I rescued this starving stray but can't keep him

[johntruscott]

A very handsome black cat turned up in my neighbourhood, starving and desperate. I gave him food outside the front door for a few weeks, then, though he seemed semi-feral, I took him in, had him chipped and neutered, gave him a name (Jordi), and have been rewarded by seeing his character transform to become companionable, affectionate, playful, even sentimental . He has a number of endearing little quirks that I've not met in a cat before (e.g. he likes to take me on long walks around the local streets in the evening), but he can also be insecure, edgy and easily unsettled, probably as a result of maltreatment.
The problem for me is that I'm renovating a derelict cotttage in France, and spend a week of every month in Normandy. I usually travel as a foot-passenger, which is cheap (around £45), but if I take Jordi, the ferry company insists that he travels by car, which puts the price up to around £250, more than I can afford each month. I had imagined that, having been a stray, he might not mind being left behind on his own, but in fact he has attached himself to me like a limpet, and, although I have a kind neighbour who ensures that he gets fed, she can't spend much time with him, and she says that he is quite unhappy when I'm away. As well. I feel guilty and anxious that he may get run over or attacked by dogs while I'm away.
I wonder if anyone would be able to give him a loving home and a secure environment? I would also consider some kind of sharing arrangement, though I don't know if these work. I'm based in Fulham

[Jacks]

Jordi sounds absolutely lovely! It's amazing what love and neutering can do for a long-term stray. I have an ex-wild boy who I'm integrating and he will follow me round the streets and coming running to me like a little dog if I go out calling for him. He too has quirky ways!

I am wondering if there are any other options for you for the week a month that you spend in France. From the sound of it money is quite tight but it sounds like the two of you are really bonded and in time he will get used to the pattern that his human goes away for a few days then comes back. It might be worth posting on 'Health and Behaviour' too and asking for some ideas from other people who have to handle regular absences from their cats. Also change the title of the post (you can do this in your original, first post, on this thread) to include your location, which will attract readers who are close to you.

I hope you can work something out for you and the lovely Jordi, who sounds devoted to you.

[SarahT1 [PLLE]]

Hi John

As Jackie says, you may find that if you post under H&B you will get some good advice as to how to help Jordi cope with your absences. One of them may be to keep him indoors whilst you're away, although I am aware that there will be issues with that too if he's used to being outdoors a lot. However, it would put your mind at rest and he may be more settled because he will be in his familiar environment. It would be very sad if you gave up your little boy who obviously loves you when I think this is a manageable situation.

We live in Putney with our furry gang and come into Fulham quite often so if there was anything we could do to help out now and then do let me know. My OH is usually around the North End Road area on Mondays which may be useful to you sometime?

[johntruscott]

Hi Jacks
I'm not good with computers so not sure if my e-mail to you would have succeeded.
As you say, Jordi is very devoted, in a wholehearted way that I associate with dogs, not the haughty feline race! Like your cat, he comes trotting down the street when called, though he slows to a casual saunter for the last few yards so as not to look too keen.
I will take your advice, and try to find a way to make the separation less miserable for him, although my anxiety about him is just about as big a problem, probably because all my previous pets have met premature ends,

thanks very much for your reply,

John

[Lefty]

Cats as loyal pets are very underrated by non-cat owners They can be just as devoted to their owner as much as dogs even more so because if push comes to shove they can fend for themselves whereas dogs can't

Have you ever known a dog bring in a dead animal then invite everyone to feed . No you haven't but many cats do just that

[Kay]

I think you will find that once your regular absences are part of his routine he will cope fine with them, as he will have learnt that you always return

but you could always look around for a regular cat sitter for him - do you know anyone totally trustworthy and reliable who would welcome the chance to stay in your house/flat for free when you're away? if I didn't have cats of my own, I would love to spend a week in London at no cost from time to time, and I'm sure I'm not alone

[johntruscott]

Thanks very much for your replies. A reliable cat-sitter would be ideal, but I don't know anyone who can leave their own home for a week at a time.
I think Jordi will get used to my absences, and about one time in three I can take him with me as he's very happy in France, though hates the travel.

[Jacks]

I think that's the way forward with Jordi! Having been stray for so long you are his world now and he will adapt to the schedule - as long as you come back to him. When he travels try spraying some feliway in the basket first - also there are rescue remedy drops you can put in water or even on the back of their heads, I believe, that can have a calming effect. Some of the other cat-chatters will have more experience of that than me.

Give Jordi a special 'fuss' from me - he's a special boy and lucky to have found you. I think the same for my Mr Socks - after years of being a neighbourhood nuisance and given the boot a few times, I'm sure, I can see how much it means to him to come home.

[johntruscott]

Thank you Jacks for your advice. Jordi seems to drift off into some kind of self-induced coma when he travels by car, so that he doesn't really need calming. He seems listless and unhappy, and the worst part is that he has to spend several hours on his own in the car on the ferry. I hope he'll get used to it in time.
One strange thing: during the few days last week that I was seriously looking to rehome him, he was in an absolutely vile mood with me, wouldn't let me come near him, hissed and spat if I tried to stroke him, and spent all night out on the street, which is unusual for him. I went out to find him at 3 one morning, and really had to make a fuss of him,& follow him around to get him to accept me again, which he has done, but it does seem as though he picked up on something in my attitude to him. I guess I'll have to try to hold on to the little fellow. Best to Mr. Socks!

Thank you Sarah for your advice and very kind offer, though I don't know what 0H is (are?). Your black cat looks a lot like Jordi.

Lefty, Jordi is a good mouser, and has put a few of his victims in my path, but he's never offered to join me in a meal.

That's another thing about him: he goes through phases of being very picky about his food, turning his nose up at stuff he's enjoyed for weeks. It annoys me, because he was starving when I found him, so it seems to me that he ought to be grateful for anything edible!

[bobbys girl]

That's another thing about him: he goes through phases of being very picky about his food, turning his nose up at stuff he's enjoyed for weeks. It annoys me, because he was starving when I found him, so it seems to me that he ought to be grateful for anything edible!

Welcome to the wonderful world of cat 'ownership'. They ALL do that.

Glad to hear things are going well. Fusses to Jordi.

[Jacks]

I had to laugh at Jordi turning his nose up selectively at food now You must take it as a complement - you have given him security! A stray cat will eat all they can whenever they can because there's no knowing when and where the next meal will come - it's a survival thing of course. Cats can't reason gratitude but they will adapt their behaviour when they achieve security and no long have to be scared about where the next meal will come from. They can be the typical fussy felines we all love. Normal domestic cat behaviour has been achieved thanks to you!

[johntruscott]

Oh that makes so much sense! Thank you so much for that piece of impeccable psychology. It's comforting to find that there's a rationale to some aspects of this, even though it's still irritating.

[Jacks]

I meant to say about that other episode too:

One strange thing: during the few days last week that I was seriously looking to rehome him, he was in an absolutely vile mood with me, wouldn't let me come near him, hissed and spat if I tried to stroke him, and spent all night out on the street, which is unusual for him. I went out to find him at 3 one morning, and really had to make a fuss of him,& follow him around to get him to accept me again, which he has done, but it does seem as though he picked up on something in my attitude to him.

No that I don't think that cats pick up on 'vibes' from their owners but long term strays can exhibit this type of behaviour when they've had a run-in with another human or been hurt in some way. Mr Socks used to get regularly kicked when he was thieving, I'm sure, and before he fully moved in we had a few days when he was very out of sorts and holding his front paw carefully. It sorted out but I'm guessing someone had a go at him. Hissing and spitting when you try to touch them is a sign of fear rather than aggression and can mean they're in pain or they think you might hurt them. My baby Lara hissed and spat and growled at me when I hadn't yet realised she had been injured and it was part of what made me realise she was hurt. Sounds like you did just the right thing in sticking with him and treating him lovingly and regaining his confidence! Cats who have been on their own and surviving will often demonstrate defensive behaviour like this; Mr Socks has been coming indoors about 5 months now and I see gradual changes all the time. I'm looking forward to how he'll be in another year's time with all the security and care of a regular home.

[johntruscott]

I haven't worked out how to 'quote', but in answer to your points I don't think Jordi's behaviour for those couple of days is explicable as fear that I was going to hurt him, as that would be completely out of character. I do think he was maltreated by previous owners (and perhaps also when he was stray), and when he first showed up around here the hissing and spitting was part of his defensive armour, and one of his techniques for demanding to be fed (the other being affectionate rubbing of my leg). But that was months ago, and ever since I took him in he's been docile and very happy, apart from occasional hissy fits when the menu was unacceptable, but even then he took out his resentment by savagely scratching the carpet, not directing his rage at me. Why would he suddenly change in his attitude towards me, unless I had done something to unsettle him? It was as though he was making me into a stranger again, which I don't think he would have done if someone else had hurt him. And he doesn't seem to be in physical pain. Anyway, whatever the reason for his violent mood, it's over now.
When he first moved in, there were times when he seemed to think I was going to hurt him, and he had a curious habit of sinking down to the floor and becoming completely passive as though resigned to being punished in some way. It was heartbreaking, but I haven't seen it for some time now.

[bobbys girl]

I don't know if it helps or not but Purdy sometimes attacks the fireside rug. She really gives it 'what for' and it often ends up on the other side of the room! Them she will get up, flick her tail and carry on as if nothing happened.

[Jacks]

Oh I wasn't meaning he 'thought' you were going to hurt him, only that he could have been upset by something else and been 'out of sorts' for a while. Cat's instincts are very strong, particular where it is related to fear - so for example when my Mr Socks is about to chase Lara I can stop him from attacking with a stern voice and then praise for being 'good', but I can't stop her from running, even though she'd be safer if she came to me to be picked up!

Whatever had upset him he's fine now and that's what matters. He sounds an adorable boy. I know what you mean about the cowering on the floor waiting to be punished. It does sound like he's been badly treated in the past. Thank goodness he found you! I feel the same about Mr Socks - I knew I had to take him on as there was no-one else who would have wanted a great big almost feral boy with bits of foliage in his thick scruffy fur and a penchant for thieving. But we're the lucky ones in fact for having been chosen by our lovely boys!

[johntruscott]

I think there's a new, aggressive cat in the neighbourhood, as Jordi has a little wound on his ear and I've just noticed he keeps licking himself at a place on his side he won't let me touch, so you may be right.

[Jacks]

Oh poor Jordi - keep on eye on him - Mr Socks has always coped well with minor injuries, but when Lara was attacked she needed antibiotics as after 24 hours it was already infected as it was a really bad bite. Cat bites can be very nasty for other cats as well as humans.