My beautiful Kye

[Willisco]

We lost our beloved cat Kye just four days ago, thought I would post something here as it might help me with the grieving process. I've honestly never felt this sense of loss in my life, and this comes two years after losing my father. Which might sound crass, but although I was all over the place when it happened, this has really hit me for 6. It feels like I've lost a son and I can't quite believe he's never coming back.

We got Kye and his sister Rosa nearly four years ago. I've always owned cats per se, but that was when I was a kid and living back home with the folks. So as much as I saw them as mine, they were family pets. Rosa and Kye were officially our (mine and the wifes that is) first pets, and as such we always viewed them as our children, the fuzzies!

The pair of them were amazing from the start, loving, mental, annoying, basically everything you could want in a pair of kittens. I have fond memories of teaching them how to use the catflap, keeping constant watch on them in those first weeks outside. The first terrifying trip to the vets for them, the fact the first time they ever saw something new they sh*t themselves!

As time went on myself and Kye built a very tight bond, he'd follow me everywhere, I was his world and he became mine. It's safe to say, of the time away from work that I was at home, Kye was with me for 70 or 80% of it. Rosa being a female, always had more of an affinity to my wife, that's not to say I love her any less than Kye, but being a bloke Kye pretty much became my sidekick.

When my Dad passed away the pair of them were my rock, Kye particularly. I was working from home as a freelancer at the time, and I honestly don't think I would have gotten through it half as well as I did if it wasn't for the two of them cheering me up on a constant basis. I love cats for that, the way they know when you're in distress and come to your aid.

About a year ago we noticed Kyes breathing wasn't normal. We'd always known he had a heart murmour but hoped nothing would ever come of it. I was out for the evening and the wife called to say she was rushing Kye into the vets as his breathing wasn't right. At the time I was dismissive thinking it was nothing. It wasn't until I got to the vets and saw the state he was in that it hit me how bad he was. He'd been diagnosed with hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy and was in full cardiac failure. We raced behind a pet ambulance that night to follow him to the centre he'd be staying in that night for round the clock care to try and get him through til the next morning. That night was one of the worst I can think of as I was crushed and didn't think we'd see him again. My heart almost stopped with joy at seeing his little face again the next day, still alive.

The next few days are a blur as we were given instructions of what to look for and a shedload of pills he'd be on for the rest of his life, 3 times a day. I can recall the vet saying at the time that most cats when they go into cardiac failure don't have very long. So we got him home and everytime I saw him I'd treat him as if I'd never see him again, thinking we'd get a couple of day if we were lucky, his breathing was that uncomfortable to watch. But we changed up the drug quantities and eventually found one that meant he was able to live a relatively normal life. He was never going to climb everest after that point, but he was back to being a happy little chappy.

Then this past weekend on Saturday morning, right when I was about to go and pick the wife up from the airport after a short break away, Kye ran in from outside and threw himself down in front of me (he always did this) and was normal for a seconds, letting me stroke him. But then his legs kept kicking out strangely and he began to wail as if confronted with another cat. I rang the wife (who was in arrivals by this point) to tell her that I didn't know what to do and she reminded me of the one prognosis I'd dreaded the entire time he was ill. A blood clot. Immediately I put him in the cat basket and rushed over to the vets, all the while the pain seemingly getting worse. My worst fears were realised when the vet confirmed it was a suspected blood clot in his back legs. Even after they'd given him strong pain killers I could still see he was in so much pain. I'd always imagined I'd have the experience of sitting there quietly with him as I watched him slip away, but this was the opposite. I didn't even spend a lot of time with him to confort him before I waved the vet back in to administor the drugs. I thought as she put the tube in I'd have a couple of minutes before he drifted off, but he was gone in seconds. Before I could properly soothe him and give him a proper goodbye. My poor beautiful boy was gone in an instant!

It literally feels like I've lost everything that meant anything to me. Even with his precious sister still here and my gorgeous wife. It's like I've lost a piece of me! I even miss having to give him his pills, which he had to have first thing in the morning, again in the afternoon and then again before bed just to keep him alive. This past year has been all about the boy, even cancelling our holidays in order to make sure we were home to look after him. Other friends thought us mad, 'he's just a cat', they'd say, but I think the only people that really understand are other pet owners.

He was such an amazing creature. The way he'd slow motion twisting his head to chuck himself down next to me and curl up in the nook of my arm. Or the little cute meows he'd make when he was misbehaving in another room, like he always wanted to be caught! He also dished out kisses and loved me to behave like I was a fellow cat, nussling at his ears or mock biting the back of his neck. He loved laying on my shoulders. Or everytime I went in the bathroom he'd come in for cuddles and then eventually drink from the tap. There were so many quirks to his character that I shall miss every single on of them. Even the more annoying ones. Only 3 or 4 days before he passed he p*ssed on top of the Playstation. I'm actually quite glad I didn't catch him at it and have a proper go at him. The guilt would have been palpable.

I guess we were just so close and I hadn't even realised it when he was with us. I figure that's why it seems to hurt more than family bereavements have. Not because I'm crazy and view cats as more important than humans, but you don't spend such an excessive amount of time with anyone as you might do your pet, and nothing loves you as unconditionally.

I'm sure I might feel different when I have kids, but I suspect not. I guess I wanted to write this as part of the carthartic process to help me cope. I've been in bits for the past few days and can't seem to snap out of it. I just loved the little sh*t so dearly and can't stop thinking about him and all the things I will no longer experience with him again!

Rest in Peace Kye; I will never forget you and you'll forever live on in my heart.

I thank you if you've taken the time to read through this essay.

[Crewella]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Even when you know that day is coming, it comes far too quickly and they always slip away before you feel you've had time to say goodbye properly. You obviously loved him dearly, and he couldn't have asked for more affection or better care.

Rest in peace much-loved Kye. xx

I hope you don't mind my posting this poem (posted recently on another thread), but it seemed appropriate.

JUST A CAT

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a cat,"
or "that's a lot of money for just a cat."

They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent,
or the costs involved for "just a cat."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a cat."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a cat,"
but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by
"just a cat," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch
of "just a cat" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a cat," then you probably understand
phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a cat" brings into my life the very essence of friendship,
trust, and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a cat" brings out the compassion and patience
that make me a better person.
Because of "just a cat" I will rise early, take long walks and look
longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a cat"
but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a cat" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts
away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that its' not "just a cat"
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being
"just a man" or "just a woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a cat,"
just smile,
because they "just don't understand."

[bobbys girl]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Other friends thought us mad, 'he's just a cat', they'd say, but I think the only people that really understand are other pet owners.

You're right there and you have come to the right site. Many of us have lost a much loved furry friend in sudden and/or tragic circumstances. It is horrible. Sadly it is all a part of sharing your life with one of these wonderful creatures. The pain will ease and one day the good memories will overtake the bad. It sounds like he had a wonderful life with you

RIP Kye. Gentle fusses to Rosa, who must be missing her brother. x

[Willisco]

Thank you so much for the kind words guys. I'd thought I was getting a bit better, but one look on here and I'm in tears again! In time I'm sure I'll get there but I'm not sure for now whether I even want to feel better yet, it feels like it's too soon!

[Willisco]

Thought I'd post a quick picture of Kye, bloody handsome fellow he was.

[Walesgang]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious boy.

I did read your entire post, and it is obvious that you loved your buddy so much.

He was lucky to have had you in his life. You gave him a good life, despite his health problems.

We don't have children, and our four kitties are very much our family. We love them more than many people seem to love their kids.

We have had to endure the pain of losing three cats over the years, so can imagine the pain you are going through. The grief is as strong as losing any other family member.

Please don't feel that you need to shake it off and get in with things, because that would not be natural.

Take each day as it comes, and I promise that it will get easier. You will remember the happy times with your darling, handsome boy.

RIP Kye. Play well and healthy at the bridge Young man x

[bobbys girl]

Thought I'd post a quick picture of Kye, bloody handsome fellow he was.

He certainly was! That is a lovely photo, it would make a great portrait to remember him by. All you need is a nice frame.

[JulieandBarney]

What a beautiful boy Kye was.....and was a fantastic testimony of love and loyalty you have wrote, you gave him every ounce of love and care you possibly could, bless you.

I too have felt the total raw grief and pain at losing my last darling boy, just over a year ago, I never thought the feelings would go away, so few people truly understand the pain....with the exception of the wonderful people on here, who got me through such a dreadful time, I have so much to thank them for....

Please stay here with us and we will be there to offer support and total empathy in what you are going through...we have all been there, like Val (Walesgang) we don't have children either, these wonderful souls are our family and we love them just the same.........xxx

[Crewella]

That really is a lovely picture of a very beautiful cat. I'd frame it too. xx

[Willisco]

I really appreciate all the kind words, it certainly helps to know there are others out there who know my pain. Rest assured, now that I've found this site, and this forum, I'll be on here often. Over the past two days I hate to think how long I've spent on here reading through everyones stories.

You can be damned sure we're getting that pic framed though, it was taken by our wedding photographer on the day, hence it's so much better than I could've taken. We have so many pics of Kye from the first 3 years though, I just wish we had a few more of him from this past year. He hadn't changed at all, well, he'd gotten more lethargic through the illness, but physically he looked the same. Still I can't feel anything but guilt that we don't have yet more pics. But I guess that's a part of grief, to beat yourself up over needless things.

[joolz42]

Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss, kye sounds like he was a beautiful boy and the picture shows that.
It struck a chord with me as I lost my sweet Chloe to heart failure four weeks ago and it was a blood clot that finally ended her fight .
Your right in that you said it feels like you've lost a son, I feel like I've lost a daughter. Chloe was 16 and i'd had her since she was 1.
I have no children either and my cats are my children! I have another cat Ruby who seems to look round the house for Chloe as she used to sleep in ward robes and cupboards etc!!
I'm having a cry as I type this as I know the pain your going through and that we all go through.
I'm sure kye is playing happily and healthy and fit again at rainbow bridge, waiting for the day they meet up with their owners again and I'm sure we do, I believe that.X

[Willisco]

Thank you for the kind words and I'm so sorry to hear about Chloe, I'm sure she lived a full and wonderful life.