Bonding with my semi-feral cats

[theo92]

Technically I'm foster mum, they arrived 10 weeks ago and I would never send them away. 3 year old brother and sister who spent their 1st year living in a rabbit hole, then 2 years at a rescue centre. So I reckon they think they are wild rabbits, not cats at all. They are terrified of humans, on the odd occasion I have had visitors they seem to develop tummy upsets.

They have settled in well now and I have erected a garden room on the patio so they can get some fresh air and sunshine. It's so good to watch them playing together and gradually getting more confident. They are fine with me when i am sitting down, they will take treats from my hand, but as soon as I stand up and walk around they are off like shot. I haven't attempted to touch them.

So my question is, should I try to touch and stroke them? My instinct is to respect their need for distance, but I am beginning to wonder if they will never bond with me if I don't make the first move. I realise they will never be lap cats and as long as they are happy in their new home then that's fine by me. But it would certainly make life easier for them and me if I could encourage them to trust humans.

[Lilith]

Hi there and welcome and good on you for taking on these two. Having made friends with feral and difficult cats over the years, I'd say you've worked wonders over these past weeks. It is usually a very slow process; sometimes you think you're getting nowhere and then all of a sudden they'll surprise you by giving you their trust. What would be considered unremarkable in a 'normal' cat (though is any cat normal lol?) can seem like a miracle in this sort of case. They will get used to your presence, slowly and surely and although, as you say, they may never be lap cats, you never know...I once knew a ginger tom who fled at the sight of me...then after 6 months he moved in and became the feline equivalent of a golden labrador

Good luck and lots of fusses to the two 'rabbits'

sorry, edit - I mean when they start permitting fusses that is!

[Crewella]

I have had a couple of ex-ferals, and even though one would come for a fuss (on her terms) she never did lose that wariness of a human towering over her, and was always fully aware of where the exits were and if you blocked her access. All cats are different, though, so I would carry on as you are for a good few months before making any big decisions as you seem to being doing great.

[Ruth B]

I just want to say that you have done wonderfully if you have only had them 10 weeks. They had a year in a rabbit hole and then 2 in a shelter, no matter how good the shelter is the staff are normally so busy that they can not give the scared cats the time they need no matter how much they want to. Being in your home is the best thing to happen to them.

About 15 months ago I decided to take on a very nervous 6 month old kitten along with her rather over confident friend. Freyja wasn't a feral, she had just been very badly treated in her first 3 - 4 months of life before she ended up in a rescue centre. For weeks we could not get near her, she spent most of her time hiding but eventually learnt to come out and eat when we were sitting quietly in the lounge (they were confined to the lounge for the first few weeks and then gradually introduced to the rest of the house and our 13 year old grumpy granny cat).

She soon found that the bed was warm and comfy to sleep on and that we didn't tell her off for going on it. Eventually she let me reach out to her, the first few times she would run off, but slowly she realised I wasn't going to follow her, she started to run less distance, then she let me reach out and she sniffed my fingers before running. Finally I managed to scratch her behind the ear, on most cats this is nothing, on Freyja it was a real milestone.

She still runs from us when we are walking around, but she has learnt that we will freeze and give her time to work out where she wants to go and get away. She doesn't seem worried about me walking around her in bare feet though.

About a month ago it was time for their booster vaccinations. That was when I found out that we hadn't come as far as I thought we had. I tried to pick her up to put her in a carrier and ended up with both my hands and my partners hands and arms lacerated. I still need to get her to the vets for her boosters and have been working on getting her to accept me picking her up by the scruff as this seem s the least traumatic for her. We are getting there, slowly. It has made me realise that I need to be able to handle her, and I would say the same was true for yours. What would happen if she was ill or had minor injuries and needed treatment, the stress of trying to hold her would probably do more harm than any medication would do good. De-fleaing her was always rather hit and miss as I didn't want to upset her by restraining her to have it done (I use Stronghold spot on so not a major job).

I want her to have the best life and care available as I am sure you want for yours, that means she must learn to be held so that any treatment can be given and any checks carried out. I am taking it slow and making sure I have treats at hand to reward her when she lets me do something in hope she will come to accept being held as a good thing not something to be scared off.

For yours start with a quick scratch behind the ears (I have never come across a cat that didn't like this), then a stroke, and move on from there. brushing and stroking the whole body (useful for checking if there are ever any injuries even house cats can sprain or pull joints when jumping around). Take it slow and I am sure you will get there with them, when you do give them a good ear scritching from me.

[theo92]

Thanks to all for your encouragement and helpful advice.

The only reason I haven't got as far as adoption is to have the support of the cat rescue centre if I need to take Baffin or Nuuk to the vet. Yes I have visions of lacerated arms and hyper-stressed cats. As they are indoor cats I'm hoping there will be less need for flea treatment, and less chance of sickness. I know I should get their claws clipped from time to time but for the time being I have devised an excellent scratching regime - I sprinkle some catnip on to coconut matting every few days and it works a treat - they've ceased scratching the carpet and furniture, and I'm hoping it will keep their claws from growing too long.

Positive? Baffin has started giving me sleepy blinks when I talk to him, I interpret that as cat smiles - or is he really bored with what I'm saying......

Today I bought some horribly expensive anti-stress spray in the hope that it may help them get over the stresses of life - who was it who decided to let off fireworks for the queen's birthday!

Thanks once again for your advice - I know where to come if I need some support. And (boring to family and friends) I will post any world shattering progress.

[Crewella]

You're exactly right, those long slow blinks are indeed the equivalent of a smile - some people call them 'kitty kisses'!

Sadly I lost her to the road a couple of years ago, but my little ex-feral Peaches taught me so much about cat body language. Looking directly at them can be taken as aggression, looking away and even turning your body to the side rather than facing them square-on, is much less intimidating, as is crouching down rather than towering over them. If you watch two cats together they will often look all round - anything but look at each other, that's good cat manners! If they're staring at each other, there's usually a power struggle going on.

In the long term, you might be right and you might have to force the issue a little with them, for their own sake as much as anything else as they will have to deal with being handled for vet visits and possibly treatment at some point in their lives. However, you need to let them settle in and really get to know and trust you over a few months before you start thinking like that. For now, the best way I've found of getting cats used to me is to sit in their room and read aloud to them. It helps them get used to your voice, and also means you're in there with them but not focusing on them directly. I have one cat then went through two volumes of Harry Potter before she started to trust me!

Good on you for taking them on, I'm sure you will be rewarded and it's such a wonderful feeling when they do start to come round. Good luck!