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Saturday 31 August ~ by Gemini
Sometimes I amaze myself with my diversity, I really do. I think I'm what you might call multi-functional. This afternoon for instance, I saw off an intruder from our front garden. Now I'm not one to actually pick a fight you understand, it's just that she was stalking through our bushes, right near George's favourite vole hole, so she needed a little reminder that I'm the boss, and that sort of impudent behaviour will not be taken lightly. A big fluffy thing she was, with a bell round her neck. She made an awful lot of noise for what was only a ten second fight, not even the full five minutes, what a lightweight! My other success today was helping 'balance the books', which is something the folks do once in a while. I help by balancing on the books. My bottom balances nicely on the bank statements, while my front half balances on the cheque book, and if possible I balance my paw on the pen they're trying to use. What a multi-talented cat I am!
Friday 30 August ~ by George
The last couple of nights have been so warm I've been staying up and prowling around until the early hours, and doing proper cat things instead of snuggling up on the duvet. It's partly the hedgehogs fault, they fascinate me with their shuffling and snuffling, so I've been keeping watch on them, in case they make any funny moves. There's some in our front garden and some next door that I think must live under their decking, (yes decking, that's posh for planks of wood). There must be a way of catching one, but I haven't sussed it out yet, their spikes always get in the way. Very sneaky that, having spikes. Still, I did catch a vole last night instead, which I made sure I ate this time (last time I caught a vole, the folks got to it first and took it away from me). I left it's 'insides' under the kitchen table for them though, so I wasn't selfish, I'm a caring sharing sort of a George at heart. They never ate them though, how ungrateful!
Thursday 29 August ~ by Gemini
I had a very meditative day today, which is good for the soul. In George's opinion it's just an excuse to be downright lazy, but I say it's good for the soul, and I'm sticking to that theory. Anyway, I don't need an excuse to be lazy, I can do that whenever I choose. My meditative place today was by the pond, so one of the folks joined me for a while, and took this photo. So, this isn't just any old photo of any old fish, it's a meditative Gemini's eye view of our fish. Very, um, gold aren't they? That's no doubt why they call them goldfish. And very wet too, wet and gold. Nice to look at, but I'm still glad I'm dry and tabby!
Wednesday 28 August ~ by George
I've been being 'George of the Jungle' today, out in our front garden. There's a bit of garden at the back that is a mish-mash of rambling trees, overgrown shrubs, plenty of weeds and a fast-disappearing pampas grass. You might have gathered that our folks aren't very good gardeners, they tend to let the 'difficult' bits of garden pretty much get on with themselves. This suits me fine, as it means plenty of stuff grows up that I can hide in, stalk through and generally go potty in. That's often where the voles hang out too, which is what I'd hoped to find today. The voles weren't out to play, but I had fun anyway. When one of the folks came back from wherever it is they go, I waited until they were right near the bushes then I leapt out at them like Rambo! I might not have the red bandana, but I'm much better looking!
Tuesday 27 August ~ by Gemini
Most of the time George thinks he's 'Mr. Entertainment' round here, but today was my turn. Well me and the fluffy mouse tied to the clothes prop, it was a joint effort between me and it. I put on a most impressive display, jumping up the post, swiping the mouse and even - this is the best bit - digging my claws in halfway up the post and swinging on it with my back legs dangling in the air. The folks thought it was hilarious, and gave me such a great fussing afterwards. The best time to do this is when it's windy, and the post swings back and forth, it's like a fairground ride, honestly. I'm sure Alton Towers isn't a patch on our back garden! If the folks ever get a 'twirly' line like next door's I'll be devastated!
Monday 26 August ~ by George
I've been forgiven for breaking the catflap yesterday, well it's not my fault if they don't make flaps strong enough for Big Bad Georges is it? I'd like to set the record straight though, I didn't go through it in a panic like Gemini said, no not a bit of it. What really happened was this: I thought I'd heard an intruder at the front of the house so naturally I had to check it out, see if I needed to defend my territory, and if necessary see them off. As it happened there wasn't anyone there, but if there had been, I'd have been there on the front line, doing my duty as defender of the house (and Universe). Grrrrrrrrr. See? That's what really happened. I was quite proud of breaking the catflap actually, it just shows how tough I am, tougher even than I thought I was, and that's very tough indeed. What happened today? Hmm, good question. To be honest, I slept for most of it, then slept some more. I can't do intrepid things every day!
Sunday 25 August ~ by Gemini
Ever sat in an ants nest? No, me neither, far too sensible for that. One of the folks proved today that sitting in an ants nest is probably not the cleverest thing to do, especially if you've wearing shorts! Oh yes, you get the picture. I only wish I could convey to you the marvellous sound effects that they made too, quite unique they were. It was the speed at which they sprang up into the air that entertained me most, followed by all the hopping about and leg-slapping, (maybe they should take up morris dancing?). Poor little George who'd been snoozing under the bushes, woke up in a panic, saw what they were doing, decided they'd probably been posessed or attacked or both, and pelted up the garden and through the catflap before I could say 'ants nest'. He flew through it so fast he actually broke the catflap! Honestly, the flap was halfway across the floor, and all that was left in the kitchen door was a square hole!
Saturday 24 August ~ by George
Good news about my ongoing harvest mite problem, I didn't have to go to the vet again (well lets face it, you've seen one harvest mite scab, you've seen 'em all). The vet has given the folks a packet of those horrid little pink pills for me to take. I've had them before, and know full well that they taste disgusting, so I'm not just going to eat them as though they were the latest cheesy cat treats now, am I? Not likely. In the past they've tried all the 'manual' ways to try to get me to take pills, but as they prefer their arms to remain covered in skin, that method's a no-no. They've tried crushing the pills into my food (sorry, I've lost my appetite), wrapping them in tiny cheese balls, (suck the cheese off, spit the pill out), but I have to say today's little scheme was their best yet. Take one seafood stick, cut a slice off the end, poke half a pill inside, feed to George. Repeat with other half of pill. Yes, I knew the pill was inside, but hey, it was a seafood stick! I never refuse those! That would be silly, and as you know I'm not silly. Oh no, not me.
Friday 23 August ~ by Gemini
We had a couple of new visitors today, who had definite 'other cat' smells on them. George is still being mostly 'unavailable' due to the harvest mite situation, so I got all the fussing. Very nice as that was, they still didn't have any prawns in their pockets. What's the good of having pockets if you don't carry anything edible in them? (If only cats had pockets.) I became 'Gemini the Indispensable' later on today, when the folks needed to fix one of their bikes. Bicycle maintenance is one of my many skills, and this was a particularly easy problem for me to advise on. I'd seen this very problem before, so my advice was totally invaluable - the bike was upside down!
Thursday 22 August ~ by George
Today I'm going to impress you all. Really, I am, this is cooler than cool. It relates to my official title of 'Agent George, Double-0 one-and-a-half'. Apparently, the ancient Greek word for one-and-a-half was Hemiolios. And if that wasn't impressive enough, it was also the title of an important court official of Alexander the Great. I'm told all this by a reader of our diaries (there must be at leat four readers now, maybe even five!). Anyway I am assured that it was and is a highly secret and very important title. Well that explains it then, I am indeed a very important and highly secret cat. Sometimes I'm so secret that even I don't know where I am! So, to recap I think my full title now stands at: 'Professor Big Bad Rugged Tough Streetwise Misunderstood George Mucky Cat, Agent Double-0 one-and-a-half (alias Hemiolios), Defender of the Universe'. I'm having trouble remembering all that, can I have a bigger brain please?
Wednesday 21 August ~ by Gemini
I never realised before, but I think I've discovered one of our folks' pet hates ~ moths! There's been some huge ones about lately, and they're such good fun to chase and swipe. The best time for them is just when it's almost dark, and lights start coming on in the houses. Tonight I caught a massive one outside the kitchen door and took it in throught the catflap to play with in the hall. That's when they discovered me, and the moth, and just freaked out! You'd have thought it was a ten-headed dragon or something, hey chill out, it's only a moth for heavens sake! Just wait until I find a ten-headed dragon and bring that inside, what'll they do then? After all the fuss, they only went and caught it in our 'bug catcher' thing and put it outside again, what are they like? Point one, I hadn't finished playing with it, and point two, I'd intended eating it afterwards. Wasting good food, that's what that is.
Tuesday 20 August ~ by George
I've been trying to keep a low profile the last few days, because I know that whatever it was the vet gave me for my harvest mite allergy, it hasn't worked. Yes, I've still got scabby bits under my chin and behind my ears, and I just know if the folks find out I'll be straight back down the vets again, so I've been 'unavailable' quite a lot. Being unavailable adds to my air of mystery of course, and reinforces my 'Agent George, Double-O one-and-a-half, Defender of the Universe' image, so no bad thing. I still come home for tea though, even special agents need their food. I thought I was being 'unavailable' behind the curtains this evening, but as you can see the folks must have known I was there. Or maybe they just like taking photos of the curtains, that wouldn't surprise me.
Monday 19 August ~ by Gemini
I've had such an energetic day today I'm amazed I've stayed awake long enough to write this diary! George was off 'somewhere else' for most of today, so it was left to me to do pond patrol and all the frog plopping that involves. I'm getting very good at it these days, I chased one right across the patio, down the lawn and right into the pond - sploosh! So satisfying. My other energetic activity today involved helping one of the folks with some sewing. Their tape measure kept getting out of control so I figured the best thing was to sit on it. Humans however, don't always figure things the same way, and they kept trying to haul it out from under my belly, only to find it got out of control again. After a few sitting-ons and hauling-outs they finally let me have my way and helped me chase it all over the house. That's the only way to deal with tape measures, with a very firm paw!
Wednesday 14 - Sunday 18 August ~ by George & Gemini
After a few unexpected (aren't they always?) days in the cattery, we're very pleased to be back on our own patch today. Normally, if our folks 'Go Large' for a few days, next-door-lady comes round to fuss and feed us, but but they've gone somewhere else too, bad planning or what!? We often wonder where on earth our folks go to, and more to the point why? We just can't see what they could possibly do that's remotely interesting that doesn't involve us! It' doesn't make any sense at all. Are we not their world? Forget 'home is where the heart it', we reckon home is definitely where the cat is! It must have been pretty boring wherever they went, because they were sooooo pleased to se us. However, they brought us back catnip mice, so their trip wasn't a complete waste of time. Of course! That's it! We've sussed them, they went to where you can get catnip mice duty-free! We're just so smart sometimes!
Tuesday 13 August ~ by George
The folks next door are away, so our folks have been popping round to water their plants. Being a helpful sort of a cat (I am, honestly, sometimes) I nipped over the fence to help them out today. Just as well I did too, because they had a giant water snake like ours (codename hosepipe), that needed pouncing on, and a couple of frogs that needed chasing back behind the plant pots. They might have been next door's frogs, or maybe they were some of our frogs on holiday, but either way they needed chasing. This evening was just as spectacular as last night, yet more shooting stars! The folks were out in the garden with us again spotting them. Gemini is so taken with these that she says she might like to take up astronomy. I reckon she'd have a head start, she already eats an astronomical amount of food! (heh heh heh)
Monday 12 August ~ by Gemini
I'm sure we probably did some really exciting things today, but whatever they were, they were totally overshadowed by the amazing thing that happened this evening. The folks had been watching some boring (or so I thought) news report on the TV, which prompted them to do a very odd thing indeed. It was late, they were in their dressing gowns and slippers, but they got up and went out in the dark and laid on their backs in the garden! Yes, I did think they'd gone stark raving bonkers until I saw what they were looking for ~ a shooting star! We stayed out there watching for ages, and I saw at least six, some really bright too. What a show! I don't know what was the most amazing, the shooting stars, the folks lying in the garden in their dressing gowns, or George being totally speechless for once in his life!
Sunday 11 August ~ by George
What a perfect day for indulging in one of may favourite hobbies ~ rolling in the muck. A warm day, dry but not too hot, just right for muck rolling. I've found a great new place for doing it too, under one of our ever-spreading bushes. The further it spreads the more muck seems to gather underneath, and it's mine, all mine! Gemini was indulging in one of her favourite hobbies too ~ laying on her back with her legs in the air watching the birds fly overhead. I suppose that might be the measure of a perfect moment, me under my bush covered in some lovely muck, and Gemini warming her belly in the sun. If I was in charge, every cat would have a warm belly and plenty of muck.
Saturday 10 August ~ by Gemini
Yesterday's rain seems to have washed the garden clean, ready for the fantastic sunny day we had today. I spent most of it testing out the best snooze spots, to make sure I hadn't missed or forgotten any. My favourite spot is under the cherry tree, although the bushes by the weed border comes a close second. Later in the afternoon I got a sudden urge to be energetic (very odd, I hope I'm not ill), so I took my urge out on the clothes prop! This photo shows how to attack a clothes prop whilst using it as a scratching post, and managing to look beautiful all at the same time!
Friday 9 August ~ by George
If as I suspect, rain comes from a massive great garden hose in the sky, someone up there must have forgotten about it and left the tap on all day. It just rained and rained and rained. Not the really wet stuff, just the averagely wet stuff, but it was enough to turn me into a soggy moggy within about ten minutes. The folks had my Big Towel at the ready of course, but they aren't always quick enough with it. I managed to get very soggy at one point, and as one of the folks was reading a book at the time, I jumped up beside them and did a perfect doggy-shake which sprayed the water artistically all over the pages, (how's that for subtle hint?). Well what do they expect, I haven't got an umbrella!
Thursday 8 August ~ by Gemini
Big Bags lady came to visit today, with her big bags full of weird stuff. She's the one who cuts the folks hair and sometimes puts funny smelly stuff all over one of their heads. Today was one of the smelly-stuff days so I kept my distance until that bit was all over. She also brings a nice smell with her, which is the one of her cat, so I know she's a cat friendly person. Another nice smell later on , first on the air and then in our bowls, salmon juice soup, lovely! So it was quite a smelly day one way and another, which made me realise how useful noses are. They are though, aren't they? I mean apart from letting us know good smells from bad smells, noses give the middle of your face something to do.
Wednesday 7 August ~ by George
The human patient seems to be a bit better today, thanks to Gemini's nursing skills, so she's been able to resume normal duties, garden patrol, pond watch and stuff like that. I'm very glad, I don't like having to do them on my own, it's not nearly so much fun. The best bit today was being combed to within an inch of my life (ok, so I exaggerate slightly, but you get the picture), I love it sooo much! The harder they comb, the louder I purr, and the longer they comb the soppier I get. I forgot myself completely at one point and ended up stretched out full length on the kitchen floor, with my front paws in a shoe, being combed from the top of my head right to the end of my tail, purring on maximum volume. They got masses of fur off me, they must have enough to make another George by now!
Tuesday 6 August ~ by Gemini
I've been doing my best Florence Nightingale act today. One of the folks was ill today, and went back to bed part way through the day. It's at times like that they appreciate a cat like me, who will keep them company and purr them better. I stayed with them all day too, sometimes by their feet and sometimes right up close with my head over their arm. There's no doubt a cat's purr has heling properties, it's a proven scientific fact. You may find this hard to believe (George did) but I even missed my tea to stay with them, how heroic was that? George did come up a couple of times, but he hasn't got my staying power. No, this was definitely a job for Nurse Gemini. I hope they're better tomorrow though, I don't really want to miss tea two days in a row. I'm heroic, not mad.
Monday 5 August ~ by Gemini
Not fair! Whichever way you look at it, it's just not fair! The way we got tricked today by our trickier than tricky folks, was just simply too sneaky for words. Out on the patio we were, sunning ourselves, having a lovely snoozy afternoon when we got tricked indoors by a few crunchy cat treats, and before we knew what was going on we were scooped up and bundled into our cat carrier. Just like that, no warning at all. When we're put in the carrier together it usually means the cattery, but today it was vets, me for my annual booster (what's it supposed to boost, I wonder?) and George for his harvest mites. We both quite like our vet, he talks to us and fusses us all the time we're in there, but I still say our folks didn't play fair. They did give us some 'special' food (the posh stuff) after, so I forgave them after one mouthful!
Sunday 4 August ~ by George
It's a good job we had a lazy day yesterday, otherwise I wouldn't have had enough energy for today, and boy did I need some. Pigeons needed chasing, frogs needed plopping and seagulls needed running away from, (I'm not ashamed to admit to running away from seagulls, you should see the size of some of them!) The frogs took up a lot of time today, as most of them seem to have deserted the pond and gone to live under various bushes. I took it upon myself to round them up, chase them across the garden and 'plop' them back in the pond where they belong. Luckily I still had energy left to pounce on the giant water snake (codenamed 'hosepipe'), before it attacked anyone and took over the universe. They'll do that you know, if left un-pounced on. Agent George, double-O one-and-a-half saves the day again!
Saturday 3 August ~ by Gemini
We had some very strange weather indeed today, including some extra-loud bangs of thunder. We had bright sunshine one minute and end-of-the-world sort of thunderclouds the next. I think the folks were getting a bit fed up trying to decide whether to leave their washing out, or bring it in, and me and George were getting fed up deciding whether to do the same with ourselves. We gave up in the end, and made one final decision to snuggle up on our duvet for the rest of the day. So-called 'Big Bad George' is a right little snuggle-bug sometimes, especially when there's Big Bad Thunder outside!
Friday 2 August ~ by George
Gemini's still being all 'kitteny' as she puts it, which means I have to be permanently on guard, in case she pounces on me unexpectedly, which she's done several times since yesterday. I'm just not used to this, I'm used to a laidback and chilled out Gemini not a bouncy pouncy one! She really got me good and proper this afternoon, when I'd strolled down the garden to check out the weed-border at the bottom (where lots of our frogs live). Little did I know she'd been hiding under the bushes for me, so as soon as I went by she must have stalked me round the pond and then she ran at me from behind at about a hundred and twenty miles and hour. Now I know why she used to complain about me when I was little, that's exactly the sort of thing I used to do! It's like having two Georges in the house, how scary is that?
Thursday 1 August ~ by Gemini
For some reason I had a 'kitteny' day today, if you know what I mean. I woke up feeling all lively and kitteny so I went with the flow and acted kitteny too! Well I'm only seven, that's hardly over the hill, and today I felt as though I hadn't even got to the hill, let alone started to climb over it. The folks love me being like that, it seems to amuse them greatly, whereas George just doesn't know what to make of it. He seems to think chasing the garden hosepipe is just a George thing, well it's not! I also enjoyed climbing up the clothes-prop and attacking the washing, running up and down the stairs trying to trip the folks up, and pouncing on George from behind the hall curtain. If someone had had a ball of wool handy, I'd have probably played with that too. Yes, I remember being a kitten, and I felt just like I did today only smaller!
Wednesday 31 July ~ by George
I had a very repectable hunting day today, with two very near misses and one direct hit. The near misses were next door's pigeons, who sit on our fence taunting me to jump up and get them. I'm very quick at pouncing up our fence, but they seem to be just a tiny bit quicker at flying off it, so once again I missed by inches. The direct hit was a nice juicy, playful, squeaky mouse. I usually take my mice up onto the patio to play with, but due to a couple of large claps of thunder, I took this one into the house instead. We had a good game of chase round the settee before I ate him, and then one of the folks discovered him, or rather what was left of him, which was just the 'insides'. And what did they do, but clear it up and put it in the bin! Er, excuse me, I was saving those bits for later!
Tuesday 30 July ~ by Gemini
The seagulls round our way seem to be noisier this year than ever before (or am I just getting old and grumpy?), particularly the baby ones. There's two of them on Sooty Cat's roof right now as I'm dictating this diary (well you didn't think I actually did the typing myself, surely?), and they're making a racket you wouldn't believe. I do hope their mum or dad come back soon to stick some fish down their beaks and shut them up. Hmmm, maybe I am getting grumpy. There's one particular seagull who I'm going to have to keep a very close eye on, he keeps coming down to our pond and standing at the edge. I'm sure he thinks he's going to get one of our fish, but he won't if I have anything to do with it. If he so much as dips his beak in for a drink, he'll have to deal with the wrath of a very grumpy Gemini indeed.
Monday 29 July ~ by George
We haven't seen many butterflies in the garden this year, then all of a sudden today we seemed to have loads all at once. Gemini said they were like buses, but I couldn't see what she meant at all. They've got no wheels for a start. Anyhow, they seem to be a particularly silly variety, they keep landing down in our grass, right in my line of fire! What is a self respecting George to do? Stalk them, of course. Stalk them as only Big Bad Tough Streetwise George knows how, and if possible pounce on them and play with them. One or two of them were a bit clever, and waited until I was a split second away, then flew up in the air in front of me. They startle me when they do that, and when I'm startled I do a four-paw bounce up and back at the same time, like a Tigger. Most undignified, but I can't seem to stop myself. I managed to catch a few to play with, and when they're fed up playing, Gemini comes along and eats them. What a team!
Sunday 28 July ~ by Gemini
The next door folks have gone away and left our folks to look after their plants, of which they have hundreds, probably thousands if I could be bothered to count. So, seeing as I know next door's garden like the back of my paw, I went with them as guide, to make sure they didn't miss any. Well, I didn't exactly go with them, the folks went through their house and I took the short cut over the fence, (gave them a bit of a shock to find me ready and waiting!) They did the hosepipe and sprinkler bit and I did the navigating. I wished it had been the other way round a couple of times when they sprayed me with water by mistake, huh! Humans, honestly, no co-ordination whatsoever. I forgave them for drenching me though, when me and George had 'salmon soup' for lunch (the juice from the tin plus some fish bits), lipsmackin!
Saturday 27 July ~ by George
You can hardly see my 'rugged' nose-scar now, it's healing over annoyingly quickly. Still, I'm compensated by the fact that the harvest mites are back again this year, so I've started to get a few little scabby bits around my chin again. I'm allergic to them you see, and every year I get little scabs where they've 'allerged' me (is that a word?). I always think scrapes and scars and scabs make me look as though I've been involved in rough, tough things, and doesn't do any harm to my image at all. I've been in charge here all day today, as the folks went off out somewhere and Gemini said it was too hot for her to bother being in charge. The trouble with being in charge at short notice is that whilst I suddenly realise I can do pretty much as I like, I can't decide what. I need thinking time for decisions like that. Lots of thinking time. I mean, I might want to do something reckless and spontaneous, and that needs planning.
Friday 26 July ~ by Gemini
George was right about yesterday, I was out playing chase with that cat. He's ok, he just needed to be told who's in charge round here, so now that's sorted we can be mates. He doesn't seem to have a name, said he didn't think he'd ever had one, how odd. He didn't stick around for long though, (just passing through, as usual), so I wasn't very late having breakfast. I had to prompt the folks into refilling my bowl though, because someone (no prizes for guessing who) had eaten all mine. Today I had pretty much of a 'floppy' day, as it was far too hot outside, so I flopped on the landing for most of it, keeping cool. I was so asleep I didn't have a clue this photo was being taken. Shame really, didn't give me much of a chance to arrange myself into a more beautiful pose.
Thursday 25 July ~ by George
Is it just me, or does everyone get bits of muck in the corners of their eyes? I've no idea where they come from, they just seem to appear there from nowhere. I don't mind that, but what I do mind is when the folks spot it, and come at me with a tissue, ('oy! gerroff!'). So undignified, and they're my bits of muck, so I think I should have a say in what happens to them. I was attacked with the tissue this morning, right before breakfast too. Luckily Gemini wasn't around (very unusual for a meal time) so she didn't witness this undignified operation, and better still, I nicked half her breakfast! I found out where whe was after, when I was in my favourite washing place (on the living room window sill), she was out there playing with that 'unknown' cat she beat up the other week! Honestly, I could hardly believe my de-mucked eyes!
Wednesday 24 July ~ by Gemini
I didn't spend much time at home today, there were far more interesting things going on next door. I could hear the next-door folks were out in their garden, and soon I could smell why ~ barbecue season is here! Our folks never have barbecues (probably because they haven't got one), so I always invite myself to next door's instead. I consider them as my 'spare folks', and as they haven't got a cat of their own, they've always thought of me as their surrogate cat. This is very useful when there are things like sausages going spare. I'm very polite, I don't help myself from their plates, I just sit there patiently, looking beautiful and hungry, works every time! I managed to charm several pieces of sausage out of them, and a few bits of chicken. My finest achievement was getting a big fat prawn all to myself, yummy scrummy in my tummy. I just wish I could find a way of telling them I don't like ketchup!
Tuesday 23 July ~ by George
I can't believe it, my nose has started to heal up already. Bah! Just when I was getting used to my new 'rugged' look. Gemini said that it was better to have been rugged for a while, than never to have been rugged at all. She always knows the right things to say, bless her. I went for an investigate around the filing cabinet that arrived yesterday, although it's not much fun now that the folks have cleaned it up. What was the point of doing that? There might have been cobwebs and spiders in there, that would have been much more exciting. Humans, honestly they haven't a clue. Later this afternoon I almost fell in the pond. I say almost because it was only the fact that one of the folks was in the way that stopped me. If I'd been going any faster, I reckon I'd have pushed them in! I haven't fallen in since the first summer we had the pond, but I haven't forgotten how wet I got. And I don't do wet if I can help it.
Monday 22 July ~ by Gemini
I wish George hadn't put that photo on with his cut nose, I feel awful now! I'm not a thug, honestly I'm not, we were just playing! He says it doesn't hurt, and admits he was just attention seeking. I'd probably have done the same if it was my nose. Anyway, I thought I'd leave him to recover in his favourite 'I want to be alone' spot today (on the spare bed with the panda), while I helped with some office duties. My duty today was directing the filing cabinet clean-up operation. We've been given a second hand filing cabinet, which is fantastic, except that it was very, very dirty. But now, thanks to my expert supervision of the scouring pads and the bucket, it look almost like new. I had a good check in each of the drawers, well you can't be too careful. It's now working for it's living, having replaced the old hi-fi cabinet we used before. I feel like the Prime Minister, having a cabinet re-shuffle! Don't worry, George didn't laugh either.
Sunday 21 July ~ by George
Ever since Gemini's little set-to with that 'unknown' cat last week, she's been a bit trigger-happy with her claws. Usually when we play-fight she's quite good about keeping her claws in (mostly) but today's bout landed me with a massive scratch right down the middle of my nose. Yes the same pretty little pink nose that my 'girlfriend' says she likes so much. And now it's scarred for life! Gemini was sorry, so I've forgiven her of course. She said to look on the bright side, and that it makes me look quite rugged, which is a good thing for a boy. Hmmm, well I suppose that's one way of looking at it. Yeah, now if I add that to my full title, that makes me 'Professor Big Bad Rugged Streetwise Misunderstood George Mucky Cat, Agent Double-O one-and-a-half', cool eh?
Saturday 20 July ~ by Gemini
I've come to the conclusion that trees were invented for cats. Birds find them very convenient of course, but they're definitely a made-for-cats thing. Take today for instance, it was warm and sunny most of the day, and in the absence of my parasol (sheer neglect on our folks part), the shade of our cherry tree came to my rescue. You wouldn't know it was a cherry tree, there aren't any cherries on it (the birds found them very convenient too), but I know because I'm smart. Anyway, it's a perfect sunshade as far as I'm concerned. Then, this evening we had a huge thunderstorm, with some spectacular lightning and bucketloads of rain. No need to go running indoors, our front tree is basically a huge umbrella! The folks came home soaking wet, and out I strolled to meet them, dry as a dry thing!
Friday 19 July ~ by George
I've just been reading on the message forum about where cats do and do not like to drink from, and as Gemini quite rightly pointed out, given the choice between fresh tap water, and a dirty bucket of rainwater, it's the rainwater ever time! I drink mostly from the pond, (especially when it's frog-spawn season), but today I thought I'd show you my other favourite, lesser-known drinking spot. It's a feat of ingenuity actually, because you have to brace your paws on the inside of the toilet to make sure you don't get them wet. I'd better issue a warning here to any kittens reading this ~ don't try this until you're fully grown, and even then only if you're Big Bad and Streetwise like me!
Thursday 18 July ~ by Gemini
What goings on we had today, so much to-ing and fro-ing with buckets of water and pond plants and bags and string. Ah yes, the string, that was the most entertaining bit actually. I had to admit even I was confused about what was going on, but it all came clear later. So the water went in the buckets, and the pond plants went in the water, then the bags went on the buckets, and then the string... the string was supposed to go round the bags, but I got there first. I haven't played with string for ages, and I'd forgotten how much fun it is. It's even more fun when you know someone's trying to do something useful with it, he he he! Things all became clear when we had a visitor come to take it all away in their car, seems our extra pond plants (and some of my snails I might add) have gone to live in someone else's pond. Well, there's a thing. Another pond. That's a whole new universe to those snails. That'll confuse George, he likes to contemplate the universe with Thermal, our stone cat by the pond, and I bet he hasn't considered there could be more than one!
Wednesday 17 July ~ by George
I had a letter from my girlfriend today, and I've decided that being a boyfriend might be a very good thing. For a start she says such nice things about me, like she thinks I'm handsome, brave and streetwise, (which of course I am). I've seen her photo and she is very pretty, in fact she looks a bit like Gemini did when she was younger (and slimmer!), so it's only right that she should have a boyfriend as handsome as me. She asked me about the 'hiding under next door's car' episode the other day, so I'd like to set the record straight. I wasn't hiding, honestly how could anyone think Big Bad George would hide from anything. No, it was tactics, that's what it was. All the time Gemini was winning the fight, I thought it best to let her carry on, (so as not to dent her pride by storming in and helping her out), but if it looked like she was losing, I was ready to charge out from behind like the cavalry, and wrestle him to the ground, see? It's the tactic called the 'Elephant of Surprise' that's what it was.
Tuesday 16 July ~ by Gemini
I must apologise to George fans for doing the diary two days in a row (he assures me he has at least two fans, plus his 'girlfriend'!) , but I've had such a pefect day today, and George is nowhere to be seen, so here I am. The folks did muck-clearing in the pond this morning which is always fun, if a bit smelly. I supervised the whole operation naturally, followed by 'Inspection of the Muck' duty. After that they put the parasol up for me, which is the best snoozing place when it's hot. What else? Oh yes, I had salmon for lunch. And finally, I think I have just bettered George's last photo shoot. You may look cute George, but this is sheer beauty, don't you think? I mean just look at those stripes! I'm so lucky to be a tabby.
Monday 15 July ~ by Gemini
It's been a while since I had a good scrap, but I haven't lost my touch! It was that unfamiliar cat who sometimes uses our garden as a shortcut, the rough and ready looking one with what I can only describe as a cocky sort of 'swagger'. I'm not naturally a fighter, but I'll defend my patch if I have to. I'd defend George too if necessary, and my dinner if that was in danger. There I was, napping under the pampass grass, when he jumped down off the wall right behind me and woke me up! Well if that isn't asking for a fight, I don't know what is. I was straight in there I can tell you, no messing, claws and teeth out, slashing and snarling like a sabre toothed tiger. He didn't know what hit him. George went and hid under next door's car. The folks came out to see what all the noise was about, but by that time I'd got him banged to rights! We both lost a few clumps of fur, but at least I kept my reputation!
Sunday 14 July ~ by George
I was going to learn rocket science this week as you may know, but I've decided to put it on hold for the moment, while I perfect my skills with the TV remote control. I amazed myself (and everyone else) last week by discovering that I could change the channels on the telly, but wait, that's not all, oh no it gets better. Changing channels is kittensplay to what I learnt to do today. Professor George enthralled his audience with his incredible death-defying feat of pausing the video! Oh yes, I know you find this hard to believe but with one strategic placing of my body on top of the video remote control, I made the picture freeze. Totally freaked the folks out I can tell you, they didn't have a clue I was so brilliant! There's got to be a joke in there somewhere about the 'paws button'. I've worked out the punchline, just not the joke.
Saturday 13 July ~ by Gemini
One of my adoring fans, sorry I mean friends, came to visit today. We refer to her as the 'Giggle Lady' because that seems to be what she does most. She hasn't visited for a long time, but then she has her own cats to fuss so I do understand. She's one of the few visitors that I'm happy to be picked up by, well I mean you can't allow yourself to be whisked up into the air by just anyone, can you? It's interesting how different folks carry cats in completely different ways, some more acceptable than others. The Giggle Lady's technique is to put her arm right under the length of my belly so that my right legs dangle down one side and my left legs dangle down the other. It's comfortable enough, but makes me look a bit daft I think. My favourite is the 'fireman's lift' that one of our folks uses, which is where they let me hook my paws and claws over their shoulder, while they support my bum. That's the one that makes them look daft!
Friday 12 July ~ by George
I like sun and snow as you may know (Hey I feel a poem coming on!), but rain and wind aren't in my book of favourite weathers. That said, rain has one huge benefit for me, and that's getting to play the Big Towel Game. I have my own special towel now, reserved for such times as today, when I come in soaked to the skin. Today's rain was very very wet indeed, and consequently so was I. As a little hint for the folks to get the towel out, I marched straight into the living room and shook myself all over their legs (I learned that one by watching the dog who lives opposite). Out came the towel, yippeee! They wrap me right up in it like a little parcel, and rub all the rain off, it's like an all-over fussing machine, and I come out dry at the end, I love it. I went out and got soaked twice more, just so's I could have The Big Towel again. Our folks can be so obliging when prompted with a wet fur shower!
Thursday 11 July ~ by Gemini
I went up to see Marmaduke Cat today, as you know he's in charge of our road and is very ancient indeed. He knows everything that's worth knowing. For a start he knows the sunniest spot for any given moment in the day, and naturally that's where I found him. Unfortunately the sunniest spot is often right in the middle of the road, but that doesn't deter him at all. He says he's owned the road for years and if anyone wants to drive their car over his spot then they'll jolly well have to ask him nicely to move. So basically that's what everyone does. I think our folks should always save their best fussing for me and George, but I'm happy for them to stroke Marmaduke, he's earned it. I just hope that when I'm his age I've got enough sense to find sunny spots in safer places! Bless him.
Wednesday 10 July ~ by George
The sun was out for the first time in ages today, so the folks thought they'd try to get some new photos of us for putting on the site. Sometimes I enjoy having my photo taken, but today I thought it would be more fun to play them up instead, so every time they went to take a picture I moved, or ran straight towards them. So, this is the best they got. It's a brilliant example of having your subject too close to the lens! (crikey, that sounded far too intelligent for me, I must be getting smarter in my middle-age!). I do look amazingly cute for six though, even if I do say so myself. And I did.
Tuesday 9 July ~ by Gemini
This year our folks decided to try growing strawberries, and today they were moving the plants into bigger pots. Of course they aren't capable of doing this alone, cue Gemini to assist. I'm good at gardening and re-potting and stuff, (as well as bicycle maintenance) so I was straight in there with some advice and supervision. I'm particularly good at the bit with the compost, and what I don't know about straw isn't worth knowing. I rather like getting onto the pots and scrabbling all the straw out though, which I don't think helps much, but then I don't like strawberries, (I don't mean I dislike them personally, just that I don't like to eat them). I've been scrabbling the straw out while the folks aren't looking, so they've been blaming the blackbirds, he he he. Shame they can't grow something useful like prawns.
Monday 8 July ~ by George
This has got to be the summer when I catch a pigeon, I can feel it in my bones. I've lived here for er, hold on let me count up, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven summers now, and no pigeons so far. But all is set to change since a couple of really daft pigeons have moved into next door's tree. The previous six year's pigeons were smart enough to stay in their tree when I was about, but not these two, oh no, I saw them on our fence today (which I can get up in one easy leap), and even on the path! Are they mad? Mark my words, this time next week I'll have got one, and that'll beat Gemini's rat in my book. I'm a bit worried by the fact that this will be my seventh summer here though, because something doesn't quite add up. How can I have been here for seven summers and yet I'm only just six? Gemini says it's because I was still a kitten for my first summer, but what difference does that make? I was still here, being George. Now where did I put my calculator?
Sunday 7 July ~ by Gemini
Me and George had a 'lets go bonkers in the garden' day today. He often does that on his own for no reason in particular, but I know he prefers it when I join in. Now that all the plants and weeds are at their thickest and best, there's plenty of places to hide in and jump out of. We've managed to carve out a network of cat-tunnels behind them too, so you can never be sure exactly where it is we are going to jump out of next. I might not appear at first glance to be the most streamlined cat in the world, but I can shoot out from under a bush at the speed of light and chase George the full length of the garden in approximately two and a half seconds. His feet hardly touch the ground, but his head sure hits that cat flap! (and without a crash helmet too, this could account for a lot). See George, I can write a diary without mentioning food once, that means I win our bet. I can't say what the bet was, because that would mean mentioning food!
Saturday 6 July ~ by George
There's not many things I hate in life, but one thing I do hate is being ignored! Admittedly I don't get ignored very often, but today everyone seemed to be busy, and I needed some attention, some company, and a bit of admiration. That's not too much to ask is it? Wailing usually works, or jumping up onto the backs of people's chairs, but all I seemed to get today was a quick stroke. That wasn't good enough, so I went to see the only person who never ever ignores me, the parallel George who lives in the parallel office through the mirror. Sure enough, there he was good as gold. I think he wanted some company too. We're always there for each other, me and the 'other George', like twins we are, except that I am slightly more handsome than he is, (I wouldn't say this to his face, but between me and this diary he's putting on a little weight, round the chins department!). I might suggest he takes up pigeon chasing and frog-plopping like me, that would probably help.
Friday 5 July ~ by Gemini
Hmmph, it's still semi-skimmed and I am not impressed, but I'm not going to go on about it. I am worried about whether this disastrous change in lifestyle will affect the quality of the custard in our house, but that remains to be seen. And yes, that was a tiny hint that we haven't had custard in ages, and as you may know it's one of my favourite treats, particularly as it has no calories whatsoever when eaten from the pot (as advised by our friend and expert, the Custard Lady). The semi-skimmed issue aside, our folks redeemed themselves by producing a box of crunchy treats (best not say the name), which we both like to take straight from their fingers, (although often George tries to take the fingers as well). What do you mean, is food all I think about? Not at all, I think about loads of things, it's just that food is one of my favourite subjects to talk about. Think yourselves lucky, I could have been a train-spotter!
Thursday 4 July ~ by George
Clever old me. Clever, clever old me. Sometimes I'm even cleverer than I think I am, and that's far cleverer than anyone else thinks I am. I have hidden talents you see, and sometimes they just spill out in the form of pure genius. Today I learnt a new trick, a very very smart trick indeed. Are you ready for this? Ahem, are you sitting comfortably? Right, good. I learnt, wait for this, (prepare yourselves to be amazed), I learnt how to change the channels on the TV! I must surely be one of the most multi-functional cats I know. Using similar skills to the ones I use to play the messages on the answerphone (i.e. jumping up on the table, and standing on the button), I can now change the TV channels by walking across the remote control. Gemini didn't seem too impressed, she said it was hardly rocket science. No it's not rocket science, but you have to start somewhere. I'll do rocket science next week.
Wednesday 3 July ~ by Gemini
I had a very puzzling start to my day today. One of my tried and trusted morning routines just got changed, all of a sudden. For years I've had this nice little system going with one of our folks, whereby I get to lick the milk left in their cereal bowl. Imagine my shock when I bent down for my morning milk-fix only to find they've changed to semi-skimmed! Er, excuse me but I wasn't consulted on this. I'm a cat, I need my cream! Semi-skimmed indeed! I only hope this was purely a slip-up in the catering department, a one off mistake. I voiced my displeasure of course, and made my opinion on this very clear, so lets see what happens tomorrow. I might have to go on strike, I mean, do I look like a semi-skimmed type of cat. I think not.
Tuesday 2 July ~ by George
I had a startling email today, one that I don't know what to do with. I could ignore it, but it's too nice for that. I could jump up and down with joy and shout about it, but I'm too cool for that. I could blush and hide in a corner, but I'm Big Bad George, and that wouldn't do my image any good at all. What was in the email? Well I can't tell you exactly, that wouldn't be proper, but I've been asked by a sweet little girl cat if I'd be her boyfriend, Ooh-er! I've never had a girlfriend before, so I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She lives miles and miles away, so I can't visit. I asked Gemini, and after she'd finished laughing her socks off (well, she would have done, if she wore socks), she said I should email back and be nice, and say that I'd be delighted. She also said I should 'just be myself'. I'm not sure about that last piece of advice, that'd be enough to put anyone off!
Monday 1 July ~ by Gemini
I'm rather getting to like this photographic diary idea, and I do look good in front of the lens, even if I do say so myself. So here's me on my favourite fence post between our garden and next door's. As you can see the post is just the right size for my rear end! I can survey both parts of our territory from here, and I'm in the perfect position to jump down on whichever side has any food going spare. It's also a short leap to next door's pigeon tree, but I don't bother leaping up there any more, I can get all the food I need these days without having to catch the flapping variety!
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