get my claws un-hooked. Put it this way, if Andrex ever need a change of direction for their adverts, I have my audition ready!
Friday 6th February - by Pickford and Gemini
Pickford: 'Ere Gemini, 'ow come we 'aven't got any snow any more? It's not fair, everyone else seems to 'ave some.
Gemini: I told you before Pickford, it's all to do with being on the Planet Thanet, we get different weather to everyone else.
Pickford: Well not everything about our weather's different, I mean it's still blimmin' cold! How can it be this cold and not 'ave snow?
Gemini: Well, I don't know, I mean, just because the temperature's low doesn't necessarily mean we should have snow you know.
Pickford: Ah yeah, o'course, I was forgettin', it's all the temperature's fault. If it weren't for that bein' so low, it'd be a lot warmer. They have six sides, did you know?
Gemini: ...eh? What are you on about? What has six sides?
Pickford: Snowflakes.
Gemini: Good gracious Pickford, how on earth would you know that? There's some strange things in your brain, that's for sure!
Thursday 5th February - by Pickford
Y'know Gemini really surprises me some days. She surprises the folks too, I dunno, maybe she even surprises 'erself. Just when you get used to 'er routine of mainly sleepin', eatin', nappin', snoozin', eating' some more, and getting fussed in between, then all of a sudden... out of nowhere... she 'as a playin' day. Well today was one of 'er playin' days, only I tell you, I ain't seen 'er play like that since, errrr, well since so long ago I can't remember. See, she started this mornin' by tossin' one of the catnip mice round the place, well that's a clue to it bein' a playin' day, so later on the folks got Da Bird out and she starts goin' bonkers with that an'all. You 'ave to keep yer wits about you when she's doin' serious playin' with that though, 'cos you never know what way she's goin' to run after. She starts off attackin' it see, and I mean really attackin' it, then she grapples it to the floor, and rolls on it for good measure, and then - in the blink of an eye - she's up and off and runnin' fast as you like, (faster'n what you think a Gemini can go in fact). She's right scary when she's havin' a playin' day. I know where I stand when she's havin' a normal day. But when she's havin' a playin' day I just 'ave to stand as far away as possible.
Tuesday 3rd February - by Gemini
Goodness me, aren't boy cats messy! And jolly cheeky sometimes too. In today's particular case I'm referring to the cat from two doors up - the calico nuisance - who was downright cheeky and messy all at the same time, and in our garden too! In fact, I've never seen such a thing before, we got up this morning and there he was rolling around on our path like an idiot, with his legs in the air, as though he was having some sort of a fit. Well thankfully he wasn't, but what he was doing was playing with one of our catnip sacks. Now for a start our catnip sacks live indoors, not in the garden, so he'd been cheeky enough to sneak in and make off with it, and then if that weren't enough, he'd managed to get the catnip bag out from inside and tear it open too. So all the catnip ended up scattered across the path, just fine for him to roll in, and roll in it he did. Not only did he leave a great catnippy mess all over the path, but he took the sack-minus-catnip home with him after he'd finished! I wouldn't mind so much, only I've been trying to break one of those sacks open for months!
Sunday 1st February - by Pickford
Oh yeah, that's better! That's loads better, I can really snuggle up now we've got our proper sofa back. I don't even mind that it's changed colour, in fact I reckon it's a bit of a bonus bein' red. See before, it was sort of green, with brownish swirly-girly florally patterns, with light bits and dark bits, and sometimes right, (if you're a tabby), sometimes you could blend into the light and dark swirly-girly bits, so the folks 'ardly noticed you were there, and then you'd get sat on! Well that ain't goin' to 'appen with it bein' red is it? Gemini's been nabbin' the chair by the radiator instead, but that's OK, that means more room for me on the proper sofa... oh, well, yeah... and the folks of course, I mean, we'll let them sit on it too if they want... s'long as they let us 'ave first pick of the cushions. Well we are the cats after all! Gemini told me that ages ago, she said people can't expect to 'ave cats and 'ave the pick of the cushions too, it's one or the other. That's only fair then ain't it?
