The loss of my cat Daisy

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
vic23
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The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby vic23 » Thu Sep 28, 2017 3:31 pm

Last Saturday, I had to have my beautiful cat Daisy put to sleep. Myself and my partner were both devastated and are struggling to come to terms with the loss. She went downhill very rapidly, so we were not particularly prepared. I am getting through each day on the whole, but its a struggle. Some of you might recall that I have mentioned I suffer with anxiety, plus being recently diagnosed with a heart condition, so the loss is so tough. There is one thing that I am particularly struggling with. I didn't stay with Daisy at the end - neither me or my partner felt we were able - I just couldn't witness it. I have silently struggled with the concern of being there the whole time I have had Daisy as I knew sometime in the future, near or far, I would have to face this. When the time came, it all happened so quickly and I had to make the decision without being fully prepared. I am now completely ridden with guilt for not being there and am frightened she would have been scared and left this life hating me. I was pleased to learn today that there is an online site dedicated to pet loss - The Ralph Site - I visited as I thought this could really help me - instead it basically just said you should be there at the end and gave loads of comments saying just that. Now I feel I am the worse owner in the world although I went above and beyond for her when she was alive.

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Janey
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby Janey » Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:11 pm

Hi Vic, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Daisy, I really feel for you. The pain when we lose a cat is terrible, I’ve lost a few in the years of owning cats, and even adopting oldies and not having them too long is still as painful when they go. I know it’s easy for my to say, as I have felt just the same as you, but please try not to blame yourself, I am sure that Daisy knew nothing of you not being there at the end, she wouldn’t have known it was. I have been with some of my cats, but not all. One of our cats had a leg amputated and over the week after, went downhill, so we had to take him in to the emergency vets over the weekend at night, and they said you may as well go whilst she did tests. The vet rang a few hours later to say it would be kindest to pts, and like yourself we had to make a decision pretty quickly, and we weren’t there. That hurt me afterwards as I regretted not being there. Another of our cats went missing and we found her the next day behind our house, tragically killed by a dog and that crippled me, the fact I wasn’t there with her. My sister is never with her cats when they pts because she just can’t face it. You’re not alone, and it doesn’t make you a bad person and I am sure that Daisy knew just how much you loved her. I think with me, there will always be something I will blame my self for when I lose a cat there just is.

Regarding bereavement support, the Blue Cross also do this, so you may like to contact them, and this page has lots of information that may be helpful:
https://www.catchat.org/index.php/pet-b ... nt-support.

Take care of yourself. I am sure that the last thing that Daisy would have wanted was for you to be so sad about this.
God bless little Daisy xx

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Ruth B
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby Ruth B » Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:45 pm

I'm so sorry to hear about Daisy, and that what was best for her is being so hard on you, unfortunately it is a sacrifice we all have to make, and we all know that in the end we will do what is best for the cat no matter how much it hurts us.

You just have to take it day by day, and if that is too much then just hour by hour, whatever gets you through. Feeling upset, guilty, angry and all the rest of the emotions that hit us at a time like this is perfectly normal and hard as it is now it will improve and memories of the good things will start to take precedence over the bad.

No matter what anywhere else says, if you didn't feel you could face being there at the end it was best if you weren't. I have never known a vet be anything but considerate when putting an animal to sleep. It is probably the worst part of their job even if they know it is the best option, they always give the animal the respect and peace it deserves at that time. So she probably just went peacefully to sleep. Had you been with her, all upset and stressed out, she would have picked up on that and been stressed and probably more scared as well.

Take care of yourself and remember we are always willing to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on when you need it There is nothing wrong with feeling upset over it.

alanc
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby alanc » Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:33 pm

Hi Vic. You are not alone in not being able to bear being there with your cat at the end. I couldn't for my first cat Sally, I even had to send a friend to collect her body. You did all you could.

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bobbys girl
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby bobbys girl » Fri Sep 29, 2017 8:21 am

So sorry to hear about Daisy. Please don't beat yourself up, alanc is right, you did all you could. RIP sweet Daisy. (Hugs) to you.

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Lilith
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby Lilith » Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:00 am

Hi Vic, so very sorry to hear about Daisy.

I agree with the others. If you couldn't be with her at the end you were wise to make that decision. Cats don't think like people; Daisy wouldn't have felt 'abandoned'. It would only have been the same if the vet or nurse had had to take her away for some procedure. No way she would have died hating you. You were releasing her from a body she could no longer live in and giving her relief and freedom from it.

What does matter is that you were there for her during her life with you, and that you cared for her - and you did.

Take care of yourself too, this is an awful time; grief's unescapable, but I feel you've absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, love and hugs from Lil x

vic23
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby vic23 » Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:39 pm

Thank you so much for all of your kind and thoughtful messages - they really do mean so much. On the face of it, I am doing OK - I have managed to go to work and not break down at all during work time. However, outside of work is harder. My partner has been hit equally as hard as me and we are supporting each other. Tonight and tomorrow are difficult. Tomorrow will be a week since I took her to the vets and a week ago tonight she spent the night on our bed - it was so tough for me as I knew it would be the last night she would be with us. Although I have managed to hold it together publicly she has never been far from my mind. I was a bereavement counsellor for 8 years so it would be fair to say that I have an understanding of grief, but this does not make it easier. So many things go through my mind - I'm frightened I will forget her (even when I don't want to), frightened I will forget what she looked like (although I have lots of photos)....the list is never ending.

I didn't explain what happened to Daisy (as I know some of you were following her story through my posts). On 6th September I noticed that she looked a bit wobbly - nothing too major to the extent that I thought my constant worrying was making me imagine things. We were due to go on holiday on the 9th. On the morning of the 9th I was still worried about her so managed to get her in to see the vet before I went away. The vet said it seemed to be her back legs - he was confident it was either her back or hips - and suggested I increase her steroids to an anti inflammatory dose until I return from holiday in a weeks time. Whilst we were away she stayed at our home with my partner's parents. They called us the following Wednesday and said she seems to be dragging her back end and they were taking her to the vets. The vet prescribed painkillers. When I returned on 17th, I was devastated when I saw her. She was crawling along the floor and could barely get around. I called the emergency vet and he said to bring her in for 8am which I did. We saw the same vet and he said there was nothing else he could do but for us to continue to try and give her painkillers (at this point we had been unsuccessful). We took her home and kept trying with the painkiller but we just couldn't get it down. On Thursday we had success - However, it just made her sleepy and she stayed in the same spot for over 12 hours. At this stage, she was eating really well still, drinking and going to the toilet, so I guess I was hopeful. However, on Friday, I would say she was much worse and after going in her litter box she laid down in there as she was exhausted/unable to get out. That is when we sat down and made the decision. It wouldn't have been right to keep her in the state she was in and it would only get worse - she would soon be unable to get to her tray, her weight would increase through no exercise and I would imagine that she would be at risk of infection from lying in her litter on top of her other problems. Therefore, I know we did the right thing - we were both just so shocked how quickly she went downhill and we us being away when she worsened made things even harder.

I still have her (clean) litter tray in the house as I just cant face putting it in the shed. We have just about managed to put everything else away with great difficulty. I wish she would send me a sign she is around - My partner is confident he heard her scratching and purring in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago, but my gut tells me he heard what he wants to hear.

Thanks again for reading my messages and all your support

Vic xx

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bobbys girl
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby bobbys girl » Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:30 am

I have a picture of my darling Tommy as my screensaver. I talk to him every day and tell him I love him and wish him 'goodnight '. It's coming up to two years since we lost him and I still miss his big, gentle, soppy ways. The pain has gone, but the sadness is still there. You will know this grieving takes its time.

I wish you peace and I agree with your partner, love never dies. Daisy will be with you, in spirit, always.

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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby Mayday21 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:39 pm

Hi Vic pls accept my severe condolences on Daisy & im so sorry I haven't posted earlier. As Bobby's a girl posted I miss my Mayday everyday - still have tears, still have dreams she's with me - and like you while she was at home, I found her in the early hours & went thru guilt of letting her down. A work colleague who's a Buddhist voiced maybe she didn'twant you to see her. I too had her on the bed with me the night before, but she got sick & I put her in her hutch. She did meow at one stage - maybe saying "it's time.' And like you I've anxiety issues. You'll never forget Daisy & she'll always be with you. Sometimes things happen & you're sure they're with you. I'm sure you know through your involvement with this site you'll receive heaps of support as everyone understands the loss & grief associated with losing a special family member. Take care. RIP little Daisy & enjoy the Bridge. Vivian

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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby hmacaul » Sun Oct 08, 2017 3:27 pm

Hi there,
I just wanted to say how much I feel for you and please don't feel guilty for not being there at the end.
Everyone is different - I may have to make that awful decision this week and for me I will be there but it is for me not him. My husband has never been there when we have had to have a cat PTS but I have never judged him as he has felt each loss as much as I have.
Our babies know in their lives how much we love them and I am sure your vet will have shown love and care in the final moments. There is no right or wrong and your darling will not have judged you just loved you for caring enough to make that decision.
Look after yourself and know that Daisy loved you so much

vic23
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Re: The loss of my cat Daisy

Postby vic23 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 1:52 pm

Hi All,

Daisy has been gone for one month yesterday - but it seems so much longer than that. I am doing better than I was for sure, but still can't face looking at pictures of her yet. I can't remember whether I mentioned that we have her ashes back - she is in a lovely casket in the shape of a curled up cat, which is really lovely. I also brought a big artificial daisy flower and have put it in a vase on the window sill in our spare bedroom which is where she used to love to sit.

Thank you for all your lovely comments - they really helped, particularly with the guilt of not being there at the very end.


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