Gaining my kitten's trust

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rcahn
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Gaining my kitten's trust

Post by rcahn »

Hi I've had a kitten almost exactly a week, She's 7 - 9 weeks old, and I'm struggling to gain her trust. She loves playing with me with a toy I made her out of string and newspaper but runs from me if I make a sudden move and is frightened of my hands, and doesn't like being picked up of patted. I tried picking her up despite this and patting her, and she seems to settle, sits on me and purrs, but after this she seems to trust me less and is more hesitant to let me near her.

There seems to be a bond growing between us, when I cam home from work today all I had to do was call her and she came out of her hiding place, expecting to play with me, and she rubs up against me when playing and sometimes when I'm on my pc or something, its seems to be a trust thing round me picking her up or patting her.

Is there someway I can break this pattern before she gets set it her ways? Any advise would be greatly appreciated
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fjm
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Re: Gaining my kitten's trust

Post by fjm »

I would just go at her pace. Many cats dislike being picked up or held and restrained, but are very happy to sit on you and cuddle if they can choose when to get up and when to get down. Grabbing her when she does not want to be held will teach her to avoid your hands - the opposite of what you want. Let her choose, don't try to restrain her, and very soon she will be climbing up you for attention!
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Mollycat
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Re: Gaining my kitten's trust

Post by Mollycat »

I can't emphasise enough just how much I have to agree with fjm here. My girl is 14 years old and still traumatised by her experiences before the age of 9 months. I will never be able to pick her up, I cannot restrain her in any way, and she hides from new people. When I first had her aged 6 (I am her second rescue) it was 6 months before I could just tickle the side of her neck, and 4 solid years before I was just able to stroke her with both hands alternating. She was never abused, but her last owner tells me her first home was noisy and chaotic. She was grabbed and had affection forced on her. When she got to know me, and my partner when he joined us 3 years ago, the most important thing she needed to know was that she would be left alone when she wanted. It took me years and a LOT of hissing and spitting to teach her that she doesn't need to swear at me or run away but there are lots of subtle signals to say please leave me alone now, and we've even learned the difference between a "go away" and a "you may stay near me but please stop stroking me".

As far as I can remember 30-odd years back when I last had a kitten, they can be quite selfish before they learn to give and take a bit more with you, and really object to cuddles when they have play on their mind. It is important for kittens to learn to be handled and picked up, but even more important to respect her as well, and then trust builds and the things she is uncomfortable about can gradually be negotiated. But when she is focused on play would be the wrong moment. I would work up to it maybe when she is relaxed and sleepy but not asleep, settle next to her and rest your hand near her and stay there for a few minutes. Gradually increase the time and work your hand under her a bit. Then work up to picking her up and putting her straight back down again, and give her a treat if you want to treat-train her (not my style but most people do). This process would take weeks and months at her pace, but the timing of when you pick her up would be important. Also pick her up and put her straight down on your chest, tummy, neck, lap, or wherever.

How are you picking her up? Even as a small kitten, start with a good technique, never by the scruff, that's for momma cats not us. If she is tiny like under 6 weeks you can scoop under her belly and gently wrap your thumb around in a loose but safe hold. Any bigger, scoop and immediately support all 4 legs so the cat is in a sitting position on your left arm across your chest with your right arm across and around the cat. Don't lift under the armpits either, this is very uncomfortable for them. She may also prefer to be lifted into your shoulder and may even scramble up there. And anything you ever need to do that she doesn't like very much, take tiny baby steps with lots and lots of positive reinforcement.
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