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Wednesday 30 April ~ by George
Seeing as I did such a grand job of it last time (and seeing as Gemini had sloped off into next door's garden), I got the job of picking this time's donation to a shelter from our 'Feline Fund'. For anyone who doesn't know, money from the sale of our Cat Rescue T-shirts, and part of any sponsorhip money goes into the fund, which we donate every three months to a shelter chosen at random (by me or Gemini democratically pouncing on the shelter listing). It was a very interesting choice I made this time too, as it was somewhere I'd never even heard of! I know very well what Cats Protection is, but the Isle of Bute was a new one on me. Anyway, they have a branch there apparently, and I 'pounced' on their branch, so this time's cheque is on it's way to help their 'Bute-iful' cats! I found out later it's in Scotland, so I felt all educated and thought I'd impress Gemini with my new Georgraphical knowledge. She just said 'Oh yes, the Isle of Bute, that's in the Firth of Clyde, isn't it?' I was stunned. How could she know that? Come on, how? Grrrrrrrrrr. I hate it when she's so casually smart!
Tuesday 29 April ~ by Gemini
I had one of my playful days today, starting this morning when I launched my attack on the vacuum cleaner. It was making it's noisy way up the stairs towards my favourite napping stair, and I suddenly thought I'd give it a piece of my mind. I gave it the piece that thought 'Oi you, stop that racket, I'm trying to have forty winks here!', and then I leapt over it giving it's hose a swipe on the way past, that showed it! Unfortunately it didn't stop making a racket, so I went outside to be playful instead, seeing as it was sunny. In fact when I'm in a playful mood, I love to play with our clothes prop, and it just so happened it was propped up just waiting for me. It's an excellent scratching post too, and over the years I've scratched the lower portion of it so much that it's now about half the width of the top bit! Marmaduke cat up the road told me that it's pole-ing day soon, so I'm wondering if that means we'll get a new one. As long as it's made of wood, I don't want one of these new fangled plastic things, one can't sharpen one's claws on those you know!
Monday 28 april ~ by George
I've always had sparrows down as being sneaky cheeky little things, especially when I catch them stealing the peanuts out of our folk's secret nut store, (although In my opinion, keeping their nuts in a basket thing hanging on the washing line is not awfully secret). They outdid themselves in sneakyness today though, there they were about two dozen of the little blighters, pecking away round our pond. I couldn't work out what they were doing at first, so I sneaked out through the catflap (they may be sneaky, but I'm sneakier), and crawled on my belly through the long grass until I was within pouncing distance. Then I saw - they were pecking away at our finest ants nest eating all our ants! What a cheek! Now, it's not that I eat ants you understand but it's the principle of the thing, they're our ants! Pounce? Of course I pounced. And a pretty good pounce it was too, except that they saw me a fraction of a second before I reached them and flapped off in one big group flap. Grrrrrr. Still, maybe it's just as well I didn't catch one, those sparrows were all filled with ants, yuuuckk!
Sunday 27 April ~ by Gemini
The folks have just noticed my 'missing fur', or more precisely they've just noticed the bald patch where my missing fur is missing from. Luckily there aren't any teeth marks there, or I might have been in for a vet visit, or at least the salt water treatment. No, as it was, the Ginger Thug (for it was he) got away with a chunk of my fur in his mouth, and he went away having had a good swipe of my freshly sharpened battle claws, and with rather more fur missing than I did. That little episode was a couple of days ago now, and I'd practically forgotten about it, until they found my 'bald bit'. Still, it doesn't do my reputation as a TFT (Top Fighting Tabby) any harm whatsoever. We had a very traditional Sunday today, starting with helping out with the traditional changing of the duvets, (that's like the changing of the guards only without the guards), and later on traditional coley fish. George has finally realised that frozen coley fish needs to be left alone for a while, so that eventually it becomes un-frozen coley fish. He found that out the hard way of course, trying in vain to chew a solid block of fish flavoured ice! (Bless him)
Saturday 26 April ~ by George
I think the rain has been away on holiday somewhere for the last couple of weeks, but it's definitely back today. It rained and rained, the big fat drops too, not the skinny stuff, so we had an indoor sort of a day. I like watching rain when it's bucketing down like that, I sit right up close to the window and watch it dribble down the glass and splash onto the windowsills. I think we should be very grateful for windows. The strangest sight was our frogs all leaping out of the pond, and sitting on the slabs at the side, sort of rain-bathing I suppose. They seem to love all that getting wet business. Now forgive me if I sound a bit two-planks here, but why would they get out of the pond to sit in the rain and get wet. Wasn't it wet enough for them in the pond? Is rain water wetter than pond water perhaps? If anyone knows the answer to this drop me an email please. lt's also a mystery to me why the fish don't do the same, I mean they like being wet too. Maybe it's just because they can't leap. Anyway, as you may know leaping is one of my best things, but sitting in the rain isn't, so I'm very glad I'm a cat, I'd be rubbish at being a frog!
Friday 25 April ~ by Gemini
OK, so where have we been all week you might ask? Well, in fact we haven't been anywhere, we've been here all the time. It's one of our folks who's been off somewhere all week, only strolling back this afternoon without so much as an apology or a bowl of prawns. At least our other human had the decency to stay here where they belong, to feed us and tend to our every whim. Well, every whim that is apart from typing up our diaries for us, so we've been technically speaking 'cut off' from our public all week. It proves my thory that there should be a human to every cat, and sharing one human between two is a bit like having to share your bowl of prawns, (i.e. not quite good enough, must try harder). This week then, so many exciting and monumentous things have happened that I simply don't know where to start, so being a smart cat I shan't bother to start at all. (That'll make our errant human think they've missed far more than they have, when in fact the most exciting thing this week was the washing machine being in bits all over the kitchen floor). Oh yes, and we had chip-shop fish last night too, that was quite exciting.
Sunday 20 April ~ by George
Special Announcement! George Cat (that's me), chief inventor of games at Cat Chat towers (that's also me) has invented a most excellent outdoor game, designed for two players, preferably both cats. It's called 'Bench Boxing' and it goes like this: First, you need a garden bench, the sort where the seat is made up of long wooden bits with gaps in between (luckily our garden bench is just that sort). Then, the players position themselves so that one is under the bench, laying on their side or back, and the other is on top of the bench seat facing down. The 'boxing' then takes place by the opponents sticking their paws between the gaps and trying to box each other's paws (scoring one point per direct hit). You're only allowed to box front paws, if you box a back paw it's a foul and you lose a point. If the cat on top lets their tail go through a gap, the cat underneath is allowed to box that, but you only get half a point for a tail, with it so far? If a human decides to join in and gets their fingers boxed, well that's just their own silly fault. Ten points wins the game, and if you lose count, it doesn't matter as long as you had fun!
Saturday 19 April ~ by Gemini
I sometimes think I give the misleading impression that I am basically lazy! I would like to state for the record (or is it for the CD these days?), either way I wish to state that I am not in the least bit lazy. I value my rest it's true, but I also make sure I'm active at least once every day. Take today for example, I decided to have a bit of a cat-yoga session on our 'Activity Centre', (yes that thing we used to call a 'playstation scratch post thingy' I have now found out is officially called an Activity Centre!). All cats know that stretching is good for your bones and muscles, but certain positions are jolly good at stretching your stomach so that it holds more food, how useful is that? Hence the stomach stretch is my favourite one, and here I am demonstrating it. I'm also extremely good at meditation, I particularly like meditating on custard and prawns. I could meditate all day on those!
Friday 18 April ~ by George
I can hardly believe our luck, three sunny days in a row! Whoever controls the weather must have done a survey to find out everyone's favourite weathers and come up with this. So by my reckoning we'll get some snow soon, because that's my other favourite weather, and it's bound to have got lots of votes. All this sun has made our folks go a bit funny in the head I think, and when they go funny in the head they get their bicycles out (yes those daft things), sit on top of them (no, I'm not joking), and then ride off somewhere on them! (yes, in public, unbelievable isn't it?). Me and Gemini always sneak off somewhere when this happens, we don't really want to witness them making such fools fo themselves, and if the other cats in the street knew those mad people belonged to us, it could seriously affect our street cred! They did bring us back some bits of salmon though, so I won't complain too much. It might have been a ploy to keep us quiet. A sort of 'here, have some salmon, and don't mention the bicycle thing' ploy. Bicycles? What bicycles? (I'll do anything for salmon!)
Thursday 17 April ~ by Gemini
George is right, sometimes I am too smart for words. No that I'd say so myself of course, being a Tabby I'm always very modest, even about things that I'm absolutely the best at. So, thanks to my tabby smartness we had a fabulous day outside yesterday, so good in fact that we had another one today. George stays in the shade mostly though, or under bushes trying to sniff out things to chase, and if possible catch and eat. I'm a sun worshipper on days like this, and much prefer stretching out by the pond warming my belly. I can't see the point of scrubbing through the undergrowth, nosing under piles of garden stuff, hoping to find something edible, when I know full well there's perfectly good food in our cupboard, which the folks will obligingly produce for us, without me having to expend an ounce of energy. Yes, as George said, I am too smart for words.
Wednesday 16 April ~ by George
George: 'Gemini, will you do the diary today?'. Gemini: 'It's your turn, why can't you do it?'. George: 'I've got something really important to do, and it's going to take me all day, and it can't wait'. Gemini: 'Oh I see, well tell me what it is, and I might consider it'. George: 'Oh no, it's Top Secret, I can't tell you what it is'. Gemini: 'I'm very good at keeping secrets, you can trust me not to tell anyone else. So come on, what is it?'. George: 'Well, it's sunny outside you see, and I have to go out and roll in the muck'. Gemini: 'Is that all?'. George: 'Er, yes'. Gemini: 'And that'll take all day will it?'. George (enthusiastically): 'Oh yes, if I'm to do it properly!'. Gemini: 'Hmmmm, ok then tell you what, why don't we both go out in the sun all day and not do a diary at all?'. George: 'Do you know Gemini, sometimes you're just too smart for words!'
Tuesday 15 April ~ by Gemini
I'd love to know where George got his 'Big Bad Tough Streetwise' image from, because frankly I've seen very little eveidence to back it up! This morning for instance, we got up to find a fluffy cat looking at us through the glass in our front door. I knew it was only Poppy Cat from up the road, but George, bless him, nearly jumped out of his fur and ran up the stairs! Maybe his definition of Tough and Streetwise isn't the same as the rest of the world's. We had a bit of a treat today in the form of coley fish, which rather made my belly's day. It used to be that we only ever got coley on a Sunday, but these days it seems it can appear like magic on any day at all. I always feel sleepy after coley and a good wash, so I retired for the afternoon up onto the fluffy towel on top of the filing cabinet. I've heard it said that one should always try to keep on top of one's filing, so that's exactly what I did!
Monday 14 April ~ by George
Today, as they say, I have mostly been outside, or at least mostly bouncing from being inside one minute to being outside the next, and then back again. Not just for fun you understand, oh no, I've been being useful too. I've been keeping that cheeky bird-bandit from eating any more of our tadpoles, and making sure that bold black kitten-cat from yesterday doesn't come round thinking she owns the place. I would have chased her off yesterday you know, it's just that Gemini beat me to it, her tactics are less subtle than mine. Anyway, I'm certain the reason she didn't appear again is the fact that there was a Big Bold Tough Streetwise George laying on the patio looking menacing. See, here I am looking menacing. Scary, isn't it?!
Sunday 13 April ~ by Gemini
Just as well I've recoverd from my 'snuffles, I needed all my TFT (Top Fighting Tabby) wits about me today. There's a new cat on the block, who we'd not seen before today. She's all black, only about five or six months old, and she had the temerity to come strolling bold as brass, without written permission, into our garden! George spotted her first and started making squeaking noises (he said they were battle cries), and hiding behind the curtain (camouflaging himself ready to attack he said). I don't go in for all that pre-fight nonsense, I just get out there and face the enemy full on. She was sniffing behind our daffodils, so I went up to about six feet away, laid down in the grass and stared at her. Some human readers might not be aware, but there are approximately three hundred and forty six different things that can be communicated in a cat's stare. In the event, I only had to use two of them: 'Excuse me, this is my garden', and 'If you know what's good for you, you'll go away now' (those are the polite versions). She was smart enough to understand, so she backed off down the garden, and nipped quickly up over the fence from whence she had come. Smart cat that. I might even make friends next time, now she knows who's boss round here!
Saturday 12 April ~ by George
Uuurgh, Yuckkkkk! What a smelly day this has been! I can't remember a smellier day in fact (smellier even than when I did a poo in the bath). The folks decided to clear out some of the pond plants and do a bit of a 'spring clean', which included scooping a load of muck out from the bottom. Poo-ee, that's all I can say to that. It smelled like loads and loads of fish poo, frog poo and snail poo. It was nothing to do with me honestly, I've never, ever poo'd in the pond! I held my nose and stayed close though, because when they took any of the pond plants out, loads of frogs were leaping out of them! Well someone had to make sure they got 'plopped' back into the pond didn't they, and when it comes to plopping frogs, I'm your man. I've got years of experience, and my frogs are used to me by now. The folks had to plop the snails back in though, I don't do snails. Snails aren't in my job description, they're sneaky and strange and you can't see where their legs are. Oh, and then we had some new biscuits, they were quite smelly too. Nice smelly not yukky smelly. I'm glad I have a nose, otherwise I couldn't tell the difference.
Friday 11 April ~ by Gemini
I'm still a little 'snuffly' as George so delicately (for a change) put it, but I'm not ill, really I'm not. I hibernated up on the top of the filing cabinet for most of today, and I felt a lot better by the evening. Was I off my food? Are you mad? It'd take more than a few sneezes to put me off my dinner. If that ever happens, I'll know I'm really ill and I'd probably even volunteer to go to the vets! It' rather nice up on the filing cabinet actually, the folks even put a fluffy towel up there for me to snuggle down on (they are considerate sometimes). In fact I think I might adopt it as my new 'favourite place' even when I'm back to full fitness. They'll need to leave the towel up there of course, so I hope they read this and take note. George kept running in and out giving me updates on the 'bird bandit' round the pond, who he still hasn't managed to get anywhere near to catching. He's too conspicuous being mostly white, that's the trouble. I keep telling him, he's either got to be a well camouflaged colour (like tabby) or get himself an invisibility cloak. In other words I think that bird's pretty safe!
Thursday 10 April ~ by George
Poor Gemini's got the snuffles, I hope she doesn't give them to me. I don't think it's anything serious though, I mean we both have our jabs every year against serious things. Still, the folks are fussing anyway so we're having a vet-bet on whether she gets dragged off to the vets or not. One more sneeze and her feet won't touch the ground! I've been keeping a very close eye on a cheeky little bird-bandit who keeps sneaking up to our pond and dipping his sneaky little beak in. I thought he was drinking at first, which is not a criminal offence in my book, but then I realised he was dipping his beak in rather too often to be just drinking, so I slunk out on my belly until I was close enough to see the whites of his eyes (although they're more black and orange, but you get my drift). You'll never guess what, he was helping himself to some of our tadpoles! I pounced of course, one of my best pounces, but he flew off just in time, I must have been within a claws length too. I'm going to hide under our Big Bush next time, then he won't stand a chance. That's Special Agent George Double-O one-and-a-half tactics that is.
Wednesday 9 April ~ by Gemini
Our folks do some strange and unfathomable things sometimes, but this current thing takes the biscuit, (not one of my biscuits I should add, I ate all those). One of them ('her') has started reading a book about communicating with cats, and she appears to be trying out it's ridiculous theories on me! She's been saying all sorts of daft things to me, and has even started asking me questions! Well, what may I ask am I supposed to do about that? I can't talk people-talk so how on earth does she suppose I am going to answer? Anyway, that aside, today she must have reached the bit about telepathy, explaining how it's possible that cats can read humans minds, (not the other way round I'm glad to say). And how on earth do I know what chapter she's reading? Well, there's your answer. I just hope she learns something useful from it, like how to understand my 'I need prawns' signals, my 'custard please' messages, and my 'fuss me now' requests. Unlikely though, the book wasn't written by a cat!
Tuesday 8 April ~ by George
We finally got to see what was in the second Big Box that arrived a few days ago. More of our Cat Rescue T-shirts mostly, but there were also some sweatshirts this time. They're more snuggly than the t-shirts so predictably Gemini leaped straight in there with the intention of having a nap on them. She got turfed out pretty quick, but not before she got the top one all covered in fur, (apologies to whoever buys that one!). I got inside once the box was emptied, ah now that's the time to get in boxes! And, as if being inside a large empty box wasn't good enough, one of the folks dropped our racy ball in there with me. And, as if being in a large empty box with a racy ball wasn't good enough, they then shut the lid on me, excellent! Chasing a ball around in a dark box is very good training for night-time mouse hunts, as well as being brilliant fun. If I didn't have any toys at all, I'd still be happy as long as I had a Big Box. Hooray for boxes I say, and down with vacuum cleaners!
Monday 7 April ~ by Gemini
George has been spending ages round the pond trying to find his friend Fred the tadpole, but as I keep trying to tell him they all look the same at that age! So, this 'pond diary' photo might or might not be Fred, either way it's a fair bet that if it's not him, Fred will be somewhere else in the pond looking much like this. Today I have been largely recuperating from 'being in charge' at the weekend, and recharging my feline batteries. I recuperated on the folks bed in the morning, and in the afternoon I recuperated downstairs in the hall (where the best of the sun comes in). I expect I'll be more active tomorrow. I'm making no promises though, recuperating is one of my favourite activities, and I might need a second day at it!
Sunday 6 April ~ by George
Me and Gemini had a great time being in charge this weekend, didn't miss the folks one teensy-weensy bit. We only needed Next Door Lady because we can't open the cat food cupboard by ourselves, otherwise we'd be totally self sufficient. We've got the pond to drink out of (tap water just doesn't cut the mustard), frogs to chase, a tree full of pigeons to watch, mice to terrorise, and plants to knock off the windowsill (although I don't think we were meant to do that). Consequently, when they strolled back home this afternoon we gave them our best, most casual 'Oh, it's only you' look and went back to sleep! (Heh, heh, heh, aren't we mean!?). They felt guilty naturally, thinking we'd been pining for them or something equally ludicrous, so they gave us a tray of the 'Posh Nosh' for tea, you know the expensive stuff that you don't get every day. The best thing about having them back was having their 'going away bag' to play in!
Friday 4 April ~ by Gemini
Apparently the folks are 'off visiting' for the weekend, the computer is going to be out of bounds, but I've been left in charge of everything else including George (in charge of George? some chance!). I gather next door lady is coming round to feed us, so that's good because she always over-estimates how much we eat! (she gives us heaps more than they do at the cattery). So, I thought I'd sign off with a feelgood-photo that the folks took of us last night in a snuggly moment, altogether now, 'Aaaaahh!'
Thursday 3 April ~ by George
I'm not sure I want to be' George Unpredictable Cat' anymore, because I've been so unpredictable since, that even I don't know what I'm going to do, and that's scary! So I'm going back to being Big Bad George, I know where I am with that one. The latest toilet news (I know you want to hear this) is that I've abandoned my litter-house for the moment due to the warmer weather, and gone back to 'going' under our big tree. Partly because the bit of plastic the folks stuck up inside it has put a stop to my 'tricky trick number eighty four' which was half the fun. The best thing today was the arrival of not one Big Box, but two, how considerate, one for me and one for Gemini! We can only play in one of them at the moment, because the other one hasn't even been opened yet. How can you have a Big Box and not even open it? I'm dying to know what's inside. It's like having Christmas and not opening your present! Grrrrrrrrr!
Wednesday 2 April ~ by Gemini
Double excitement today, no treble excitement in fact. First, we had a visit from Big Van Man 2, who has the strangest hair of any human I know, it's a bit like a birds nest that's been built in a hurry by birds who didn't follow the 'how-to-build-a-birds-nest' instructions. Anyway, he and one of our folks went off in his Big Van and came back with exciting thing number two - a new bit of fence for our garden! I had to inspect it for suitability as a scratching post of course, and to give it a good smell-check. It's fine as far as bits of fences go, except it hasn't got a hole in the bottom like the old one, which is a shame, (maybe they'll fit a cat flap in it later). Exciting thing number three was getting coley on a Wednesday! How decadent is that? I thought it was an April Fool at first, but that was yesterday, so I decided I'd be an April Fool not to eat it, so I did. Isn't it strange how things taste better on days when you don't usually have them?
Tuesday 1 April ~ by George
This morning I met a cat who was even more handsome and rugged and tough and streetwise than me!
April Fool! Oh you guessed already, still I suppose it was pretty unlikely. I was going to say that Gemini had lost weight overnight but I knew no-one would fall for that one! 'Ouch!, what was that for?' Gemini's just given me a swipe for being cheeky, and she says it was her turn to do the diary anyway. I think I should go and give her a nice wash, I might be Big, Bad and Dangerous to know to the rest of the world, but I rather like being just 'Little George' to her. On the other hand I might just pounce on her instead, and chase her up the stairs for a 'three squeaker' on the landing. Unpredictable, that 's me. In fact I think it could be my middle name. George Unpredictable Cat. Yes, I rather like the sound of that.
Monday 31 March ~ by George
This morning I swear I was brushed to within an inch of my life! The more they brush, the soppier I go, and the more fur they brush out the better I feel. They start out brushing just my back, but when I get all soppy with it I flop over onto my side (quite often with my head in one of the folks shoes, don't ask why), so then they can brush my belly too. They get heaps of fur off me, which gets pegged up in the trees for the birds. I have this sort of bargain going with our local birds, if I give them all my spare fur to make nests with, then I get to catch one once in a while, that's fair isn't it? The only other noteable event today was Gemini getting shut in the cupboard (again). She did her usual trick of sneaking in there while no-one was looking, and curling up to sleep in the paper recycling box!
Sunday 30 March ~ by Gemini
It seems to me that no matter how long people live with cats, they never quite grasp the full complexity of cat-fussing etiquette. I don't mean the technique, I mean more the when and the where. For instance I must not be picked up and fussed in front of George, any more than he should be picked up and fussed while I'm watching. That's obvious isn't it? Apparently not. Also, no fussing after meals, or whilst washing, or napping, or when I'm not in the mood. The worst breach of the fussing rules is to be picked up outside the house! The folks tried that one today. They'd been out somewhere and I naturally met them on their return, and they tried to pick me up in full view of the street! I think not! For heavens sake, Marmaduke might have been watching, and my street cred would be ruined!
Saturday 29 March ~ by George
Meet Fred. He's a tadpole. He lives in our pond, along with literally thousands of other tadpoles. Fred's special though, because he was the only one willing to pose for a half decent photo! Honestly, there I am trying to do a proper pond diary this year and get some nice photos along the way, but it's near impossible to get good tadpole pictures. I didn't end up doing a proper pond diary last year, due to the fact that I ate all the frog jelly, so this year I've been good and left some to do what it's supposed to do. Gemini assures me this slippery little fella will end up being a frog, but I can't see how that would be possible, it doesn't look remotely like one. She must have been having a 'senior moment' when she made that one up, (well she is nearly eight!)
Friday 28 March ~ by Gemini
After a fairly normal start to the day (breakfast, garden patrol, nap, pond watch, snack, nap), one of the folks decided that they were going to be ill. I don't need any pursuading at all to take on the role of 'Nurse Gemini', so I did my bit and curled up with them on the sofa. I'm quite happy to stay with the patient until they feel better, and I'm sure they get well all the sooner because of my efforts. George hasn't quite got the same bedside manner as me however, his is more of an on-the-bed manner (or in this case the sofa). To be honest, it's not even so much an on-the-bed manner as an on-the-patient manner. I have my doubts as to whether sitting on someone's belly purring into their face could really help cure anything, but he won't be told. At least I managed to persuade him out of bringing them a 'get well soon' mouse!
Thursday 27 March ~ by George
Big Bad Tough Streetwise George yet again lives up to his reputation as mouse-catcher extraordinaire of Cat Chat towers! I caught one yesterday evening, and the folks tried to get it off me but I was too quick for them. They chased me round the kitchen and out the catflap, so I had to eat that one outside. Being a smart sort of a George, I figured it would be best to catch the next one at night after they'd gone to bed. Our mice are pretty clever and quick though, so it took me til the early hours to get mouse number two, but get mouse number two I did. I brought it inside to my favourite spot for eating mouse take-aways, under the kitchen table. I couldn't manage it all though, so I left the folks the tail. I usually eat most of what I catch , but mouse tails and sparrow beaks I can live without.
Wednesday 26 March ~ by Gemini
I've been trying to work out how many fish we have left in the pond after Monday's seagull raid, but they still seem to be mostly hiding. We had eleven before the raid, but since then I've only counted eight at one time, (plus a leaf that keeps pretending to be a fish, making me think I counted nine). The jury's out on that, but the string is definitely keeping the seagulls off, so they must be basically pretty daft. All that counting wore me out, so I retired to the office for an extended nap on the sleeping bag (yes it's still there). There's something about that bag that makes me drop off to sleep almost as soon as I've curled up on it. I was so fast asleep I didn't even notice George creeping up there with me, so when I woke up I had this fluffy white and black duvet draped over me, and it was snoring!
Tuesday 25 March ~ by George
Oh what a happy, happy day! Did I get some warm coley? Nope. Did I catch a bigger rat than Gemini? Nope. Did I pounce higher than any cat has ever pounced before? Nope, better than all that. My girlfriend is back on line, and she sent me an email, and she still loves me! I've had other offers while she's been unavailable of course, I mean simply hundreds of them (OK two offers, but that's still one more than Gemini), but I held out in the certain knowledge that one day she'd come back to me, and today she has! Gemini's just reminded me that I'm supposed to be writing a diary, not going on about my email-love-life, but she just doesn't understand. So, just to keep her happy: Today I chased frogs, found a piece of pie and brought it back to eat all over the kitchen floor, knocked a jar of water over and had a meeting with the Parallel George. So all in all, I've been being George. And now I'm a very happy George indeed!
Monday 24 March ~ by Gemini
Our pond came under attack today, by a smarter-than-average seagull. By the time I spotted him it was too late, or at least it was too late for one of our goldfish. I have nothing against seagulls normally you understand, but our pond is not a cafe, and our fish are not on a menu! Lets face it, if I thought for one moment our goldfish were there to be eaten, I'd have eaten them long ago! I'm not really sure what they're there for, apart from to amuse us in the summer, but I do know it isn't for the benefit of the local seabird population. Anyway, the folks have taken action, and we now have a series of strings criss-crossing the pond, which will hopefully put any future feathered poachers off. We aren't sure yet if he managed to catch more than one, understandably the remaining fish are reluctant to come up for roll-call!
Sunday 23 March ~ by George
I know why they call today Sunday! Because we had lots of it, sun I mean, all day, it was excellent! I've no idea why they call Sundays Sunday in the winter though, when there's hardly ever any sun at all, that's a right swizz I reckon. Still, enjoy it while you can I say, so I did. I don't just laze in it like Gemini though, oh no, I stalk and pounce in it, and run around going bonkers in it, much more productive. I've discovered why some of my frog jelly has started to go all mushy, all these tiny tadpoles have appeared, and they're eating it! There's still some left for me at the moment though, so here's me having some 'greens' just before my next frog-jelly snack!
Saturday 22 March ~ by Gemini
I found out today that the custard pot isn't always the custard pot. From a distance it looked like custard, but on closer inspection it turned out to be cheese sauce! Oh no I'm not complaining, far from it, in fact I'd go so far as to say that I enjoyed licking the left over cheese sauce just as much as if it had been custard. I expect it works on the same principle as custard too, in that there aren't any calories in it when eaten straight from the pot. I'm certain that's right, I still look as slim as I ever did, (George, I'm warning you, one word, just one word...). I warmed my cheese-sauce-filled belly in one of my favourite sunspots by the pond this afternoon, absolute heaven! I noticed some of the frogspawn has hatched out into a writhing mass of tadpoles. That won't please George when he finds out, he likes to eat it while it's still whole, and most definitely not when it's wriggling!
Friday 21 March ~ by George
We had a happy bit and sad bit day today, so which bit should I write about first? The Happy Bit then, well there were two of those really. First our friend the Giggle Lady came round to see us and we all went out to see our pond together. I showed her where the frog jelly was, and even demonstrated my paw-scoop technique, but she wasn't tempted to have any. While we were out there we had the other happy bit, which was getting to eat some fish food pellets, yummy scrummy in my tummy! The sad bit came later on - our Panda left home. Yes, the same panda that's part of our 'Coats & Panda' freestyle chasing route. He's apparently been 'donated' to our local animal rescue group, so I suppose it's good news for them. Gemini says he'll be happier going to a home where he'll be appreciated and not just jumped all over by marauding cats. Hmmm, I suppose she's right, but I will miss him. I asked her if they'd do a home-check to make sure he went to a nice home, but she just gave me a funny look and went off for a poo.
Thursday 20 March ~ by Gemini
Our food is always kept in one particular cupboard, so I thought I'd find out if there was anything interesting in one of the others, (well I wouldn't want to miss out now, would I?) I jumped up from the worktop while the folk's backs were turned, and had a good nose round. It was all pretty boring really, cereals (yawn), tins of vegetables (yukk) and jars of disgusting pickled things. That cupboard was a good vantage point for me to oversee everything, but I have to say it's contents made me realise I'm glad I'm not a human, having to eat all that muck. It's no wonder they resort to eating cat food sometimes, (like fish and custard). And Marmite, what's that all about?
Wednesday 19 March ~ by George
Rolling in the muck, rolling in the muck and not forgetting rolling in the muck! It's been a perfect day for being outside, 'plopping' frogs round the pond, stalking through the jungle (under the Big Bush), and then rolling in the muck as a glorious finale. Gemini was sunbathing (again), and the folks came out to join us for a while, although they don't roll in the muck, (they don't know what they're missing!). Even though it's warm outside these days, I still like my litter house for 'doing the business', so they put it outside for me during the daytime and bring it in at night. It really is my very own litter house too, Gemini never, ever uses it. She says that as a self respecting Tabby, it's beneath her. As far as I can see, the only thing she's got beneath her is a big wobbly tabby belly! (I'll probably get a swipe when she reads that). Anyway, the folks think they're really smart, and have taped a piece of plastic on the inside back wall of my litter house in an effort to stop my 'Tricky Trick no. 84'. It works too, but don't worry, I'll find a way round it somehow!
Tuesday 18 March ~ by Gemini
I find it strange that humans seem to turn a darker colour when they go out in the sun a lot, and yet us cats seem to go lighter, how does that happen? I do so love to sunbathe, so today I sunbathed on the patio, on the bench, by the pond and even at one point on the garage roof. If we get many more days like today I'll be as white as George by the end of the summer! He doesn't share my sun-worship, which is probably a good thing seeing as he has a white nose. Marmaduke has taught me a lot of useful snippets over the years, and one of them is that cats with white noses or ears shouldn't get too much sun. George sits in the shade mostly, so maybe he's not as daft as he looks after all. The folks went off somewhere this evening, so I did security patrol and then met them on their return and escorted them to the door. Aren't I just so thoughtful? I definitely think I deserve a one-prawn payrise!
Monday 17 March ~ by George
Our catflap curfew seems to be over now, so I've started going on some night-time hunting expeditions. Last night I went out for a take-away in the shape of a fat, juicy mouse. It wasn't really what you'd call 'fast food' this one, so it was easy peasy lemon squeezy to catch. Unfortunately, the mouse must have eaten something that disagreed with me, because not long after I'd eaten it, I sicked it all up on the stairs. Luckily I managed to get to the Top Stair which is not one of our favourite sitting stairs. Me and Gemini like the next-to-top stair best, it's wider than the rest and goes round a corner. It's a stair made for two, and we consider it to be Our Stair, so definitely not one to throw up on. The folks would rather I didn't throw up on any of them I think, but I have to do it somewhere. I remember once, when I was tiny, I was sick into one of their slippers, so I think they should consider the stairs as an improvement!
Sunday 16 March ~ by Gemini
George can keep his frogspawn, this is what I call real food. Ah yes, freshly made custard, eaten while it's still a little bit warm, can't be bettered. And according to our old friend The Custard Lady, it has no calories if eaten straight from the pot, now there's a bonus! I did let George have a little lick, but he's not overly keen on the stuff, he's just not a connoisseur like me. The Calico Catburglar (the one who stole some of our frogspawn last week) has taken to sitting on our front wall. He's either braver than I thought, or dafter than he looks, we'll see. I didn't need to run him out of town today though, not just for sitting on our wall. In any case I had a freshly changed duvet to keep warm!
Saturday 15 March ~ by George
There's no doubt that today I was the Hero of the Hour. Gemini couldn't work out how it could be done, but I put my little thinking cap on and came up with the solution (that's a metaphorical thinking cap, not a real one, that would be silly and as you know, I'm not silly). The solution to what you might ask? Getting at the piece of coley fish that was defrosting in a bowl, which was sneakily covered by a heavy dish with an equally heavy mug on top, of course. It was a tricky one I grant you, but when there's coley at stake I'll stop at nothing. The mug was easier than it looked, I managed to push that over with a couple of good nose-nudges (luckily it fell on the worktop and didn't break, phew!). The dish was the real challenge, but after a few attempts I managed to get a claw-hold between it and the coley dish, and the rest was down to the pure force of George on a Mission. Final Stage: head in dish, coley in mouth, leap off worktop, under the table, come on Gemini, dinner's ready! Oh come on, I saved the folks the bother of serving it up, didn't I?
Friday 14 March ~ by Gemini
Today was the first day this year warm enough to lounge on the garden bench, so naturally I lounged on the garden bench. It's mostly sheltered from the wind, so I could happily stretch out to my full potential, belly upwards to absorb the sun. George is still pretty much scurrying in and out, not really sure which he wants to do. It's this time of year when some female cats (the un-'done' ones) get very noisy, calling for a mate. One in particular started up her racket in the garden opposite after the folks went to bed tonight. I can think of tons of good reasons why they should get their folks to take them for the 'snip', and this is one of them. They can't sing in tune, and they have no volume control, it's awful! I'm glad I don't have to bother with all that, such a waste of good eating and napping time!
Thursday 13 March ~ by George
I'm still living for today, which is just as well because tomorrow hasn't come yet. This simple philosophy means that I can eat frog jelly to my heart's content until I've had enough, and then I'll find a new philosophy. Sadly, we're two blobs down on our frog jelly after today, not because I ate it all, but because our folks put some in a bag for our friend 'Big Van Man 2' to take away. Seems he has a pond too, and he's going to put it in there to help the frog population. I haven't quite worked out how putting the jelly in a different pond, for presumably a different cat to eat, is going to help the frog population, but then humans have some funny ideas sometimes. This year I've refined my jelly-eating technique. Rather than just using my tongue, I get far more scooping it up with my paw!
Wednesday 12 March ~ by Gemini
The spring air must have gone to my head today, I seemed to be full of mischief. I usually leave mischief to George, (makes him feel useful) but every so often I have these 'bonkers days' where I just can't help myself. I played the folks up this morning, by getting 'lost' in the garage and making them chase me round the lawn mower and the garden chairs, and I even, wait for this, chased a seagull off the garden! I'd have caught it too, if it had stayed put any longer, (imagine the look on everyone's face if I'd dragged that back through the catflap!). I managed to sneak some licks of things I shouldn't, like cooking oil off the wooden spoon, and margerine off the folks bread (things taste so much better when you know you shouldn't have them, don't they?). My best piece of mischief was jumping on George just as he came out of the 'litter house', boy did he run! I caught up with him on the landing for a 'two squeaker'!
Tuesday 11 March ~ by George
A springtime Poem, by George: 'Frogs in the pond, making lovely jelly, along comes George, and fills his little belly!' Oh yes, it's the best. My frogs make the best jelly ever, better than that horrid fruity stuff humans eat. Gemini still thinks it's disgusting, but it's not, natural protein is what it is. I was going to wait until the black bits inside were bigger, but there's just so much of the stuff, and it's just tooooo tempting. Anyway, I might be run over by a bus tomorrow, and then I'd be sorry I hadn't eaten the frog jelly before, wouldn't I? Live for today, that's my motto. My other motto is "If it moves, chase it, if it turns round and chases you back run like hell!", but in my experience frog jelly never chased anyone, so the 'live for today' one seemed more appropriate.
Monday 10 March ~ by Gemini
Such a lovely visitor we had today, and such a good cat-fusser too! I was outside under the tree when she arrived, and I have to admit I was a bit wary at first because she was just so tall. And I mean incredibly tall. The sort of person you'd like to have around if the last packet of cat food was on top of the cupboard and someone had stolen all the chairs, that sort of tall! Me and George decided she could only possibly be called six-foot-lady, although she might even have been taller than that. Luckily she was shorter once she'd sat down, and she did a nice line in stroking, whilst addressing me as 'moglet' (?). She stayed for a while, so I thought I'd better make myself useful as 'cloakroom attendant' for her six-foot-coat. So, when she came to leave, I was curled up asleep on it on the kitchen floor (it fell down on it's own, honest!). She didn't even complain about the fur I'd left all over it. 'Moglet' though, better than 'Purr-Bag' I suppose.
Sunday 9 March ~ by George
That Gemini is completely scary when she's rattled I tell you. When she went after the Calico Catburglar yesterday she was like a thing possessed! I was smart enough to keep well out of the way, and if he's got any sense so will he in future! Sneaking in and nicking our frog jelly is just asking for it in my opinion. Anyway, the latest news is that we've got stacks and stacks of the stuff now, and my frogs were out there splashing around like mad things all day, unpacking loads more still. I'm going to have a few feasts on that lot, but not yet, I'll wait until the black blobs inside get bigger, it tastes much yummier then. In any case who needs jelly when you've got custard? Yup, we got to lick the custard bowl today, first time in ages, (made Gemini's day that did, it's her favourite.) Just a thought, when the frog jelly gets bigger, maybe our folks could make a trifle with it. How perfect would that be, jelly for me and custard for Gemini. Hey, watch out Jamie Oliver, here comes George Cat with a new recipe idea, I bet he's never thought of that one!
Saturday 8 March ~ by Gemini
Today I had no choice but to exert my status as TFT of the neighbourhood (Top Fighting Tabby). George might be Defender of the Universe, but today I was Defender of the Pond. Our frogs have been working their little socks off over the last few days making frog spawn ('Jelly' for George), and there's at least a dozen blobs of it in there now, so I wasn't about to stand by and watch a Calico Catburglar come in and steal it for himself, no way! This photo of him was taken just seconds before I charged out through the catflap, hurtled across the grass at him, and chased him over the fence into next door's garden where I gave him a piece of my mind and a good swipe! He didn't come back.
Friday 7 March ~ by Gemini
I don't think George has noticed yet, but there's some frogspawn in the pond now. I won't tell him yet because the frogs seem to be still very busy with it and I'm sure they don't need George's help. He hasn't noticed because we've been preoccupied by the discovery of a birds nest in our front tree. It's not usually a birds nest type tree, it's far too prickly, but these birds are obviously a bit rufty tufty and smart. We discoverd it first when there were a couple of eggs in the grass underneath, that had fallen out of the nest, (George ate one of them, but he sicked it up again, saying it 'wasn't ripe'). The nest is right at the top, so we can't climb up, but we can watch it from the upstairs window. It's all a bit frustrating really, seeing those birds only a few feet away, but not being able to get at them! The big highlight today was unexpectedly getting coley for tea, nicely defrosted to room temperature and slightly whiffy, superb!
Thursday 6 March ~ by George
Sorry Gemini, I know you liked having that sleeping bag all to yourself, but it was just lying there empty today just waiting for a cat to fill it up. And where were you then, eh? Somewhere else, that's where. And I know you look very lovely all tucked up inside it, but I can do cute too, see? Yes Big Bad Tough Streetwise George, Special Agent double-O one and a half, Defender of the Universe, can also be very, very cute when he puts his mind to it. And that sleeping bag was just so very, very snuggly. George Snuggly Cat, I think I've just got a new middle name!
Wednesday 5 March ~ by Gemini
Sometimes our Wednesdays are like Sundays, food wise anyway. So for lunch we had Salmon 'soup' (the juice from the tin), and custard (we get to lick the bowls) which is just so Sunday. I have a theory that the folks think if they eat like a sunday it'll feel like a Sunday. We had one visitor today, the 'new hair lady'. She has a cat, I can smell it on her trousers, so she loves us naturally. Most of the visitors we have here are cat-friendly, but then I'm sure they come primarily to visit us anyway, and the folks are just there to make them cups of tea. Very convenient for us, really, because although we are both highly talented, we haven't yet added making tea to our skill base! In fact, until they invent fish-flavoured tea, I can't see a lot of point. Boring stuff tea, give me milk or cream any day, and I do mean any day!
Tuesday 4 March ~ by George
Gemini and Marmaduke have been discussing the mystery of the lost days of February. They were in deep discussion this morning (until the bin men came along and disturbed them), and she came back full of scientific things about leap years and Gregory's calendar (I think that's who she said). I know all about Leap Years, we had one a couple of years ago, and do you know I did leap higher that year, strange eh? I think someone should invent a 'Pounce Year', I'd be brilliant at that. Today was a day filled with sneaky starlings, they kept coming down onto our grass and pecking in their sneaky cheeky way, waiting til I got close and then flying away at the last second. Grrrr, I hate it when that happens. I should point out two things that didn't happen today, the frogs didn't bring me any jelly, and the folks didn't replace our wonky bit of fence. I think I might go on strike, it seems I'm the only one around here actually doing anything!
Monday 3 March ~ by Gemini
George is still on constant pond watch for 'his' frogs, so I've spent most of the day helping out in the office. I looked after the windowsill for most of the morning (I could keep my eye on George from there too), and then I kept the sleeping bag warm for most of the afternoon. I won't explain why there's sometimes a sleeping bag in the office, it would make our folks sound even pottier than they are. And in any case I'm not complaining, as you can see it really is perfect for me, particularly when there's no George around to muscle in on my space. I did some proper work too you understand, like filing some discs down behind the desk, and chasing their pen under the cupboard. I think they call it multi-tasking. I'm sure I could be big in the city you know.
Sunday 2 March ~ by George
They're here! They're here! My frogs have arrived! Eight days later than last year, but they're worth the wait. There's dozens and dozens of them, all going potty in the pond. Diving in off the bank, legging it across the weeds, having little fights (I think that's what they're doing), and just generally splashing about. I've been out there watching them all morning, and when I've written this I'm going to go out and watch them some more. I still reckon they must fly South for the winter, and then all come back on the same day, (probably catch the same flight). Usually they bring me back loads of frog-jelly which they float on the pond for me, but it's not there yet. Still, I suppose they only arrived back today, so they won't have unpacked yet. Maybe tomorrow. Right, I'm off on frog watch again, byeee...
Saturday 29 Feb, oops no that's not right. Saturday 1 March ~ by Gemini
Bah! That nearly caught me out that did. February being shorter than the other months is a strange thing. I do wonder what they do with the other days that February should have. Maybe Marmaduke Cat up the road will know, he's experienced far more Februaries than either me or George. I'll let you know if I find out. The folks went off somewhere today and came back with so many different animal smells on them I could hardly count them! There were at least four different cat smells, maybe five, definitely only one dog, and two unidentified odours which I'd guess were either guinea pigs or rabbits. I just hope they're not thinking of bringing any of them here, for a start there aren't any spare laps. Two laps and two cats, that's maximum quota in my book. The only other bit of excitement today was George doing his 'Tricky Trick Number Eighty Four' again. It's pretty gross really, but I have to admit I find the results entertaining!
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