Cat Chat - Gemini and George's Diary Archive March and April 2004

Friday 30 April ~ by George & Gemini
George: "Oh, this is just soooo exciting! He's always been a hero of mine, I just can't wait to see what he..."
Gemini: "George, you're not allowed to say anything yet, you're going to have to contain yourself for a few days."
George: "Contain myself? Are you having a laugh? This is far too exciting to be contained in a cat my size!"
Gemini: "Sorry George, you're just going to have to try. Take your mind off it or something. I know, why don't you pounce on the shelter list, and see who's going to get our Feline Fund cheque this time, that'll keep your mind off it."
George: "Grrrrr, this is so frustrating. OK then, shelter list it is..." (goes away, pounces on shelter list, middle claw, right paw hits Nuneaton & Hinckley Cats in Need). "OK that was pretty good, but I'd still like to say something about Ba..." Gemini swipes George round the ear. George decides to contain himself.

Thursday 29 April ~ by Gemini
The Mummy from the Tomb of Doom is still playing for the sympathy vote, and getting it too, from some quarters. She won't be getting any sympathy from me though, I didn't make even half that amount of fuss when I had my injured eye last year, and that was far worse! I have to admire her though, she's managed to convince our human of the male variety that she can't possibly do ironing or washing up for the next few days. I noticed that the bandaged hand doesn't stop her fussing me and George, or lifting up a glass of wine in the evening, strange that. Anyway, back to more important matters, in particular something that rather amused me today. The folks continue to put food out for the grumpy stray cat. They tuck it under the bush where he often sits, thinking that somehow makes it invisible to the rest of the world. This afternoon though, as soon as they'd put the food down and turned around to come back indoors, I saw Poppy cat from up the road sneak in under there. Sorry Mr. Stray Cat, you'll have to be a bit quicker off the mark next time!

Wednesday 28 April ~ by George
EEEeurgh! It was horrible it was, blood everywhere! Not mine thankfully, our human of the female variety had an accident today. She was washing up, and I gather a glass broke in the bowl, and I gather her hand was in it at the time, oooh I go all squeamy just thinking about it. I'm not good with blood and gore, unless it's mouse or sparrow, that's different. But what really worried me was it was her 'Feeding and Fussing' hand! How can you feed or fuss when you have a whopping great bandage round your hand? It's just as well we have two humans, this could have been a real disaster for me and Gemini otherwise. I found out later that it's still possible to fuss with a bandage on, it felt a bit weird though, it was like being fussed by the Mummy from the Tomb of Doom! (Gemini reckons she only did it to get out of the ironing.)

Tuesday 27 April ~ by Gemini
Eeek, squeak, thump, scramble, thud, squeak, tumble, squeal, thrash, bash, squeak... Ah yes, that was the sounds of me and George having a good 'Three Squeaker' playfight under the new bed today. It's the first time we've ever had a bed with space underneath instead of drawers, so we've been making the most of it. We read a message on the forum the other day from a first-time cat person, who was worried about the amount of violence involved in their cats playtimes. Well, the more violent the better I say! I enjoy our playfights more since George has been grown up, I can really jump on him now in the full knowledge that I taught him everything he knows, and he can definitely give as good as he gets. When he was a kitten I had to go a bit easy on him (I used to even let him win sometimes!), and he loved every minute of it. Still does in fact. Squeak, tumble, thud, scrap, scramble, thump, squeak...

Monday 26 April ~ by George
I'm not sure how I feel about this yet, but our folks have started feeding another cat! He seems to have just 'turned up' in our road over the last couple of weeks, and has taken to napping under the bushes by our garage. He looks quite old (or maybe he's just had a hard life), but he's not very sociable. Gemini went up to him yesterday with the idea of finding out where he came from, but she hadn't even got withing ten feet of him, and he turned tail and scarpered! (her Top Fighting Tabby reputation preceded her I think). The folks seem quite concerned about him, but to be honest I'm more concerned that they might invite him in! I'll happily help find him a home if he hasn't got one, but he's not having mine! For one thing, the piece of coley fish we had today was just right for sharing between two, but not three. And our activity centre's only big enough for two, and there's only two feeding mats, and... well, you get the picture! Selfish? Me?

Sunday 25 April ~ by Gemini
I don't know what's got into our folks lately, are cats not enough for them? And in particular, are we not enough for them? Last weekend they came home with puppy smells on them, and today they came home with... (and I'd never have believed it if I hadn't smelt it with my own nose) they brought back Guinea Pig smells! Guinea Pigs, I ask you, what's that all about? They obviously have some very strange friends, that's all I can say. I remember guinea pigs from the rescue centre, before I came to live here all those years ago, but I never forget a smell. George was completely baffled, he's never met a guinea pig so he didn't have a clue what they smell like. I tried to explain that they're a bit like mice only bigger, a bit like rats only with no tail, a bit like rabbits only with tiny ears, and apart from their 'squeak' they're nothing like pigs at all. And I didn't think they came from Guinea either. I think it was at that point he decided I was making it all up! I dread to think what sorts of smells they'll bring home next time, probably duck-billed platypus smells. Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Saturday 24 April ~ by George
Today I was mostly having sun, fun and fuss on the patio. Getting fussed is definitely in my top five favourite things, and getting fussed on the patio, in the sunshine, then rolling in the muck after, is positively fabulous! Our human of the male variety is the best at fussing me, because I like a proper fuss, one that makes all my spare fur come off in handfulls, and makes my purrs go up to maximum volume. The sort fo fussing that only Tough, Streetwise, Special Agent cats like myself can handle. Here's a picture of me getting fussed this morning, a real honest-to-goodness, no messing, two-handed fuss. Fussed to within an inch of my life I was!

Friday 23 April ~ by Gemini
Since we've had the new people living opposite (the one's without a dog), I haven't really bothered to go over there. We used to enjoy a good game of 'Tease the Dog', but since there's no longer a dog in residence, it's rather pointless. 'Tease the Pot-plant' or 'Tease the Garden Gnome' isn't nearly so much fun. Anyhow, I had an excuse to check them out today, when one of the folks went across to talk to them. I followed casually behind (I know how hopeless our folks can be, they might have needed some experienced back-up), and waited until they were distracted talking about boring people-stuff, then I made my move. Paws on the doorstep, nose in the hallway... a good sniff, and I knew all there was to know. No dogs, no cats, a 'little person' (human version of a kitten), and... then our new neighbour spotted me and said I was gorgeous! Gave me a fuss too... I think this might possibly turn into another source of 'little extras', like next door. The odd bit of milk, a spare sardine perhaps... I always say, one can never have too many food sources!

Thursday 22 April ~ by George
I think we must have the most annoying and tricksy birds in the world where we live. The blackbirds started it. They have begun to taunt me from their new hidey-hole in our ivy. We have a huge bunch of the stuff growing up our fence, and this couple of particularly tricksy blackbirds have decided to go and live there. I can't get at them, and don't they know it! The fence is about five cats high, and the ivy is now about seven cats high, so I can't even walk along the fence to get them. Yes, and they're the same tricksy blackbirds who take free baths in our pond! And then there's the seagulls, those giant, mutant, probably genetically modified seagulls with the ten foot wing span. They swoop down low across the garden, squawking their wicked squawk, in a sort of 'you can't get me, na na na na na' way. They must have started taking tap-dancing lessons, because I hear them practising on our roof every morning. They're taunting me too, just like the tricksy blackbirds. I wouldn't mind so much, but their tap-dancing is rubbish!

Wednesday 21 April ~ by Gemini
After careful consideration, I have desided against this 'email boyfriend' lark, well it was a silly idea anyway. All it does for George is make him go all daft (or is that 'dafter'?), and encourage his fetish for smelly shoes. I can do without such unnecessary diversions from the important things in life, like food, napping and elastic. In any case, I can only truly admire one cat at a time (well two if I count myself), and the object of my admiration is much closer to home (no, not George, good heavens!). I'd never let him know of course, I'm far too dignified for that. I did rather like being called 'Her Tabby Gorgeousness' though, I'll keep that one, if that's OK. So what important things did I do today? Presided over the launch of our our new purple site design as it goes. All my idea naturally, although purple was in fact my second choice for a colour scheme. Apparently there isn't a web colour called 'Tabby'. Shame.

Tuesday 20 April ~ by George
Everyone knows the early bird catches the worm, but did you know that the early cat catches the frog, and that the early cat also catches the cheese biscuit. In both cases today I was that early cat! I was early enough this morning to catch a frog on it's way from the weed borders to the pond. Although when I say catch, I don't mean catch to eat, I just mean to catch up with it and prod it's back end to make it hop. It's a great game for both parties, I enjoy the prodding, and the frogs surely must enjoy the hopping or they wouldn't do it so much! Being an early cat this evening meant being first on the scene for the spare cheese biscuit. Our Trustees had one of their meetings, and that always means there's some goodies on offer. Sometimes there's only crumbs left, but I got lucky this time. Incredibly, Gemini slept through it all, so she missed the fuss and the food, and she didn't even get to vote on all those incredibly important issues! What important issues? Oh, well, you know, the usual stuff. Um, like... well, oh I forget now, but it seemed incredibly important at the time. Especially the cheese biscuit!

Monday 19 April ~ by Gemini
The fact that George isn't using his litter house any more is not the only indicator that British Summertime has begun, another sure sign is when the sun lounger comes out of hibernation. I rather like sprawling out underneath the lounger when the sun's out, it gives me just the right amount of sun and shade, but people seem to prefer sitting on top of it for some strange reason. Our human of the female variety was doing just that this morning, yes 'avin-a-cuppa' on the lounger, on a Monday morning, how decadent is that? (Particularly when she's supposed to be getting on with our website re-design, ahem, yes that is a hint if she's reading this). She looked so comfy, but there was something missing somehow... then I realised, she didn't have ME on her lap! Of course I wasted no time putting that little error right! Oh, and if my would-be admirer is reading this, I rather like being called 'her Tabby Gorgeousness', so I'm considering your offer (between meals). Only considering, mind.

Sunday 18 April ~ by George
No, I didn't mean to do it like that! It was an accident, anyone could have made that mistake! (Gemini's never going to let me forget this one). It was like this, there were these boxes out in the hall, which normally live under the stairs, but the folks had got them out to put stuff in, or take stuff out, or whatever. Understandably, I can't resist a good box, and I'm usually the first one to jump on top and check it out. The first box was fine, I jumped on top, checked it out, and jumped back off again. The second box looked very much like the first one, even to the trained eye (and I have two trained eyes), so I jumped on top... Big Mistake. Box number two turned out to be totally empty, but the cardboard flaps were closed over the top making it look full. There's only one outcome when a cat jumps up onto an empty box with only cardboard flaps in the way... 'Eeeeeeek...Whummppphh!'. I don't know if I spelled that right, but that was me falling in the box. Good job we had coley fish later.

Saturday 17 April ~ by George
Our folks must have been somewhere really awful today, they came back covered in puppy smells! Poor things, I bet they were glad to get home to us. Of course, they're fools to themselves like most humans, and invite trouble by actually stroking the things. We used to have a dog living opposite us, and I saw them several times fussing it out in the street where anyone could have seen, horrid it was. Anyhow, as soon as I smelled that puppy pong I knew it had to be 'George to the Rescue'. One of the folks in particular was smothered in it, and as luck would have it they had a black t-shirt on... just right for me to deposit not only my smells but a good few handfulls of nice white fur too! I shed at least a George-and-a-half's worth of fur each week in the warm weather, so I had loads to spare. So I went in for the fuss: not the five minute fuss either, oh no, the full half hour, they were absolutely covered by the end. Ah yes, bye bye puppy pong, that's much better!

Friday 16 April ~ by Gemini
"The cat sat on the mat". It's a saying as old as the hills, and probably as old as Marmaduke Cat up the road, but it still holds good today. There's just something special about mats. They have a sort of 'mat magnetism'. I look at it this way, if someone has been thoughtful enough to put a mat down, it would be churlish not to sit on it. Take our front path for example, most of it is totally mat-less, but one bit has a mat on, which is particularly good for sitting on in the sun (see photo). Here's a tip for if ever anyone loses a mat in the middle of the Sahara Desert: send a cat in, they're guaranteed to find it!

Thursday 15 April ~ by George
For a brief time this morning I thought Gemini had turned into a magic cat! I was sat by the fence, when suddenly Gemini's ears and eyes appeared at the top, peering over from next door. Now the fence is about three cats high, and I know Gemini is only one cat high, so how did she do that? Levitation maybe? 'How did you do that?' I asked, but she wasn't letting on, (magic cats are secretive by nature). She carried on peering magically, and finally curiosity got the better of me, so I leaped up onto the fence only to discover that the source of her magic was next door's compost bin! They've move it! It wasn't there yesterday! What a Swizz! And, as far as I know, there's nothing magic at all about compost bins. Shame really, I liked the idea of Gemini being a magic cat, she could have conjured up coley fish out of thin air.

Wednesday 14 April ~ by George
Three days it's been, three days! Not one poo, not even a 'tricky trick number 84', nothing! I'm talking about my litter house of course, and the fact that I haven't used it in three days. I'm well into summertime toileting mode now, and I've re-discovered the delights of pooing under our front tree. Only this morning I did this fantastic... 'Ouch, what was that for?'. Oh, sorry I got carried away there. Gemini's just reminded me that I made a New Year Resolution not to go on about my toilet habits. But New Year was ages ago, no one sticks to resolutions past February, do they? And it was my most exciting event today too, what else am I going to write about? Licking gravy off the folk's plates? Getting shut in the recycling cupboard? Trying again to break the cat flap and failing? Not catching a pigeon? See, they just don't compare, do they? I don't want anyone thinking I lead a boring life, that wouldn't do at all for a Defender of the Universe!

Tuesday 13 April ~ by Gemini
I seriously think our folks need to get a new net curtain for the office. I've just noticed today how many gaping holes I've made in it over the last couple of years! It's not that I'm bothered about how it looks you understand, I have nothing against the 'well worn' look, it's just that I'm finding it hard to locate bits of the curtain to make new holes in! I'm clever, but even I can't make holes in holes! Anyway, I was greatly amused today, hearing one of the folks placing an advert in the local paper to sell the old bed from our spare room (the one with drawers under). They had to explain that it was 'cat-scratched in places'! Oh yes, I remember all those places, and all the many scratching sessions it took to get them that way! I expect they'll get a higher price for it, if people know it's already pre-scratched, it'll save their cats a job!

Monday 12 April ~ by George
Ah yes, summer is definitely here. It was simply glorious today, so glorious in fact that it sent the folks a bit doo-lally and off they went on their bicycles! (people only do that when they go doo-lally I think). The other thing about summer is that I go into 'summer toilet mode' and don't use my litter house (that's only for 'winter toilet mode'). So, for anyone who wants to know, I haven't poo'd in my litter house for over 24 hours. This is a much more reliable method of determining if it's summer than anything you might find on a calendar! When the folks got back, I badgered them for the Elastic Game, which amazingly is still our best game. Here is my 'Grrr, lemmee attit!' photo, and my 'Grrr, gotcha now!' photo.

Sunday 11 April ~ by Gemini
Thankfully the mystery of the unopened boxes is now solved, they turned out to contain a pile of wooden boards, some metal poles and a mattress. The boards and the poles seemed a bit pointless to me at first, until I discovered they were part of what is technically termed a 'flat-pack'. Now, a 'flat-pack' appears to be a three dimensional jigsaw game for humans, which requires a variety of tools (all the wrong size), a large map (apparently written in fluent Martian) and the liberal use of several descriptive but unwholesome words that I can't mention in this diary! They played this seemingly ridiculous game for about an hour, and finally, (after realising they had the map inside out or something), it turned out to be a new bed for the spare room. This is good news for me and George, for 'new bed' read: 'New CAT Bed'! This bed is particularly good news because it hasn't got drawers under like the old one, it's got a frame... which means you can go underneath it. So, for 'bed frame' read: 'Cat Play Area'!

Saturday 10 April ~ by George
Major excitement today - three large packages have appeared in our hallway. When I say 'appeared' I don't mean they just materialised out of thin air, they materialised out of the back of a big lorry. Two of the packages are cardboard and one appears to be a massive plastic bag, but all three gave me and Gemini a good excuse to nose round them, size them up and generally check them out. We've deduced that they must contain furniture of some description, but the shapes don't give away exactly what they are. We spent all day (on and off) investigating these packages, and do you know what they turned out to be? Annoyingly, neither do we, because the folks still haven't opened them! How frustrating is that? How can you get boxes with stuff in and not open them up, it's not normal! Aaagh, I can't stand it... if only I could use scissors!

Friday 9 April ~ by Gemini
Good Friday? Yes it was, very good in fact, very good indeed. Day six of our new Elastic Game, and the fun still keeps on coming. I haven't felt this keen on a game since 'Walnut Whacking' at Christmas, and the folks still seem keen on joining in. Strangely, their skills with their end of the elastic improved dramatically after they'd been 'down the pub'. I expect they have special bits of elastic 'down the pub', and people go there to practice. Yes, that must be it. Here's some of my best moves:

Thursday 8 April ~ be George
Today was a very Strange, Mucky and Wiggly Thursday. I'm good at doing Mucky, so that was fine by me, but the Strange thing, well that's another kettle of kippers entirely! I remember the folks doing this very same 'Strange Thing' last year, which entails burying their food in the garden. Not all of it, just their potatoes. All the rest of the year they seem happy to just eat the things, but today they dug a long hole and buried them in the garden, just like a dog! (and even dogs bury more sensible things than potatoes!). Actually this year they have improved on last year's lunacy, by digging two long holes to bury potatoes in. On the plus side, the two holes produced an excellent Mucky Thing: two big piles of dirt to play with! A pile of dirt is good enough in itself, but these were better than your average dirt piles, because they had loads of... (and here's the Wiggly Thing)... superb big fat Wiggly Worms sticking out of them! Honestly, until you've played 'Pat the Worm' on a pile of dirt, you really haven't lived!

Wednesday 7 April ~ by George
Since having the 'Orange Paw' syndrome from my litter tray, I've been more fastidious than normal about keeping my feet white. Even though I have a different sort of litter now, I'm taking no chances. I've grown out of that 'wanting to be purple' stage now, (all cats go through that, don't they?) and I've accepted my fate of always being white and black. It would still be nice if my white and black bits moved round a bit every so often for a change, but I haven't worked out how to make them do that. Anyway, I had a good clean of all my white bits today (that's most of me), and Gemini even helped out by by washing the front of my face (my tongue's long, but not that long!). She washed herself too of course, but she finished way before me, and fell asleep while I still had two legs and a belly to go! Frankly, I think tabbies get an easy ride, I mean they only have to wash the light stripes, the dark ones don't show up the dirt! (I'll keep that little thought to myself though, her paws may not be as clean as mine, but they deal out a mean left hook!)

Tuesday 6 April ~ by Gemini
The s-t-r-e-t-c-h-y elastic game is still our favourite, and I in particular have been pestering the folks at every available opportunity to play it with me. The sort of available opportunities I mean are those times when I'm not eating, sleeping, contemplating, patrolling the garden, staring out the window, chasing birds, washing, napping, relaxing, posing or any combination thereof. It's a lot to fit into a day I know, but I still found time to pester the folks to play the 'Elastic Game' several times. It's better with a human on one end, they're more predictable than having George at the other end, (plus George hasn't got the knack of wiggling it so it looks like a grass snake). I must have worn off thousands of calories today chasing our elastic round, so it was just as well I found that bowl of grated cheese! What was that? The cheese wasn't for me? Well, I'm awfully sorry but it looked like it was there for the taking. And what's the point of Spaghetti Bolognese anyway?

Monday 5 April ~ by George
Me and Gemini have discovered one of the best games ever, or rather Gemini discovered it and I joined in. She discovered it while she was helping out with the sewing box, so this is the second day of playing our new game and we're not even close to being fed up with it yet (so it must be good!). It's like string games or wool games or shoelace games, only with an added dimension, namely a s-t-r-e-t-c-h-y dimension, because it involves elastic! Our particular bit of elastic is about half a paw wide, one cat's length long (when it's not stretched) and at least two cat's lengths long when fully stretched. To improve our elastic games we get one of the folks to hold one end, and wiggle it around and make it do interesting things. Then, unlike boring shoelaces or string, if you stick your claws in it, give it a tug and then let go, it goes 'Pinggg!' and whacks them on the hand! But watch out, it's a pesky thing elastic, you can't always predict it's Pinggg-ing, so if the human lets go of their end first... retreat!

Sunday 4 April ~ by Gemini
I amaze myself sometimes over how I can be both decorative and useful at the same time. It must be a tabby thing, I've never seen George do both at once. Today, one of the folks decided to start cutting up a couple of their duvet-bedcover-things, only to sew them back together in a different way! (Yes, I'm quite aware that this not normal behaviour, but neither is riding a bike or getting wet voluntarily, so nothing would surprise me where they're concerned). Anyway, there was a blue one, and a white one, so naturally I chose to help with the one that would flatter me the most, and the result is a rather nice portrait shot (even if I do say so myself) called 'Gemini in Blue'. Looking after duvets is a very tiring job, so its just as well they're good for snoozing on, because it took me all of.. yaaaawn two minutes to.. yaaaawn, fall asleep on the job! Why the sewing thing? Nope, never did work that one out!

Saturday 3 April ~ by George
Hah! Why didn't I think of that! My email girlfriend has come up with the solution to my filing problem. She says I should be filed under 'H' for Handsome or 'C' for Cute, how sweet is that? I'm very lucky to have such a smart girlfriend, one who recognises my best qualities and ignores the rest! So, today's news, is that I've eaten the last of the frog jelly. Not that there was a lot left, only the mushy, gooey bits. This is because the black dots inside have now got out, turned themselves into tadpoles, and are squirming about in their hundreds at the side of the pond. Still, the end of frog jelly season means the start of 'Plop Goes the Frog' season, and this year looks like being a good one. Several frogs were sitting around on the bank just waiting for me to come and give them a prod, and make them leap-plop back into the water, (I'm sure they love that game as much as I do). I also have to report that, despite today's valiant attempts by me at total destruction, our new cat flap is still in one piece!

Friday 2 April ~ by Gemini
There's something quite special about this time of year, which makes the last of the day's sun shine right on our front door. It all seems to happen just after that strange ritual the folks have of 'the clocks going back'. For a long time I used to think that it meant they took their clocks back to the shop and got new ones, but I'm smarter now, (however, I've decided to let George carry on thinking we get new clocks every year, it's easier than trying to explain the truth to him). So today I decided to take in the last rays by plonking myself half in and half out of the front door. That way I get the sun on my face, and keep my bum inside, out of any breeze. And in answer to the folks totally unreasonable request 'can't you come in, or go out, so we can shut the door?!', I only have one thing to say: Conservatory! It's the obvious answer - build me a conservatory, that would solve the problem wonderfully. (Until they do though, I'll just have to carry on using next door's!)

Thursday 1 April ~ by George
You know that thing where someone's trapped in a burning building, and people stand on the ground holding out a big sheet for them to jump into? Well, I know what that feels like after today. Luckily I wasn't in a burning building, but the principle's the same. Despite the folk's best attempts to keep me out, I managed to sneak into the garage today where the 'car that isn't a car' thing lives. I've been desperate to investigate it properly every since it arrived, so I grabbed my chance and snuck in sneakily behind their back. I had a good look round underneath, but that was a bit boring, so I decided to do the sensible thing and get up onto the roof. Now, for some reason, the whole thing has got curtains and sheets draped across it (similar to those used for burning buildings). This was when the folks saw me and came to chase me off it, so I took a flying leap off the roof onto the bonnet... only to find it hasn't got one! So I ended up going 'Whuumph!' into the curtain instead. Well how was I to know there wasn't a bonnet underneath? Normal cars have one, but I should have remembered this one is far from normal!

Wednesday 31 March ~ by Gemini
Personally I think George should have filed himself under 'N' for Nosey Parker (or Nuisance?), but he didn't ask for my opinion, (he knows better after all these years!). I enjoyed today for two very particular reasons. Firstly, I had a great game with a couple of bumble bees this morning. They seem to be particularly huge this year for some reason, maybe they're GM bumble bees or something. Either way, they seemed very interested in bumbling round some flower pots on the patio which have heathers in them. Being down at patio level makes them a perfect target for a good game of Bee Bothering, one of my favourite summertime sports. I don't want to actually catch them of course (no point, you can't eat them), I just pat them and swipe at them to make them buzz around. Today's second enjoyable thing was getting to lick the folks' bowls clean... semolina, yummy scrummy!

Tuesday 30 March ~ by George
I've been a bit lax about helping in the office lately, due to the frogs and their jelly and the sun and everything, so I thought I'd show my face today and lend a helping paw. If there's one job I can't resist it's filing, but I couldn't work out if I should file myself under 'C' for cat or 'G' for George. Or 'D' for Defender of the Universe perhaps?
cat in the cabinet

Monday 29 March ~ by Gemini
Want proof that us tabbies are always right? I said that new cat flap wasn't as good as the old one, didn't I? Oh yes I did. And was I right? Oh yes I was. Already it has shown it's failings, and it's not even been in a week! It has two little plastic buttons that are supposed to slide across depending on whether you want the door to open in, or out, or both, or neither. Me and George want it to open both ways all the time please, so imagine my shock today when I tried to go outside and the thing wouldn't let me! I pushed it with my paw, then my head (I'd have pushed it with my rear end, but I don't do reversing except in emergencies), but it wouldn't budge. In the end I had to go and plead with the folks to 'Do Something!'. Seems these little buttons slide across with the slightest provocation (and any cat flap of ours has to be prepared for extreme provocation). Solution - the little buttons have now come off, and been stuffed in a drawer. Hmmph! They don't make things like they used to... mutter... grumble... mutter...

Sunday 28 March ~ by George
Patience is a funny thing, and the amount of it I have varies greatly depending on the situation. For example, I have no patience watsoever when waiting for coley fish to be put into my bowl, but I have all the patience in the world for sitting by our fence waiting for a bird to hop onto it. The fence is about three and a half cats high, so I can be straight up to the top in one well-aimed leap, claws and teeth at the ready, in a split second. Anyway, my bird-waiting patience nearly paid off today, in fact I was only half a tail feather away from it paying off. I'd waited... and waited... and waited... and there it was. A Blackbird, fantastic! My aim was perfect, I leapt up like a champion (Bang! against the fence), but I snapped my jaws shut a fraction too soon and it got away, and all I got was a mouthful of tail feathers, PAH! I'm glad I don't have to leap up fences to catch our coley fish!

Saturday 27 March ~ by Gemini
Today was very much a day for contemplating, so I contemplated my tummy for most of the morning, up on the bench. It was nice and full at the time (my tummy, not the bench) and very warm due to the sun, so it was definitely worth contemplating. Later on I contemplated down by the pond with our stone cat, Thermal. I often go and sit with him, particularly on days when George is being very George-ish, and at those times Thermal makes far more sense. The folks originally got Thermal to scare the seagulls away from the pond, but it doesn't work, (I've seen one sitting on his head before). The seagulls round our way know what's a real cat and what's not, which is why they wisely stay away when I'm on guard. Oh, I'd just love a seagull on my Top Ten Catches list!

Friday 26 March ~ by George
I'm afraid this morning turned into a two-breakfast morning. I hadn't planned it, but one of the folks was late getting up, so it was all their fault. How come? Well, it was like this... one of them got up and gave us our breakfast, then I realised the other one was still in bed, so being a thoughtful sort of George, I thought I'd go up and jump on top of them (much more friendly than an alarm clock). Unfortunately I jumped on them rather too soon after eating, so I sicked my breakfast up all over the duvet. This meant I was suddenly all empty again, and had to wail for a second breakfast, (Gemini tried to muscle in on my second breakfast, and she hadn't even been sick!) I've made a mental note to try this trick again if ever I get a breakfast I don't like. Sicking it up on the duvet was a bad move though, it was right on the bit I like to snooze on, and now it's all damp where they had to clean it up. I'll aim for the floor next time, (or on the bit Gemini likes to snooze on, heh heh heh!)

Thursday 25 March ~ by Gemini
Well I must say the new cat flap isn't a patch on the old one. They obviously don't make them like they used to, (and if that makes me sound a bit old and cranky, it's probably because I'm eight and a half and perfectly entitled to be old and cranky if I feel like it). For one thing, the old one had a sort of little shelf on the outside, which made a kind of step up to the door, but this one is just plain flat. The old one lasted just over eight years, but I'll be amazed if this one lasts even half that time. Still, enough of my rambling, back to important things, like food. I generally like most things with milk in, and today I discovered strawberry Angel Delight, (very much to my liking, despite the strawberry). I got to lick the mixing bowl, so working on the same principle as custard eaten straight from the pot, that means there's no calories whatsoever in it. And I don't care even if there were, because I licked a plate of Ryvita crumbs clean later on, so that will have slimmed me back to normal!

Wednesday 24 March ~ by George
After my full-on assault on our cat flap the other day, it has finally given in and retired, and the folks have got us a new one. I was a bit sad to see the old one go though, I mean that old flap's full of memories (mostly of being mercilessly head-butted), and it's been a good sport over the years. Anyway, the folks carried out the replacement ceremony today, supervised by me and Gemini of course, and now 'New Flap' is in place and raring to go. I wonder if it has any idea at all what it's in for!?

Tuesday 23 March ~ by Gemini
After being harassed by garden machines today, I decided to find out which is the least objectionable, the Shredder or the Mower. The Shredder is definitely noisier, so that's one point to the Mower, but at least it stays in one spot and doesn't go off marauding over the whole garden like the Mower (Shredder 1, Mower 1). The shreddings from the shredder makes a great outdoor litter tray under our Big Bush (Shredder 2, Mower 1), whereas all the Mower seems to do is wait until our grass is nice and long (just how we like it), and then comes along and ruins it all! (Shredder 3, Mower 1). All in all, not a good result for mowers everywhere. Now I think I've covered everything, and been democratic about this, so can someone ban Mowers now please?

Monday 22 March ~ by George
Mmmmm, oh yes, mmm mmuum uum mm smashing, muuumuum umm, very tasty, mmm muuumuum. Oh sorry, got carried away there, had my mouth full! I'm getting to be quite a frog jelly connoisseur these days. I can tell it's better than last year's crop, or maybe it's because I decided to eat it while it was new. Last year I waited for the black dots to get bigger, but to be honest this year I just couldnt wait, it's just sooo yummy! The folks kept coming and shooing me away from it, but that won't stop me. I won't eat all of it of course, I'm not that greedy. I'll only eat the bits from the frogs without strategies. As predicted, the frogs with strategies have planted theirs well out of my reach, Bah!

Sunday 21 March ~ by Gemini
Ah yes, spring is definitely here. Sunshine on the patio, me stretched out on my bench catching the rays, and George on frogspawn-watch by the pond waiting for it to 'ripen' so that he can eat it, (gross, totally gross!). I'd just got nice and comfy, dozing off into a coley and custard dream, when the garden shredder starts up it's racket. I can't concentrate on dozing with all that noise ging on, so I retreated under our Big Bush. That's when I got my Mischievous Idea. I had a good view of George from under the bush, and because of the noise, and his concentration on the frogs, he hadn't realised I was there. I figured I could sneak round the back of the pond and leap on him without him seeing me, and boy was I right! So quietly I sneaked, and stealthily I leapt... and he didn't stand a chance. In fact, he was so startled he pelted straight up the garden and crashed through the cat flap so hard that he actually broke a lump of plastic off the flap! (Oooops). Well, we needed a new cat flap anyway, (didn't we?).

Saturday 20 March ~ by George
It looks like being a bumper crop of frog jelly this year, they've already started making some lovely big heaps of it. I've been watching the progress of this year's Frogfest with total fascination, I'd forgotten how much I enjoy having them around. Hugo and Ethel must have been in this bunch somewhere, but at the risk of sounding a bit 'frog-ist' many of them do look awfully similar! I won't have to wait long for the jelly to be ripe for the eating, but I'll try to do it when Gemini's not watching, she says I make her stomach go all funny when she sees me eating it, (fine by me, I get it all to myself!) I'm sure some enterprising cat food manufacturer will bring out frog jelly flavour cat food, but until then I'll enjoy the fresh stuff when it's in season!

Friday 19 March ~ by Gemini
Being indecisive over whether to go through an open door or not is a well known cat trait, and I'm no exception. I find the best way to buy time to make this decision is to sit with my paws on the outside and my bum on the inside until I make up my mind which end has it right. Although these pictures show me demonstrating the technique perfectly, I was actaully trying to locate George. It was a case of: look right... nope, look left... nope, and if all else fails... 'Oy George, where are you?'

Thursday 18 March ~ by George
Oh a 'didgeridoo' was it? I should have known such a treacherous creature would have a silly name like that! I'd never seen it before yesterday, it had always lived in a long bag and not come out. It should have stayed in it's long bag, that's what I think, but today one of the folks had the mad idea of letting it out, which was a big mistake as it went and fixed itself straight on to their mouth! Honestly, I'm not joking, I know it sounds like a product of my occasionally bizarre imagination, but it did. Me and Gemini watched in horror, wondering what it was going to do next. Well, here's the thing, it stayed stuck to their mouth and then started to make this, this noise! Horrid it was, like something straight out of a nightmare! (It sounded like a bear with really bad wind). This was the point I ran like a thing possessed at George Warp Speed 22 (maximum thrust) behind the settee to safety. When it stopped bellowing, Gemini explained it was from Australia. Oh, that's supposed to excuse it, is it? I rather think it should have stayed in Australia, or at least stayed in it's bag. One good thing, it hasn't got legs, so I can outrun it in a crisis!

Wednesday 17 March ~ by Gemini
This time last week it was cold and wintry, and today you could have been forgiven for thinking it was June. This morning was sun, sun, sun, and more sun. The frogs loved it (loads more sploshing), the folks loved it (they had breakfast outside) and I most definitely loved it. I got to chase bees for the first time this year, and I do so enjoy a little bee-bothering! This afternoon was more like 'visitors, visitors, visitors' instead, and they came one straight after the other (a bit like number nine busses I undertand). So, at one point we had one of the LIB's (Ladies with Interesting Bags), Big Van Man, plus a new visitor who we've named 'Motorcycle Man' (for the obvious reason). The visitor count was far too high for me and George I'm afraid, we legged it up onto the bed out of the way (not that there was much 'way' left with that lot!). I did want to mention the Didgeridoo, but I think I'll leave George to write about that, if he's brave enough!

Tuesday 16 March ~ by George
I've been frog watching for most of the day, and I still can't count how many there are. New ones keep popping their heads up all over the place. Some are in ones and two's and others are huddled in groups by the grass bank (planning their strategies no doubt). Frogs do have strategies you know, oh yes, they're not as daft as they look. Last year, one of their cleverest strategies was to put their jelly in a clump of weed about a cat's length from the side of the pond, which meant unless I had a boat, I couldn't get to it and eat it, and as it happens I didn't have a boat. I don't have a boat this year either, so no doubt they'll try that one again. There'll be plenty of jelly near the side though, planted by frogs with no strategies, and that's mine! Here are two of my favourite frogs, that's Hugo on the left and Ethel on the right. I named them after some spiders I once ate!

Monday 15 March ~ by Gemini
We don't usually get anything exciting to eat on a Monday, just the same old stuff, but not so today. First we get some bits of chicken for dinner (what have we done to deserve this?), and then just when I'd got over the pleasant shock of that, we got to lick the trifle bowl (who cares what we've done to deserve this, we just siezed the moment). On a less pleasant note, I got caught out today due to the folks' incompetence. First thing in the morning, they switch the cat flap from 'closed' to 'open', only this morning they didn't switch it far enough round, so it was still closed and they didn't realise. This was all very well until I needed to do my, you know, business. I pawed at the flap, but it wouldn't budge, and in the end I had to use George's litter house, how degrading! They finally realised their mistake at teatime when they saw me trying to force the flap open with my head, well about time too! (honestly, you can't get the staff these days). This picture is me in my cat-full-of-chicken-and-trifle pose.

Sunday 14 March ~ by George
Late breaking news: our frogs are back! Almost two weeks later than last year, and they didn't even bring a note! Better late than never though, and they've started the entertainment already. Lots of sploshing and plopping and scrabbling around in the weed. It'll get much better of course, this is just their warm-up period, by tomorrow or Tuesday their annual olympic Frog-Fest will be in full swing. I'm looking forward to a good crop of frog jelly before too long, and a summer filled with frog-plopping games. My frog watching got cut short this afternoon by our thoughtless folks, who decided to play with their most annoying machine ever (yes, more annoying even than the lawn mower or the vacuum cleaner), this is that monstrous, evil, tree-eating thing known as: 'The Shredder'. Aaaaaargh, not the shredder! George Warp Speed Twelve... up the garden... through the flap... up on the bed... phew! even Big Bad George, Defender of the Universe is no match for The Shredder. I know my limits!

Saturday 13 March ~ by Gemini
I seem to be the only cat in our road who 'meets and greets' their folks when they return from being somewhere else. George joins me to meet them sometimes, but only in the summer, (his excuse is 'well, someone's got to guard the house'). I often wait under our tree until I spot them up the road, but usually my inbuilt feline antenna lets me know they're on their way home ages before that. There's two good pracical reasons for meeting them, no, three good practical reasons: 1. They love me doing it so I get fussed Big Time, 2. I'm always first to find out if they've brought anything edible back with them, and 3. I'm certain they'd never find their way to the front door otherwise. Anyway today, I got the Big Time fuss, I made sure they found their way to the door, but unfortunately no incredible edibles. Well, unless you count the bit of cream I scrounged from a cream cake they'd bought. Hmm, yes the cream was very good actually. OK, so Gemini scores three out of three again!

Friday 12 March ~ by George (orange paws) Cat
It's not funny having orange feet you know, it really isn't. I'm sure it's fine if you're orange all over, then you'd be used to it, but when you've had white feet all your life it's a big thing to get used to. Still, now that I know it's all the fault of the litter in my litter house and not a mid-life-colour-change as I first thought, it's not so bad. I expect I'll be getting a different sort of litter once this bag's finished, I don't think the folks like litter-tray-orange as a colour scheme for cats. It does rather take the edge off my incredible handsomeness, and I don't think my email girlfriend would approve either. Anyway, if you're easily shocked, look away now, here are some photos the folks took today, which show the full horror of my current crisis!

Thursday 11 March ~ by George
Snow, snow, snow! Down it came and lots of it too. I expect that nice lady from Wales sent it like the last lot, it was the same variety. For a couple of weeks now I've been waiting and watching for my frogs to come and bring me their jelly, but I can't say that I blame them for not coming yet, it's far too cold out there. There are a few frogs in the pond, but being quite smart they stayed under the water, and the rest, well I don't know where they are, but when they arrive, they'll all arrive together, (they all catch the same flight home). I thought I'd put a photo in today to show two things, first to show the snow, and second to show that our weed borders do have the occasional flower! Oh, and my feet are still orange. I'm hoping they might get blue litter next time, I think I'd look good in blue feet!

Wednesday 10 March ~ by Gemini
Outside was a bit unpredictable today, in as much as we had snow this morning, then bright sunshine later, which melted all the snow. I'm not keen on unpredictable weather, I prefer dependable weather so I can decide where best to be. Under the circumstances I decided to plonk myself on the sofa in the office all day. George saw the wisdom of my ways and joined me, but not for long. We had a visit from one of the L.I.B's (Ladies with interesting Bags), and she wanted to fuss us of course, seeing as we're two of her very favourite cats. She had her Interesting Bag with her, and George had convinced himself she wanted to put him in it and take him home, so he scarpered! Honestly, and he calls himself Big Bad George, (yeah right!)

Tuesday 9 March ~ by George
I've often wondered what it would be like to be a different colour, maybe tabby like Gemini or Ginger like Marmaduke up the road. I thought I was going to find out today exactly what it's like, when I noticed I was starting to change colour! It was only my feet, but they were definitely a gingery sort of orange, and they've definitely always been white before. Gemini's always said that cats stay the colour they're born, and that's that, but even she seemed half convinced of my impending colour change. Would I eventually turn completely orange? How long would it take? Then I realised that the colour of my paws wasn't orange exactly, and not exactly ginger either, but more like the colour of my lit... Oh. Right. Yes I get it now. Exactly the same colour as the litter in my litter house. That's why it's only my feet. Litter coloured feet. Can I have different litter please?

Monday 8 March ~ by Gemini
I think the folks took notice of my 'in praise of windowsills' diary the other day, because today one of my favourite windowsills got bigger. Well not got bigger exactly, but there's far more space on it for me to sprawl along now, due to the fact that they moved the big rubber plant off it, (anyone remember George's Big Green ten-armed man-eating Monster thing? Yes that rubber plant). Anyway, it's been moved onto a piece of furniture instead, so I can s-t-r-e-t-c-h right out along the sill now, with my belly to the sun and my bum over the radiator, how perfect is that? Sometimes I feel so pampered, but let's face it, I deserve it!

Sunday 7 March ~ by George
Humans have very confusing ideas about what we're allowed to eat and where we're allowed to eat it. Like today, perfect example: we're allowed to eat prawns, we've had them lots of times (not very regularly though sadly), but it seems very important to them exactly where the prawns have to be before they're happy for us to eat them. If they're in our bowls, that appears to be fine, but when I tried to eat the same prawns straight from the pack on the worktop, all of a sudden that's not fine! (same prawns, different location, what's the big deal?). The same thing happens in the summer, when they're eating outside: I'm allowed to eat anything at all that happens to fall out of their sandwiches onto the ground, but if I try to have something straight from the sandwich, then it's a no-no. And the fuss they make if I drag food out of my bowl to eat it on the kitchen floor, unbelievable! (kitchen floor, patio, what's the difference?). I could never be a human, it would take far too long to learn all their silly rules!

Saturday 6 March ~ by Gemini
George and his 'staring thing' from the windowsill yesterday got me to thinking how nice it is that windowsills are incorporated into the design of all houses just for the benefit of us cats. That must be the reason for them, I mean humans never sit on them, do they? I saw Poppy cat looking out from her windowsill the other day, and I wondered how hers compares to ours, and whether she ever wondered how ours compared to hers. I expect there are better windowsills than ours, ones that are wider, or warmer, or with better views, but I like ours best just because they're ours, and they're here, and I can sit on one whenever the fancy takes me. I had a go at sitting on George's favourite bit of windowsill this evening, the bit behind the curtains. It's OK, but you can't see what's going on in the living room, so I didn't stay there long, I might have missed out on something!

Friday 5 March ~ by George
There was a strange cat in our garden today. I don't mean strange like he had six legs or anything, just that he was a cat I didn't know. A grey stripey thing he was, with a very big head. The sort of head you don't mess with, unless you're a reckless TFT (Top Fighting Tabby) like Gemini. I stood up boldly on the kitchen windowsill and stared him out, well at least I stared at him, he was looking the other way, (he'd probably heard about my dangerous stares). Anyway, one of my most dangerous stares ever followed him all round the pond, along our weed borders, across the grass and then finally up over the fence into next door's garden. Hah! What a wimp! He obviously couldn't stand the intensity of a full blown George Battle-Stare!

Thursday 4 March ~ by Gemini and George
We didn't set the world to rights today, or do any especially important things. It was, as you can see, a sunshine-indoors and purple relaxez-vous sort of day. The folks sometimes refer to days like these as 'Monday Matinee and a box of chocolates' days. Oh, they carried on working of course, it was only us who had the Monday Matinee day! (and on a Thursday too, what are we like, eh?). And if the world did get put to rights today, then for once we can't take the credit!

Wednesday 3 March ~ by Gemini
Today we found out where our frogs have been hiding. Well some of them at least, they've been in the pond all the time. One of the folks went to clear some of the weed out of it today and spotted what they thought was 'some dead frogs' in one of the planter baskets. I was on hand to give expert advice, but getting dead frogs out of a pond is not my bag at all, (only humans do things like stick their arms in ponds). So, they lifted the frogs out (four of them, all in a huddle) on to the bank, only to find that they weren't dead at all! In fact they were very much alive, and rather upset at having been disturbed, so they were hastily plopped back into the water. I think they were getting in the mood for Spring if you get my drift! They weren't quick enough to get a frog photo, so I obliged later on by posing in the toolbox-that-is-a-sewing-box.

Tuesday 2 March ~ by George
My whole life as far as I can remember, I've always been good at wailing, so naturally wailing is my preferred method of getting what I want. Sometimes though, I find myself wailing for something, and halfway through the wail I forget what it is I'm wailing for. Being a smart sort of George, I never wail for no reason at all (although the folks often think I do), so I carry on doing it in the full knowledge that every wail has a purpose. Usually the purpose is either (a) to get food, or (b) to get fussed. So, if the folks misunderstand, it's not the end of the world. I don't mind getting food instead of fuss, and I don't mind getting fuss insted of food, but what I do mind is getting ignored! And yes, hard though it is to believe, even I, Big Bad George, Special Agent Double-O one-and-a-half, sometimes gets ignored. My worst nightmare would be to be invisible!

Monday 1 March ~ by Gemini
Lovely, lovely, lovely. I could be talking about myself there I know, but I'm too modest for that. No, what was lovely today was just the amazing amount of sun we had, and it all seemed to be coming in through the right windows for a change. It came in through the back windows this morning, which meant I could lay along the office windowsill with the sun warming me all over, like being in a sleeping bag only not. And then in the afternoon it came through the front windows, just at the right angle for me to soak up the rays on the front mat, belly up with my legs in the air, (not an obviously elegant position, but I get away with it). You just can't beat the feeling of sun on your belly, particularly if it's a recently filled belly!

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