Kim 10 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 03, 2021 6:33 am
If she is calmer then I think I will be too?!
You're the human, you are conscious of the need to be calmer and the cat will follow your lead.
You can do this! Whatever it takes to help you be calm, meditation, music, every time you appear you're tense and fearful and disappear again very quickly. This is escalating the situation and needs to stop before damage is done that can't be repaired.
Hissing is not aggressive, it's defensive. Cats hiss because they are so scared that if the threat doesn't back off immediately they will attack in self-defence. That's why the ears are flat back against the head, to protect them. The question isn't what to do to stop her attacking, it's how to help her stop seeing you as threatening. You also need to understand that your cat doesn't hate you, she is terrified of you.
So, what's threatening about a human, from a cat's perspective? Size, of course, we are huge. We move in a certain amount of space and then we have the power to move objects in a much bigger area in unpredictable ways - think changing the sheets on a bed and how much space that takes up, compared to a little cat settling in its bed. We are so big that kittens can pretend our feet are not part of us at all but something in the bed to be attacked. We are intimidating, the fact we're not shows how much trust they put in us not to hurt them.
From another angle, cats can fall out with each other even if they have always been close, and it can be triggered in exactly the same way by a sudden unexpected movement and noise, one turns on the other, other defends itself, there is a fight, and it takes a long time to repair. Some cat bonds never recover and they have to be separated permanently. Obviously that isn't an option for you and your cat.
What is the layout of your home? Does the door lead directly into a room, or is there a hallway? Does she normally come to greet you when you arrive home? What I'm thinking is, can you be already in a room sitting down preferably on the floor calm and quiet when your cat walks in? No eye contact, no touch, no movement, just sitting still, talking quietly and in an upbeat positive tone, and do not flinch or squeal while she comes in and see if she responds differently to you. If she approaches nervously and sniffs you, maybe moves away and comes back, if her tail is raised or she arches her back a little, that would all be sure signals that she still loves you and knows this can be repaired.
Also, what was your relationship with her like before the incident that triggered this off? Did she lash her tail a lot, how affectionate was she, was it all on her terms? How do you play with her? How often did she run off from you rather than a yawn stretch and wander away? As a first time cat owner it's possible there have been subtle signs of all not being well that you might have missed, because cats are very complex creatures.