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Friday 28 February ~ by George
Ever since I've lived here (that's six and a half years) there's always been a very convenient hole in the fence at the bottom of our garden. Luckily our folks aren't the best at fixing things, so the hole has never got repaired. It's been a bit like a garden catflap, without the flap. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the whole thing fell down, and today was that time. I didn't see it collapse, it must have happened overnight, so this morning we found it all wonky and just about hanging on at one end, and our garden catflap has bitten the dust. They'll have to do something about it now, I just hope that if they get a new bit of fence that there's a nice hole in that one too. It's not just us either, Sooty Cat uses that hole too, it's a public right of way! Yes, that's it! We can insist on a new hole, I know my rights! I'll get my placards out again. 'What do we want?', 'A hole in the fence!', 'When do we want it?', 'Now!'.

Thursday 27 February ~ by Gemini
What is it with humans and vacuum cleaners? I know they tend to like noisy things generally, but vacuum cleaners to me just seem so anti-social. All they do is create disturbance wherever they go. They don't even play a decent tune. I don't mind noisy stuff on the telly, I can even handle some of their more bizarre CD's at high volume, but not vacuum cleaners! There I was all comfy, having a lovely snooze on the bed, and in comes the vacuum cleaner to spoil it all. George is right, someone should ban them. We don't really need one anyway, George is quite good at eating bits of stuff off the floor, I'm sure that would do. When I was sharpening my claws on our playstation-scratch post thingy the other day, I managed to scrape off a big outside bit off one of my claws, and George came along and ate it!

Wednesday 26 February ~ by George
Still no sign of any frogspawn, or any frogs for that matter. They're now four days overdue. Come on out guys, I know you're in there! Three more days and I'm coming in to get you! Well maybe not actually go in the pond, no, that would be silly, and as you know I'm not silly. What I'll do is wail as only a Big Bad George knows how, yep that'll bring them out, I'm sure of it. Anyhow, I had a bit of a treat today, when the folks had mussels for tea. Not only did I get to have a whole mussel, but more importantly and far smellier was getting to lick the last bit of garlic sauce, tastebud-tastic! Gemini is not a garlic fan, and she hates it when I've had some, (says it offends her delicate nose). She wouldn't let me sit within a five foot radius of her for the rest of the evening. I said that's a price I must pay for my gastronomic preferences (Marmaduke taught me about Gastronomic Preferences, makes me sound really intelligent, doesn't it?). Even Gemini was impressed, (from a five foot distance of course).

Tuesday 25 February ~ by Gemini
Once again I've proved my superiority over George when it comes to hunting. I don't bother with hunting as often as him, but when I do, I do it with style efficiency and speed. I'm also better at hunting in the daytime that George, mainly because I'm nicely camouflaged and he's not, (unless it's snowing of course). I'd only been out five minutes today when I caught a super big fat mouse, boy was he jealous! Eat it? Yuck, of course I didn't, I leave the 'wild' food for George, I'll stick to 'proper' food from the cupboard thank you! I deserved a nice relax on the sofa after my little victory, so here I am looking gorgeous, and dreaming of prawns.

Monday 24 February ~ by George
Here's a clever little trick for any of you cats out there with covered litter trays like ours. It's a trick guaranteed to put some life into your humans and get them fussing around with cloths and things, all highly entertaining to watch (and snigger at). What you need to do is two things, first store up a really good substantial wee, it doesn't work so well if you only want a little wee. Then go inside your litter-house and turn round so you're facing outwards and your rear end is right up close to the back wall. The trick then is to wee as hard as you can up the wall, and if you've got the angle right it goes down the gap between the tray and the roof, and all over the floor outside! See those humans fuss! That was trick number eighty four in George's book of very tricky tricks! (Gemini's got her 'you're so gross' look on now, can't think why.)

Sunday 23 February ~ by Gemini
This morning I was conducting a scientific study of a ladybird, which was crawling up the window. Fascinating it was, very beautiful, and very crawly. I'd planned to study it until it got about halfway up, and then I was going to swipe it back down and eat it, to find out how the taste compares to butterflies (one of my favourite delicacies). My plans were scuppered however, by one of the folks who spotted me staring at the window, then saw the ladybird, and proceeded to scoop it up on a bit of paper and let it out the window! What a waste! And the sheer cheek of it too, I mean I don't go around stealing their snacks, do I? What's that George? Remember the custard pot? Oh, yes I forgot about that. And the tuna out of their sandwich? Yes yes, I get your point. And the cream off the trifle? OK George, now you're asking for a swipe!

Saturday 22 February ~ by George
Alright then, where are they? All my frogs, where are they? I've consulted our diaries for this day last year, and we had frogspawn, loads of it! And what is there this year? Nothing, that's what. Maybe their alarm clocks didn't go off or something. I'll give them one more week, than I'll have to send out a search party. This afternoon I helped out in the office, and had a little rendezvous with the parallel George (the one through the mirror) who was helping out in the parallel office. Such indispensable members of staff, us office-Georges. I almost caught that tricky little arrow thing that flies about inside the computer. It whizzes around the screen like a golden snitch sometimes, it's no wonder the folks can't catch it. I sat for ages trying to splat it with my paw, but it kept getting away. I think I've discovered the modern day equivalent of the old 'cat sat on the mat' saying. Nowadays it's 'The Cat Sat on The Mousemat'!

Friday 21 February ~ by Gemini
Me and George had a very noisy but tactically brilliant play fight up on the landing today. It would have been a three-squeaker (again), but for the fact that it was more a three crashes, two thuds and a wallop sort of fight. I managed to wallop him into the airing cupboard door, George made me crash into the radiator, and at one point we did a superb triple rollover from one side to the other, stopped only by us thudding into the bedroom door. One of the folks came up to see what on earth was going on, (and to move anything breakable out of the way), and I think even they were impressed. We're very evenly matched actually, but then I taught him all I know. Well, not all I know, I haven't taught him the three-quarter Nelson headlock with the two-paw backswipe yet, I'm keeping that one up my sleeve!

Thursday 20 February ~ by George
Ha! That's it, Spring is here. And if it isn't Spring, then today was doing a pretty good impression of it. After simply ages of being cold, colder and freezing, suddenly it's sunbathing and rolling in the muck weather, my favourite! I was long overdue for an intrepid adventure, so I went off to see if I could have one. The most intrepid adventure I could find was stalking through the undergrowth beneath our Big Bush, that's got much bigger since last year. There's all sorts of interesting things under there, none that I can tell you about of course, I mean I wouldn't be much of a Secret Agent Double-O one-and-a-half if I gave away Top Secrets like that now, would I? Here's me being George of The Jungle at the start of today's mission.

Wednesday 19 February ~ by Gemini
Before you go standing on your head, yes this picture is the right way up. My belly's pressed up against the window, my head's hanging over the edge of the sill, and the net curtain's draped over the top of me, does that make sense? I've been having a bone-warming day today, the sun was out, and it had warmed up my special windowsill ready for me to stretch out along it. We don't have a conservatory like next door, I'd like one of course but in the meantime this does very nicely indeed thank you. I've been known to sneak into next door's conservatory and sunbathe on their rug, but there's no place like home as they say! Anyway, the next door folks are out and the door's locked, I tried it earlier (oops, cat out of the bag!)

Tuesday 18 February ~ by George
Oh, sorry is it my turn to do the diary? I must have mis-read the calendar. Not that I consult an actual calendar of course, I just mean a hypothetical calendar, one in my head that tells me what I should do and when. Sometimes though like today, it lets me down and forgets to tell me something important. Never mind, there wasn't much to tell about today anyway. It was cold outside (again), very cold in fact, far too cold for me to venture out in unless there had been a very good reason indeed. There wasn't, so I didn't. Our folks must be daft, they went out anyway, wrapped up from top to toe in woolies, coats, gloves and extremely silly looking hats. It made me very glad that us cats don't have to wear hats (despite what Dr. Seuss might say), I'd never manage to look Tough and Streetwise in one of those!

Monday 17 February ~ by Gemini
Brrrrr, talk about cold. Our pond was completely frozen over this morning, that's how cold it was, (thank goodness I have thick fur). The folks took a pan of hot water out there, to melt a hole in the ice. Bit of a shame really, if they'd left it alone I could have gone for an ice-walk, (that really gets them going, they go bonkers when I do that!). My garden patrol was understandably brief in the circumstances, just a quick spin round our back garden, an even quicker one round next door's and a cursory look over the fence. At least I made the effort, George stayed indoors all day, (his excuse being that his fur's not as thick as mine). He said if he went outside today he'd end up frozen solid, a sort of George-shaped ice-sculpture. Instead he stayed in and turned into a lazy, wimpy, George-shaped fur-sculpture!

Sunday 16 February ~ by George
It was a fantastic day for muck today. Loads of it there was, all out on our patio. One of the folks was doing re-potting, which is just an excuse for them to play around with piles of dirt if you ask me. I have far more experience with muck than Gemini, so it was my job to supervise. I had to make sure the muck bag behaved itself (it did, once I'd pounced on it), investigate the pots for anything unusual (only worms unfortunately), and sit on the compost bin (I'm not sure why, but I did a grand job apparently). The rest of the day had it's good and bad points. The Good Points: Getting rewarded for my efforts with some coley (yippee!), and getting the best chair before Gemini. The Bad Points: I'd got muck all over my legs and feet, so I got dragged into the bathroom for a wash (yuckkkk!). All four legs, so that's four bad points.

Saturday 15 February ~ by Gemini
The folks finally got to actually meet our 'Intruder Cat' for the first time today. Normally he sneaks in when they're not around, and sneaks out again pretty sharpish if he hears them coming. Anyway, they surprised him today and he panicked so much he couldn't find the cat flap! I just sat on Level Three of our playstation scratch-post thingy and watched in amusement as he flew round in circles and launched himself at the wrong part of the door! He might look like a tough street cat but he's not very bright. George stayed in the living room, and told me afterwards that he was keeping guard, and was ready to pounce out on Intruder Cat if he dared to cross the threshold. Yeah, well done Big Bad George. If I was a little more cynical, which I'm not, I'd swear it looked more like he was hiding behind the settee.

Friday 14 February ~ by George
Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day, just don't OK? I know she isn't on email any more, it's not her fault. I blame her human entirely. Moved jobs, no more email, fine, but what about me? No, I refuse to get upset, she'll be back, I know she will. So, in the absence of any Valentine messages from my (ex?) email girlfriend, I decided to use up my energy pouncing on bags instead. The bag cupboard got emptied today, so there was a brilliant pile of bags on the kitchen floor, perfect for leaping and pouncing. The scrunchy, crinkly ones are best. I go up on my back legs then launch myself onto them, grab the crinkly ones in my front paws and scrunch them until they surrender: leap, pounce, scrunch, 'Grrrrrrr'. They're no match for Big Bad George. Yeah, who needs Valentines when there's scrunchy bags to be pounced on.

Thursday 13 February ~ by Gemini
I'm beginning to think this recycling lark can be very dangerous to cats. Our folks have a box in one of the kitchen cupboards where they put all their paper for recycling. It's a very nice box too in my expert opinion, and being a cat, my natural instinct is to get inside it at every available opportunity. There happened to be just such an available opportunity today, so I got in it and settled down for a nice cat-in-the-box moment. Why is it that humans rarely check inside cupboards before they come along unannounced and shut the door? That's a question I can't answer, but that's exactly what they did today. It was a good half hour before they came along and heard me scratching at the inside of the door. As I said, this could have been very dangerous, I might have missed out on my dinner!

Wednesday 12 February ~ by George
Gemini was in one of her rare and wonderful playful moods today. It's usually me trying to start a game, but not today. She kept coming up behind me and pouncing on my tail, until I chased her. I don't need much persuading, so I chased her down the hall and up the stairs, and then we had a huge playfight on the landing. It was a three-squeaker too. Oh, I should explain that I suppose. When we have a really good fight, I mean a major clumps-of-fur-flying sort fo fight, I squeak when she lands on top of me (well it's hardly surprising, she's no lightweight if you know what I mean). Today's fight made me do three squeaks, so there you have it, a three-squeaker. The folks used to worry about us when we had a major 'bundle', but they just let us get on with it these days. If we ever have a six-squeaker I might need saving!

Tuesday 11 February ~ by Gemini
Honestly George has no shame, I keep telling him he should wait until no-one's looking to use the litter. And as for posing there for the camera, well, I'm completely speechless! I can only apologise for him, and assure you that you'll never find me exhibiting such brazen and unsavoury behaviour. So, what happened today? Hmmm, not a lot really, it was one of those days that was just that, a day. I suppose the best thing was stretching out along the cooker top while it was still warm from being cooked in. I had a chase up the hall in the afternoon with our racy ball (the folks hooked it out from under the fridge for me - thanks!), which used up at least three calories, if not four. That was more than enough exercise for me, so I recuperated up on the bed until supper time. It's a hectic job sometimes, being a cat in charge.


Monday 10 February ~ by George
I'm still enjoying having our covered litter tray around, it definitely beats going out in the cold. In fact I like it so much, sometimes I stay in there for a while, just because I can. I'm having to be careful though, because sometimes I forget to take all of my tail in with me, and yesterday Gemini pounced on it and gave me a right scare. I thought I'd show you my 'during' and 'after' photos, although Gemini reckons toilet things should be kept private. But I'm in charge of the diary today, so there!

Sunday 9 February ~ by Gemini
Quite often our folks have 'fishy' things on a Sunday, so I always look forward to them sharing some with us, (and they usually do). However, today turned out to be a real disappointment on the menu front, no fish, no prawns, no coley, not even any custard for afters! Nothing they had today was of the slightest interest to us at all, and I'd waited patiently in the kitchen all through the cooking process too, and for what? In fact any more Sundays like today and I'll make a formal complaint, (I hope this makes them feel suitably guilty!). So, the highlight of today was a visit from our friend with the squashy belly. I don't mean that rudely, really I don't, but he has got the roundest, squashiest belly I've ever seen. And the best thing is he doesn't mind me jumping up on it and 'kneading' it into shape. My claws accidentally went through his jumper a couple of times, but he's very good about it. I don't think I drew blood!

Saturday 8 February ~ by George
Exactly how many Big Van Men are there in the world? We have regular visits from our old friend Big Van Man, who of course gets his name from the fact that he always arrives in a big van, obvious really. So what are we to make of today's visitor then, who arrived in a big van, and turned out not to be our Big Van Man, but a different one altogether! I thought our one was the one, the only one. Next we'll be finding out there's more than one Father Christmas, I mean how mad is that? Today's man was bigger than our usual one, with amazingly mucky overalls, (very impressive they were, if I had overalls I'd make sure mine were as mucky as his.) Anyway, he was totally mad about cats, and paid far more attention to us that to our folks, (understandably). He'd brought mucky spades with him, and bags of mucky stuff to fill in some holes in our front garden. Luckily I managed to get my paws in it before the folks could stop me. Muck-tastic!

Friday 7 February ~ by Gemini
This is just to show that a month on, I'm sticking to my 'take more exercise' resolution. Our racy Christmas ball has got lost somewhere (under the fridge we think), so I've taken to having regular workouts with our squeaky Christmas mouse. Oh come on, you didn't think it was real surely? It has one tell tale sign that it's not a real mouse (apart from the fact that George would have eaten it by now), it has 'Made in China' stamped on it's bum! I'm assuming of course that Chinese mice don't in fact have 'Made in China' stamped on their bums, but my guess is they don't. Otherwise I'm sure mother nature would have stamped 'Made in England' on all the English mice. And in case you've never looked, she didn't, and they haven't.

Thursday 6 February ~ by George
You know those 'up on the wardrobe' days? You don't? Oh, it's just me then. Some days are 'up on the fridge' days but today was a definite 'up on the wardrobe' day. It really depends on what's going on where, and the best vantage point to see it from. I've made friends up there too you know, on the wardrobe. Tigger and Ted, they live up there on the wardrobe. No I'm not going daft, I'll get a picture of me up there with them one day. Unfortunately the top of the wardrobe isn't the easiest place to reach, and it takes all the cunning and expert leaping that I can muster. I have to expertly leap from the cupboard at the side, so it's touch and go as to whether I knock all the CD's off in the process. When I say 'touch and go', I mean if I touch the CD pile as I leap, they invariably go all over the place!

Wednesday 5 February ~ by Gemini
It's almost a week since our playstation-scratchpost-thingy was fixed, and unbelievably it's still upright. Level three is still firmly fixed above level two, and despite mine and George's best efforts, it doesn't wobble. It seems far too technical a thing for our folks to have got right. They must have had help. Maybe they asked Marmaduke up the road, I expect he's an expert in stuff like that, at least with the theory of fixing things. He's very smart is Marmaduke, but I doubt even a cat of his superior intelligence would be up to handling a drill or a hammer. Now if cats had thumbs, we really could rule the world. Still, seeing as level three is directly in line with the kitchen window, and seeing as there was lots of sun today, I had a good two or three naps up there, warming my bones. Warm bones, happy cat, (old Chinese proverb)!

Tuesday 4 February ~ by George
I've invented a game to play with our covered litter tray. It's one of those 'confuse the folks' type games, like the one where I stare intently at a corner of the room even though there's nothing there, until they just have to look, then I look away casually and leave them wondering. It's also a bit like the one where I wail loudly and run out of the room, then go back in and repeat the exercise until they follow me, then I just sit down and have a wash, like 'what's the problem?'. The Litter Tray Game only really works with the covered-in sort like ours, and it goes like this: I go inside the box, do a great deal of scrabbling around making lots of noise, then come out again looking all relieved. The folks then take the lid off expecting to have to clean up a poo or two... and there's nothing there! I didn't even wee! Gotcha!

Monday 3 February ~ by Gemini
I don't know why humans bother with things like TV sometimes, well apart from programmes with cats on, or Patrick Moore. There's always much more interesting things going on outside. There certainly was today, and it was all happening on next door's extension roof. I had a grandstand view from the office window. That sort of front row, up-with-the-action sort of seat would cost a fortune at the Royal Albert Hall, but here it's free. Act one: A ladder thumps against the wall. Act two: Man in Overalls comes up the ladder with loads of interesting tools. Act three: He bangs and scrapes around with his tools for ages. Act four (the finale): Man in Overalls succeeds in whatever it is, and takes a bow (no he didn't really, I made the bowing bit up). I've absolutely no idea what it was all about but it was great entertainment. Very similar to opera I suppose for the same reasons. Yes, I could watch people working all day, it's so relaxing!

Sunday 2 February ~ by George
Oh no, no, no, that's quite wrong. Gemini's totally mistaken in thinking I'm afraid of 'intruder cat'. I didn't get to be Special Agent George, Defender of the Universe by being afraid of other cats, now did I? What I'm really afraid of is what I might do to him if I caught him, yeah that's my big fear. I don't know my own strength you see, and my temper could get the better of me, and then I'd lose control of myself in a frenzy of feline rage, like this: Grrrrrrrrrrr. See? Not nice is it? Who knows what I might do? So, the folks are locking the cat flap up at night for his protection, not mine! I don't mind not going out at night this time of year when it's cold, I'll save my hunting expeditions up for the summer. Then any 'intruder cats' had better watch out that's for sure. Grrrrrrrrrrr. There I go again. I'm mad, bad and dangerous to know!

Saturday 1 February ~ by Gemini
I often get called names other than Gemini, no George not those sort of names, that's just you. No, I mean names like Gems, GemGems, Gemmy Gems, Sweet Thing, Tiger Tabby (that's my favourite), Hunny Bunny, you know the sort of thing. But I'm not quite sure if this latest one is a compliment or not. 'Purr-Bag'. It doesn't sound very affectionate, although they always say it in a nice way. 'Purr-Bag'. Nope, not sure how I feel about that yet. We've had a change of routine lately, due to a certain unwanted intruder, who sneaks in through the catflap at night, steals the remains of our biscuits and then leaves his 'calling card', if you know what I mean. Worse than that, he scares my George (yes Big Bad Tough Streetwise George), and that just won't do. So the flap is now being locked at night until further notice. The intruder should be grateful really, if he can't get in, then he can't get a good bashing from me!

Friday 31 January ~ by George
Can we have some more snow please? I don't know who's in charge of that sort of thing, but if anyone knows them can they ask if there's any snow left can it go to George and Gemini's garden please. Thank you. I had a very important job to do today, very important indeed. Today's the day we send the first donation to a rescue centre from the sale of our fabulous best-in-the-world t-shirts (am I allowed to say that?), and I got the job of picking which one. The folks got a printout of all the rescues, laid it on the floor and rolled a ball across it, and I had to do pouncing (which I am famous for being brilliant at). Whichever name I stopped the ball on got the cheque! I went one better than expected, and actually put my claws right through the page, so well done to Happy Landings Animal Shelter in Shepton Mallet! (although after my claws went though it read 'Ha--- La---ngs ---mal S---ter' so they'll need a new list next time)

Thursday 30 January ~ by Gemini
George has been uncontrollable this afternoon, because for the first time in ages we had proper snow. Not just a few half hearted flakes either, I'm talking big, fluffy, cotton-wool type snowflakes that cover the grass, and go 'pflumph!' when they land on your head. He likes to go out and get covered in it, but I'd rather just sit in the warm and watch it from the window. It was great while it lasted, but much to George's disappointment, it had all more or less melted by teatime. Still, we had something else to have fun with by then, our playstation-scratch-post has been fixed! Yes, level three is now back where it belongs, on top of level two, instead of on the floor in bits. The folks have fitted an extra 'leg' to it to stop it wobbling, and much to my surprise it seems to be working. So far anyway. Give it a few days of relentless pounding from me and George, then we'll know if it's really done the trick!

Wednesday 29 January ~ by George
OK yes, I had to admit it in the end. Well done Gemini, super sleuth, it's a fair cop as they say. It was me who did a poo in the bath last week. It was a very neat little pile though, not messy or anything. Oh, sorry, Gemini says you don't want to hear the details. Anyhow, the folks do seem to be making rather a big deal out of it. Fuss fuss fuss, it's a human thing. They've only gone and got out our old covered litter tray, filled it with new litter, and they seem to be expecting me to use it! I don't think so! That's for kittens, not for Big Bad Tough Streetwise Georges with reputations to maintain! My image would be in ruins if I was seen scrabbling around inside that! On the other paw, it is cold outside. Very cold. And windy. Extremely gale-force windy. Oh, to hell with the image...

Tuesday 28 January ~ by Gemini
We are experiencing something of a 'technical hitch' with our playstation-scratch-post thingy. And it's not, contrary to popular opinion (George's opinion) that I have broken it. Broken it? Moi? How could he think such a thing? No, what's happened is that we're both so good at reaching level three, that we reach it on a very regular basis, often at high speed, and without much regard to it's sturdiness. Hence, it developed a dangerous 'wobble' and the folks have had to remove the top bit and are planning some sort of modification. Oh dear. The thought of our folks practicing DIY on our best piece of furniture is very worrying indeed. I hope they're better at scratching post modifications than they are at bicycle maintenance. They're rubbish at that.

Monday 27 January ~ by George
It's very unlike me to be completely speechless, but I had an email today that left me stunned, amazed, excited, intrigued, speechless and very emotional. Me? George? Emotional? I was, honest! If you've read my story on the Rescue Stories page, you'll know about how I was rescued together with my mum soon after I was born, as she'd been hit by a car and couldn't look after me. I was fed and cared for by the rescue lady, and when I came here Gemini became my 'new mum'. That was nearly seven years ago. So anyway, today I got an email from the rescue centre (who I have to thank for my life) with a photo of my real mum, Lilly. And here she is, isn't she lovely? (pass the Kleenex). Now I can see where my good looks come from!

Sunday 26 January ~ by Gemini
I find it such a tease when I can smell something fishy and can't get at it. Today was doubly frustrating because I could smell prawns (my favourite) and coley (George's favourite), both in the same cupboard, with the door shut. I could have got in if only they'd left the door just a teeny weeny bit open (a claws width in fact), but no, it was as shut as a shut thing. It was worth the wait though, because dinner turned out to be prawn soup (the flavoured liquid you get when you defrost frozen prawns), with lumps of coley in. As soon as that cupboard was opened my tastebuds went in to anticipation overdrive: 'Oh yes, prawns, (drool) yes, please yes, and coley, absolutely yes, yes, oh superb!' My tummy was sooo happy. Life just doesn't get any better than this. We don't get top food like that all the time you understand, it'll be back to the packet stuff tomorrow!

Saturday 25 January ~ by George
One of the folks has gone mad. Totally barking in fact. That's the only explanation I can think of for today's strange activities. They went into the front garden with a big fork, and dug up several big clumps of soil, including the grass on top. Then they went to a different bit of garden and dug up some more clumps of soil. Then, get this, they swapped them over so that they went back in each others holes! Am I missing something here? Does dirt get bored if it stays in the same place? Highly unlikely I'd say. Do worms appreciate a change of scenery? I think not. No, they must have finally gone bats-in-the-belfrey bonkers. The only good thing about it was the amount of mud they left, just perfect for me to decorate the kitchen floor with. And the hallway. Unfortunately I ran out of mud halfway up the stairs!

Friday 24 January ~ by Gemini
I do love George most of the time, but he has some very strange occasional habits. Every so often he decides to do his 'business' in the bath of all places, and today was one of those times. Why the bath George? He even had the audacity to try to deny it, but given that there's only us two cats in the house, and I was asleep on the bed at the time, that really does narrow the suspects down rather significantly. Curious cat. Perhaps it's a boy thing. I of course, would never lower myself to such primitive behaviour. Being a tabby involves style, dignity, and impeccable manners at all times (except when there's two cats and only one prawn, manners can take a hike then!). Did I mention I'd made a resolution this year? I resolved to do more exercise, and as I'm still quite infatuated with the racy green ball we got at Christmas, chasing that round the kitchen is the perfect thing. When I say more exercise, I mean some exercise. Basically any exercise will be more than lat year!

Thursday 23 January ~ by George
These dark evenings make my head hurt. It's all to do with the design of our catflap. It's one of those with the see-through door, which is great in the daylight for seeing what's outside, but not so good in the dark. You see, when it's dark outside, all I can see in the catflap door is a reflection of me! What use is that? I mean, there could be a herd of wild elephants out there and I'd never know. This is why my head hurts, because I can't see what's on the other side. Tonight it was Gemini rather than any elephants, but she still scared the living daylights out of me when she burst in through the flap at warp-speed twelve (or thereabouts), sending me skidding in a panic across the kitchen floor. Unfortunately for me, I ended up skidding full pelt into the cooker door which is very hard, and not the sort of thing I would bang my head against under normal circumstances. When, oh when, will someone invent cat crash-helmets?

Wednesday 22 January ~ by Gemini
Since we got back on Monday I've been checking out all the places in our house, to make sure first of all that they're still there, and secondly that there's nothing different in those places that I should know about (one should always know one's territory like the back of one's paw, Marmaduke cat taught me that). Luckily things seem much the same, but I did find a few new socks in the sock drawer that I hadn't met before. This is me getting to know them. Just look at that tail, isn't it one of the finest you've ever seen. I'm usually modest as you know, but when you have a tail as superb as mine modesty is simply pointless, don't you think?

Tuesday 21 January ~ by George
While we were staying in the cattery, I decided that we were much luckier cats than I thought we were. Do you know none of the other cats in there had a 'playstation-scratch-post' thingy, not one of them. And we were the only cats to have a Wiggly Waggler too. The elderly ginger cat in the next door pen had a scratching board that laid flat on the floor, with a mouse's head on the end, that was a bit odd. He liked it though. Anyway, at the risk of being very soppy indeed and ruining my 'Big Bad Tough Streetwise' image, the thing I was most glad to have in the cattery with me was Gemini. I think she was pleased to have me there too, but I'm not going to ask her in case I get the wrong answer. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. Bliss is also a whole piece of smelly warm-ish coley fish, and a fresh mouse for afters but that's a different sort of bliss I think. When I'm rich and famous I'm going to buy smelly coley fish for every cat in the world.

Monday 20 January ~ by Gemini
Phew, we're back! And despite George's promises of being grown up about going to the cattery, he still wailed all the way there. He said it's expected of him now, and the folks would be disappointed if he didn't do it, they'd think he didn't care or something. OK George I said, then tell me why you wailed all the way back as well. He couldn't answer that one, and made a hasty exit saying he had an urgent appointment with a mouse. Yeah, right. Today was great. One of the best. Not only did we come home to find breakfast waiting for us, but we'd already had a breakfast at the cattery, double bonus! And we got coley fish for tea. And I got prime spot by the best radiator for the rest of the day. And we both got more fussing than you could shake a stick at. Things like that make it worth being away for a bit. But if our folks are reading this I'd like to say one thing: any longer and you'd have been pushing your luck, OK?

Saturday 4 Jan - Sunday 19 Jan
Absent due to being dragged off to the cattery. Bah!

Friday 3 January ~ by George
Now I'm going to be really grown up about it this time, and not wail all the way. No not the vets, we've been told today we're going to go to the cattery tomorrow for a little stay. My first reaction was 'I'll miss our playstation-scratch-post', but apparently we can take it with us. Oh, OK then. Well, what about my Wiggly Waggler? Yes, that's coming too. Oh good, but Gemini wants to take the jingly-catnip thing and the racy ball we got for Christmas. No problem they said, we can take all those things, and some of our favourite 'special' food as well. In that case I'm definitely going to try to be grown up about it this time. And they've got heated beds at our cattery, which we don't have at home, they're nice. The only unknown quantity is who we get as neighbours. Anyway, why am I wasting my last night of home comforts writing this, I'd better go off and enjoy them quick..!

Thursday 2 January ~ by Gemini
It's not like me to take notice of something so material, and human-oriented as television, but last night I watched fifteen minutes of the most riveting programme I've ever seen. It was about cats of course, only these were wild cats. And when I say wild I mean really wild, you know in the jungle and everything! I thought I did well to catch that rat, but the mother cat on this programme caught a stork, which must have been four times her size at least, incredible. And when they were being attacked by hyenas, that cat spat and hissed like a crazy thing, (I'd never let George use language like that!). George was more dismissive, he says the only reason he'd not caught a stork is because there aren't any living round here. Well he has a point, but come on George, a stork? You? Yeah, right!

Wednesday 1 January 2003 ~ by George
Happy New Year! I'm quite excited about doing the first diary of the year, but I'm still confused by the whole concept of 'new years'. I can't quite see how suddenly yesterday isn't just yesterday any more, it's last year. It just doesn't seem a whole year ago that it was yesterday, it only seems like, well, like yesterday! To make matters worse, Gemini told me that Australian cats started their new year halfway through yesterday. Now forgive me if I sound a bit two-planks here, but wouldn't that mean that while we were still having our 'last year' they were already having their 'this year'? I'm glad we haven't got any Australian cats living in our house, they'd be able to get to the food hours ahead of us every time, and we'd starve! Anyhow, I don't feel any different to last year, and that's what really counts. Philosophical old me!

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