«« Go to Current Diary Page ««
Monday 30 June ~ by Gemini
George should be jolly grateful that the folks made a trifle today, otherwise he might well have felt the rough side of my paw! I suppose on the face of it, that doesn't make a lot of sense, but when you know the facts it does. I was in a very good mood indeed because we'd got to lick the bowls from the custard and trifle topping, and that makes my tummy very happy, and when my tummy's happy so am I. So when George decided to encroach on my special little 'Gemini Only' napping space on top of the T-shirt boxes I actually let him! Not only did I let him (even though technically there isn't room for two cats), but I even gave him a wash too, how nice of me was that? Nicer than usual that's for sure, so he'd better beware of trying it on a non-trifle day. He'd probably be OK on a coley day or a custard day, but that's about it. I have my limits!
Sunday 29 June ~ by George
Today I've been practising my stalking techniques. I'm pretty good at stalking actually, but I like to practise anyway just for the fun of it. I can do stalking whilst lying virtually flat on my belly and just sort of edging may way through the grass, and I can also do standing-up stalking, which is much harder. Standing-up stalking involves slowly moving forward whilst keeping your body and head at exactly the same height, and no twitching whatsoever. I practised on Gemini of course, but I also practiced on a crumpled up leaf that I thought was a frog. Here I am emerging from my undercover hideout, on the first leg of a stalking exercise.
Saturday 28 June ~ by Gemini
Humans really ought to just let us cats get on with cat business sometimes. We had an uninvited visitor this morning. A pale stripey tabby with white socks he was, sneaked in through the catflap he did and strolled over bold as brass towards our biscuit bowl! I waited just to see if he was brave or daft enough to eat any, and he did, he just plumped himself down and started crunching away. Needless to say I flew for him, knocking everything crashing off the table as I did so, which was what alerted the folks to the fact that something was up. The stripey intruder scarpered back from whence he'd came, I chased after him and the folks, as per usual, arrived too late to have a clue what had gone on. They should know by now I have these things perfectly under control, and don't need any help from them thank you very much. Particularly not at quarter past four in the morning - that's 'cats time' and people should learn to stay in bed where they belong!
Friday 27 June ~ by George
Aaargh! Half my jungle's gone! What on earth do our folks think they're doing? They think they're gardening, that's what they think, whereas what they're really doing is destroying some of my natural habitat. They've hacked down half my 'big bush' that I stalk through on some of my secret missions, and cut down most of the lovely long grass that had overgrown one of their 'weed borders'. Was I consulted before this destruction took place? No, I most definitely wasn't. It's not just our folks either, the next door folks have been doing the same lately. They have (or should I say had) even more jungly bits than we do, which are brilliant for having adventures in, and now half of it's gone, shredded, on the compost heap. What a waste! Now I know how orang utans feel. And elephants. And tigers. And gorillas. Still, at least our jungle will grow back.
Thursday 26 June ~ by Gemini
I'm not sure if this was a mistake or not, but we were given the 'senior' version of a certain catfood this morning. I understand from Marmaduke cat that you're only supposed to eat that when you're over eight years old, so it was a bit of a shock to realise that I am eight years old now and therefore 'senior'! I don't feel in the least bit senior, and I'm most certainly not going to act senior just yet, I'm far too young, and I've still got all my own teeth. I feel it must simply have been an error in the catering department, because George was given it too, and he's only seven. Marmaduke has had senior food for years, but then he's ancient! I'm not going to let this concern me, after all food's food, and if eating senior food means I'll grow to be as old as Marmaduke then I'll be very pleased indeed. Very old, but very pleased!
Wednesday 25 June ~ by George
Well nothing at all exploded today, that's a bonus. I think it's one of the things I'm going to add to my ever growing list of things to be happy about - days when nothing explodes. It'll go in the household section, along with 'days the vacuum cleaner stays under the stairs', 'days when the lawnmower stays in the garage' and 'fresh duvet days'. I have lots of lists like this in my head, which completely disproves Gemini's theory that I don't have much in there at all. My favourite list is quite understandably my list of favourite things. It includes such delights as having coley fish, chasing frogs, being fussed, getting the chair by the radiator, rolling in the muck, leaping, catching mice, prawns, playing rug-tug, being fussed some more and eating frog jelly. I've never had all these things happen on the same day yet, but I did have three of them today!
Tuesday 24 June ~ by Gemini
I don't know what to say about today's major event, I really don't. Just that I wish someone had warned us that's all, so we could have been somewhere else when it happened. I've no idea what caused it, and by the folk's reaction neither did they, but we basically had a sort of, well, explosion! Luckily me and George were in the kitchen, the folks were in the Cat Chat office and the explosion was in the living room, 'Booooom!', just like that it was. We scarpered out through the cat flap without even finishing our food, I'm brave but I'm not daft. When we were sure it wasn't going to happen again we went back to find the living room covered in dirt and dust, which appeared to have all come down the chimney somehow, even though there's a fire in front. Then we had to scarper again, because the dreaded vacuum cleaner came out to clear up all the mess. My day was all disrupted as a result. I do so hate disrupted days. It almost put me off my food. I said almost.
Monday 23 June ~ by George
I'm back! Hey Gemini, thanks for doing the diary for me yesterday, I... hold on, what did you mean I nicked your sparrow? I didn't nick your sparrow, I let you catch my sparrow! I'd had it lined up in my sights for ages, and just let you do the catching bit out of the goodness of my heart. Nicked your sparrow, huh! Anyway I showed my true courageous self today when I did battle with a vicious crinkle-monster that invaded our front garden. I was on sentry duty just outside the door when I heard the familiar scrunch-tap-crinkle noise of this most fearful of beasts coming closer and closer. I couldn't see it at first, but I could hear it, so I poised myself ready to pounce. The 'scrunch-tap-crinkle' got louder... then I saw it creeping round behind the tree, so I sprang like a springy thing, and pounced like a pouncy thing, straight on top of it! I grappled it to it's knees, and disarmed it with my bare teeth. Grrrrrrr! No crinkle-monster is safe with me around. It was 'salt & vinegar' too, they're the most dangerous of the lot!
Sunday 22 June ~ by Gemini (again)
I've no idea what George has been up to today, apart from this morning, when he nicked the sparrow I'd caught. Yes you heard right, I caught it, George nicked it. Anyway then he cleared off somewhere (probably one of his 'Secret Missions'), so I was left in charge for most of the day. As you can see I decided to practise some of my yoga stretches. It may look to the untrained eye like I'm just lazing around, but it takes skill to look this chilled and be keeping fit at the same time!
Saturday 21 June ~ by Gemini
I'm a fool to myself I really am. I should know better than to try to educate George about things that are too big for his brain. I foolishly decided to tell him that today was the longest day of the year, and then regretted it almost immediately. 'Oh really?' he said, 'How much longer is it then?'. I told him I didn't know exactly how much longer, just that it was. Then he wanted to know if it was minutes longer, or hours longer, and I told him I was sure it was only minutes. He looked puzzled before asking 'Well, where do the extra minutes come from? Do they borrow them from tomorrow?' (You can see why I wished I hadn't even started this). I then explained that today doesn't have any extra minutes, but that it was all to do with getting more daylight. I could see his little brain cells doing cartwheels over that one, then he said 'What if I locked myself in a cupboard and didn't get any daylight, would it still be the longest day then?'. (I could see my chance here, so I went for it): 'Crikey George, what a brilliant idea - and well volunteered too!' I said, 'Come on, I know just the cupboard...'
Friday 20 June ~ by George
I can't really write about what I did today, because I was on one of my Top Secret missions. And if there's one thing a Special Agent like myself knows, it's how to keep a Top Secret mission secret. Gemini told me later that the folks were worried because I wasn't there for breakfast, but I had a very important meeting to attend. And if there's one thing a Special Agent like myself knows it's that you don't miss important meetings. Oh, that's two things then. Luckily, I'd accomplished my Top Secret mission by lunchtime, which included saving the Universe (again), so I was able to make it back in time to help with the tuna sandwiches. And if there's one thing a Special Agent like myself knows, it's how to help out with tuna sandwiches. OK so that's three things. Anyway, if there's ever an important meeting about a secret tuna sandwich mission, I'm your cat!
Thursday 19 June ~ by Gemini
I must have looked like the cat that got the cream today. This was partly because I am a cat, and partly that I did in fact get the cream today. Picture the scene: sunny day, the folks having lunch on the patio, beautiful tabby cat watching their every mouthful (yes, that's me), a very deserving tabby cat at that. I wasn't particularly interested in the salad stuff they had to start with (too much like vegetables for my taste), but then out came the strawberries and cream, now you're talking my language! Well the cream part anyway, the strawberries seem rather pointless in comparison. I got to lick the bowls after, which is my little contribution to the washing up. Later on I went up the road to sit with Marmaduke Cat for a bit, so I told him about my cream treat. He knew all about strawberries and cream, and told me that they come from a place called Wimbledon. He says they have them there all the time. If we ever have to move house, I'd like to go to Wimbledon please!
Wednesday 18 June ~ by George
Since it's been my 'birthmonth' I've been allowing myself to be fussed far more than normal. I think it's my age, now that I'm seven I like to have all the fussing I can get. There's a particular thing that I like to be fussed with, called a curry comb. Apparently it's meant to be used on horses, but our folks have one to get all our fur off the chairs! Basically it's a big rubber hand-thing with rubber 'teeth' round the edge, that grab up all the loose fur. Anyway, I absolutely
love being stroked with this thing, and I got well and truly stroked to bits this morning. They got piles of fur off me, I swear they're collecting it to stuff cushions (or to make another George, I haven't ruled that one out yet), so I felt all sort of fresh and gorgeous after. My email girlfriend would say I was gorgeous all the time of course, which I probably am, but a little extra gorgeousness never hurts does it? It was one of those amazing fussing times when my purrs go into overdrive and I stick my nose in one of the folks shoes, (don't ask). 'Happy Birthmonth to me, Happy Birthmonth to me...'
Tuesday 17 June ~ by Gemini
I would like to issue a warning straight away, to anyone reading this who doesn't like spiders ~ you might prefer not to read on! I think spiders are superb things however, particularly the large brown ones with big thick hairy legs, they're delicious, and good to chase too. Normally my best chance of chasing a good spider is in the garage, so it was an unexpected bonus to have one right to hand (or in my case, to paw) tonight in our living room. One of the folks (her) was sitting watching the telly with a pair of shorts on, I think you know where I'm going with this. Mr. Spider wasn't watching the telly, all he wanted to do was to get from one side of the armchair to the other, and unfortunately there was a lumping great human in the way. He must have decided to take a short cut, or rather a '
shorts' cut, oh dear, you get the picture. Humans it seems don't react very well to having a spider run up the leg of their shorts, you should have seen her move! Luckily as she shot up, the spider shot down, and hit the ground running! I hit the ground chasing of course, and cornered it under the coffee table. I was looking forward to having him as a mid-evening snack, but despite the preceding hysteria, she got him in the 'bug catcher' and put him outside! Humans, honestly!
Monday 16 June ~ by George
Gemini really didn't do justice to her 'claw caught in the mat' episode yesterday. I know she's trying to play it down, but it was extremely funny. She'd come running across the front garden at a fair speed, and just inside the door she immediately got a front claw stuck firmly in the doormat, so she just sort of froze mid-run. The rest of her body thought it should still be running, but that claw wouldn't let her! Heh heh heh. Anyhow, my best moment of today was one of those things that only happens by mistake, I couldn't repeat it again if I practised for a week. The folks were by the pond doing that curious human thing known as 'avvin-a-cuppa', and me and Gemini were lazing up on the patio. As you know Special Agent Cats like myself are never completely off their guard, so I spotted the sneaky sparrow that hopped down off the fence at the bottom of the garden, and was off like a shot. I shot straight between the folks, knocked the 'cuppa' flying, spilling all the contents, and the 'cuppa' ended up perfectly upside down on the grass. What's the chances of that? Unfortunately the sparrow got away in the commotion, Bah!
Sunday 15 June ~ by Gemini
Today a most extraordinary...
What? No, I'm not going to write about that, sorry George, no way. As I was saying, today a most extraord...
George just shut up about that would you? Right then, this most extraordinary thing involved the folk's bicycles. They'd been out riding them today, despite my repeated warnings that (a) it's not natural and (b) they look incredibly stupid on them. When they came back however...
George I'm warning you, one more word and you'll feel the sharp end of my claws! These bicycles then, when the folks got home they turned them upside down in the garden and gave them a shower with the hosepipe! No, I can't explain it either.
George, no you wouldn't... oh all right then. George says if I don't write about this, then he will, so here goes. I tried to run in through the front door this evening, and I got one of my front claws caught in the mat, OK? That was it really, except that I couldn't get it out, and one of the folks had to come and disentangle me. All highly embarrassing. George thought it was wildly amusing however, and hasn't let me forget about it. I'll get you back George, mark my words!
Saturday 14 June ~ by George
What do our folks think they are playing at? They had a visitor today, which we wouldn't normally object to, in fact if they're any good at fussing cats then we positively encourage them. However, we do not encourage visitors with
dogs! Yes, you heard right, they had the audacity to let a
dog into
our house! I felt like saying '
Er, excuse me, it might have escaped your notice oh human ones, but that animal, that thing, is a dog. Read my lips D-O-G, not a cat, look closely, trust me, it's a dog'. I felt like saying that, but unfortunately my legs had already made a different decision entirely - namely to turn me round and blast me out through the cat flap at George-Warp-Speed-Twenty-Two (maximum thrust). Gemini's legs also made a similar decision, so neither of us had the chance to tell the folks the error of their ways. A
dog, honestly what will they let into the house next, a giant octopus? A twenty foot alligator that hasn't eaten in two weeks? A pink and green alien from the planet Zarg? Actually I think any of those would be preferable to a dog. Well, there's always the possibility that aliens from Zarg have prawns in their pockets, isn't there?
Friday 13 June ~ by Gemini
Major excitement today, discovering that Fred the Tadpole, and loads of his mates have finally turned into frogs! George was totally fascinated watching these teensy little things hopping about. So fascinated in fact that he forget to even chase them! The folks came to see what we were staring at, and as you can see from the photo they are pretty amazing. They put a penny in the photo to show just how absolutely tiny they are. George was proud to point out that this is a first for Cat Chat, having a picture of the queen in the diaries. Hmm, I suppose that is a first, but I still think the froglet is more photogenic!
Thursday 12 June ~ by George
I always thought it was a cat's job to chase birds, and a bird's job to chase worms, and a worm's job to, umm, I'm not sure what worms are supposed to chase, but never mind, that's not the point. What I'm getting at is that
cats chasing
birds is how it's meant to be, not
birds chasing
cats! Some birds it seems haven't been told this fact of life, and one bird in particular. One sneaky cheeky little blackbird, who lives in one of the gardens nearby and who often sits on our fence squawking it's blackbirdy squawk and generally making a nuisance of itself. There I was minding my own business, nosing through the grass round by our big bush, and this black tornado came swooping down and tried to attack me! Honestly it was so close, I felt the wind from his feathers whistle right past my left ear, ('Whhooooosh!'). What was that all about? Someone should tell him to go back to blackbird school, to learn the difference between worms and cats, basically that
worms don't have fur!
Wednesday 11 June ~ by Gemini
I had a very hectic half hour this afternoon, which is more than enough hecticness for any cat. I don't really do hectic as a rule, but I'd found this leaf you see, so I took it indoors to play with. Now normally I'd have swatted it round the floor for a bit, maybe chewed it a little, got bored with it and gone off for a nap, but that wasn't what happened at all. It all got hectic because George decided he wanted to play with my leaf, so he stole it from under my nose, so I then stole it back from him and ran up the stairs with it. He chased me and tackled me on the landing, so I ended up pinning him down for a two-squeaker, which was not in my plan at all. As I say, all a bit too hectic. This is my excuse for why I ended up sleeping on top of the tee-shirt boxes for the whole evening. You can see why I choose that spot can't you? Yup, no room for George!
Tuesday 10 June ~ by George
This morning I had to save our folks from certain death, when they were attacked by the giant watersnake in the garden (codename 'hosepipe'). They'd done their best to wrestle with the beast, finally grabbing it by the head and pulling it down to the pond. I leaped in to save them naturally, being Brave and Fearless and highly trained in such things. The watersnake is very fierce and extremely dangerous, it spits out jets of water into the pond, so it takes a cat as fearless and brave as Special Agent George, Defender of the Universe to tackle it! I dashed across the grass, leaped into the air ('Boing!') and pounced on it's squirmy green body, ('Gotcha!), then I grabbed it in my mouth and shook it ('Grrrrrrr!'). This gave the folks a chance to run for it, so they ran as fast as their terrified legs would carry them. OK so that might be a slight exaggeration, they strolled back up to the patio and had a cup of tea, but you get the idea. Big Bad George saves the day again!
Monday 9 June ~ by Gemini
George is always going on about how good he is at leaping, but I think I stole his crown today. Not only did I execute some of the best leaps ever, but I also combined them with a stretch-twist-and-grab manoeuvre second to none. It seems to be the start of bee season you see, and one of my favourite summer games is trying to grab or swipe bees. I often catch them too, and bring them down between my front paws, then let them fly off again. I have a similar game that I play with butterflies but the difference there is I eat them, rather than let them fly off, (butterflies are a very acceptable mid-morning snack). I think I demonstrated that despite being nearly eight, I'm still every bit as agile, sylph like (yes, sylph like George, trust me on this), and accurate as I ever was. I have a year's more experience at catching bees than George, but he's pretty good at it too. Still, I taught him all he knows, (well apart from his muck-rolling and litter tray tricks,
they're nothing to do with me!).
Sunday 8 June ~ by George
Seeing as I don't know exactly what date I was born on, I've decided that instead of a 'birth
day' I'm going to have a 'birth
month', starting today. I figured that if I celebrated every day for four weeks, then I'd be sure that I'd celebrated on the right day! (I'll be seven, impressive eh?). I was hoping that this might mean I got spoiled rotten every day for a month, but Gemini said I wouldn't notice much difference, because we get spoiled rotten every day anyway, (Oh yeah, is that so? well where's my coley fish then?). So, I celebrated today by going bonkers in the long grass at the bottom of the garden, rolling in the muck on the path, and managing to get myself fussed BIGTIME on the sofa later on. Finding ways to celebrate every day for a month is going to be pretty good I think.
'Happy Birthmonth to me, Happy Birthmonth to me...'
Saturday 7 June ~ by Gemini
I had one of my michievous days today. I just can't help it, sometimes days like that just creep up on me and take over. Me being in a mischievous mood is not good news for the folks, or our frogs and is particularly not good news for George! The frogs get chased far more than they'd like, and the folks have to be on their guard when going up or down stairs (especially down), in case I feel like getting in the way, which I do. I reserve my best bits of mischief for George though, and I caught him unawares a couple of times today, giving him a right scare. The best one was out in the garden, when he'd gone out for a wee in the grass. He didn't have a clue that I was hiding behind the delphiniums (yes there is an occasional flower in the folks weed borders, by mistake I think). I waited til he'd finished and he was busy scratching the grass over to cover the spot where he'd 'been', and I pounced! Boy you should have seen him run, he must have hit at least George-Warp-Speed Ten!
Friday 6 June ~ by George
When it's my turn to do the diary, I always try to write about the most memorable thing I did that day. Sometimes though, I just write from the heart. Today, Im gong to do both, with one of my world famous poems. It's cleverly called 'The Fussing Poem':
'The folks love to fuss me, I love being fussed, when I need some fussing, then fuss me they must,
I get fussed on the landing, and fussed on the stair, the bathroom, the hallway, in fact everywhere!
I get fussed on the sofa, and fussed on the bed, on my back, my belly, and all round my head,
So now for the record I just have to say, today has been simply a Fuss-Tastic Day!'
Thursday 5 June ~ by Gemini
Do I look like Percy Thrower, do I honestly? No, I thought not. Or Alan Titchmarsh even? Hardly, not even the slightest resemblance. So how then was I supposed to know that strawberry plants don't grow if they have a tabby cat snoozing on them for large parts of the day? I found this lovely spot a couple of months ago, where the folks have put straw down in one of the weed borders, which naturally I thought they'd put down especially for me. Very comfy indeed it is, so I've made it one of my regular snoozing places (from approximately 10.30 in the morning to 1.30 in the afternoon, give or take a snacktime or two). Apparently the folks had planted four strawberry plants in a row there, and they've been puzzling over why it's only the outside two that are growing. Seems the middle two are right underneath my snoozing spot! Daft place to put them if you ask me. Daft things to plant as well in my opinion. I think they should stick to what they're best at - growing weeds!
Wednesday 4 June ~ by George
I expect some of you might be asking why there's a picture of a tree in the diary today. '
George, why's there a picture of a tree in the diary today?'. (There, I told you so!) Well it's not just any old common or garden tree, oh no. What? Oh right, yes. Sorry, Gemini's just reminded me that these trees are quite common and it is in fact in a garden. Oh alright clever paws, so it
is a common or garden tree, but it's not just
any old common or garden tree, oh no. It's my world famous and very important 'Pigeon Tree' that lives in next door's garden. This is the tree that I spend many a hopeful hour underneath (like this afternoon) waiting for one of the pigeons to fall out. I know one of them will sooner or later, and I want to be ready when it does. Sadly the pigeons weren't at home when this photo was taken, so you'll have to take my word that they do live in it. They'd probably popped out to the shops for a bag of bird seed or something. But they'll be back. And I'll be waiting...
Tuesday 3 June ~ by Gemini
Firstly, I really must apologise for George's diary yesterday. I hope it didn't offend anyone, or worse, put them off their dinner! He's always been a little obsessed with things to do with 'his business', but I suspect that's a 'boy thing'. Due to the warm weather, I spent most of today in the 'belly-up' position in various sunny spots, some indoors and some out. Our sunny spots vary depending on the position of the sun during the day of course, for instance I was 'belly up' on the patio in the morning, 'belly-up' by the pond in the early afternoon, and then just inside our (glass panelled) front door by late afternoon. I actually think our folks could use me as a sort of feline sun-dial, they wouldn't need a clock or a watch to tell the time. They could just go 'Oh Gemini's just moved to the left bank of the pond, it must be two o'clock' or 'Gemini's belly-up on the front doormat, must be time for tea', that sort of thing. I'm much more reliable than clocks too, I don't need batteries!
Monday 2 June ~ by George
I was going to write about how many poos I did in my litter house this morning but Gemini reckons no one wants to hear about that. I feel sure she's wrong, there must be loads of people and cats like me who find that very fascinating indeed. All I'll say then, is that I did two more bits than normal (that's seven instead of five). Oh sorry, was that too much information? I'm sure people will be interested to know
why I did more than usual, surely that's newsworthy? Well, it was partly to do with the mouse I caught (and ate) last night, and partly to do with the fact that I nicked Gemini's left over supper. So, as I say there were seven of the little beauties for the folks to clear out this morning. They scoop them up and pop them into a little plastic bag, but what they do with them after that remains a mystery to me. I've discussed this at length with Sooty Cat (he lives a few gardens away from us), because his folks also put his poos into a bag. Gemini's not impressed. She says if I make one more mention of poos, bags, litter or anything remotely toilety she won't let me do a diary again. What a spoilsport!
Sunday 1 June ~ by Gemini
George was out under his sun lounger again this morning, but not to keep out of the sun this time. It was absolutely
bucketing down, and in those circumstances it serves as a sort of 'rain lounger'. I prefer to stay indoors myself, getting even a little wet isn't my idea of heaven. He was determined to stay out there though, he reckons birds are easier to catch after the rain (yeah, right), but he didn't stay long when the thunder started! Honestly, his little paws didn't touch the ground, he simply flew across the garden and in through the catflap in one almighty leap. If you've ever seen those old films where mad people get themselves fired out of cannons you'll have some idea of how he looked. Unfortunately, despite George's frequent suggestions, no-one has yet invented cat crash helmets. Now, because I'm a Tabby I'm naturally smart, and I believe I have come up with a much more practical solution to the problem of the cat-flap crash.
Soft flaps. Yup, forget cat crash helmets, what we need is catflaps with
soft doors. See through, plastic, soft no-crash doors. See, told you I was smart!
Saturday 31 May ~ by George
Today was the hottest day of the year so far so it's probably just as well I spent a large part of it under a garden sunlounger. I don't want to burn my cute little nose now do I, my email girlfriend would be most upset if I spoiled that, she says it's one of my best features. It must have taken her ages to decide that, seeing as I have so many good features to choose from! She's been telling me lately of her very admirable bird-catching exploits, and also of how she used a pair of shoes as an improvised litter tray after getting shut in the wardrobe! She never fails to impress me, honestly
shoes, how inventive, how cool! It's obviously good advice to heed in a crisis, and I'll certainly remember it if I even get shut in any wardrobes. This sunlounger then, as you can see it's a perfect sun shade, but our daft folks just can't get the hang of how to use it ~ you'll hardly believe this ~ they sit
on top of it, how mad is
that? Very, I think.
Friday 30 May ~ by Gemini
After breakfast today I had an extended pond watching session. It was only extended because I fell asleep in the sun, so technically speaking I wasn't watching it all the time. When I did however, I managed to get a good look at our newt. Despite George's wishful thinking he still hasn't done any triple back somersaults off the bank or swum a length in his pyjamas, but he was very good at swimming without pyjamas. I also discovered that we have two of them, but one was very camera shy. This was the best picture our folks could get of 'newt number one', short of getting in there with flippers and a snorkel, and even
they're not that daft. I had a 'wildlife watching' sort of a day one way and another, topped of by catching a big fat furry moth tonight. I took it indoors to play with, the folks hate it when I do that, (heh, heh, heh!)
Thursday 29 May ~ by George
Gemini's been teaching me about courses. I don't mean
learning type courses, like frog-plopping for beginners or advanced leaping, I mean courses that you
eat. I thought what you did with food was to just basically eat it, but no, it seems when humans eat food they do it in
courses. Separate ones depending on what the food is, strange eh? I haven't quite worked out how they decide which food is first course and which food is second course, and why on earth they have to be different. Couldn't you have
two first courses and just
call the second one a second course? Take today for example, prawn salad happened to be the folk's first course, which meant naturally that some of the prawns came our way. Second course turned out to be fruit (uuurgh!) with ice cream. I'm not a big fan of ice cream (unlike Gemini who licked their bowls totally clean afterwards), so why couldn't I just have another load of prawns and call it a second course? If I was in charge I'd ban courses, they're far too complicated!
Wednesday 28 May ~ by Gemini
I had quite a good day today, well up until this evening that is. I'd had a nice breakfast followed by a belly-up snooze on the lawn (that's the rough overgrown bit of grass between the weed borders), and a good long nap on the bed in the afternoon. I even managed to persuade some cheese to fall out of one of the folk's rolls at lunchtime, which was very yummy indeed. Tonight however, whilst stretched out on the stairs (the halfway-up and halfway-down one), I had the shock of my life. Nobody had bothered to put the light on you see, and being a tabby I blend in cleverly with most surroundings, particularly in the dark. So without so much as a split seconds warning, I got fairly and squarely stood on! I immediately flew into panic mode, shot down the stairs breaking the Cat Landspeed Record (that's even faster than George-Warp-Speed-Ten), and bolted behind the sofa. They took ages trying to coax me out, but I made them wait a good half hour before I came out and let them fuss and cuddle me. No, I wasn't really hurt, but I had to make it look good, I do so like a good sympathy-fuss!
Tuesday 27 May ~ by George
Hello, good evening and here is the newts! No I didn't get that wrong, I really did mean newts. We discovered today that we have newts in our pond, or at least one newt anyway. Now newts are strange,
very strange. They're not quite like frogs and not quite like lizards, and definitely nothing at all like elephants. The folks got quite excited when they spotted him, so I thought he was about to do something interesting like juggle some pond snails, swim a length in his pyjamas or do a triple back somersault off the bank, but no, he did none of those things. All he did in fact was nip smartly up to the surface, gobble up an insect and then nip smartly back down again. No fuss, no publicity, no 'Hello George, how're you doing?', nothing. Quite a cool character actually. Maybe newts are like the George Cat of the pond world, cool, smart, quick and mysterious. What do you mean I'm not mysterious? Gemini says I'm not mysterious, but I
am. I'm
very mysterious. George Mysterious Cat, that's me.
Monday 26 May ~ by Gemini
Can you believe we even get junkmail on a Bank Holiday these days? I thought it was safe to snooze underneath the letterbox today, but I was wrong. There I was stretched out in the sunny spot just inside the door, and this thing plopped in on top of me! Turned out to be a 'cat'alogue, so I felt it was only right that I make use of it, so I decided it would make a good pillow. Don't I look totally tabby-tastic? (Oh dear, I think I've been living with George too long, that's one of his little phrases). It was a catalogue full of 'housework' type stuff, how useless is that? I'll bet our folks won't order anything from it, that would mean them actually having to do housework! (not one of their strong points). What I'd like to know is how come I never seem to be under the letterbox when those free samples of cat food come through? George said I should just be grateful it wasn't a telephone directory. Yup, he's got a point there!
Sunday 25 May ~ by George
I've just read Gemini's diary for yesterday, and can't believe she didn't realise how those frogs got in that bucket! I'm obviously smarter than I thought I was, and that's pretty smart indeed. They only jumped in the bucket because I chased them up the garden, and that was the only place they could find to hide at short notice, (and when there's a Big Bad George chasing you up the garden, the notice is extremely short, no time to book into a local B & B with tea and coffee facilities and an en-suite bathroom that's for sure). They'll have to think of somewhere else now that the bucket's been turned upside down. Shame really, I rather liked the bit where they hopped into the bucket. It was sort of like playing tiddley winks only with frogs instead of tiddleys, (or is that instead of winks, I'm not sure). Today then, we had coley fish for dinner, that was the highlight really. Oh, and I rolled in the muck this morning. Being George means I have such a busy schedule, I nearly forgot that bit!
Saturday 24 May ~ by Gemini
I've heard of something called 'Toad in the Hole' although to be truthful I've no idea what that is and I've certainly never seen a toad down any of the holes I've looked in, and believe me I've looked in quite a few. Anyway what I'm getting round to is that lately we seem to have the recurring phenomenon of 'Frog in the Bucket'. We have this bucket you see, a dirty old plastic thing (I would say mucky bucket in fact, but I don't speak french), which gets gradually filled with rainwater. Strangely, three times in the last week a frog has decided to hop inside it, not the same frog I might add, three different frogs.
Why? They hop in, presumably have a nice splash around in the rainwater... and then can't seem to hop out again! I thought frogs were cleverer than that, but obviously not. So three times our folks have found a 'frog in the bucket' and three times had to scoop it out and take it back to the pond where it belongs. Daft things. We now have an upside-down bucket instead!
Friday 23 May ~ by George
We had a most pleasant surprise for breakfast today, a nice unexpected tray of 'posh nosh', not the regular stuff we usually get. Most welcome for a Friday morning. I'm not a big fan of breakfast (unlike Gemini who worships it), and I very often leave it and come back for it later, but this was too good to ignore. I decided to have a good old lick-of-the-chops after, as you can see from this photo of me on the fence showing off my very fine tongue. The other unexpected treat was Man in Socks coming round for the evening. He'd brought some take-away food with him (not mouse or sparrow unfortunately, but he's only human) and he let me lick the plate after (because he loves me). Unfortunately it had garlic in, and no amount of licking-of-the-chops can disguise that, so Gemini made me sit at the opposite end of the duvet all evening!
Thursday 22 may ~ by Gemini
I've long considered most human food habits to be rather strange, particularly after the recent rhubarb episode. I really can't fathom why anyone would want to eat something that's come out of the
ground, when there's perfectly good food in tins and packets in the cupboard where food is
supposed to come from. Today however, I was most intrigued to witness one of our folks doing this food-from-the-ground thing in reverse, by
burying it in the garden. Yes, you did read that correctly, they were burying food in the garden! Potatoes to be precise, the very same sort of potatoes that come out of the cupboard to make chips. How will they ever become chips when they've been buried under six inches of garden? Nope, they've completely lost the plot. Burying things in gardens is what
dogs do for heavens sake. Hmmmm, maybe I've hit on something there, after all I've always maintained that our folks are completely
barking!
Wednesday 21 May ~ by George
I don't know if other cats feel the same about this, but don't you just hate it when you get fed just at the point when you were going to have a nice little puke up? It happened this morning, and I find it such a dilemma. I mean, what to do first? Puke as planned then eat after, or eat then and save puking until later? Eat? Puke? Choices choices! I chose puking first today, it was only a little bit with some grass in, so it didn't take much time in the end, (I think I did the right thing, I definitely enjoy food better on an empty stomach.) Later on, we had some tuna from the folks sandwiches, and we didn't even need to sneak it out while they weren't looking, they gave us some without us even having to hassle for it! It was nice of course, but somehow it tastes better if we've hassled for it or sneaked it. Something to do with the thrill of the chase I suppose!
Tuesday 20 May ~ by Gemini
I thought I'd show you one of my favourite drinking holes. As you can see it's not a hole as such, it's actually an old litter tray that the folks use when they're doing stuff in the garden. I'd better explain that, I don't mean they
use it like a litter tray instead of going indoors to the toilet, I mean they put weeds and plants and stuff from the pond in it. So, because it gets used for all sorts of mucky stuff, it gives the rainwater a superb flavour! We always have a bowl of clean water indoors, but that comes from the tap, which I'm sure isn't healthy at all. No, give me a nice tasty bit of dirt flavoured rainwater any day. It's a shame this photo wasn't taken a couple of days ago really, there was a frog in it then!
Monday 19 May ~ by George
There's been rather a lot of very boring stuff called 'paperwork' going on in the Cat Chat office of late. People it seems, love writing on paper, looking at paper, and shuffling paper, it's all rather odd. As far as I can see, the only really productive thing our folks ever do with paper is to screw it up in a ball and throw it across the room for me to chase (like losing lottery tickets, they're good). Anyway, today we had more visitors at once than you could shake a stick at, which was just as well as I didn't have a stick. Our old friend the Giggle Lady turned up first, then later on the Ladies with Interesting Bags arrived, fuss-tastic! Had they come to play Plop the Frog with me? Nope. Or the Big Towel Game perhaps? Apparently not. No, they just sat around writing on paper, looking at paper and shuffling paper! It's a good job I was on hand to add a little light entertainment, like my excellent skid across the table, and my legendary paw-in-the-peanut-bowl trick! Ah yes, that's what they'd really come for, showtime at Cat Chat towers, starring George 'Mr. Entertainment' Cat. Gemini? Oh, she's my understudy!
Friday 16 May - Sunday 18 May ~ by Gemini
Our folks are so predictable. This morning out came one of their 'Big Bags' and the 'Spaceship Feeder' so we knew right away that (a) they were going off somewhere, hence the bag, and (b) we were being left in charge, hence the feeder. Not a problem, we're cats of the world, we can look after ourselves, we don't need anyone else, we're self-sufficient and independent. Plus of course 'Next Door Lady' comes in to top up our food, give us a fuss and dispense a few treats, that helps. But apart from that we're self-sufficient and independent! The only annoying thing about being left in charge is that we're never left in charge of the computer, we're totally at their mercy when it comes to that. We're both very smart as you know, and are completely computer literate, but our paws just weren't designed to push plugs into sockets!
Thursday 15 May ~ by George
If sparrows knew how to make snowballs, and then all decided to throw them at once, it would have been very similar to what happened in our garden today! The barrage of white missiles that hit our garden today couldn't be called snow (the bits were much too big), and it certainly wasn't rain (not wet enough). Gemini assured me they were hailstones, but they were certainly the biggest hailstones I've ever seen. I was waiting patiently under next door's pigeon tree when the first ones hit me ('ouch!'), I was scrambling up over the fence when the next ones hit me, ('oi, that hurts!') and zooming in through our cat flap just in time to stop myself being 'hailed' to death! After I'd got over the shock, me and Gemini sat in the kitchen window watching the things bouncing off the garden, it was quite fascinating. I just hope our fish and frogs kept their heads down, they're not as Big, Bad, Tough and Streetwise as me. I'm not entirely sure I believe the hailstones theory though, I still have a sneaking suspicion about those sparrows and their snowballs!
Wednesday 14 May ~ by Gemini
I had a very lazy day indeed today. Maybe it was something to do with being very active yesterday, or on the other hand I probably wasn't. It was more likely to do with the fact that it rained most of today, and then rained some more. Being lazy on rainy days is totally acceptable in my opinion, and quite a smart thing to do in fact. I snoozed the morning away on the folks' bed, and got up just in time for a little light lunch. The folks had decided to do some proper cooking today, yes actually using the cooker! (if I sound unusually surprised at that, it's because that doesn't happen very often). I do so like the cooker being used, because I nip up onto the warm cooker top, and lay myself right out across it to maximise the warmth on my belly. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, why can't they put it on just for me? Why do they only use it for coooking? Honestly, with the amount of use it gets, I'm surprised it even remembers what it's supposed to do!
Tuesday 13 May ~ by George
I had an email the other day from a very wise cat, which explained to me one of life's mysteries. Actually it isn't one of
life's mysteries as such, just one of the many h
uman mysteries (as in
why do they do
that?). It involves the strange habit humans have of sitting and staring for hours at the contents of the black box in the corner of the living room, yup the TV. I've never been able to fathom this, apart from once when a whole bunch of squawking birds managed to get in there. I went all round it trying to see where they'd got in, and more importantly where they were likely to come out, but it remained a mystery. Anyway the email went on to explain that when humans say they are going to 'watcha-bitta-telly' it actually means 'I want to sit down and have cats leap all over me', well now that makes
far more sense! Why didn't they say that in the first place! Still, humans rarely mean exactly what they say in my experience. They might say 'no George, I'm not going to feed you again', but what they actually mean is 'I won't feed you right now, but if you keep wailing like that, I probably will quite soon'. I learned that one very early on!
Monday 12 May ~ by Gemini
It's usually George's job to invent games, and he's very good at it too. Today however was my turn. I didn't so much invent a new game, rather I improved on one that George invented ages ago. I've called it 'Plop the Frog II' and it goes like this: Regular Plop the Frog as you probably know, simply involves seeking out frogs from round the pond or in the weed borders, and 'encouraging' them towards the pond until they dive ('
Plop!') into the water. My new, advanced version gives extra points for exactly how
far across the pond we can make them leap before they hit the water. Just making them slip in a the edge is only one point, up to about six inches in is two points and so on. If you can get them to leap right out into the centre it's a six, (I got one sixer today, very satisfying). We got a bit carried away though, and at one point we found we were trying to 'plop' the same frog! We awarded half a point each for that one. Who won? Erm, well to be honest we were having so much fun we lost count!
Sunday 11 May ~ by George
You know sometimes they say pictures speak louder than words? Well, this is what they mean...
Saturday 10 May ~ by Gemini
Next Door Lady has always seemed to me to be an extremely sensible sort of person, (particularly when she feeds us nice large portions when the folks are away), but today I realised that maybe she's just as strange as all the rest. She came round with an armful of these slightly mucky, green and red stick-like things, that looked for all the world as though she'd just pulled them out of the ground. Our folks seemed very pleased to have been given them though, so I thought maybe they had some sort of use. I kept my eye on them to see what on earth they were all about, and you'll never guess what, our folks only decided to chop them up into bits, then cook and eat the things! It was called rhubarb apparently, and yes, it had come straight out of the ground, how utterly disgusting! Anyway, there was one good thing about this rhubarb stuff, the folks made custard to go with it, aah now you're talking my language! I had the custard spoon all to myself too, (as George would say, 'lick-tastic!').
Friday 9 May ~ by George
I've been practicing my pouncing today. Not that it wasn't already pretty good, but you can never be too good at pouncing in my opinion. One of the folks played along by screwing a bit of paper up into a ball and flicking it across the room for me to charge after and attack. Sometimes they do this with their (losing) lottery tickets, but today it was scrap paper, although I suppose they're ultimately the same thing. I like it best when they flick it high into the air, so I can practice my 'headers'. Occasionally I actually catch it in my mouth mid-air, that really impresses them! Todays bit of scrap paper was quite small, so it ended up down the back of the sofa cushions a couple of times, which is an excellent excuse to go 'Cushion Caving'. Cushion Caving is a whole sport in itself, involving lots of scrabbling to find a way in under the cushion, then a good deal of nose-poking and bum-wiggling to locate the object of the hunt. Yeah, that's me, George Cat, nose-poker, bum-wiggler, paper pouncer extraordinaire!
Thursday 8 May ~ by Gemini & George
We thought we'd write today's diary together, seeing as we had a lovely shared moment this morning, as you can see from the photos. The folks had toast out on the patio you see, and left some lovely big bits for us, still with butter on! (OK so it was margerine, but I have a good imagination). I told George this is what they call dining Al Fresco, but predictably he just wanted to know who Al was, and whether we should leave any toast for him. I couldn't be bothered to pursue that one, apart from anything else if I educated George too much, he just wouldn't be the George that I know and love. So, if the folks are reading this, seeing as we don't have full fat milk any more (I've long since given up complaining about that), can we have toast every day instead please?
Wednesday 7 May ~ by Gemini
I've been such a useful little cat today, I just can't imagine what our folks would do without me. One of the 'laps' was trying to work on the computer this morning (they call it work, I have my doubts), but they seemed to be struggling for inspiration, so... Enter Gemini Cat, Inspiration personified, the furry muse, expert on most things and a willing helper at all times. I help out best with computer things when I sit on their lap, within a paw-swipe of the keyboard. I basically use their lap as a booster cushion to reach the desk, so that I end up sitting with my bum and back legs under the desk, my front end draped elegantly over their arm and my paws at the ready to hit the odd key whenever they need help. To misquote the late, great Eric Morecambe I hit all the right keys, just not necessarily in the right order!
Tuesday 6 May ~ by George
I don't really know why (and the folks certainly don't) but today I have been mostly wailing. I don't know if any other cats out there experience this, but sometimes I just have one of those days where wails just spill out of my mouth without me even meaning them to. I usually only wail if I want something, like food, a good combing, to have a game, to have my litter changed, to go out the front door (no cat flap), to come in the front door (still no cat flap), a treat of some kind, a treat of another kind, a sparrow on a stick (only joking!) or any other important thing. That's a fair number of legitimate wailings I know, but it still doesn't explain where useless wails come from and why. Cleveland Amory said, (he's a writer, I sat on one of his books once), that cats wail in vowels ('aeiou') because they are rubbish at consonants. I'd like to state here and now that I can most definitely do at least one consonant, and that's 'W'. It comes at the beginning of one of my most annoying wails, that goes roughly like this 'Waaa-aaaa'. The folks can't put up with more than four or five 'Waaa-aaaas' without giving in to my demands!
Monday 5 May ~ by Gemini
The folks next door provided today's entertainment, by attacking their tree (George's 'Pigeon Tree') with a chainsaw. It was far too noisy to stay in the garden and watch, so we positioned ourselves in the upstairs window. There were branches coming off left right and centre, and I thought at one point they were going to saw right through our fence! George reckoned that maybe if there are less branches for the pigeons to sit on, there's more chance of them falling out of the tree, which has always been one of his greatest wishes. Pigeons don't look that bright I'll grant you, but I credit them with more intelligence than to perch on non-existant branches! Sorry George, but the phenomenon of falling pigeons will have to remain in your dreams, along with catching that seagull. I had an important gastronomic moment today, when I discovered a new dish that is very much to my liking. It's called Tiramisu, and it's extremely exotic, (just like me). Far too exotic for the likes of George of course, he said he'd rather have sparrows innards! Oh yes, that creamy bit on the top is simply divine, and I even rather liked the strange tasting chocolatey bit (I think it was alcoholic actually, so I was only allowed a tiny bit). Sparrow's innards, honestly, that boy has no class!
Sunday 4 May ~ by George
What a fantastic day it's been! Apart from when the lawn mower came out and made a nuisance of itself, that wasn't so fantastic but the rest of the day certainly was. It's been amazingly sunny, and my frogs were all in the mood for a good game of 'Plop the Frog'. There's loads more than last year, so they took a bit of rounding up I can tell you. The weed borders are pretty overgrown (luckily the folks are rubbish at weeding), so I had to go off stalking into the deep dark depths of the weed forest, where the frogs hide out. I sneak up behind them and pat them on the rump, which makes them jump (I think I feel a poem coming on), so I chase them towards the pond, until they get to the edge, then I give them one last tap and they leap off the side, 'Plop!' into the water. I'm so good at it now that sometimes I can chase and 'plop' two at once, a double whammy! Still on the theme of fantastic things, I also rolled in the muck several times. And as if all that wasn't enough to make a great day, we got seafood soup for dinner! (That's the 'juice', plus a few prawns and some other unidentified but delicious seafood type things). Fish-tastic!
Saturday 3 May ~ by Gemini
For years it was thought that to compare a cat's age with that of a person you multiplied by seven, but I'd like to state that this is wholly wrong. You see for a start, kittens develop miles faster than human babies, so a kitten of say six months, has developed to a stage of cathood equivalent to the stage of a humans life reached by a child of ten. Does that make sense? It's been scientifically proved you know, it's not just me (as George so delicately puts it) having a 'senior moment'. It's all in this book one of the folks is reading, (yes, the same book that had them trying to 'communicate' with me so hilariously the other week), but at least this latest part seems to make sense. If anyone wants the list of these age comparisons, just drop me an email. Anyway, the upshot of all this knowledge is that me and George are virtually the same age in cat years as our folks are in human years, spooky eh? It makes me wonder why they still seem so clueless sometimes, in comparison to our smart intellect. There must be some scientist somewhere who could compare cat IQ's with human IQ's. Or maybe they'd be too afraid of the results!
Friday 2 May ~ by George
I was responsible for two great photos today, as you can see. I was responsible for the one of me looking handsome and rugged of course, because that's just how I always look (as well as looking cute and snuggly 
according to my email girlfriend!), but if it wasn't for me the folks would have missed this fantastic rainbow. I spotted it first and went running inside wailing some of my best wails, until they came to look. It's great isn't it? One end of it was right on top of Sooty Cat's roof, which must have been a bit spooky. We've never had a rainbow end up on our roof yet, and Gemini reckons we never will. She says rainbows are always 'over there' and never 'right here', but that's daft. They've got to be somewhere, and if we lived somewhere else, like Sooty Cat's house for instance, then this house would be 'over there', wouldn't it? In fact, everywhere is someone else's 'over there'. Ooh-er, I think I'm getting a bit philosophical in my middle-age. I'd better watch out, I might start making sense and then Gemini will really worry about me!
Thursday 1 May ~ by Gemini
I gather today is indeed 'pole-ing day', but it was all a bit of a non-event really. I was quite looking forward to a new pole, but it didn't materialise. What did materialise though was a new washing machine. I thought the old one had problems last week, when it was in bits all over the kitchen floor, and as usual I was right. The new one looks much the same, and doesn't do anything more interesting than the old one in my opinion. It had no prawns inside (that was the first thing I checked), it doesn't play any games, doesn't fuss cats, and isn't even comfy to sleep on (it just keeps whirring and wobbling around). It's about time someone invented a machine that produces food on demand, wiggles string around for cats to play with, and lets you sit on it while it fusses and strokes you. A sort of 'food, fun and fuss' dispenser! Oh hang on, they've already invented it, it's called a human! Oh come on, that's a compliment coming from a cat, honest it is!
«« Go to Current Diary Page ««
