The Cats' Diary Archive

Monday 31st May - by Gemini
Oy, what d'you mean cattery? As in... cattery? Hey that's not fair, I didn't see that coming! What do you mean you have a couple of pens booked at that nice cattery with the separate bedrooms, the heat lamps and the view of the fish pond? That's not going to work, a 'couple of pens'... I'm not daft you know, that means two pens, and there's three of us! Couldn't we just stay here? Next-door-lady could feed us, that'd be fine, honestly! Well, I can tell you one thing, you'd better not put me in with that young menace Yogi cat, that's all I can say. This is outrageous, that's what it is. Can't we talk about this, I mean there must be another way...
(There wasn't another way. Gemini & Tangle are sharing. Yogi cat got the pen next door. Diaries should resume in approximately a week... providing Gemini isn't still outraged!)

Friday 28th May - by Tangle & Yogi
Tangle: Yogi-Pogi, how could you! What were you thinking, putting a frog in my nest!
Yogi: What d'you mean 'in your nest'? I just put my frog in your pile of toy mice on the corner stair, that's all.
Tangle: Exactly! That's my... well, they're my ummm... you know, it's just the nest for all my favourite little, errr...fluffy mice, and things, you know...
Yogi: Yeah, I noticed you've been kind of collecting them up there. I thought you'd be pleased to have a nice shiny frog in your collection, I mean you haven't got one of those, have you?
Tangle: Oh no! No, no, no, frogs can't go in my nest, that's not right at all. I keep telling you, frogs belong in the garden. And anyway, they're not fluffy or cute or...
Yogi: 'Ere Tangle... them toy mice in your, ummm, nest... you're not thinking they're like, well... kittens or something, are you?
Tangle: Kittens? Of course not! What a silly idea! Why on earth would I think that?
Yogi: Oh, I dunno, just the way you've been collecting them up from all over the house over the last couple of weeks, carrying them all careful like, one-by-one, and dropping them on the pile, and doing that funny little miaow you do sometimes. That's all.
Tangle: Come off it, you're exaggerating now. I'm only tidying them up, you know, just making sure they're in the right place, all together, nice and neat, like...
Yogi: Yeah, like kittens!
Tangle: Now listen I don't think, no not really... well, OK maybe a bit... look anyway, the point is, my nest doesn't include frogs!

Tuesday 25th May - by Yogi Cat
I did it! I went on the Colonel's roof! I never knew Colonel Beau Cat (he went to the Bridge before I was even born), but I know about some of the things he did. He was a proper hero he was! I heard he could break through locked cat-flaps, and that he climbed up both the un-climbeable trees, and he could jump out the bathroom window onto the kitchen roof without a parachute or a safety net. Gemini said he was really just a silly old fool, she said he only got to be a Colonel because he was promoted out of harms way, and she said that no cat in their right mind would want to do all the daft things he did. Obviously Gemini knows nothing about being a proper hero. I did try breaking through our cat-flap when it was locked but I didn't have much luck, (then I found out it's a different cat-flap to the one the Colonel broke out of, so that wasn't my fault), and I'm sure the un-climbeable trees have got bigger and even more un-climbeable over the years (well, I can't see a way up, that's for sure), so that only left the bathroom window thing. Trouble is, it's never open wide enough to get out... until today, that is. So today, I, Yogi Cat, went out the bathroom window and down onto the Colonel's roof, without a parachute or a safety net, just like a real hero! I even got back up again too. Admittedly I knocked half the contents of the windowsill into the bath in the process, but it wasn't bad for my first go. Oh yeah - and here's me on the un-climbeable mantelpiece, just about to climb up the un-climbeable shelves. Gemini said even Colonel Beau didn't do that!

Sunday Afternoon 23rd May - (on last night's shindig) by Gemini
I knew it! I knew they'd mess it up! I'm amazed our folks even manage to get up in the mornings without and instruction manual, they can be that daft. It's just as well the incredible 'Blip' did most of the serious organising. All our folks really had to do (well apart from the drumming thing, but I refuse to comment on that), was to organise the contents of the tins in the Grand Draw, hardly difficult you'd think. For those of you who weren't there, here's the thing... 15 tins, 15 winners, each choosing a tin at random. Al the tins have a couple of 'treat' type things in, and also a number which corresponds to one of the nice draw prizes. Only at this point, all the winners are told not to open their tins just yet (with me so far?). Ok, so then the tin that corresponds to the extra-special-first-prize also has a mobile phone in, (bear with me, I'm getting there, I promise). So to find out who's won first prize, our Human of the Female Variety (honestly, this is so embarrassing) rings the mobile in the tin, the idea being that the first-prize-tin rings, and 'Ta-Da!', there's your winner! Only it didn't. Ring, that is. Did you spot their obvious blunder? Yes, quite. The phone was in a tin, and mobile signals don't go through tins! Well of course I knew that, but did they bother to consult me? No they did not. I sometimes wonder what our folks have between their brains and their skulls, but my guess is it's just a lot of wasted space! Anyway, blunders aside, I gather a good time was had by all, and our folks were delighted to have met so many wonderful people. No doubt there will be a few photos floating around before long. Here's to the next ten years!

Saturday Morning 22nd May - by Gemini
Oh goodness me! It's really happening then! Finally, after all these months of planning and fussing about, the Cat Chat 10th Anniversary Party actually seems to be happening, and tonight in fact! Trouble is, knowing how clueless our folks usually are, I always had a nagging doubt that they'd really get it together to do this. Of course they've had lots of help, (just as well). So, this morning our old friends Big Van Man and the Giggle Lady came round in their big van and collected the Big Thing in the garage, and other assorted boxes, all 'stuff' for the party, I gather. That's good then, if they're going to the party too, there'll be four people there at least! (Joking... I'm joking!).
Seriously though, to all those who are potty enough to be joining them later, have a great time! (and also seriously, any left over food, especially fishy things or cheesy puffs, should be sent to: Gemini c/o the Cat Chat post box, thank you!)

Wednesday 19th May - by Gemini
I have no idea how many hundreds of frogs there are in our pond but at the rate Yogi's going, he'll have brought each and every one of them in at least once by the end of the summer. You can almost see a back-door-to-pond track in the grass where the folks keep having to trot them back down the garden. Just as well he can't get out at night or I swear we'd be knee deep in Yogi's amphibian playmates by morning. Now luckily for his daytime frogs they're never indoors long due to Yogi's special and very distinct Frog Alert miaow, which the folks have come to recognise. It's quite a curious thing actually, Yogi's "Look! I've got a frog!" miaow sounds uncannily like Tangle's "Look! I've got a leaf!" miaow. Although it's beyond me why they both feel the need to bring outdoor things indoors at all. I never did that when I was their age. Oh... well... apart from my rat, but that was an exceptional circumstance. I mean, it's not every day one catches a big, brown rat, is it? But leaves and frogs, well they're just common found-all-round-the-garden things, aren't they? Follow that sort of logic and they'll be bringing in broken drumsticks and clothes pegs next!

Friday 14th May - by Gemini & Tangle
Gemini: Oh my goodness Tangle, when did this arrive? Why didn't you come and get me? This is a serious box! How long have you known about it? Have you been inside it?
Tangle: Gimme a chance, I only found it a few minutes ago! I don't know how long it's been here, I didn't hear it come in, I just discovered it when I came out to eat some of your... errr... some of my biscuits. But yeah, of course I've been inside it, that was the first thing I did naturally.
Gemini: So come on then, what's in it, anything interesting?
Tangle: Nope, nothing in it at all. It's ever so high though, I've never seen a box this high before. Never seen a box with so much nothing in it either.
Gemini: But what's it doing in our kitchen, that's what I want to know. There must've been something in it when it arrived. I mean, our folks are odd and all that but they don't usually have great big boxes of nothing in the kitchen.
Tangle: Ah right! Well then, that'll be the great big thing behind the box then, I wondered what that was.
Gemini: Big thing behind it...? Oh... my... goodness, that's the thing! The thing for the party! Crumbs it is big, isn't it. Now I know why they've been wondering how on earth they're going to get it up to London next week.
Tangle: Never mind the thing, I hope they don't take the box. I could get to like that box. Do you think we could keep it? Do you though Gemini? Can we? Can we keep it?
Gemini: Well I don't know, I'd have to approve it first. In fact I feel like approving it right now. Come on... move out the way... Gemini's coming through!

Wednesday 12th May - by Tangle
That was sooo sneaky! And unfair too. Annoyingly, sneakily unfair! Grrrr! I can't believe I fell for it! Gemini told me how sneaky the folks could be about getting cats into cat boxes. She also told me that if it ever seemed like there's something funny going on then there probably is. Well she was jolly well right on both counts today. I thought there was something going on this morning, when two cat-boxes appeared on the spare bed. Only nothing happened. They just sat there with their doors shut. So after a while when still nothing happened, I sort of forgot about them, like you would. Well you would, wouldn't you? Turned out to be a cunning ploy of course, well I know that now! Then this afternoon I heard one of the folks playing shoelaces with Yogi up on the landing, so I went and joined in (well again, you would, wouldn't you?). And that shows just how green I am, because that turned out to be a ploy too! I'd just got into some serious shoelace-pouncing when 'whoooosh!', I got whisked up and popped in a cat-box, just like that. I'd been seriously tricked! I wasn't the only one though, when me-in-the-box got downstairs there was Gemini-in-her-box too. She's already been tricked before me. OK, so it was only our annual vet-check-MOT-thing, but that's not the point. The point is their sneaky, annoying, unfair trickery, and how I fell for it! I'll be ready for 'em next time, just you see!

Friday 7th May - by Yogi
Tangle told me that before I got my proper name the folks used to call me 'Black Cat'. Well that just goes to show how much they know, because I'm not a black cat at all! I'm mostly black obviously, but if they'd looked closely they'd have seen I'm black and white. I've got these two white hairs, you see, pure white they are, just growing up between all my black ones. I've got one on my side and one right in the middle of my chest. Tangle didn't believe me at first, but I showed her and now she reckons I'm even stranger than she reckoned I was before. She said having just two white hairs isn't normal and that my tail isn't normal either. Well I don't think I'm strange at all, but then I'm used to my white hairs and my funny tail. Tell you what I don't understand though, how come my two white hairs are longer than my black ones? I haven't told Tangle that bit, or she'd think I was even stranger than she thought I was after she found out I was even stranger than she thought I was before that, if you see what I mean. I've just got interesting fur, that's all!

Saturday 1st May - by Yogi & Tangle
Yogi: 'Ere, Tangle, I don't reckon you're trying very hard with this frog game. I've been getting loads. I got three yesterday, two the day before, and four the day before that!
Tangle: Sure, but then I don't spend hours rooting round in the mud by the pond getting filthy looking for them do I?
Yogi: Exactly, and that's why I get all the best frogs! Did you see that really big one I put in the folks's bedroom last night? He was a whopper, he was. You have to get your paws dirty to get frogs like that.
Tangle: Listen Yogi, I know I told you about the frog game, but I never told you to bring them indoors! The folks are getting fed up keep finding frogs everywhere.
Yogi: Yeah well, not as fed up as me when they keep taking them back down the pond. I go to a lot of trouble getting them frogs you know. And anyway, come to think of it, I haven't seen you get a frog lately... or at all for that matter. In fact, I reckon I'm the only one playing!
Tangle: To be honest Yogi, since you've been here I haven't bothered with frogs. I mean, they're OK, but it's much more fun chasing you. You're my new game!
Yogi: Am I? So... who's winning then?
Tangle: Well I am of course, by miles! I've caught you loads more times than you've caught me. I'm at least a hundred 'gotchas' ahead I reckon.
Yogi: Hey that's not fair! I wasn't trying! You never even told me I was a game!
Tangle: Who said anything about being fair? If Gemini can make a rule book up as she goes, then so can I!

Monday 26th April - by Gemini, Yogi & Tangle
Gemini: Ahem! OK, you two, listen up, I have a very important question to ask. Now, at the risk of sounding like a storybook... who's been sleeping in my bed?
Yogi: Not me! I didn't go near it, honest! Well... when I say I didn't go near it, I did go near it, but only when I was chasing that shoelace, so that was the shoelace's fault, not mine. But I didn't go in it, and I definitely didn't go sleeping in it. I wouldn't dream of sleeping in your bed!
Gemini: Well done Yogi, that was a very full and frank answer, thank you for that. So, umm... Tangle..? Would you like to comment at all?
Tangle: Errr... well... in answer to your question... can I say 'no, I wouldn't like to comment', can I say that?
Gemini: Look, I'm not some reporter you know, I'm not trying to catch you out, it's just a simple question! And no, you can't say no, you wouldn't like to comment.
Tangle: Oh, OK then. In that case, it was me! I admit it, I slept in your bed yesterday when you were on your fluffy cube thing downstairs, and I slept in it this afternoon when you were up on the folks' bed. There, I've said it!
Gemini: Hmmm. Fair enough. So... what did you think of it then, as cat-beds go?
Tangle: Eh? Oh, well... since you ask, it was very nice as it happens. It's big enough to stretch your back legs out a bit, but small enough to be cosy. The sides aren't too low or too high, and the cushion's just about the right depth. Yeah, very nice indeed as cat-beds go, why?
Gemini: Well I heard the folks talking just now about who's-been-sleeping-in-Gemini's-bed, and they're thinking of getting another one, just the same. So I reckon if you're the one who's been sleeping in it, and you like it so much, I reckon this new one will have your name on it.
Tangle: Oh right! Cool!
Yogi: 'Ere, that's not fair! There's me being all good... and... and... that's not fair! I wish I'd gone in it now!

Friday 23rd April - by Tangle
Am I the only normal, sensible, grown-up cat around here? It jolly well feels that way sometimes. I like Gemini, and I like Yogi too, they're both OK cats if you ask me, so why don't they think that too? Trouble is, Yogi just doesn't help himself. He should know by now that if he stares at Gemini for too long or starts making a nuisance of himself, then she's going to biff him one. But sometimes he still does it, like this morning out under the patio table, he goes right up to her, poking his nose in and being a pest, while she's just chillin' in the sun. I mean, what does he expect? Yogi's my mate too though, and even if he is a pest sometimes, I reckon Gemini totally over-reacted. And then Yogi totally over-reacted back. So it ended up with them having fisti-cuffs down by the flower pot with grass in, (I still haven't worked out why there's a flowerpot with grass in when there's plenty of the stuff growing all over the garden). So what was I supposed to do, eh? Well, what I did was, I went straight over and biffed Yogi for starting it, and then I went over and biffed Gemini for biffing Yogi. That shut 'em up. Gemini was as stunned as the folks. I don't think anyone's dared to biff Gemini before. They both deserved it though, she may be nearly fifteen but she can be every bit as juvenile as Yogi. Honestly, it's like training kittens all over again!

Saturday 17th April - by Yogi
You know, I don't reckon Gemini and Tangle have been doing their jobs properly. I thought part of a cat's job was to spot every place in every room that looks big enough for a cat to fit in, and the other part is to go and fit yourself in those places just to make sure. It stand to reason that's a cat's job, I mean people can't do it can they, they're too big. Well anyway, it turns out Gemini and Tangle haven't bothered with half the places around here. Only this week I've found two new places they've never been in. They're just not trying hard enough! On top of the fridge is good, if I'm quiet the folks don't notice me there 'til I knock one of the fridge magnets off (I'm good at that). Gemini said she had been on the fridge, but that was years ago, when it was a different fridge (so that doesn't count). But my best new place is in the music-cupboard-thing, on the shelf above the hi-fi, underneath the shelf with the CD's. I had to knock some cassettes on the floor to get in there mind, but come on, who plays cassettes these days anyway? Then Gemini said there are other places, even more cat-sized than these, where she's been that I haven't even discovered yet, but she wouldn't tell me where they are! What a tease!

Wednesday 14th April - by Gemini
Oh yes, very clever, I'm sure. I don't know what young Yogi's trying to prove, but if he thinks something like that's going to impress me, well he can think again! I agree with Tangle, weeing in the bath is gross and definitely not allowed in my rule book, no matter how clever and accurate he is. You see, Yogi's latest ummm... party piece is to sit directly over the plughole in the bath, and wee straight down it, thus avoiding the river-of-wee along the length of bath. I suppose that does demonstrate some level of intelligence, but even so, it's not the sort of behaviour I expect from my fellow housemates, (and I shall box his ears if I catch him doing it again). Still, he did redeem himself slightly by bringing in another frog tonight. He'd taken this one upstairs and plopped it behind the toilet for the folks to find. Which they did. I must say there's something curiously entertaining about seeing our human of the female variety going out at midnight in her gumbies and dressing gown, and trudging down the garden whilst trying valiantly to keep hold of a wriggling frog just long enough to get it back in the pond, (and if the folks who live opposite are reading this, no - you weren't seeing things). Still, despite his glimmers of smartness, I'm afraid Yogi still remains (a) a boy, (b) the newbie and (c) nowhere near as smart as me!

Friday 9th April - by Tangle & Yogi
Tangle: Yogi! What d'you think you're playing at, you can't do that! Look... it's running all along the bath!
Yogi: What? Well, 'course it is, it has to run along the bath to get to the plughole. The water out of the shower does it, so why should it be any different for...
Tangle: Honestly, Yogi-Pogi, you are just so gross it's untrue. I have a good mind to tell Gemini!
Yogi: Spoilsport! Anyway, I don't see what the problem is. One of the folks'll be along soon and they'll wash it all down the plughole with the shower, just you see.
Tangle: Yeah, but that's not the point though, is it? And anyway, what's wrong with using one of the litter trays? Or the garden?
Yogi: Nuthin' wrong with them, it's just... well this one just felt like a bath-type wee, that's all.
Tangle: A bath-type wee? You are a seriously strange cat sometimes Yogi. A strange cat with strange ideas and a strange tail to match, that's what.
Yogi: 'Ere, don't bring my tail into it, I can't help that! Anyway, if my bath-type wee is so gross why'd you just sit there on the end of the bath and watch me do it?
Tangle: Oh, no, I didn't... I wasn't... I mean, I'm not exactly sure... it ummm. Oh I don't know, I suppose I just couldn't not watch!
Yogi: There, see - not quite so hoity-toity little-miss-perfect lady tortie Tangle Puss now, are we?
Tangle: Yeah, OK... but it's still gross though. Seriously gross.

Tuesday 6th April - by Yogi
Cat in the pond! Cat in the pond! No, not me, I'm smart, I am. No, it was my mate the skinny tabby who I play with sometimes. My mate with the blue collar, he went in the pond! It wasn't my fault, honest, we were just playing stalking like we do, and it was my turn to do the stalking. Well I reckon I surprised him when I rushed out from under the Big Bush, but instead of running round the edge of the pond (which would have been the smart thing to do) he tried to jump over it... sort of... and sort of didn't quite make it. Well his front end made it, only that's not quite good enough when it comes to ponds, is it? He got soaked. I've never been in the pond but he didn't look like he enjoyed it. Gemini says her old housemate George Cat used to go in the pond on purpose! She said he caught a bird in there once when it was having a bath, and he jumped straight in and got it, just like that! Now that's pretty cool if you ask me. My mate with the blue collar didn't get a bird though, he just got wet and covered in green weedy stuff. When I catch a bird (and I will do even if Gemini says I won't, and even if the folks keep making me wear a bell on my collar), but when I do, I'll make sure I look cool, and that I'm not soaking wet and covered in green weedy stuff. Trust me, that's not a good look!

Friday 2nd April (a very Good Friday) - by Tangle
Good Friday? Oh yeah, it was as it goes, very good! It's taken pretty nearly ten whole weeks, but finally it looks like Gemini's accepted Yogi as part of our gang. I can't make out why it's taken her so long though, I mean, I knew he was OK right from the start. Still, you can't argue with Gemini, after all she's been in charge here for over fourteen years and she wrote the rule-book, so she must know best. Yogi's learning curve helped though. Things started getting better when Yogi finally twigged on that if he doesn't start hissing at Gemini every time she comes near him, then she's much less likely to chase after him and box his ears. Yeah, I know, it's not rocket science, I tried to tell him that loads of times, but I suppose Gemini's right, common sense doesn't come naturally to boy-cats, they have to be taught it - the hard way. Anyway, so now at last, we can all go up on the bed at the same time, with no argy-bargy, no hissing, and no who-do-you-think-you're-looking-at glares, it's great! The thing is, I love Yogi and I love Gemini too, and I just don't get why Gemini doesn't love Yogi and why Yogi doesn't love Gemini. Maybe they will though... one day... I won't hold my breath though. Oh yeah, and the other thing I don't get is why Yogi poo's in the bath sometimes. He doesn't do it very often, but he did it this morning. Is that gross or what? That's grosser than gross if you ask me. I don't think Gemini knows about that yet. I bet that's not allowed in her rule-book!

Monday 29th March - by Yogi
That's not fair! Tangle told me that frogs are like a game - a chasing and prodding game. And she said you could play it when the frogs finished making their jelly and come out of the pond. Well, that's what I thought they'd done today. I mean, some of them were out on the grass, so I thought they'd come out to play, so I tried some chasing and prodding, even though it was tipping it down with rain, (well, I'm waterproof so I don't mind getting a bit wet). Still, I'd rather play in the dry, so I thought I'd bring the frogs indoors, (genius idea eh?). Tangle's right about them jumping in the air though, I made one of them jump up the hall, and one jumped under the kitchen table. Frogs are excellent, it's like they're on springs or something. What Tange didn't tell me was that our folks haven't got a clue how to play frogs! I reckon if they'd prodded them like I did, the frogs would've carried on jumping round the house, and it would've been great fun, but d'you know what they did? They picked them up, took them outside and put them back in the pond! I brought three frogs in this evening, and they put all three back in the pond without even trying to play with them! (I bet them frogs were well disappointed). Then the folks locked the catflap up and I had to play with Tangle instead. Just when I was getting good at frogs too, how unfair is that!?

Wednesday 24th March - by Tangle & Gemini
Tangle: So... what do you reckon to Yogi doing that video thing then? I mean, is that allowed?
Gemini: To tell you the truth, I haven't decided if it's allowed or not yet. He had a bit of a cheek doing it without my permission though. I should box his ears for that.
Tangle: Yeah, I suppose. If you can catch him. Anyway, have you seen all that frog jelly in the pond, there's stacks of it!
Gemini: Yes I know, smashing isn't it? Still, if you want some I'd get in quick if I were you, it's not just me who eats it, I saw that big black and white cat getting stuck into some the other day. It's tastiest when it's fresh too. And it's best first thing in the mornings before the sun gets on it. There's nothing worse than warm frogspawn!
Tangle: Eeuurgh, that's so disgusting! Warm, cold or whatever, I just don't know how you can eat that stuff.
Gemini: Well it's an acquired taste, I'll grant you that. I wouldn't touch it for years actually, and then one day I ate some by accident, and well... that was it. I realised how delicious it was. And it's good to eat natural, seasonal things, isn't it? You should try some.
Tangle: Do you reckon? So... first thing in the morning you think then?
Gemini: Definitely. While it's still cold. And the biggest, juiciest clumps are here... look... down in the shallow end where the pebbles are.
Tangle: So, what you're saying is... frog jelly's best when it's chilled... and on the rocks?
Gemini: Exactly!

Sunday 21st March - by Yogi... (making Cat Chat history!)
Well, the thing is, it takes a youngster like me to come up with new ideas. I mean, Gemini would never have thought of it. Even Tangle didn't think of it. No it was me - Yogi Cat - all on my own. So what I've done is - I've made Cat Chat's first ever Video Diary! Oh yeah, how about that then? I wasn't sure how it worked though, but when I saw our folks with the camera I reckoned it couldn't be that hard to do. I figured you just have to know what button to press - so I pressed it. Well, here it is, you can see for yourself!

Saturday 20th March - by Gemini
Typical boy! Can't be trusted with anything! I never had this trouble with Tangle. When Tangle first came here I generously let her wear my best Kitty-collar with our phone number on, (which I gather is in case you get lost... presumably so you can phone home for directions... which is great in theory, but how many cats do you know who can use a phone?). Anyway, I told her to look after it and she did, bless her. She didn't lose it, she didn't get it mucky, and she certainly didn't chew it in half. Yogi, on the other hand managed to lose my collar twice - inside the house luckily - but even so. And he managed to get it filthy dirty too, which I expressly told him not to. Well, then he got his own collar, with his own name on, with a smart little bell, and unfortunately our phone number on (couldn't they have put someone else's?). Well he wore it with pride for the first couple of weeks, and then just came indoors one day sans collar, (that's french that is, I hope you're impressed. The late great Colonel Beau cat used to say you could see France from our kitchen roof, but I've never been one for sightseeing, especially not that high up). So anyway, to save my collar from further abuse, Yogi's been wearing the Colonel's old collar, which is mercifully bell-free... or at least it was until today... today, Yogi found his own collar, (he refuses to say where it was), brought it back and deposited it on our patio steps. Unfortunately as well as finding it and bringing it back, he had apparently also played with it somewhat enthusiastically, and managed to chew it virtually in half (how?). Hence he is now wearing the Colonel's collar, plus the addition of the newly-recovered bell. That's a senior officer's collar I told him, and as such he must treat it with a bit more respect, I said. Well, he looked as though he was listening, but you never can tell with boys, can you?

Tuesday 16th March - by Yogi & Tangle
Yogi: Hey, you never told me there were things in the pond!
Tangle: Things? What things?
Yogi: Didn't you see it? Just now... a brown thing... moving... over there by the sticky-up weeds. It had eyes and everything!
Tangle: That? Oh, that was just a frog, there's loads of them in there. Oh! I suppose you haven't seen frogs before! You just wait until the summer, they'll be all over the place then - in the weed borders, under the bushes, round the edges of the pond, everywhere.
Yogi: Really? So what are they then? Can you eat 'em?
Tangle: Eeuurgh, that's gross, no of course you can't eat 'em. Frogs are just for chasing and prodding, that's all. They're like a game really, you chase 'em or you prod 'em and they jump up in the air. If you chase 'em right, you can make 'em jump back in the pond. That's top marks, if you do that.
Yogi: Cool! So when can I have a go then?
Tangle: Well I dunno... not yet though. They have to stay in the pond for a bit, to make all this jelly with wiggly things in. Gemini says the wiggly things are like frogs kittens, sort of.
Yogi: Jelly with wiggly things in? Things like frogs kittens? Can you play with them too?
Tangle: Oh no, I don't think so. According to Gemini that's the bit you can eat.
Yogi: Yuuuuckkk! And you had the cheek to call me gross!.

Wednesday 10th March - by Gemini
Way to go Yogi! I do believe that boy is finally growing up and proving his worth around here. I have to say, I was impressed... not one, but two mice in under an hour! Well, I say two, but it could have been the same mouse, caught twice, (due to the folks releasing the first one into the weed borders in the back garden, which is roughly where Yogi caught the second mouse - or the first mouse again - whichever). Either way, Yogi's got a bit to learn about catching (and more to the point, keeping) his mice. He lost out on his first attempt due to a simple lack of experience. Still it's a learning curve, and now Yogi knows that dropping your mouse on the floor as soon as you come in through the cat-flap and then chasing it up the hall with your Kitty-Collars bell tinkling away is not the best way of keeping your mouse a secret from do-gooding, mouse-rescuing human hands! He did at least attempt to keep 'catch number 2' rather more quiet, but was foiled by the mouse who had the smart idea of hiding behind the swing-bin in the kitchen (which was full up, so no chance of moving it). That's when I thought I'd help out, so I sat on one side of the bin while Yogi sat on the other. And that would have worked, too... eventually, except it seems that two cats staring intently at a swing-bin is a bit of a giveaway. That time they released it into the front garden, thus denying Yogi a well-earned hat-trick. Ah well, never mind. It brought back fond memories of my dear George, and his mouse catching skills. He never bothered bringing them indoors, he used to just catch 'em and eat 'em! All except the feet though, funny, he never liked the feet.

Monday 8th March - by Yogi
That Tangle nicked my stick! I was going to take it indoors, I was honestly, only I wanted to play with it first, that was all. Well, it had these sort of stringy, sort of twiggy bits sticking out one end, so it was an intresting stick (which is how come I can put it in the diary). But the point is, it was my stick, I found it, and I wanted to be the one to take it indoors, only Tangle nicked it and took it in instead. It's so not fair that. She's already taken a stick in earlier, so it was my turn. My turn, and my stick! I can't be upset with her though, she's my friend. Tangle's brilliant. She chases me, and I chase her, and sometimes we just chase around together for no reason. Tangle's taught me loads too, like about bringing leaves and sticks in (she didn't teach me about earthworms though, I taught myself how to bring those in), and how to go front-to-back the easy way (by next door's garage), and now she's teaching me how to play Bannister Boxing! That's where you box each other between the poles up the stairs. That's great too. I said I could teach her how to catch earthworms if she wanted, but she didn't. She wanted me to show her how I do that thing with my tail. So I said yeah, I'd show her... if she stops nicking my interesting sticks! Then she said I couldn't prove it was my stick anyway, but I can - look! See that? That's me coming indoors. And where's my stick eh? Exactly!

Friday 5th March - by Gemini
OK, so here it is then, finally, the photo the folks have been hoping to get ever since Yogi's been here, the one of all three of us together. It's not that remarkable really though, is it? I mean, when three cats share the same house for six weeks (oh goodness, has it really only been six weeks? I swear he's aged me five years in that time). Anyway, as I was saying, about three cats in the same house, the law of averages says that sooner or later they'll end up in the same room at the same time. Actually, it's even less remarkable when you consider that in this case, the room happens to be the kitchen. The room where the food is. At roughly ten-to-teatime. Not rocket science, I think you'll agree. And a far more likely scenario than that thing with the monkeys and the typewriters. Particularly as there aren't any monkeys at Cat Chat Towers. Or any typewriters, come to that. So, does this mean I'm getting used to Yogi being around? Well yes, I suppose so. Except when he's being cheeky and staring me out, or coming through the catflap when I'm quite clearly on the other side. Naturally, I still have to put him back in his place when he breaks those sorts of fundamentals. Still he's learning quickly. And lucky for him, he can run quickly to, (very handy when I'm chasing him up the stairs). Oh, come on, he's a boy, he deserves to be chased! I don't chase him at mealtimes though. One must observe certain protocols when it comes to food, mustn't one?

Tuesday 2nd March - by Tangle
Yeah well, I wasn't to know, was I? I heard jingling, and jingling means toy mice with bells in, like you get for Christmas, doesn't it? Not only that, but it usually means toy mice with bells in that are moving, which is why they're jingling. So what else could I do but chase it? Except then Yogi ran off with it, so I chased after him, but when I caught him he hadn't got it, and then it turns out there was no jingly mouse at all, it was just a bell - round Yogi's neck! A jingly bell - fixed to a new collar - with his name on. It's one of those proper 'kitty collars' jobbies too, like Gemini's, only she won't wear hers. Gemini says she can remember her name without one, but Yogi's a boy so he probably needs reminding, that's what she said. Well, I don't know about that but I do know why they've got him a bell. It's because he's been stalking the Doves from Above when they get the seed that's fallen off the bird table. I heard the folks say he could be a right little menace, even though he hasn't caught anything yet, but that's why. So that's all well and good for the Doves from Above, but the trouble is, when I hear jingling how am I going to know if it's a Christmas mouse or a Yogi cat? Well, I'm not going to know, am I? So what I'm going to do is chase it anyway and worry about what I'm chasing later!