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Thur. 31 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Nothing at all exciting happened today whatsoever. It was that uneventful that I even asked George if he'd write the diary, but he said he hadn't done anything exciting either. It was basically just too windy to go out and have adventures, unless you fancied the sort of adventures that blow you up over the rooftops, of course, but that doesn't appeal to me. It was so windy the sparrows were having a job staying on their branches, and the pond had waves you could have gone surfing on! It just seemed sensible to have a day of staring out of the window watching the world go by, or in today's case watching it blow by. It's days like today that make you appreciate windows. Just that little piece of glass between me and the outside world makes a very comfortable difference indeed.
Wed. 30 Jan. 2002 (By George)
I reckon our folks should think about getting a couple of extra armchairs, or maybe another settee. It's such a shame when they can't get a seat in their own living room. My chair is generally the one nearest the radiator, which is where I took up residence this evening, so of course that's then well and truly occupied. Gemini does this thing where she stretches right across two seats of the settee, so there's very little room left for people. Being the well trained humans that they are, they'd rather sit on the floor than disturb us, but it's a shame for them not to get a seat. Not so much of a shame that I'd move over of course, I'm not totally daft! Our folks know their place, and we know ours, and my place is definitely on the chair by the radiator. I did get completely sat on once, but getting the warmest seat is worth the risk of being squished!
Tues. 29 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
We had a new visitor today, who came with lots of leads and boxes of tricks (not George's kind of tricks thankfully), but techno tricks. He spent ages playing around with the computer, fixing it I think, or maybe he was just pretending. Either way we called him techno-man. Techno-man fussed me and George, and said he liked our diaries! I thought he deserved a little treat for that, so I went out to catch him something nice. I did try honestly I did, but all I could find was a big black fly. The bluebottle type, nice and juicy it was, and still alive too. I brought it in inside my mouth, then let it go so it went flying off round the room. Our folks tried to catch it in their plastic 'bug catcher' thing, but it was having far too much fun to get caught in that. Techno-man didn't seem to want to take it home either. Maybe he prefers mice, I'll get him one for next time.
Mon. 28 Jan. 2002 (By George)
I spent some time in the office today sitting opposite my parallel cat, (the one in the parallel office through the mirror). He is so like me it's uncanny, I reckon we could swap places one day and no one would tell the difference! I wonder what he does in there, maybe he runs a parallel web site with his parallel Gemini. Now there's a bizarre thought. I couldn't think about that for too long though, my brain doesn't stretch that far. Anyhow, back to more yummy things, the folks had some stuff with a garlic sauce on tonight, and they always let me lick the plate after. I licked it clean, and I didn't even have to share with Gemini, she doesn't do garlic. I decided to spend the evening on the spare bed, I know from experience that she won't let me on our duvet with stinky breath (her words, not mine). But it's stinky nice, not stinky horrid. Stinky horrid is fox poo.
Sun. 27 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Some of you may know that one of my many skills is bicycle maintenance. I can always tell what's wrong when the folks bikes won't go, and today was no exception. I went out into the garage as soon as I heard the clunking and clanking that usually accompanies bike-fixing. There they were, tools all over the place, with the tyre off and lots of grease all over the place. I could see the trouble straight away, it was the same problem as before, the bike was upside down! You think they'd learn by now wouldn't you? It took ages before they finally decided to turn it the right way up again, and it was fine after that, just as I thought. They should have consulted me first of course, and saved themselves all that bother. If there's one thing I know, it's which way is up. Another thing I know is where the coley fish is, but I can't open the freezer door.
Sat. 26 Jan. 2002 (By George)
All we had today was rain, rain and more rain. Well I suppose there was wind, wind and more wind as well. Not my favourite kind of weathers these. Some lucky person wrote on our forum that they had snow, so they obviously don't live down our street. We haven't had decent snow for ages. The one advantage with all the rain was the great selection of mud in the garden, especially round the pond. So I selected the most sloshy, squidgy bit and brought some indoors. The folks went out this afternoon (yes in the rain, humans are strange aren't they?) so I decorated the kitchen floor with my pond mud, for when they came back. I'm thoughtful like that. They usually admire my mud-masterpieces for a few minutes, then they wash it all off so that I can start over again. I think someone should invent a mud-art gallery, for genius cats like me.
Fri. 25 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Why is is that people insist on ruining a perfectly good bowl of milk by sticking breakfast cereal in it? Our folks do it most days, which is sad to watch, particularly if they don't even save me any milk. Sometimes I get lucky, but sometimes not, like today. And if they think I'm satisfied by them saying 'no milk today, the cows have run away' then they are sadly misktaken! Even if the cows have run away, which I think is highly unlikely, that does not account for the whereabouts of the bottles of milk in our fridge now does it? No, I think any lack of milk for deserving Geminis is totally down to human mis-management in the fridge stocking department. Don't get me wrong, generally I love our folks, but they could do with my help getting the shopping right. My shopping list is easy: milk, cream, cheese, tuna, salmon, prawns, sardines, cat treats, simple!
Thur. 24 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
We had a visit from the Ginger Thug this morning. He came through the hole in our fence, bold as brass, and strolled up towards the house. George legged it back inside before you could say Jack Robinson (though why anyone would want to say that has always been a mystery to me), leaving me to face the enemy. I stood on our patio step so that I had a height advantage over him, and stared him out. He stopped about three feet away, staring back and looking like he was up for a fight. We must have stayed like that for a full minute before I broke his nerve, and he backed off. What a lightweight! I wondered if maybe he was going soft in his old age, or whether he just recognised my superiority. Either way, George thinks I'm a complete hero, so I let him wash me round the ears like a true champion. And I didn't even get my paws dirty!
Wed. 23 Jan. 2002 (By George)
I thought my anti-vacuum cleaner campaign had finally succeeded today. The folks dragged the dreaded thing out from under the stairs, which usually means it's time to scarper before it starts up with it's awful racket, but instead they took it out to the garage. This is where all their old disused 'stuff' goes, along with empty boxes and things that 'might come in handy' but never do. Ha ha, so the cleaner was relegated to the garage, good news. The bad news came later on when a man in a van delivered a box with, you guessed it, another one! Blast, the old one must just have retired (well it was very old, probably as old as Marmaduke Cat). I don't intend for one moment making friends with it, but at least it's quieter than the old one, so maybe I'll let this one stay. I've warned it though, one false move and it'll be destination garage!
Tues. 22 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
It's a strange thing sometimes, this Cat Chat lark. We had a letter today from a cat shelter miles away from us, and I could smell the cats on the letter, and the envelope! Fascinating it was, I kept sniffing round it to find out more about these distant cousins of ours. How strange I thought to be able to 'meet' other cats without even seeing them in the fur. I know lots of cats through email, but letters are still better, I mean you can't smell an email, can you! I'm afraid I did George's trick of getting my claws tangled up in the net curtains today. I didn't make quite such a fuss as he did though, and I didn't need the folks to come and rescue me either. I decided the best solution was to bite my way through the curtain. The folks won't mind, I only made a small hole!
Mon. 21 Jan. 2002 (By George)
I definitely think someone should invent cat crash helmets. I said this ages ago, but no-one's made one yet. Or am I the only cat in the world who likes to shoot across the garden at the speed of light (or faster when the wind's behind me) and crash headfirst into the cat flap? I'm great at it, and sometimes when I get through, I'm going so fast that I'm halfway across the kitchen before my paws touch the floor. Gemini reckons I'm taking a bit of a chance, and that one day the cat flap will be locked shut, and well, you get the picture. It hasn't happened yet though, I have faith that our cat flap will always open at the mere sight of a speeding George. A crash helmet would be nice though, and I'd be able to make an even louder crash than I do now. Excellent!
Sun. 20 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
One of the folks belonging to the dog who lives opposite has been messing about up on their garage roof most of this weekend. They appear to be either fixing it or tearing it down, I'm not sure which yet. Either way it's very inconvenient for me, because that's one of my sitting places. I use it to get to the wall where I go sometimes go to play 'Tease the Dog' but mostly I just sit up there to survey the street. I hope they hurry up and finish, I know it's their house, but I was using that roof before they even moved here, so I think that gives me 'right of way'. I had to content myself with sitting up in the office window surveying the garden instead. As it turned out, that was a better place to sit today, I had the sun on my back, and a radiator under my bum!
Sat. 19 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Since my spectacular leap on Thursday Gemini's been trying to tell me I should look where I'm going a bit more. Think what I'm doing, be a bit more careful, that sort of thing. That's all very well for her to say, she's good at thinking. I find if I think about something too long I either get bored and do it anyway, or I forget what it was I was thinking about. My philosophy is go with the flow, do it and think about it later. Or even better do it and don't think about it later, saves time. Anyway, I find life being George is much more fun if I don't look where I'm going. How else would I have discovered paper-skiing across the kitchen floor (belting through the catflap, not looking where I was going) or how to make a towel avalanche (leaping into a dark airing cupboard, not looking where I was going). See, I'm not as daft as I look.
Fri. 18 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
I must say first of all, that although George's little mishap yesterday made a bit of a mess to say the least, it was highly entertaining. I think the folks forgive him quite a lot of his 'mishaps' on the basis that his entertainment value exceeds his nuisance value. I suppose that's much the way us cats view humans, their fussing technique plus their ability to produce food outweighs their other (numerous) annoying habits. On balance it's a fairly equal partnership, apart from the fact that I seem to do far more of the important jobs than our folks. They get the best end of the bargain with me, because unlike dear George, I don't have a nuisance value. I'm almost perfect. I don't wish to sound too immodest, but I am a tabby after all. 'Nuff said.
Thur. 17 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini, or on second thoughts, by George. You'll see.)
Gemini: I know it was my turn to write the diary today, but George should do it seeing as it was all his fault. Go on George, I think you'd better take over.
George: Do I have to? Can't we just forget it ever happened?
Gemini: No, we said we'd be honest in this diary, and tell things like they are.
George: Alright, but it wasn't deliberate, honestly. It was like this, we had visitors again today, the Ladies with Interesting Bags. It was all going really well, they fussed me (I know them well enough to allow that now) and they even picked Gemini up to fuss her. Then they all sat round the kitchen table with coffee and biscuits and stuff, and I sat on the worktop looking cool. Then there was a loud crash outside, so naturally enough I ran like hell. Unfortunately I ran straight onto the table and sent everything flying. Paper went everywhere, biscuits went on the floor, mugs got knocked over, and (this is the best bit) coffee went all up the wall. Oooooops! It's a good job they love me.
Wed. 16 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Oh, this playing in the bath thing just gets better and better. We've got a shower over our bath, which doesn't do much usually, just hangs around on the wall. Today I found out it's true worth as a source of entertainment. It drips! Why haven't I noticed this before? Maybe because I hadn't discovered playing in the bath until recently, or perhaps it didn't drip before. Either way, it makes a great game of 'catch the drip', even better than the tap in the kitchen. The drips are totally unpredictable, so it takes a bit of concentration, and reflexes as sharp as a George Cat to catch them. Luckily, I have both. I tried leaping up at the shower to get closer to the drips, but it's too high, and landing back down in the bath is a bit awkward so that's out. One of the folks came to join in, or so I thought, but they turned a knob and the drips turned into a waterfall, yyuuuuckk! Come on guys play fair, there's wet and there's wet!
Tues. 15 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
I thought I'd make a stand for 'girl power' today, and prove to George that he's not as smart as he thinks he is. Lately he's taken great delight in showing off his techno-wizardry by playing the messages on the answerphone, and even greater delight in saying that I can't do it. Well I can, so there! I watched him the other day doing his little 'party piece' and all he did was stand one button, nothing complicated at all, so today I had a go and bingo! He pretended not to care, but I know he was secretly miffed as a miffed thing. What was even better was that I did it when we had a visitor, which impressed them no end. I don't know why, but our visitor was measuring up one of our kitchen walls. Hmmmm, very fishy, no doubt we'll find out soon enough. It better be something interesting, to make up for the fact that he didn't bring any treats with him at all, not one!
Mon. 14 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Sometimes I think I must be the games genius of the cat world. I've played the muddy paws game ever since I can remember, which basically entails decorating the kitchen with as many muddy prints as possible before I run out of mud. Recently, I've discovered the delights of playing in the bath, so being the games genius that I am, I decided it might be fun to combine the two. And it was excellent fun as it turned out. The mud showed up even better in the bath than it does on the kitchen worktops, it was a masterpiece! Judging by the folk's reaction, I feel sure they don't truly appreciate my artistry. But, like all great artists I expect I'm just misunderstood. Big Bad Tough Streetwise Misunderstood George, that's me. They can't be too upset with me though, we had coley fish for tea. And we got to lick the custard bowl. Yum!
Sun. 13 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Me and George have been competing today to see who could be King of the Castle. Top of the Heap. By that I mean who can get the best and highest position on the cushion mountain. Most of the time our cushions are spread around on various chairs, but today we found them piled up in a heap on one chair. Cushion mountains are irresistible to cats, in the same way that fresh duvet covers or just-ironed jeans are. They just have to be sat on. Climbing to the top of the cushion mountain isn't quite as easy as it sounds, because some are more stable than others. One false move could trigger an avalanche. We had no safety harnesses either, so it was all down to skill and claws. I got to the top first, and settled down in my rightful 'top cat' position, only to have George plonk himself on top of me having climbed up on the back of the chair and abseiled down! What a cheat. Honestly if I ever climb Mount Everest, George will turn up five minutes later in a helicopter!
Sat. 12 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Oi Gemini, I've just read what you wrote yesterday about my pigeons, and I think you're missing the point. Alright, so I haven't caught one yet, but I'm waiting for the right one. I don't want to catch just any old pigeon, I'll know it when I see it and then you'll be impressed. Yeah, then you'll see. I was ever so close to catching one of the birds in our front garden tree today, in fact I'd say I was just inches away. I was sitting up at the bedroom window, and the bird was on the branch nearest the house, so all there was between me and it was a window! There was only one problem. The window was shut. See, now that was hardly my fault was it? If it hadn't been for that I'd have caught it, easy peasy. It was simply a problem of logistics. Well, that and the window being shut. I did catch a crisp packet later though, which is more than Gemini did.
Fri. 11 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
From time to time one of the folks does weird things with their arms and legs, copying this mad woman on the telly. Things like standing on one leg, sticking their arms out at odd angles, sometimes even lying down then sticking a leg up in the air. I used to worry that they'd gone bonkers, but I've got used to it now. The difference with today's little display was that now they've got a special mat to do it on, as though that would somehow make it normal. If the special mat was supposed to make them look less daft, then quite honestly it failed miserably in my opinion. Having said that, I'm beginning to quite enjoy it as a spectator sport. It's not as amusing as watching George trying to catch next door's pigeons though, now that's what I call entertainment. And how many has he caught in the last five years? Now let me think. Hold on, I'll get my calculator. Now let's see, hhmmm, zero, plus... zero, plus... zero. Just as I thought, precisely none!
Thur. 10 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Lately I've taken to playing in the bath. Not when there's water in it you understand, I'm not daft (despite what Gemini says). I often sit on the side of the bath, but I never considered it a playground until recently. It was the nail brush falling in that started it. I was swiping it around I'll admit that, but when it fell in I couldn't resist jumping in after it and swiping it some more. Given a little helping paw, things in baths skid around in the strangest ways. The thing that fascinates me about baths is that there aren't any corners. My latest thing is to scrabble like crazy at the non-plughole end, with my bum in the air, trying to make a corner. I've no idea if it'll work, but I'm having fun trying. It's much better than the sink. The sink is where I end up when I've been caught covered in muck. I don't like the sink. My worst nightmare would probably have a sink in it.
Wed. 9 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Us cats have an amazing sense of timing, with an uncanny knack of being in the right place at the right time. Open a tin of fish and we're there. Fresh pint of milk, we're there. A warm seat left vacant for a split second, we're there. Cream cake, we're there. I have perfected this skill over the whole of my six and a bit years, and consider myself something of a master of the art. Gemini Cat, BA hons. in Feline Timing, that's me. Today however, I was in just slightly the wrong place at the right time. It was the right time in that a fresh bottle of milk had just been opened, so I jumped up onto the worktop to make sure they hadn't forgotten that I like milk too. Unfortunately I landed right on the handle of the spoon, that was sticking out of the bowl, that was full of cereal, that they were pouring milk over. I never realised until then how good spoons are at flying. Oooooops!
Tues. 8 Jan. 2002 (By George)
It's been a while since I last challenged the Big Green Leaf Monster on the office windowsill to a fight, so today seemed like as good a day as any. I thought I'd try a new tactic, and leap on him from behind the curtain, but the Leaf Monster had already thought of a tactic himself. He must have remembered how I beat him last time, so he'd recruited the net curtain to defend him this time, what a cheat! As soon as I started to leap up, the net curtain attacked me, it grabbed hold of my front claws tangling me up in it's evil net. I fought back of course, but I just couldn't get one paw free, it seemed the more I struggled, the more tangled I got. It was no use, I had to call the cavalry, (one of the folks and a pair of nail scissors to be exact). The Leaf Monster hasn't seen the last of me yet, Big Bad George doesn't give up that easily, oh no. Next time, just you wait.
Mon. 7 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Poppy cat came down to our garden for the first time in ages today. I haven't seen her since before the Christmas lights went up. I still think of her as a kitten, even though she hasn't been one for ages, but I realised she is now bigger than me! She seems to have got all fluffy and huge almost overnight. Spike cat wasn't with her, I haven't seen him for ages either. He's like George, a right sissy about going out in the cold weather. I think they're what you might call 'fairweather cats'. But me and Poppy, we're 'all weather cats'. That's why I'm second in command in our road (after Marmaduke of course), you don't get to be second in command by sitting indoors at the first sign of frost, that's for sure. George still insists that he stays in to protect the folks, Ha!
Sun. 6 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Today was one of those 'where did it go?' days. All I really remember is two things, first, curling up on the bed with Gemini and dozing off into oblivion, and second, waking up to coley fish! I suppose in that case I remember three things, if you include eating the coley fish. It was just how I like it too, floppy and wet, warmish and smelly, deeee-licious! I could eat coley fish until the cows come home, and as we don't have any cows, that would be a very long time indeed. No, four things, I remembered four things. Thinking about cows just reminded me. I went outside to do 'the business' and found a huge pile of someone else's 'business' just where I wanted to do mine. Don't you just hate it when that happens?
Sat. 5 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
It's not often one of George's new games takes my interest, but today was an exception. I heard all this scrabbling going on on the upstairs landing, which turned out to be the sound effects of his new game. You need one human to make it work properly, and luckily ours don't need much persuading. You also need a toy mouse on a long string (any mouse sized toy would do) and a towel. The human sets the game up by laying the mouse-on-a-string out on the floor and covering it with the towel. Then they slowly pull the string and the 'mouse' moves along under the towel. Got the picture? Oh, it's irresistible, honestly. I defy any cat with even the slightest bit of kitten left in them to not pounce on the thing. Pounce, pounce, pounce. Then they pull it a bit further and off we go again. Pounce, pounce, pounce. It works up a good appetite too!
Fri. 4 Jan. 2002 (By George)
The birds in our garden must be the cheekiest, sneakiest birds in the world. They steal all the nuts from the folk's secret nut store that hangs on the washing line (why they haven't found a better place for their secret nut store by now is beyond me), and then when I go out ot chase them they fly up into the trees and look down at me with their cheeky, sneaky little eyes. They snigger at me because I can't get at them, and I can't stand that. Today really took the biscuit (not a real biscuit, that would be silly), the blackbirds, who are the cheekiest and sneakiest of them all, were on our pond! Standing on the ice they were, pecking at stuff, in our pond! They know I won't go on the ice, so they just ignore me and peck away with their sneaky beaks. Ggrrrrrrrr. It's bad enough not being able to catch them, but being ignored by them is worse. I'm George, you can't ignore me!
Thur. 3 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Following my admission on Tuesday about being caught in the custard pot, I received a wise and informative email from a very nice lady who knows all about custard. I'll call her 'Custard Lady'. She told me, wait for this, that custard eaten from the pot has no calories! This is good news indeed. Apparently, the same goes for broken biscuits and any food that is taken from someone else's plate! So, tuna 'borrowed' from the side of the folk's sandwich - zero calories, prawns 'found' on top of the fridge - zero calories, and cream licked off the top of a half-defrosted cake - zero calories. This is going to make my New Year's resolution to lose a couple of ounces easy peasy! What about food taken from next door's barbecue? If that's zero calories too, they'd better get extra in for me!
Wed. 2 Jan. 2002 (By George)
Since outside has been freezing cold lately, I've been playing indoor games more than normal. Gemini calls me a wimp because I don't like going out in the cold, but it's just that I have a lower temperature tolerance than her (it's to do with the difference in our personal lagging, if you get my drift). Today's indoor games included doing my famous 'magic drawer' trick in the office to get the folk's attention (works every time), so then I got them to play the 'Big Towel Game' with me. And then I got bored. I mean really bored. And what do I do when I'm really bored? Attack Gemini, that's what! She was asleep under the radiator, so I sneaked up behind her and pounced. She gave me a good biff on the nose and chased me up the stairs. That started a pretty heated fight, and Gemini won fair and square. I don't mind though, it was better than being bored.
Tues. 1 Jan. 2002 (By Gemini)
Thanks to George I got shouted at today, in an unmistakeable 'telling off' sort of way. He was supposed to be keeping lookout, but he's hopeless. If anyone out there is thinking of recruiting a partner in crime, whatever you do, don't ask George! The plan was simple, I'd do the deed while he kept watch for the folks, then we'd swap and I'd keep watch for him. Our target was a saucepan of cool custard (the folks were making a trifle), there was no-one about, no lid on the saucepan, perfect! George is so quick to wail for no reason usually, but today he was supposed to wail if anyone approached the kitchen - nothing! Consequently I got caught with my head in the custard pot. Ooooops. Still, I got several good licks in before being discovered, scrummy yummy in my tummy!
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