Socialising cats

[Mayday21]

Hi Eridax welcome. I've read your posts & advice from Lilith & Mary so I won't post only to say I'm sure things will sort out just like Rocky & Ria. And Mary, Lilith & Bobbty's Girl are very creative with visual media & wordsmithing. Vivian

[EzriDax]

Hello Mayday, any advice you can give would be great!

Dax is constantly offensive to me now whether or not I smell of Ezri, will this die down over time?

[Lilith]

Hi there, how's it going?

I remembered this pic from nearly 5 years ago -

ginger ninjas.jpg (78.56 KiB) Viewed 7687 times

Molly was I think 8 months and a total little horror; Finn was an old chap who didn't move in with me till middle age after being a feral tom (got him neutered) and although he was an amazingly genial chap he didn't stand any **** lol! Molly had been here perhaps a month; it was just before her spaying.

So although it may not be easy at first, this is what invariably happens, and I hope will happen in Dax's and Ezri's case. Is he still being obnoxious? Keep on talking to him and telling him you love him, and I hope the cold is beginning to lift too - good luck!

[EzriDax]

I love your ginger girl, not very often you see one! I hope to see Dax and Ezri like that one day in my life!!

Cold still here but getting by on meds Got Ezri in livingroom at the moment and she is enjoying playing at the moment. I'm noticing total differences from when Dax was a kitten cos he was kinda mañana mañana and didn't really play much, she runs round constantly and wants to explore and is learning things a lot quicker than he did.

Just as I write this Dax has just come in and he is growling at her but she has also got her back up but tail in a submissive position between her legs. My bf has give him dreamies to diffuse the situation. This is the longest confrontation we have had but it's low noise growling and then walked off. I think we may be getting somewhere!

[EzriDax]

So Dax has just been in again,he comes in gingerly and looking around the room before he comes through the door and sniffed Ezri's bed and litter tray that I moved in to the living room and don't think he saw Ezri cos she is on top of the duvet on the couch which he didn't look at, but anyways he went round sniffing, no hisses or growls and then slinked off out again, she was watching him the whole time from above.

Ezri is a ball of energy and she has been up for 3 hours running round and eaten a ton of food (turns out she likes food in jelly, so there won't be stealing of food between them) and only now is she going to sleep. She doesn't seem to bothered by Dax and I think once Dax accepts her then we won't have many issues. Think she isn't gonna be the one to start fights to be honest

[Lilith]

Ah. This sounds very good; great progress and congrats

Here is another pic of my horrible Molly -

moll teaser.jpg (75.15 KiB) Viewed 7676 times

And hope you're posting similar pics before long

ps yes thanks she is lovely isn't she and you don't often meet them; when I took her in for spaying the nurse craftily lifted up her tail to make sure she wasn't a boy - cheek!

[EzriDax]

This cat doesn't sleep... Like ever. She will settle down but then watch everything around her and let out the occasional squeak. Dax still hasn't come in from when he came in and sniffed everything. I think there has been some progress but I don't want him to feel he has lost his home and go look somewhere else.

Ezri loves to lick my hands, is this a good things? Dax never has licked much so I'm not used to it.

Edit: Dax has just come in. He jumped on to the couch within 2 foot of her but I don't think he realised she was on there till he saw her and then low level growl and short hiss at her. Then went out. Whenever he comes in he is always checking her bed to see if she is there.

[EzriDax]

I have 2 kitties in one room!!!!!!! Granted Dax doesn't know she is in here cos she is asleep on the duvet on the couch and she is tiny and he is asleep on the floor. He has eaten all her food even though he has always turned his nose up at food in jelly... Is this a dominance thing or cos he is hungry?

Could he sense she is in here even though he hasn't seen her?

Sorry for my incessant updates!! I will stop soon!

[Lilith]

Lol never mind the incessant updates, keep them coming - this is brilliant, so good to hear of a success story and what you're posting is helping other people who might be reading and in the same situation but too shy to post.

There will be setbacks and tantrums of course, but really it sounds as if you've made a great start

I think he's scoffed her food because he's scared of missing something. He'll know she's there all right.

Two of mine wash me, blimey, they've got tongues like sandpaper - ouch! Molly rarely headbutts my hand but washes, Emily headbutts and tail-bashes, and Mouse washes and headbutts, and taps me with a paw for attention. They're all different

[EzriDax]

I have just had around 30 mins of him watching her play in full view and she came within 2 foot of him, he growled at her but we said calming stuff to him and telling him to stop being silly in a nice tone. No hissing though.

When she got closer to him she started doing this thing in circles, sort of on tiptoes, walking sideways, tail down. Is this offensive or submissive? She then ran under the table (its a glass coffee table so he could still see her) He has since gone out. I'm just worried he will go out and never come back.

Dax sticks the middle finger up at the moment and Ezri does this little squeak. She is currently having a mad half hour being absolutely hilarious trying to hunt us!

[EzriDax]

Lets see if I can post a picture, this is Ezri & Dax roughly 3ft from each other after 5 days. I would like to apologise, I haven't hoovered for 2 days and my carpet shows up everything!!

[Lilith]

Hi, when you say she danced at him do you mean like this?

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=cra ... &FORM=VIRE

Aaah sweeet, bless her! It IS an aggressive thing but so cute, you can't scold them

Molly still does it to me and we crab-dance all over the place; I don't do it too aggressively as she's actually quite sensitive but likes a mild crabdance duel lol.

Hope the lad came back in safely

LOL ps I don't remember when I last hoovered and who cares?

[EzriDax]

Yep she crab danced his ass and then ran under table. She has some balls cos she hasn't batted an eyelid to his aggressive body language

Just going bed now and Dax now won't even come to bed suppose I can have that blanket back that he stole just after I bought it!

[Lilith]

I think most kittens think they are really sabre-toothed tigers lol.

Hope the lad came to bed in the end - I bet he did, just so he could grab 'his' blanket back

[MarySkater]

Ezri loves to lick my hands, is this a good things? Dax never has licked much so I'm not used to it.

My kitten Ria used to bite my fingers in play. I'd hiss at her to let her know that wasn't welcome, so she'd think about it for a while, then try licking instead to see if that was acceptable. And I'd praise her for that. She still occasionally tries a bite when excited, but I can get her to turn it into a lick. Now, she sometimes licks Rocky's head, and he'll tolerate it, at least for a little while. But it took 3 months for them to reach that stage of togetherness.

As Lilith said, it's not that comfortable being licked by a cat, but I accept it as a gesture of friendship.

[EzriDax]

Ezri is currently asleep in her bed and Dax is on the couch both in the same room. Not sure if he knows she is in here though or at least hasn't seen her.

What is winding me up is that he keeps eating her food...

[Lilith]

Lol - least of your worries - except he's a fat chap already, bless him.

Meant to say, loved the pic - and notice he's got his thieving snout into Ezri's dish AGAIN - did you mention he didn't like kitten food? He's competing, bless him.

Owwowoww my Mousey bites me! You're right to correct Ria, Mary, it IS a dominance thing, but it's taken over 14 years for me to encourage Mousey to be dominant and so when she purrs and headbutts and 'lovebites' I have to indulge her. She gnaws me like a teething puppy and now spreads herself across the landing, blocking Molly's and my flightpath (Emily only comes upstairs for food as she's generally welded to her heated pad in the front room) but I have to cheer Mousey on; what a relief to see my scared little Mouse actually taking advantage

[Ruth B]

I hate to add to my crazy cat lady persona but I have to admit that when my young lad Saturn first came he used to try and bite me on the nose or the chin. This is very much a dominance thing and I in turn would bite him gently on the neck when he tried it. He does seem to have got the message eventually and accepted that in the end I am dominant to him, at least most of the time.

[EzriDax]

Meh I'm a bit peeved cos my friend who is a vet nurse is round and has just told me that I shouldn't have got her because Dax is just gonna leave and find somewhere else to live. I'm not bothering with her now, even though she is round until around 2am.

Dax and Ezri can sit in a room together now with minimal hissing. She got a bit brave and got batted by Dax but she was fine about it.

[Alice]

I don't think you need worry about your friend's comments. None of us can predict exactly what our cats will do, but from the progress you've already made I don't think there's much risk of Dax looking for another home. They know when they have a loving home and don't easily leave.

I once hand reared 3 tiny orphan kittens, and ended up keeping one of them, hoping that he'd get on with my then 5 year old neutered female. I wanted her to put him in his place, but she didn't. He was soon bigger than her and became the boss. I was concerned that she might move out, but she didn't, although they never really got on well together. She outlived him, by a few months, reaching the age of 19.5 years. They each got lots of attention from me, little food treats when the other wasn't about, playtimes, etc. They never hurt each other, just the odd hiss.

Hopefully your two will have a better relationship from the way things are shaping up so far.

[Mayday21]

Hi EriDax I wouldn't worry about the comments re Dax. I had Crystal who was about 2 or 3 years old when I bought Mayday home at 4-5 weeks. Albeit Crystal had only been with me for 4 months. She even got out one night shortly after coming to me. I walked the neighbourhood that night & thought "She's gone". When I opened the door the next morning she was there looking at me & just walked in "Where's breakfast - I'm hungry!" I'd been awake practically all night.

There was a bit of hissing & growling but Crystal never left home & she used to be outside during the day then. Visited the neighbourhood. Next door neighbour told me "You can set your clock by Crystal's coming home 4:30 - 4:45 in the afternoon & she sits in the driveway waiting for you giving the impression she's been waiting for you all day!" Vivian

[Lilith]

I think your friend's comment is unfair; you've made wonderful progress in 4 days and though there will always be setbacks and disagreements even between cats who've lived together for years, it sounds good to me.

Keep bolstering up Dax's confidence (as I'm sure you do) and I think you've little to fear, oh she does sound a naughty madam and he's going to be chasing round with her any day now ; he's unlikely to move out when there is the intriguing event of new kitten/tasty food that isn't officially his; way to man's heart is through his stomach

[EzriDax]

Now she is saying that Ezri isn't at least 8 weeks old. She is exceptionally small but her eyes had gone to yellow when I had picked her up last week which happens around 7 weeks and I was told that she was 8 weeks when I picked her up. She asked me if she was eating okay and she is, she is eating meat and dry food.

Its really annoyed me as she is a vet nurse and she is basically making out that I'm a liar, that I knowingly picked her up underage and I'm not very happy. She is going through a loada stuff at the moment but the Dax is gonna leave cos he hates you speech...

I'm gonna book her in for vacs this week and the vet can have a look at her and tell me how old she is.

[Lilith]

Hey. Don't let her upset you. It seems to be a common syndrome in some (not all I hasten to add) professionally trained people to lay the law down rather. They DON'T necessarily know it all. You could only go on what you were told about Ezri's age, and it IS young to leave her mother but for a long time the traditional age to let puppies and kittens go was six weeks (I once knew someone who gave away kittens at 4/5 weeks which is horrendous) and your little lass sounds to be settling and thriving very well.

I didn't quite understand what you meant about Dax leaving but the weather's so cold at the moment that I feel, if you're worried about letting him out in case he doesn't return, then just keep him in for a couple of weeks. Though I know this may be easier said than done.

Honestly it seems to me as if all's going very well, but I do understand, as a fellow chronic worrybucket, that you're out of your mind with anxiety at the moment and I feel all you can do is go on as you are doing, looking after your cats and gently introducing them - and you're doing a grand job, which you'll come to realise after you're able to relax and get used to the situation. A new cat IS a life-change, no matter how wanted.

Hang on in there

[EzriDax]

Dax is still being a whopper and a PITA, won't stay in the room with her today. I think there may be something wrong with his breathing as he has been a it raspy over yesterday and today but no cold symptoms. So he is going to the vets for 9:50am tomorrow because they want to rule out cat flu.

Ezri has been the vets today to be weighed (0.8kg) and had her firsts vacs.

[Lilith]

Oh poor chap. Is his breathing like this all the time, or does he huff and snort a bit like a horse? if the latter it can be an annoyance thing; I thought it was flu when I first saw this, but the vet assured me that the cat had just been cross. A good idea to check him out though - all the best

[EzriDax]

He does it when he is sitting at the window and it sounds like wheezing, and then when he is lying down on the couch or bed or whatever, he sounds a bit chesty. I'm not looking forward to getting him into the cat carrier tomorrow and my bf is going to help me before he goes to bed (he works nights)

Dax hasn't been in the living room all day apart from before Ezri was up and has been asleep on the bed or out and about, when sitting on the couch he bats his tail constantly even when he looks asleep. I'm worried about him, I'm going to admit he hasn't been vaccinated for a few years. Last time was around 2014 so it's my fault if he has cat flu.