Tuesday 31 August ~ by George
Oh now they've gone too far, toooo far. I've always liked good old fashioned photographs, because the only ones that get into the diaries are the ones showing one of my best sides. This cannot be said of video, that seems to show the good, the bad and the ugly, (or in my case, the handsome, the reasonably good looking and the 'oh dear, is that really me?'). The folks have just discovered that the canera they bought a while ago can take short videos too. When I was outside rolling round on the steps, I didn't realise what they were up to, but when I saw it being played back on the computer I was like, 'hey, that's me, that is!'. It was all a bit of a shock I can tell you. In my opinion new technology is not good for our folks, and they should keep well clear of it. What do they want video clips for? They can see the real me anytime. Gemini reckons video stuff sometimes blurs the line between fiction and reality. Well I don't know about that, but I know full well that I'm a real George and not a fictional one. And if our folks ever get their lines blurred, can someone tell them I'm the 3 Dimensional one!

Monday 30 August ~ by Gemini
There's been a debate on the forum lately about china bowls versus plastic bowls for feeding cats. Personally, I vote for china bowls every time, they seem just that bit more sophisticated than plastic somehow. Having said that I'm quite happy to drink rainwater out of the plastic bucket outside. We've had oceans of rain in the last few weeks so it's nice and full. There's a few leaves in it from next door's tree, which adds to the flavour, along with a few dead insects and some unidentified muck at the bottom. A truly delicious mix. I used to drink out of an old litter tray that was outside, but that's been cleaned up and is currently being used by Bodger the Lodger. If it comes back outside anytime, somehow I'll never be able to drink out of it again, knowing it's been used for, you know, business. Does that make me sound a bit fussy? Well, that's probably because I am. Still, if there happened to be some prawns in a plastic bowl, I wouldn't be so fussy as to not eat them. I may be fussy, but I'm not daft!

Sunday 29 August ~ by George
In the four years that we've been writing our diary, we've included lots of fantastic photos of me. What? Oh, yeah, sorry Gemini. Um, and of course some very good ones of Gemini too. Anyway, it seems to me that they've all been taken from the camera person's perspective. I thought it was about time I showed things from my perspective. In this case, my perspective was the overview of our garden from the patio steps. I sit here for ages sometimes over-viewing before deciding what to do next. Should I go straight ahead? (pond and Big Bush), or to the left? (weed borders and the fence to the vole holes), or should I go to the right maybe? (next door's garden and the Pigeon Tree). Tough decisions you'll agree, and proof that life being George isn't all easy peasy, plain sailing, cushy, undemanding, carefree, uncomplicated and no-worries-matey, (mostly it is though!)

Saturday 28 August ~ by Gemini
The search for Bodger's 'forever home' appears to have begun, and somehow he seems to know it. Just over the last couple of days he has delighted our human of the female variety by deciding to sit on her lap. He's never seemed the 'lap cat' sort until now, but that just goes to show how wrong you can be. It's taken him four weeks here to get that trusting, but better late than never. He still gives the odd swipe of the paw if he's unsure, but he's still acclimatising. Our local rescue in Thanet will be helping us look for that special person, but also our friends at Celia Hammond Animal Trust in Lewisham have offered to help (they've been following his story too). So he might yet end up as a Lewisham cat, who knows? Wherever he goes, it'll need to be someone very special, very understanding, and someone willing to wait several weeks to get their lap warmed! It made me wonder if the rescue folks went to so much trouble finding me my home here all those years ago. They probably did, but I didn't appreciate that at the time. I do remember them coming to 'home check' here before George came. The house must have seemed OK, but it was definitely me that impressed them most!

Friday 27 August ~ by George
There appears to be more mad bicycling humans on the planet than I realised. Our humans have always indulged in this lunatic pursuit, and I've seen 'Man in Socks' on one a few times, but we had a visit from yet another one today. They obviously don't realise how daft and impossible they look, stuck up there on their bizarre contraptions. If people were meant to go round on wheels they'd have been born with them instead of legs. I'm glad I'm a cat, one leg at each corner seems to make far more sense. My best bit today was being fussed using the 'curry comb' (which is designed for horses apparently, but being Big Bad Tough Streetwise George, I can handle it). It gets simply tons of fur off me with each stroke, certainly enough to stuff a cushion with by now. Or to make a second George perhaps. I think I'd quite like to have a second George, provided they were both me. I could snooze on the best chair and be out frog-plopping at the same time! I told Gemini I thought the folks might be making a second George. Funny, I've never seen a tabby go completely pale before.

Thursday 26 August ~ by Gemini
I expect today's little surprise was a totally new experience for Bodger. It was a rather pleasing experience for me too, and one that doesn't happer often enough in my opinion. Custard. Yes, we had custard today for the first time in ages, and I noticed a small amount being taken in for Bodger in a bowl. Needless to say the bowl came out empty, as I suspected. I was on hand to help in the event that some of it was left uneaten, but my services were not required on this occasion. He's obviously a cat of taste. He's a cat of very loud purrs too, I can hear him sometimes from under the door. He has an odd habit of purring loudly whilst he's eating (also loudly), which is something I've never mastered. It must be his party trick, like how some people can pat their head and make circles on their tummy at the same time, (although why anyone would want to do that is a mystery). Here's Bodger having finished his custard, and his latest chapter of Harry Potter. As you can see, he's on book four!

Wednesday 25 August ~ by George
Is it just me, or do other cats have favourite rooms to be fussed in? I've been fussed in every room in our house over the years, (except the loft, that's still on my 'must do' list), but nowhere quite beats the bathroom. It's absolutely my best room for being fussed in. Our human of the male variety is particularly good at bathroom fussing, and if I follow him in there, it doesn't take much for him to get down on his hands and knees to give me a proper two-handed rufty-tufty fuss-to-within-an-inch-of-my-life. Sometimes I stick my nose in the corner between the bath and the sink while I get fussed, (it's a similar idea to sticking my nose in a shoe, only less smelly). The other thing I like to do is lay on the bathroom mat, and as there's lino underneath, I end up getting pulled along the floor and fussed at the same time, now that's really good! Our human of the female variety attempted to fuss me in the bathroom today, but she just doesn't have the knack somehow. I appreciate the effort, but if it was an olympic sport (which it should be), she'd only score fives I'm afraid. This is probably very un-PC, but I reckon George-fussing is a man's sport!

Tuesday 24 August ~ by Gemini
Bodger got his confirmation test result today, and he's definitely FIV positive. It was half expected, given his recent past as an un-neutered stray, but we still hoped he might just have got away with it. Either way, we knew he couldn't live the rest of his life in our spare room, so now at least we know what kind of home we need to find for him. He seems to have taken to the indoor life like a duck to water, or more accurately like a cat to coley, so if we can find him someone with a warm heart and a warm home, he'd be fine indoors. That said, he also has his name on a waiting list for a super dedicated FIV sanctuary a few miles away, but there's a waiting list, so time will tell. We've been amazed by the amount of support and good wishes for him, there's a lot of caring folks out there! Even the staff at the vets want to be updated on his progress. So, what with the results, the mysterious disappearing chicken, the unexpected visit from the folks-older-folks and the runaway boiled egg, it's been a funny old day.

Monday 23 August ~ by George
It was one of the folks' birthdays today, and yet again they ended up with a collection of cards with either jokes about their wrinkles, or pictures of cats on. The wrinkle jokes I can understand, but why pictures of cats? They know perfectly well what cats look like, and in fact have two of the best looking ones living right under their own roof (three if you count Bodger, who can look handsome when he tries). Isn't that a bit like sending me cards with pictures of people on for my birthday? The only sort of birthday cards I'd be interested in would be ones with pieces of coley fish stapled to the front. Anyway, I'm going to complain to the BBC, because last night, yet again they failed to broadcast a warning to unsuspecting cats, before letting Rolf Harris loose on our telly. I'd like to complain about one cat in particular on his programme, who was hissing, spitting and yowling the place down. Right at that moment, as far as I was concerned, it was yowling the place down somewhere in our living room! I searched behind the sofa, the chairs, the telly, the curtains, everywhere trying to locate this thing before I realised. Aaaargh, telly animals, they shouldn't be allowed!

Sunday 22 August ~ by Gemini
What is it with everyone commenting on my stomach lately? When Expert came round to chop our tree this week, he remarked on the size of my middle, (what, is he and expert on cat's waistlines all of a sudden?). Then our friend Squashy Belly Man came round to visit today, and even he, with his impressive girth, had the cheek to hint that I might be a little 'low slung' around the undercarriage, (that wasn't exactly how he put it, that was the printable version). What the casual observer fails to appreciate is that it's nearly all fur! I have fat fur that's all, I can't help that. Squashy Belly Man hasn't even got fur, so what his excuse is I don't know. Don't get me wrong, me and SBM are great friends, we're almost a mutual fan club you might say, and I always stay close by when he visits. He came outside today to sit on our bench, and by the time I joined him there was no room for anyone else! Apart from that, today was strange for a Sunday. One of the folks had been away somewhere all yesterday, so they did Saturday things today, which was mightily confusing. I hope they don't go and do Sunday things tomorrow, I won't know where I am!

Saturday 21 August ~ by George
I thought I'd seen the last of the 'Yellow Alien Blobs' since I sent that one packing a couple of months ago, but now I'm not so sure. It must have happened sometime in the night, the Alien Blob's Mothership has landed in the garden next door to Sooty Cat's place. I discovered it this morning when I leapt up the fence on a mouse and vole reconnaissance mission. Absolutely massive it is, bright red and yellow and all sort of wobbly, not at all how I expected an Alien Mothership to be. The little-person-human-kitten things who live there had already discovered it (hardly surprising since it took up half their garden), and were valiantly trying to keep it under control. About a dozen of them were jumping up and down on the thing, shouting at it and trying to stomp it into submission. I'd have tackled it myself of course, had I been first on the scene, but they seemed to be doing a pretty good job. Gemini said we were best to keep our distance. She'd seen this type of Mothership before, and reckoned it was very unpredictable (it's an advanced model called the 'Bouncy Castle' apparently). Anyway, I have to hand it to the human-kittens, they jumped on it all day and finally flattened it by teatime. (It's good to know I'm not totally alone when it comes to Defending the Universe!).

Friday 20 August ~ by Gemini
It's certainly strange in our front garden without our tree, but not as awful as I thought it would be. I suppose that being the adaptable sort of cat that I am, I've got used to it not being there far quicker than our folks, who still seem rather bemused. I dont know what George thinks about it exactly, he wanders round looking bemused quite a lot anyway, so it's hard to tell. Naturally I was the first one to conquer the summit of the tree stump, not that it took a great deal of conquering. It's an interesting view from up there, I can see it becoming one of my regular 'surveying the territory' places. It's got an unusual smell though, hadn't expected that, but then I've never smelled the inside of a tree trunk before. The tree was 20 years old by the way, I counted the rings. Funny, it never looked that old from the outside, (sadly I can't say the same about our folks, heh heh heh!)

Thursday 19 August ~ by George
OK, here's a riddle, when is night-time not night time? I wouldn't have known the answer to that before tonight, but I do now. It's was a storm thing, a very amazing scary and spectacular storm thing too. When the lightning came, it lit everything up like it was broad daylight, absolutely mad it was. The folks went and closed Bodger's window and curtains in case he got scared, how daft was that? He'd been living outside for goodness knows how long before he came here, do they honestly think he'd be scared by a bit of thunder and lightning? Anyway, once the lightning stopped, I went outside in the pouring rain, I'm not quite sure why exactly. Still, it did mean that I got to play the Big Towel Game for the first time since going in the pond the other week. I do love towels. We've had some new ones recently, big fluffy, mile-wide ones, fantastic for being wrapped up and rolled around in. In my opinion, whoever invented towels is right up there with the inventor of rugs, walnuts, cat-flaps and smelly socks!

Wednesday 18 August ~ by George and Gemini
Well this is it, the end of an era. Our front tree was lopped this morning. Expert came round with a horrid buzzing machine that began by taking loads of branches off, then went on to whizzing the trunk off in sections. We made sure to be at a safe distance, but we still could have done with ear-defenders, the noise was awful. As soon as we heard it, all notions of staging a tree-top protest were abandoned, and we retreated upstairs to watch from the window. This photo was taken when it was about three quarters gone. It's now a stump, what can we say? These foundation thingys must have been incredibly important. Still, looking on the positive side, we now have a tree stump to sit on which wasn't there before (it was still inside the tree), and it will make a good scratching post. There's talk of replacing it with some other kind of tree, a smaller one that doesn't go around attacking foundations. At least we still have next door's pigeon tree, it's not the same though. Pass the Kleenex someone.

Tuesday 17 August ~ by George
It's a bit cunning what our folks are trying to do with our cat carrier basket. A cunning plan designed to fool us no doubt. It's been living in Bodger's room for the past two weeks, seeing as he's the lucky one who keeps getting taken to the vets. Like today, we watched the carrier being taken out with Bodger in, and later on the carrier came back with Bodger in. It's becoming all to easy for me and Gemini to go 'oh, there goes Bodger's carrier again', and not really think any more about it. We certainly don't run away from it like we might have done before. This is when I realised the cunning plan. They're trying to get us used to seeing the carrier here and there, without any sign of one of us being put into it. Then when it really is our turn, they're expecting us to be all casual and cool about it, and not hide behind the sofa or make a break for the cat flap. Well I've got their plan sussed now! Anyway, the carrier got put in the bath for a wash down today, I gather Bodger had a little 'accident' in it. Nice one Bodger Boy, that's exactly how I feel about it too, only I'd always been too polite to actually do it!

Monday 16 August ~ by Gemini
Since Bodger moved into our spare room, we've had furniture in the wrong places. Perhaps I shouldn't say wrong, just in different places. It was all done so that he could have a sofa (that he doesn't use I might add), a chair to help him jump up on the windowsill and separate areas for his feeding station and litter stuff. What this means for Me and George is that the spare bed is now where the sofa used to be, which is not a million miles from George's filing cabinet, about two feet to be accurate, (as you might gather, Cat Chat towers isn't ever so spacious!). I found it very odd at first, but now I rather like this new arrangement. For some reason the spare bed is much more appealing to nap on now it's in a new place. I figured it must be a Feng Shui thing, (bless his little furry socks, George thought Feng Shui was some sort of exotic food!). To be honest, halfway through trying to explain it to him, I rather wish I'd let him carry on thinking it was food. Anyhow, Feng Shui or not, it's our preferred place to nap these days, and George particularly likes it because he can jump to his cabinet form there. When this Bodger thing is all sorted out, can we keep it like this please?

Sunday 15 August ~ by George
Oh dear, I'm getting seriously worried now, and our front tree should be getting even more worried if my guess is right. A man came round today to look at it, and not just to look at it in a 'what a nice tree' sort of way either. He looked at it in a 'hmmm, don't like the look of that' sort of way. He also did that stroking-the-chin thing that experts do when they're telling you expert things. It's not that we don't have other trees around, but this is our best tree, it's like an old friend. The sort of old friend you can crash out under, or poo under, or swat bees under. Not to mention where will we put the Christmas lights if our tree goes. Oh, too late, I mentioned it. That's an important point though, where will we put the lights if the tree goes? I bet Expert doesn't have an answer to that one! I think if Expert comes back with anything dangerous like a saw, I might jump up into the tree and start a protest, (Trees against Experts, or Cats against Experts or Cats in Trees or something like that). I might be completely wrong though, maybe he just has a funny way of admiring trees.

Saturday 14 August ~ by Gemini
I don't know why our folks think I should be able to tell how thick different materials are just by looking at them. I'm talking specifically about humans clothes, which vary enormously in how easily my claws go through them and hit skin. I like to sit on laps, and the folks like me to sit on theirs, but part of the deal is that I get to 'paw and pummel' a bit before I settle down (not an unreasonable request I feel, given that it's me doing them the favour!). Often my pawing and pummelling is fine with them, no piercing of skin, no yelping, no problem. Other times I'm only halfway through my first pummel and all manner of 'Aarghs' and 'Ouches' come out. I don't see as how it's my fault either, It's the humans who keep changing their clothes, whereas my claws are reliably always the same length. You'd think they'd have got the measure of them by now (approx 8mm maximum if that's any help). Thank goodness for jeans that's all I can say, my claws know where they are with jeans!

Friday 13 August ~ by Gemini
Anyone who's old enough may know a saying along the lines of 'well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs!' (It's an alternative to being a Monkey's Uncle I think). Anyway, nobody was going to the foot of our stairs today, because George had been sick there. He'd eaten his breakfast too quick again, despite me telling him time and time again to chew his food properly. He had to go hungry until lunchtime, but what a nice surprise we were in for then - sardines on the patio. Not directly on the patio of course, I mean in bowls on the patio. Bodger got some too naturally, but he had his up in his room. I don't know why the folks don't go the whole hog with this room service malarky, I mean maybe the next step is to issue him with a little menu card every day to fill out with what he'd like for breakfast in the morning, and what time he'd like his wake up call, and if he'd like a newspaper. He could hang it on the doorknob for his 'staff' to collect! OK, I'm being a little sarcastic, but it's not that far fetched when you consider he already has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on his door! (Joking?, I wish I was!). Here he is having a wash after 'evening room service'. (Note the shaved bits on his legs from his vet visits, good to see he washes those bits too).

Thursday 12 August ~ by George
Me and Gemini witnessed a spectacular perfomance of the catch-a-fly ballet today. Never heard of it? Well, it's a strange and unpredictable dance performed by humans and flies, mainly in the summer. It begins when a fly comes into the house, and can't find it's way out again (small brains, flies). Today's ballet involved our two humans in the lead roles, one brandishing the plastic 'bug catcher', the other with a rolled up magazine (last resort in case of bug-catcher failure), plus celebrity guest appearance by The Fly. We got nicely settled on the sofa to watch the action. Act One: Fly gives humans the run-around by zipping all round the room but never actually landing on anything. Act Two: Fly finally lands, human with Bug Catcher sneaks up slowly, attempts to catch Fly, fails miserably. Acts Three to Six: Repeats of act two, only with humans standing on chairs, jumping in the air, falling over furniture etc. still failing to catch Fly. Act Seven: Humans resort to rolled up magazine. Fly lands... human approaches... (dramatic music, drum roll, audience holds breath)... whack!.. but missed again. Retreating from the magazine, Fly lands too close to bug catcher... and is caught! Act Eight: Fly gets let out through the window, free to annoy more humans another day. The End. See, who says us cats don't appreciate culture?

Wednesday 11 August ~ by Gemini
I do hope our next-door folks appreciate what I do for them. They've gone off somewhere for a couple of weeks and left me in charge. Well, the folks are in charge of collecting up their post and watering the plants, but I've been entrusted with the really important job of garden security. It seems that just because the humans are away, some cats think they can stroll in and take over, well not on my patrol they don't, I have a reputation to keep up! I found one of the cheeky so-and-so's lounging out on their decking today, in broad daylight. When I've been left in charge as far as I'm concerned that becomes my decking. Mine to patrol, mine to protect and mine to lounge on (and George's if he likes, I'll allow that). Naturally I showed her (yes, it was a female intruder) the rough side of my paw. It wasn't what I'd call a proper fight though, more hiss-and-spit than actual beat-em-up stuff, but it was enough to make the folks come running out in a panic. They were way too slow though, I'd already thrown the winning hiss by that time, so all they saw was her back end high-tailing it up over the fence. One-Nil to the Home Team methinks!

Tuesday 10 August ~ by George
I had a sort of 'watching me, watching you' situation today. I was sitting under our front tree, which is still there despite recent speculation about it being a danger to 'the foundations' whoever they are (they sound like a 1960's soul group to me, but I'm sure that can't be it). I heard it mentioned that the tree might 'attack' these foundations, but that has just got to be nonsense, I've known that tree man and boy (cat and kitten?), and I've never seen it attack anything! Anyway, there I was keeping an eye on the bin-bag collectors, who'd come to pick up some more bags for their bizarre collection, (couldn't they just collect stamps?), when I realised I was being watched too, from above. I looked up and there was Bodger the Lodger looking down at me from the spare room windowsill. So I looked at him, and he looked at me, and that was about it really. We used to do that when he was still at large in our garden, but he wasn't behind a window then. Same thing only different.

Monday 9 August ~ by Gemini
Seeing as we've been generously sharing our 'best food' three ways lately, I thought it was only fair that I get to have a share of Bodger's 'special food' too. So, today I sampled the delights of Liquivite, which is apparently meant for building up 'recovering' cats. It looks totally disgusting, but smells and tastes divine, sort of fishy and meaty and milky all at the same time. I justified the need to eat it on the basis that I didn't get any when I was recovering from my poorly eye a few months ago. I know he's been getting that special 'cat milk' too, so that's next on my wish list. I don't feel in the least selfish, he's had good portions of our coley and chicken, so share and share alike that's what I say. I particularly say that when the folks have prawns!

Sunday 8 August ~ by George
Bodger doesn't like prawns! Result! Oh, er, what I meant was, it's a real shame he doesn't like prawns, he doesn't know what he's missing. We only found this out because we were generous spirited enough to let him have a share of the ones we would have had, but the silly old thing turned his nose up at them! OK, so I'm a little selfish where food is concerned, I'll admit it, but I'm a cat, that's in our nature! He does seem to like most everything else though, and he also seems to be eating for a cat three times his size (Gemini's size in other words), he must be making up for all those years spent scrounging for food in the wild. We see food going in to his room, but nothing ever coming out again except empty bowls. Gemini keeps reminding me that if I hadn't been rescued all those years ago, I could have ended up living rough too. Hmmmm. She has a good point there. I don't mind living a little bit rough, like for a few hours, during the daytime, then going home for supper after, (I don't think that counts as proper rough though). I thought I'd better count my blessings after that, so I went up onto my filing cabinet to count them whilst relaxing. I got up to twenty six before I fell asleep, which is pretty good going for me. I don't know how many blessings Bodger has to count, but he certainly has a few more now than he had a couple of weeks ago.

Saturday 7 August ~ by Gemini
Phew. Sigh. Flop. Yawn. Phew. Sigh. Flop... etc. Well what else can you do when it's this hot? I decided to stretch out and flop on the garden bench, and as you can see I managed to look extremely elegant even in this infernal heat. The bench is usually a good place to flop in high temperatures, something to do with the breeze coming up through the gaps between the wooden slats. I look so chilled out in this photo, which is largely because I was very chilled out. This blissful state of affairs was not to last however. The breeze might be able to get up between the gaps, but unfortunately for me, so can George's paws. He waited until I was snoozing nicely, then came underneath the bench for a spot of 'bench boxing' with my belly. Honestly, can't a lady sleep in peace round here?

Wednesday 4 August - Friday 6 August ~ by George
Apologies to our regular readers (both of you) about having to combine three days diaries into to one, but that's very much what things have felt like here. It's all seemed a bit topsy-turvy since Bodger the Lodger moved into the spare room. I have to say though, that on balance, it's in a good way. The only downside for me and Gemini is not being able to go into the spare room, but that's never been a favourite room of ours anyway. The upside is that we've been getting rather more 'food to tempt the feline palate' than usual. Hence, we (all three of us) have had sardines one day, coley fish the next and chicken the next. I don't ever remember getting food like that three days in a row (if this carries on, he can stay indefinitely!). I know Bodger has been commanding more of the folks attention of late, but I totally refute Gemini's assertion that my 'dive' into the pond on Monday was attention seeking. That's absolutely untrue, I was 100% sparrow seeking! I shan't employ that tactic too often though, apart from being a very wet tactic, that duckweed is a devil to get out of your fur!

Tuesday 3 August ~ by Gemini
What a strange day this has been. I knew something was going on when furniture started getting moved round upstairs. I went to investigate and found everything was all up in a heaval, if you know what I mean. The office sofa was in the wrong room, bedding and cushions were all in a big pile, and things were getting hoovered behind that very rarely get hoovered behind. Me and George speculated all afternoon on whether the folks had just gone a bit bonkers (quite likely), or if they were 'spring cleaning' (less likely). The mystery was solved when one of them went off somewhere, and came back with a cat carrier. I smelled who was in it straight away, our old stray mate Bodger (who used to be called Grumpy, then Merry and now Bodger). I could also smell vet-type-smells so I knew where he'd been. Anyway, all the upstairs upheaval was to get our spare room ready for him, and that's where he is. Getting over a second lot of dental work, and recuperating in the spare room. They've given him the office sofa, one of our fluffy rugs, and his own feeding stuff and litter tray. It's like a little hotel room in there (only without the sattelite telly and the tea & coffee making facilities). We're not allowed in there now he's arrived, so we're one room short of a house at the moment. So now, he's being known, predictably, as 'Bodger the Lodger'!

Monday 2 August ~ by George
Am I not magnificent? Am I not intrepid and reckless? Am I not just so quick, and smart and brave? Well, I think I was all those things today, but predictably the folks didn't share my opinion. It wasn't just that I caught a sparrow, oh no, it was far more than just catching a sparrow, in the normal way. This must have been amazing to see, shame I couldn't see it myself really, but I was the one doing the amazing thing. This sparrow you see was cheekily perched on a stone by the pond, so I went for him like a true Big Bag George should. Only then it started to fly over the pond at the last second... I figured if a sparrow can do it, then I can do it too, so I flew after it, out over the pond 'Sploooosssh!' (that was me going sploosh). I went straight in the water, right up to my neck, but I got the sparrow! This is why I look all 'spiky-punky' in the photo, I'd just got out of the pond! (yes that is the sparrow in my mouth, what a hero I am). The folks never appreciate my catching skills, strange isn't it?

Sunday 1 August ~ A ' Grumpy' / 'Merry' / 'Bodger' update ~ by Gemini & George
Oh yes, 'Merry' Cat, who used to be 'Grumpy' stray cat is now called 'Bodger'! (he'll have more names than George if he carries on like that!) Anyway, the folks at the Sanctuary where he's staying at the moment have renamed him 'Bodger', and to be honest, that quite suits him we think. Our folks went up to see him today and returned with a progress report. Since Tuesday when he arrived apparently he's been sulking rather a lot, and not eating too well. That might have something to do with having had two teeth out, and 'being done', and of course not being used to living in a pen. Still, after sitting with him for a while, they managed to get him to allow them to stroke him (this was a first), and to bathe his eyes (another first), and finally to get him to eat pilchards off their hand (most definitely a first!). By the end of their visit he was purring like a train, and allowing chin-tickles and a good brushing. We knew he was a smart cookie, lets face it, if pilchards are on offer, the sensible thing to do is to purr, as a little guarantee that you'll get them again! We hope to put another Grumpy / Merry / Bodger update on the diary later in the week.

Saturday 31 July ~ by Gemini
There's great speculation going on in our house at the moment over the fate of our front tree. Yes, the same tree that me and George so love to sit under, the same front tree that has Christmas lights on in December, and the same front tree that has a superb natural pine-needle-litter-tray underneath it. That tree's been there since before I was born, and also before the folks moved here, but it's twice the height it was when I first sat under it. The thing seems to be that it's too close to the house, and that, apparently, is a problem. I have no idea what foundations are, but they seem awfully important all of a sudden. I just hope that if there's any major decision to be made, that me and George are consulted first. After all, we're the ones who use it most!

Friday 30 July ~ by George
Today was just soooo hot. I spent a large part of the day sitting in the shade under the garden bench, and Gemini spent a large part of the day on her back in the hallway with her legs in the air. Both tactics were an attempt to keep us as cool as possible, although it must be said that my chosen position enabled me to remain looking cool, as well as just being cool, (sorry Gemini, but nowhere in the 'George Book of Looking Cool' is there a chapter on lying on your back with your legs in the air). I'm doing well this year, no harvest mites around yet to 'allerge' me, so no scabby bits round my head yet to spoil my handsomeness. They'll probably come next month to do their worst. Highlight of the day? The chicken bits, definitely the chicken bits. If I were in charge, I'd make it law that every cat should have chicken bits on a Friday.

Thursday 29 July ~ by Gemini
I had a sudden bout of adventure-seeking today, thanks to a burnt saucepan. If that sounds a little far fetched I suppose I should explain: our folks aren't renowned for their amazing culinary skills, consequently one thing they can do extremely well on occasion is to burn pans. One of the tell-tale signs of a burnt pan is the smoke detector going off (I hate that noise!), which it did today, louder even than George's loudest wail, and we're talking major volume here. This was followed by doors and windows being opened to let the smoke out, which is where my adventure came in. I could have gone out the door of course, or the cat flap, but I go out that way quite often, so I chose instead to try the window route. What I found was that the window ledge outside is very narrow, and very high up, but that's the sort of things you find out on adventures, isn't it? I did consider jumping down from it, but on the other paw, what if I broke a claw? Nah, not worth the risk! I decided to sneak back in again before my adventurous side talked my sensible side into doing something foolish!

Wednesday 28 July ~ by George
I didn't think I'd miss him, but I do. I spent this morning sitting under the tree, almost expecting him to come strolling down the path for his breakfast. I can't get used to him being called Merry now either, he'll always be 'Grumpy' to me, but I guess he wouldn't appreciate being stuck with that name for ever! His food bowls and his duvet-bed have gone to the sanctuary with him, I hope they'll help make him feel at home there, at least until he gets his own home. His corner of the garden does look strangely bare now. I gather the folks are planning to visit him at the weekend and take him something nice, (and not wishing to sound too selfish here, but I hope the folks don't forget to get me and Gemini something nice too!) So what happened today? Not a lot as it goes, it's been too hot for me for a start, so I spent a lot of time up on my filing cabinet. Gemini's been dozing in the long grass by the pond again, (no hosepipe today). Things all seem a little strange at the moment, like we're missing something.. or someone.

Tuesday 27 July 2004 ~ What a day, What a day indeed ~ by Gemini
Mr. Grumpy Stray Cat (or 'Merry' as he is now named) was in for a bit of a shock first thing this morning. Because he's been so nervous of letting anyone close, the only way to 'persuade' him down the vets was with food in a trap. Me and George watched from a safe distance while it was set. He did the smart thing and tried to get the food out from the outside first, but then did the non-so-smart thing and went inside.. 'click.. bang!' one trapped cat, easy as you like. To my surprise I spent much of today hoping he was OK, and the rest missing him being around. The news is good, and bad, and good again. The First Good News: he's now been neutered, had two bad teeth taken out and the rest cleaned, he's been de-wormed and de-flead, and had a wash and brush up. The Bad News: He tested borderline positive for FIV, which is why he isn't back in our garden tonight. The Second Good News: He is recuperating in a nice comfy pen at a local sanctuary, where they are going to try to find him an indoor home of his own, or possibly go to a sanctuary with other FIV+ cats. We truly will miss him, but seeing as we're in charge of this here website, we'll be doing all we can to help find him a home of his own. It's the least we can do for an old mate, (I say old, he's only nine - my age - so a mere youngster really!) Anyway, as he has been given a second chance at a new life, the name 'Grumpy' didn't seem appropriate any more, so he shall henceforth be known as Meriadoc (or 'Merry' to his friends). Any Lord of the Rings fans will appreciate that.

Monday 26 July ~ by George
I hope Grumpy Stray Cat enjoyed his coley fish yesterday, because we reckon he has a vet trip in store tomorrow. He's been the hot topic of conversation today, and the words 'trap' and 'neuter' were mentioned amongst other things. Ooh-eer it makes me go all weak just thinking about going to the vets, glad it's not me. It's not the vet that I have a problem with, it's the drive there that I can't stand. Oh quick, change the subject, I feel all queasy. I know, I'll talk about the magic potatoes, that's what I'll do. Around about Easter time, the folks did a very strange thing, and buried a handful of sgraggy old potatoes in some of our weed borders. Just another odd human thing we thought, take no notice. Anyhow, today they went to dig them up again, and we were just about to take no notice again, when we found out they had been magic potatoes all the time! They'd multiplied so that there was a bucketload of the things, all proper, smooth, non-scraggy ones! How magic is that? Maybe next time they could get some magic multiplying chicken pieces, that would be much more useful!

Sunday 25 July ~ by Gemini
What a lovely, warm sunbathey weekend this has been, perfect for settling down in the long grass by the pond for extended snoozing sessions. I was about halfway through one of these snoozing sessions today, when something less than perfect intruded on it. A hosepipe sprinkler full of water to be precise. One of the folks decided to 'top up' the pond water, and so stuck the sprinkler on over the pond, without checking for unsuspecting felines first, and this particular unsuspecting feline got a soaking. Not my idea of fun that. Still, that aside it was a good day, particularly the part with the coley fish. We were persuaded to split our coley three ways, seeing as it was a bigger than normal bit, so Grumpy Stray Cat got the benefit. I dunno, new feeding mat, a share of coley, no wonder he's starting to feel at home round here.

Saturday 24 July ~ by George
Gemini's not the only one with butterfly catching skills. She taught me the basics of course, but I figured there must be more exciting ways to catch them. The pile of green stuff on the patio gave me one idea, and after much thought and planning (at least a minute), I came up with 'Aerial Launching'. This only works if the pile of green is near steps or perhaps a fence. Our pile is by the patio steps, so I sit up on the top, wait for one to fly onto the pile (I never have to wait long), and then I launch myself off into mid air and crash down onto the pile from above, hoping to trap the target butterfly under the weight of a free-fall George. I haven't caught one yet using that method, but it's still in the R & D stage. My second (and far more successful) strategy is the 'Fence Splat'. This only works if you have a fence. We have loads of green stuff with white flowers growing up part of our fence, which means loads of butterflies land on it. I position myself one cat's length from the fence, wait for one to come into line and just hurl myself ('Splat!') at the fence! I know it sounds a bit dangerous, but it's very effective. And anyway, splatting myself against a fence is all in a day's work for rufty-tufty Special Agent Cats like me.

Friday 23 July ~ by Gemini
What a good summer for butterflies this is turning out to be! There's tons more than the last couple of summers, and a good range of colours (and tastes) too. To make things more interesting, I've been trying out two different methods of catching them. First, the 'Sneak n' Swat': This is my tried and tested traditional method, involving a slow, stealthy 'sneak-up -behind-them' approach, followed by a lightning-quick swat with a paw. This method sometimes needs a last minute leap in the air, if the target butterfly spots me and tries to fly off. 'Sneak n' Swat' works on average three times out of ten. Second is the 'Speeding Bullet', which as the name implies is a matter of haring up the garden at full throttle, and lunging straight at the target butterfly, 'Bosh!', just like that. Much more energetic that one, and only works about one or two times in ten, but is very satisfying when it does. On top of being a great little snack, chasing them helps me lose my winter belly!

Thursday 22 July ~ by George
Ahem, listen closely, Important Announcement coming up. I would like to issue a health warning to cats everywhere, particularly kittens who may not know any better, but also to grown up cats who jolly well should know better, but don't. It's to do with elastic, and the warning is: 'Dont Eat It!' I felt I should mention this after an email I had from one of my moggy-mates (name witheld to save his embarrassment), detailing his personal experience of eating elastic, and the dire consequences that followed. Although it was completely hilarious to read about, I gather it wasn't awfully comfortable at the time. I won't be too explicit, but suffice to say it involved bungee-ing poo and a trip to the vets. 'Nuff said. (Note to my Moggy-Mate: Gemini wouldn't let me mention the tinsel, she said people might think I was making it all up, and then wouldn't take the warning seriously). As if bungee-ing poo wasn't serious enough!? I know I enjoy my poos, each and every perfect little one of them, but even I don't want to do the same one twice!

Wednesday 21 July ~ by Gemini
I didn't get to be the smart cat I am today without a bit of education, you know. I like to read the papers for one thing, you know keep abreast of the times and all that. I like our local paper the best, it plops through the door once a week, right into the afternoon sunny spot in the hall. This means that if I don't fancy reading it right away, I can just lay on it instead. I had a good snooze on today's paper, before deciding to check out its contents, but my thirst for knowledge finally got the better of me. I particularly like to check out the section called 'A Friend For Life', ('no it's not a dating agency George!'). It's the column where some of our local rescues advertise cats needing a home. I like to see if they are featuring any cats we know, but I also like to make sure that neither me or George are in there! As you can see from the photo George hasn't really grasped this 'reading the paper' thing, he just looks at the pictures and the sports page.

Tuesday 20 July ~ by George
You know those days when a huge pile of green 'garden stuff' appears on the patio and half the fence goes missing? No? Oh, you don't know what you're missing, it's excellent! When I say 'half the fence' I'll admit it was only one fence panel, but that's enough to open up a whole new world beyond. And when I say it went missing, in truth it only got moved for a bit, so that the folks could get to the green stuff growing up the side of the house. I wasn't exaggerating about the huge pile though, it's massive, about three cats high I'd say. Me and Gemini both enjoy having a good pile of 'stuff' to root through (whatever it's made of, within reason), but garden 'stuff' is best, due to the crawly things inside that need pouncing on and/or eating. This particular pile is attracting lots of butterflies too (the snack you can eat between meals without spoiling your appetite!). The pile will be there for a while if I know our folks, so I'll get plenty of mileage out of it. And you know those days when humans eat bowls of beans on the front step? No? Oh, it's well weird I can tell you. Weirder than bicycles I'd say.

Monday 19 July ~ by Gemini
Ah yes, justice has finally been done! Our human of the female variety has got her come-uppance today, after subjecting me to gungy eye ointment twice in the last year. It appears she's done something daft to her eye, and is having to put gungy eye oinment in it several times a day. Well now she knows how I felt about it, so I have no sympathy whatsoever. At least she has a choice over whether to put it in or not, whereas I had it forced on me! Anyway, on to more important matters, smoked mackerel to be precise. It's awfully smelly of course (in a nice way) and it tastes absolutely lovely. I was only allowed a little bit, but oh yes, every chew was worth a whole bowl of 'catfood', my mouth's watering just remembering it! The other interesting (if less tasy) thing today was that the folks have upgraded Grumpy Stray Cat's feeding station. He now has a proper feeding mat, instead of just bowls on the ground. I hope he appreciates his new 'elevated' status!

Sunday 18 July ~ by George
Luckily for us, our house has lots of comfy, edible, smelly and fun things in, like chairs, cushions, coley fish, shoes and bits of elastic. On the other paw, we also have to put up with a fair few noisy and unnecessary things, like hairdryers (what? why?), vacuum cleaner(ditto) and various garden machines (aaargh!). Having weighed these things up over the years (and that's a lot of weighing up time), I have decided that the most pointless things are in fact telephones. We have several of these annoying ringing-bleeping nuisances around the house, but why? What purpose can they possibly serve? It appears to me that all telephones do is make a racket at random times through the day, and then refuse to shut up until one of the folks picks it up and talks to it! Gemini thought this evaluation was highly amusing for some reason, and said something about pots and black kettles, and that I was the pot. Whaaaat? That's the last time I tell her one of my evaluations!

Saturday 17 July ~ by George
Now I'm not one to go on about the weather (apart from when we get snow), but Blimey! That's all I can say really, Blimey! I've never seen or heard the like of it before, and neither had Gemini (and she's a year older so she's seen a year's more weather than me). Talk about thunder! Indeed if anyone round our way had wanted to talk about thunder today, they'd have been out of luck, because no one would have heard them over the thunder! And lightning, talk about lightning (ditto thunder comment). The most amazing thing though, was that there was so much rain that our road turned into a river. Unbelievable it was, the whole road was covered in water, gushing down from top to bottom, and coming up over the pavement in waves, (I've never seen the sea, but I've heard about it, and this is as close as I want to get thank you very much). It wouldn't have surprised me to see ducks swimming down the road. I thought about poor old Grumpy Stray Cat, out there in the wet, but despite the incredible amount of rain, the outdoor house the folks made for him was totally dry! (Which means they actually succeeded in something practical for once, what is the world coming to?)

Friday 16 July ~ by Gemini
Cats, as most people know are very proud of their elegant, stylish, and in some cases downright beautiful appearance. It's something we just can't help. We're gorgeous as kittens, and when we grow up, unlike humans, we carry on being gorgeous. Us cats instinctively strive to keep our coats in showroom condition, thus always looking our best. Sadly this cannot be said of humans, least of all our two. Somewhere along the line they seem to have lost the ability to differentiate between clothes that make them look good, and clothes that make them look a laughing stock. To prove my point, I present Exhibit A - The Sandals. It shames me to admit, but our folks actually go out wearing these monstrosities, I mean out, in public! I sat with this particular pair for ages today, hoping to detect the teensiest weensiest style point in their favour. After carefully considering the evidence before me, I delivered my verdict: Throw them in the bin, before it's too late!

Thursday 15 July ~ by George
I keep getting called my special new Greek God type name lately, 'Georgius Cattus, Lazius Articlus'. Gemini said it's ever since my 'day on the filing cabinet' on Tuesday, but I don't see what that's got to do with the price of cat treats. I think it's good to have lots of names, then you can pick one as the mood take you. Gemini's never gone in for extra names, but I thought she might change her mind in light of an email we had the other day from someone in italy who has rescued a couple of cats in Rome. They reckoned that after seeing some of Gemini's photos, that she deserved an extra special title: Felix Porcus. I thought it sounded rather exotic, but for some reason she wasn't impressed, can't think why. She went off muttering something about bad camera angles and unfortunate lighting. Nope, no idea what that's all about. Still, if she's not interested in having extra names, that's all the more for me then!

Wednesday 14 July ~ by Gemini
It's OK George, you're allowed to say Coca Cola, seeing as you're not endorsing it. Just to be clear, George doesn't drink it (neither do I come to that), he just sits on their towel, which is a different thing altogether. If we had a towel with Bonio dog biscuits on, he's probably sit on that too (we don't have one, but you get my point). So, today I was delighted to find that my outdoor litter-tray -for-drinking is back in place after being blown out of bounds by last week's hurricane winds. It's already got a good couple of inches of rain in, plus a few leaves and insects for added flavour. The other thing of note today is that we have a football lodged in the middle of our Big Bush. The folks don't appear to have realised this yet, mainly because you can only see it when looking upwards from under the bush, and they don't tend to do that. Although, there was that one time a few years back, when... no, wait, I'll save that. Maybe it'll be worth a couple of prawns just to keep quiet!

Tuesday 13 July ~ by George
Today I stayed on my filing cabinet. I stayed there more or less all day to be honest. I went up there straight after breakfast because it's a good place to have a wash, then I spent the morning up there because it's a good place to have a snooze. Naturally I came down for lunch and to have a poo, but I went straight back up there after to have another wash and another snooze. Anyway, before I knew it I'd been there practically all day. It's a very special filing cabinet though, not least of all because it's mine. It's a bit odd though, it has shoes filed in one of the drawers, and that's not terribly normal, particularly as they're not even filed under 'S'. Anyway, I gather that not every filing cabinet has a cut-to-size duvet bed on top, covered with a Coca Cola towel (am I allowed to say that?). Filing-cabinet owners take note: if all filing cabinets had duvets and towels as standard, then more of them would have cats on top!

Monday 12 July ~ by Gemini
Well you know, there are games and then there are games. The best games are the ones where you want to participate, and where you know you are going to be part of a game before you actually are, as in example one: (1) My game this morning was excellent fun (and I'm very good at it too): Chase the Cursor. This is a computer game especially for cats, and involves sitting on the desk while the participating human moves the cursor round the screen in random patterns, while the participating cat (that's me) tries to swipe it with their game-paw. I enjoy taking part, and it's good practice for swatting flies, spiders, moths etc. The only downside is no matter how many times I swat the thing, it's not edible! The other kind of game is Example two, where you don't want to participate, but you're in the game even before you realise. This was perfectly demonstrated by George this afternoon: (2) I was nicely asleep on the office sofa. George decides to go 'mountain climbing' up the cushions behind me. This wouldn't have been a problem except that he then decided to play skydiving down off the cushions, and right onto me! Good job I'd practiced 'cursor swatting' earlier, it was also good practice for George swatting!

Sunday 11 July ~ by George
I do so like being George on days like this. What I mean specifically is days when we get Coley Fish! We don't get it that often (not as often as I'd like anyway), so that's what makes coley days so special. That was the good part about today, now for the wierd part. The folks went off on their bikes (I know, I know, they have no shame), to see something very strange indeed. I can hardly imagine what sort of horror this must be, but they went off to see a 'Dog Show'. Yes, you did read that correctly, a Dog Show. Now to me, dogs don't appear to have what it takes to stage any sort of entertainment whatsoever, so what could they possibly do in a 'show'? Synchronised tail-wagging and tongue-lolling perhaps? Maybe they put on straw boaters and do a woof-and-dance routine? Or, perhaps there are bona-fide (Bona-Fido?) canine 'Act-ors' who put on productions of King Lear or Hamlet? (Gemini said they were written by a Great Dane, but I think she's pulling my paw). Anyway, the 'Dog Show' must have put the folks in a generous mood, they gave some of our coley fish to Grumpy Stray Cat tonight!

Saturday 10 July ~ by Gemini
The two recent interlopers into our garden are still at large, and still interloping. They're both youngsters, wearing nice new collars with bells on (that won't last long!). One of them in particular is a brave little soul, female, black and white with a lot of bottle, just like me at that age (apart from the black and white). I found her snoozing in one of our weed borders this morning, so I decided to stare her out. To her credit, she has a pretty steady stare for a young 'un (again, just like me as a youngster), and she wasn't the least bit fazed by a camera-wielding human (hence photo). When she got up and moved I thought I'd won, but she had yet more daring up her (metaphorical) sleeve. She sneaked under our Big Bush, then without warning she rushed out at me, hissed, and rushed back in! It's my garden for heaven's sake, and she has the audacity to throw the first hiss! (Ah yes, takes me back that does). I was too amused to even hiss back!

Friday 9 July ~ by George
New Visitor Alert! New Visitor Alert! Me and Gemini were relaxing on the sofa when a New Visitor arrived, (the sound of a strange car outside, followed by a strange voice at the door is a dead giveaway). In our house New Visitors usually start in the kitchen for the 'Wanna-cuppa?' ceremony, but this one wanted to come in and meet us first! Battle Stations!, all personnel prepare to fight (unlikely) or flight (very likely). So, in she comes and I just laid there, forgot all about my Battle Station, and let her fuss me (that's twice in a row I've let a 'newie' fuss me, what's going on?). Anyway, they then did the Wanna-Cuppa thing, after which she produced a heap of photos of... horses. Not a cat in sight, how curious. It must be strange living with horses, you'd need a massive cat flap for a start. I could have done with one of her horses when I was trying to be 'Puss Cassidy', the Wild West Hero Cat the other week. I wonder if I could borrow one?

Thursday 8 July ~ by George & Gemini
After yesterdays downpour... we had another today! Only this time it was accompanied by much banging crashing and walloping in the Thunder and Lightning department. It was the unreasonably loud variety of thunder too, (the sort that rattles your biscuit bowl). So, after carefully weighing up our options, and deciding that any outdoor option was just plain daft, we took an executive decision to have a lazy 'Monday Matinee' day, and keep as far from the thunder and rain as felinely possible. The folks aren't nearly so smart as us it seems, and both foolishly went out in it all, and got totally soaked through. Consequently, by this afternoon there was an untidy row of dripping clothes all round the place. Humans and dogs, honestly, they'll never learn. It's a simple enough equation: Rain is wet, ergo: going out = getting wet, staying in = keeping dry, it's not rocket science! Here's us doing the sensible thing!

Wednesday 7 July ~ by Gemini
British Summertime? I do believe someone's having a laugh. Talk about a wet weekend, and it's only Wednesday! By my reckoning we had several wet weekend's worth of rain today. And windy - I'll tell you how windy it was. Windy enough to make green things fly, that's how windy! There I was looking out the kitchen window at the mayhem outside, when this big, green, plastic thing flew past, (which thankfully, isn't something that happens every day). The wind flipped it into the air, bounced it across the patio and then smashed it into our fence. It wasn't just any old green plastic thing either, it was my litter tray! I don't mean litter tray as in something for doing 'business' in, I mean it's my litter tray that's usually filled with dirty rainwater and leaves and insects and stuff, the one that I drink out of! My favourite outdoor watering hole is now upside down in the weed border. It's a good job we've got a pond, I'd hate to have to drink out of our 'proper' water bowl with all that disgustingly clean water in, uuuggghh!

Tuesday 6 July ~ by George
Hang on, where did that day go? Do you ever have days like that? I don't have days like that very often, but today was one of them. I know I had three prawns somewhere along the line, I remember that bit. I also remember lazing outside on the patio steps and rolling in the muck. I also remember creating the cutest little set of poos in my litter house. But somehow I got to the evening without actually achieving anything much, which is not like me at all. Maybe it's because I'm eight. I asked Gemini about this, seeing as she's been there, done that, and bought the catnip. She just said I was thinking about it too much, and that 'Tuesdays can be a bit like that sometimes'. Her advice was to remember the prawns, the patio and the poos, and then to shut up about it. Hmmmm, she was right of course. I took her advice about the remembering bit, but I'm afraid I haven't mastered the art of shutting up yet, (still, two out of three ain't bad!)

Monday 5 July ~ by Gemini
After four days of not so much as a glimpse, Mr. Grumpy Stray Cat reappeared today. He's been around, but he's just been very secretive, nipping round to eat his food twice a day (no, it's not me that's eating it!) and then nipping off again. He was in his usual spot tonight, waiting for his tea, but he won't let anyone come too close, and doesn't ever come near to the house (doesn't know what he's missing). Still, he's looking pretty good these days, and I noticed he spent a very respectable time washing himself after, (one Gemini Admiration Point to him for that). The folks are still waiting for a trap, and I'm still waiting to find out if he'll end up moving in! This evening I swung into 'Nurse Gemini' mode, as one of the folks wasn't feeling too well. It was a sleeping-bag-on-the-sofa sort of thing, which is my cue to leap up on top of them and administer my best medicinal purrs. Medicinal purrs are best given straight into the face, at close range, and repeated regularly until the patient either recovers, falls asleep or chokes on a mouthful of fur. I suppose it's quite lucky that I had my teeth done last week, apparently being face to face with me prior to that was, shall we say, less than fragrant!

Sunday 4 July ~ by George
He stole my vole! He stole my vole! I despair of our folks sometimes, I really do. I'd spent ages this morning waiting patiently by the vole holes, and finally I was rewarded with a catch. I took my vole back home, through the catflap and into the kitchen, with the intention of playing with it for a bit, and then eating it when I got bored, (that's what voles are for, isn't it?) I didn't bargain on the pesky thing finding it's way under the gap in the sliding door, so I had to wait for one of the folks to come along and slide the door across thus revealing it's hiding place. Our human of the male variety finally did the honours, and as he pushed the door across... there it was. And there he went... scuttling across the floor... but I was too quick for it, I pounced and whisked Voley up in my mouth, and charged out the catflap with it. He followed me out, and caught up with me and Voley on top of the fence. And do you know what he did then? He reached out, picked me up (still with Voley in my mouth), and proceeded to steal my vole! Did he eat it? Oh no. Did he throw it up in the air and play catch with it like I would have done? Nope. He let it go, is what he did! Let it go, just like that! Spoilsports, that's what our folks are, spoilsports! It must be really boring being a human!

Saturday 3 July ~ by Gemini
After all this time being a fully qualified on-line techno-cat, even I have to admit I don't know everything, (yes, hard to believe, isn't it?). George made the startling announcement today that he'd discovered what computers eat. Intrigued to find out what nonsense he would come out with this time, I played along and asked him to enlighten me. CD's he said. Computers eat CD's. His reasoning: It sticks out it's tongue (the plastic CD tray to the rest of us), waits for a CD to be placed on it, then it sucks it in like a frog with a fly and eats it. I told him I was quite sure that computers didn't actually eat anything at all, but he wasn't buying that one. If it doesn't eat the CD's he asked me, then what does it do with them? This is where I hit a knowledge gap. I've seen CD's disappear into our computer on many occasions, but I've never considered what they do once they're in there. After trying very hard to come up with an explanation, I had to admit that I hadn't the foggiest. I figured that I've reached nine years of age without knowing the answer to this, so it can't be very important. Knowing where my next meal is coming from, now that's important, (I have no knowledge gaps when it comes to food!)

Friday 2 July ~ by George
Never let it be said that I don't help out around the house. I do the occasional bit of hoovering (spilt cat biscuits mainly), and I also help with the ironing sometimes. Only the other day I helped by 'pressing' a pile of jeans that had just been ironed, by laying strategically along them (nice and warm on the belly too!). Dusting windowsills is another of my talents, although I only seem to dust the bits I sit on, but every little helps I say. My 'housework' in the Cat Chat office is well known, filing being my favourite. I file everything down the back of the desk, including pens, papers and anything else that's lying around looking untidy. Oh yes, and here's a photo of me doing the washing up, (no pinny of course, wouldn't want to spoil my Big Bag Tough Streetwise image). What a helpful little George I am!

Thursday 1 July ~ by Gemini
Bah! My post-operative sympathy ploy is well and truly over. It's my own fault too. I've been doing a good act of napping, lounging and flopping around since my dental trauma episode on monday, and it's been very successful too: lots of extra fuss and cuddles, being allowed to hog the best cushion on the best chair, even the odd extra treat, a prawn here, a bit of chicken there. Seeing as I'd practically recovered ten minutes after arriving home from the vet, I think my little acting stint should be worthy of an oscar nomination. Anyway, it's all over now, ever since I forgot myself this afternoon. One of the young feline interlopers to our garden made the mistake of jumping up on our fence, not ten feet away from me! Well, what's a self-respecting Top Fighting Tabby to do? What I was to do in fact was to spring up like a panther, shoot across the garden (faster than George Warp Speed 22), and launch myself ('Crash!') at the fence. I scared him straight off of course, but now everyone knows that I am indeed fully recovered. Ho hum, it was good while it lasted!