Rescue cat difficult first day/night

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bjm1980
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Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by bjm1980 »

Hello,

My partner and I just adopted a six year old male Tabby from Cat's protection. He was by far the friendliest cat we visited and fell in love straight away. We got him home yesterday and left him in his room alone as advised by the staff.

He was crying after about 30mins so we popped up to see him, and out he came running round the house, immediately looking for attention and wanting stoked and cuddled. We couldn't believe it after reading about cats hiding for hours/days even when first being introduced into a new home.

So all was going well and he was sitting on my lap and I was stroking him then snap, he bit my finger, nothing major but it wasn't a playful bite it was a back of bite. So I did. About an hour later, again he was sat on my lap, and I touched him on the top of the head and bam.. a really vicious scratch enough to draw blood from my hand. So we both backed off and let him do his thing. Then within another hour he went for me again, this time I was just walking past and he leapt up to bite and scrab my hand.

We both just let him be, feeling a bit miffed and upset, but decided to go to bed and see how he was the next day.... Well that's when the crying started. Literally the entire night he spent crying and scratching at our door. We didn't get up or acknowledge it but it was quite upsetting and kept us both awake.

He seems extremely needy, follows us around and wants to be near us at all times, but seemingly also wants to attack me on occasion!

So we are just quite stressed and sad this morning and wondering, what to do? This is our first cat.

Thanks

B&K
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Ruth B
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Ruth B »

I will say congratulations on the new addition and I really hope it works out well for you. One of the problems with rescue cats is you can never be sure of their previous life and whether something that has happened before has affected their behaviour.

Firstly I will say that if you don't intend to let him in the bedroom at night you will have to be strong, what you did was correct, but you need to remember that if you go out to him while he is crying you reinforce the behaviour by rewarding it. You have to ignore what ever he does to get your attention, even punishing him might be attention enough to reward him.

Which brings me to my other thought with his behaviour. You mention that he seems very needy but can then attack you. This could be a learnt response from his previous life, if some one wants attention enough then any attention, even punishment, is acceptable. If this is the case then you will have to retrain him to know that bad behaviour gets him ignored and good behaviour gets him attention. If he goes for you while he is being stroked then push him away and ignore him for a while, if he tries to get on your knee push him off or get up and walk away from him, don't look at him, don't talk to him as that would be giving him the attention I think he is after. Cats are normally very intelligent animals and quickly learn how to get what they want so hopefully he will learn how to behave better quickly.

A couple of other suggestions as well. Get one of the long wand and string cat toys so that you can play with him at a distance. At 6 years old he should still be quite active and will benefit from the chance to chase something around and with this type of toy if he does become too boisterous you are less likely to be a target of redirected aggression at the end of the play time. Finally you might want to get him checked by a vet, never a bad thing with a new pet, and mention the odd aggression just to make sure there isn't a medical reason for it and he isn't in pain anywhere which might be the cause.

That's my best advise hopefully others will be along soon with other ideas as well.
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Janey
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Janey »

Hi and welcome. I can relate to your situation as we have experienced similar with a couple of cat’s we’ve adopted. Our current cat (7years) left her previous home numerous times and kept coming to ours until we eventually kept her. We did take her back each time and the first time her owner came for her she described her as a snappy little thing and surprisingly we’d never experienced this. However, once she came here to stay and got her paws under the table, her true colours appeared! She came from a large family home (lots of kids and other cats/pets). And she was kept indoors which I think she hated. We found that she will get stroppy if she wants to attention, she doesn’t like to be ignored and would go for your hand, likewise, when wants to stop interaction or, if she sees you as invading her space, e.g. one night she was sat on the settee arm at the side of me looking all cute, and I turned and said hello and the little :twisted: whacked me across the face :lol: Ruth’s right, it’s best to ignore the bad behaviour (or I give out a firm no!) and reward the good. By doing this with our cat she’s got much better over time, and rarely bites or scratches. We had a similar experience with an oldie we adopted. He was found left behind by his owners, so we had no idea of his past and he was a very quiet lad but would just suddenly lash out for no apparent reason, and he would draw blood. He once got his claw caught in the skin of my index finger! But apart from the initial pain (and swearing under my breath!!), I felt sorry for him, who knows what had happened to make him like that, because he was such a softie the rest of the time and with patience and time, the attacks got less until he actually became the most loving cat we’ve had.
I would think that things will settle down for you too. Best of luck, he looks gorgeous :) and do keep us updated.

(PS, we didn’t let our current cat in the bedroom at first but now she has pride of place at the bottom of the bed (unless she creeps to the side of one of us during the night ;) but I have to say she’s as quiet as a mouse all night and as good as gold! )
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by bjm1980 »

Hi Jane and Ruth,

Thanks so much for you replies.. I think we are both just a little upset after him going from so friendly to a bit "scary" in the flick of a wrist, but I think you are both right and a bit of time for him to settle will ease things. I don't think he's a bad cat, just perhaps had a few bad run ins in the past. The adoption center told us he'd been returned to them after a toddler was pulling his tale. So I suspect he snapped at the child and the parents , understandable, were angry etc. so who know how they dealt with it.. Anyway a few scratches we can deal with, I think the three of us just need to build confidence with each others company. A friend recommended taking him to get his nails cut back so if he does lash out he'll do less damage.

In regards to the night time crying thing. We have out spare room kitted out with everything he could need. A bed, scratching post, food, water,litter tray and some places to hide if he likes. I know this might sound harsh, but we considered keeping him in there tonight with the door closed. What do you think about that?

I've read elsewhere that its ok to do that, and we just don't want him sharing a bedroom with us, at least not yet. But we both have fairly stressful jobs with early starts so another poor nights sleep is not appealing..

I'm just worried it'll cause him a lot of stress, but not sure if its any different to keeping our bedroom door closed.

Thanks again...

B
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Ruth B
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Ruth B »

I would say that shutting him in the spare room over night would not only be fine, but would be a good idea. As I normally have two (or now 3) cats at a time, when I get a new one they spend the first few weeks shut in one room for most of the time. I need to make sure they are settled in and to make sure the introductions between them and the resident cat goes smoothly. A cat can cope perfectly well confined to a small space for a few days and to a single room for several weeks or even months (as can often happen while they wait to be rehomed at charities). A window to look out off, some toys to play with if he wants, a warm comfy bed and hidey hole, and of course the necessary food, water and litter tray and he will be fine over night, it might not stop him yelling but hopefully there will be enough distance between you and him that you will get a good nights sleep. I would also suggest that you make it his special room and when he is in there you don't approach him, that way he will learn that if he isn't wanting attention he has somewhere quiet he can go where you know to let him be. If he comes to you while you are in there then that is a different matter and give him all the fuss he wants.

As for letting them in the bedroom at night, I decided early on that a double bed wasn't big enough for two humans and two cats, and I am a restless sleeper so mine are allowed in the bedroom during the day, but at night the door is shut and for the most part there hasn't been any problems. If you decide you want to keep him out of the bedroom at night then he will be fine, but once you have made the decision you have to stick to it, let him in once and that will be it, he will want in every night.
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

Hi and welcome :)

So sorry to hear about your bad lad. I can't improve on what Janey and Ruth have said, but (and please forgive me if I repeat any of their advice as I'm not the sharpest nail in the box atm lol) I have a problem child/devil kitten just like yours and about the same age too.

She came to me as an adolescent whose previous owners couldn't cope with her and I soon saw why. She's a little horror. Stroke the wrong ear and she'll have you! Oh, but then she'll plonk herself down beside you, purring, and give you her backside to stroke. Intensely possessive, follows me about all the time, manic ... as the song has it, she's a headache but never a bore.

I too had to insist on boundaries, scold bad behaviour by withdrawal, refuse to be manipulated - but at the same time with cats like these you have to maintain their self-esteem, no matter how sick you get of their antics. A bite or scratch would be met with a quiet 'no!' and withdrawal, but when she wanted to fuss I'd praise her. I still do. Everything good she does, I praise her, endlessly, tell her how lovely she is, how welcome she is ...it's a full-time job, even 5 years later.

Stroking and petting - I now wait for her to ask. Times I long to fuss her when she's angelically asleep - but I know what will happen, so I don't.

I did think for a long time that I'd let her down, adopting her into a small quiet house with an enclosed yard (so she can't roam and work off energy that way.) Her ideal setting would have been a large rural estate (with her as only cat and duchess of all she surveyed.) But. A year ago all my cats had to be fostered for a while due to (my) illness. My two elder ones settled well; Molly (devil kitten) hated it, despite extra space and the opportunity to play with cats of her own age. When the rescue workers brought her home she went mad, running about like a happy puppy, headbutting everyone (and she doesn't grant headbutts very often!) and clearly glad to be back home. So I'd achieved some bond with her even though I'd felt guilty about not giving her a very exciting life.

What has worked for Molly and me is to let her be with me all the time. I realise this isn't practicable for everyone; I'm insomniac and retired; I don't have a busy schedule. But I'm wondering what might happen if you did let your boy into the bedroom, whether he might just settle. One of my other cats can be a bit of a devil for walking all over me just when I'm sleepy, but I give her no encouragement, just a sleepy mumble (to be polite) but no strokes or fusses - and she soon learns to settle down. Sorry - it's Monday morning tomorrow - the very worst time for me to make this suggestion!

(And sorry don't mean to contradict other methods - this is just what has worked in Molly's and my case :) )

I wish you well with your boy; it IS early days yet and ample time for him to learn that he's not going to get teased or ill-treated. Some of his behaviour may be fear-biting; again this is when endless reassurance comes in handy.

He's a beautiful boy, please give him a love from me (when he permits) and all the very best with him.
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by bjm1980 »

Hi all,

Just a quick update and to say thank you for all the support, it was an unexpected emotional couple of days and both my partner and I have been through the spectrum of every emotion.

Anyway, happy to report that yesterday went a lot better, we gave him space and avoided too much physical contact, he still followed us around all day but was very content either sat next to us or on my lap. No attacks or signs of aggression whatsoever. We are both much more weary of stroking him, but I'm sure over time that'll pass.

We gave him some wet food as we were going to bed, closed him in the spare room, with the radio on for a bit of company and we barely heard a peep out of him. He was still crying on occasion but definitely less than the previous night. We waited for him to stop crying in the morning then let him out. He was straight over looking for attention and he's currently fast asleep next to me. Feeling a lot better about everything and thoughts of returning him to cat protection have completely gone.

Thanks again, I really think it would have been a different story were it not for everyones kind words..

Good job gang!!!

P.S we've finally decided on a name George/Georgie.. after George Constanza for any Seinfeld fans out there.. Short Stocky and a bit temperamental ha!

B&K xx
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Janey
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Janey »

Aww that sounds great :) Cats love routine so much and he will get settled in his own routine and feel more secure. I am sure you will love him loads in no time. I can’t tell you the amount of times I regretted taking our little devil on though, but now I couldn’t part with her, and those little ways she has are endearing actually, we love her to bits even though she’s a bit harder to handle than most cats we’ve adopted :lol: and I love the name George/Georgie, our cat has a multitude of names, and now most are repeatable :lol:
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

Hey, congrats - so glad he's settling and hope he continues to behave himself now, naughty George - bless him! :D

Lol - I once had a very naughty cat with a LOT of nicknames, including 'Cookie' ... short for 'Cooking Fat' ... :oops: :lol:
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Ruth B »

Glad to hear that last night went well and he is settling in.

Most of mine have kept the names they came with, partly because I didn't feel it fair to change if the cat already knew their name, and partly because I can never come up with a name. Freyja was the exception as she was named Katie and we already had had a cat called Katie. As the other cat we got at the time was called Saturn I decided to keep with the deities theme, even then I went through a few before I settled on Freyja. I decided that in the current political climate standing in the garden yelling 'Come on Isis' probably wasn't a good idea, and Frig would have just ended up as 'that Frigging cat'. Unfortunately with calling him George I can't help but start to hear the voice, in that slightly disapproving tone, saying 'George, don't do that' of Joyce Grenfell, but maybe that's just me.
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

Lol - I was once owned by a George (named after the singer Boy George and aka Gorgeous George) and it became a catch-phrase - George don't do that! He and his sister, the aforementioned 'Cookie' aka The Leopard were three-quarter Siamese, so quite a handful.

I remember the Joyce Grenfell sketch from my childhood and every time I asked my mother what George was doing, she made some feeble excuse about 'picking his nose' ... it wasn't until I was in my mid-thirties that I finally realised just what it was that George had been really doing ... :o :lol:

Hope your George is behaving himself ... in every respect! :D
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by khaliltanvir »

Hey,

Don't be too much depressed because he is in his new place. So, he become little bit fed up with you but, day by day he will become normal. May be he don't forget his past residence. Be patient and stay secure and safe your first cat. :) :)
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

Hi Khaliltanvir and welcome - your name brings back some memories as I once had a cat called Khalil, named after the actor Ahmed Khalil - a huge handsome tiger (the cat not the actor lol) Sadly lost to the road.

How's it going with George, Bjm? Hope he's settling now :)
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by bjm1980 »

Hi all,

Just thought I'd give a little one week update..

So Georgie has been settling in and he seeming to be a bit more comfortable around the house, but my partner and I still are being a little less affectionate that we'd want to be. He seems ok when he initiates the physical contact, rubbing his face along our hands etc, but if you dare to touch him when he's resting on our laps or if he sitting somewhere snap... we get a wallop.

It's getting a little depressing now as we just want to be able to stroke him without fear of him snapping at us, its not even the physical pain he might inflict but an emotional one.. just when we think we are bonding with him, he snaps at us.

We have been doing all the things we are supposed to, playing with him twice a day, regular meal times, shunning him when he strikes, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. if we stroke him at the wrong time or in the wrong way (wrong being determined by some unknown parameters set by george himself) he goes for us..

We noticed he's been winking at us and that he had a few red spots under his fur on his back, so we wonder if he might have an infection in his eye and back which might explain the very particular petting requirements. We'll be taking him to see a vet this week..

If its not a medical thing I really don't know what we are doing wrong.

We've read a lot about petting aggression and over stimulation, and thought that might have been a factor but we are stroking him so infrequently, and playing with him a lot I don't think its that.

Are we just being impatient? Are we fussing to much?

As always any thoughts very much appreciated..
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

He's winking at you? Do you mean a slow blink with both eyes? If so, this is really good - it's cat language for 'I know you and I like you.' What the human has to do is to blink back - and avert your gaze. Never stare hard unless you need to send an angry signal such as 'stop chewing my hand you little git!' And talk to him, tell him what a good boy he is.

The red spots on his back - now that could be a flea allergy that he still has despite care at the rescue and a clue as to why he's irritable about being touched; I'd definitely let the vet suss that out.

Please don't feel rejected; he's obviously quite a lad and not easy to know yet, but to gain the confidence and affection of a cat like this is like winning the Nobel prize (says she, who's just had her sock foot chewed by Molly - who's now sitting on the bed blinking at me and planning to come and ask for a love - yes, I know you're there, Moll!)

As always, time and patience is the remedy; he's going to be a challenge, and frustrating at times, but how rewarding to get his confidence, and I don't think you're fussing too much; even someone experienced would find him a handful, but by the sound of it he's beginning to settle with you. It is true that cats make their own rules; they aren't like dogs who need a pack leader. By all means let him know if he oversteps the mark but you just sort of work in together (if that makes sense.)

It's still early days yet; you'll get there and other people on here will have more advice - all the very best and please keep updating :)
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Janey »

It can take ages for the snapping to stop, but in my experience, with the two snappers we’ve had (both quite different) it’s taken over a year, but got less over that time. Strangely enough, I was only saying to my hubby last night that Tasha is much more placid with us now (that was after I cupped her little face in my hands and gave her kisses :lol:) she’s been with us two years and at one time I wouldn’t have dared do that. I have all faith your little newbie will be fine eventually, but may take a long time.
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by booktigger »

A week is nothing for a cat to settle - I've had Lucy 15 months and she regularly snaps - I know her main triggers but I do often wind her up. She is getting better but we think her arthritis doesn't help
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by bjm1980 »

Hi folks, thanks for this..

So we managed to get booked into the Vet's this morning and took him over.. it was pretty traumatic for all involved. I thought I was going to pass out after the struggle of getting him into this carrier.

We were right, he has a bit of an eye infection and an upset stomach, (he didnt eat his food last night or this morning and we found a bit of sick when we woke up). She clipped his nails and gave him the once over.

It was also a bit upsetting to see how easily the vet handled him, stroking him all over under the chin along his back anywhere she fancied and nothing, no backlash from George.. I'm starting to think we are being over cautious with him.. my god this is all such a mine field...

He's currently hiding under the bed and has been for the last two hours. He's definitely not feeling good right now, worried we've gone back a step after the vet trip..

So today has been pretty rubbish to be honest, My partner is terribly upset and the general stress of things in getting us both down.. Trying to stay positive though! :(
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Lilith »

Ah. Worry not. I know it's a cliche, to say that cats know, but when it comes to vets, they can usually do what they like with an obstreperous cat, and the cat DOES know. It's partly experience, partly confidence.

I used to breed Siamese and knew some people with a houseful, including an evil lilac point called Kita. There were several lilac points and when one got on my knee one day as we were chatting I automatically stroked and petted her until everyone did a double-take: 'You've GOT KITA!' According to them, Kita should have had me in shreds by then; in my case it was a case of fools rush in, but that cat never lifted a claw.

I also remember the night I called round to take on Molly. I lifted her with one hand, snuggled her against my face - and kissed her. If I tried to do that these days, I'd need plastic surgery.

They're crafty little gits!

Poor old George, and poor you too. He's obviously cross about his outing, but you did the right thing, taking him to the vet's, and he'll recover. He might even appreciate you and his new home a bit more, you never know. Just hang on in there and keep telling him you love him, and plan something a bit special for his supper - and as always, all the best :)
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by booktigger »

I've given up on the amount of times I've walked in the consultation room warning them I had a difficult cat to find they are really sweet there - the ones I haven't had issues with tend to be the worst! It was taking Lucy a week to get over the vets, but now she's going monthly, she's hiding from me at least once a week - last night was because she was having a drink when I walked in to go to bed!
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Re: Rescue cat difficult first day/night

Post by Ruth B »

At least you succeeded in getting George to the vets, I've had to ring the vets to cancel appointments at short notice because Freyja wouldn't let us get hold of her, normally while trying to mob the blood up. Her next booster is coming up in a couple of months and I'm rather dreading it.

As for the other way around, Blue our old Ragdoll was one of those cats who was so laid back all the time, until you came to try and clip his claws. We actually had one of the nurses come into the consultation room one time to check everything was alright. I was holding him and the vet was clipping his dew claws. Blue was screaming like he was being mutilated, that was when he wasn't trying to bite me, fortunately I was wearing a heavy wax jacket and just kept an arm in front of his mouth. He wasn't being hurt he just hated his claws being done.
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