Cat Chat Feline Forum

Hi all -

I have been scouring this forum for months now, which has provided me with a lot of helpful advice! I’m really hoping that someone can provide me some assistance -or even just encouragement- to help me with a very tough integration process.

Here’s the situation:
My partner and I have two cats that seem absolutely determined to not get along. Akir (2.5 year old spayed female) was our first rescue, who was a stray that literally walked into our apartment 2 years ago. She has always been the absolute most friendly, social, and needy cat that we’ve met, and she hates to spend any time without her humans.

After 1.5 years we figured that Akir would enjoy some company (since she always wants to play or cuddle with us), so we adopted Lali, who was a spayed 7 month old female when we got her. We did not suspect that we would have many issues since Akir is just so loving and friendly. We were cautious and did a very slow introduction process, keeping Lali in her own safe room for nearly 2 weeks, and having Akir eat on the opposite side of the closed door. We then moved to letting the girls eat on opposite sides of screened gates. Akir started exhibiting some aggression (she would attack the gate if Lali got too near it), but nothing too concerning.

Per the plans I read, we tried to have the girls alone in a room together with my partner and I each playing with one. This tactic worked for Lali, but Akir could not be interested in toys, and always ended up charging and attacking Lali, so we stopped those sessions.

It has now been four and a half months, we have hired a behavioralist and followed her plan, utilized Feliway, composure treats, special rewards (treats and toys) for when the girls are near each other, tried crate training, and utilized harnesses and leashes. Some days I feel like we make small progress, but nothing seems to stop Akir from charging Lali (behind a gate or in a cage) whenever she gets a chance. I’ve had multiple people comment that they believe that Akir is just trying to play, but I am too nervous to let her actually reach Lali, and our behavioralist discouraged it as well. One positive is that Lali does not seem too phased by Akir - she will hiss back at Akir, but she never seems traumatized by these attacks.

We have to spend so much time on giving both cats love and attention, and so much energy on trying to make sure that one doesn’t escape and an attack from occurring. Lali sleeps alone in a room every night, while Akir gets to sleep in bed with us (as she always has). I am desperate. I don’t know what I can try that I haven’t already, and now I am worried that we aren’t giving either cat, and particularly Lali, the best life that she deserves. We are at our breaking point and considering rehoming Lali, even though I sincerely do not want to do that. If anyone can offer advice, I would appreciate it so much.

Thank you!

The thing that jumps out at me is it seems you are trying to move to the next step and try different things every time after an amount of time. The right time to move to the next step is once both cats are completely comfortable with the step you're on for a couple of weeks. So if Akir charges at the gate, you go back to both sides of the closed door, you don't keep on allowing her the chance to charge at a gate.

A little hissing is normal at first but you cannot move on to the next step until there has been no hissing for a long time. You're right not to let them make contact but take it a step further and don't let them see each other until they are happy with each other's scent. They might never get on but your best chance is much, much slower. Also, you need to be mindful of your own frame of mind. If you are anxious all the time whenever they are near each other, that will make them both more stressed. Practice calm and be patient.