Cat attack!

[Kim 10]

Hi everyone,
First time cat mum just looking for some advice!
My cat is 1 years old and this morning we seemed to have a falling out
I think I spooked her with a yelp I let out when I had a bug on me! She swiped at me and then began hissing, screeching and launching at me (she was next to me at the time!) I managed to get her out of the room and shut the door - shutting myself in! I left it for 10 minutes before reopening the door but she was still there and still hissing/growling at me! I closed the door again and repeated the process! The next time I opened it she hissed again and ran downstairs! I’ve left her to it for the rest of the morning and not bothered her or gone near her in an attempt to give her space to calm down!
I went out for some lunch and when I returned she seemed to be ok initially, greeting me at the door. However, it was pretty short lived as she hissed at me again when I walked past her! I’ve again left her to it and stayed in one room working! She has peeked in the room once but again when I acknowledged her I got another hiss!
She is making me anxious and stressed that she is going to launch at me again! So I’m trying to give us both space but I’m unsure what else to do! I don’t think its medical because she was absolutely fine before!
She is an indoor cat and has full reign of the house! Should I confine her to one room to calm her down?
I live alone so it’s just us two!
Any advice appreciated
X

[fjm]

It sounds as if she was badly startled by your out of character behaviour, and is now mistrustful lest you do it again. I would give her space, leave her alone, and keep everything as predictable and routine as possible for a while. Once she has regained her confidence I would try introducing very, very small shocks and surprises to her day - tiny things like a dropped key or moved piece of furniture that she quickly recovers from being startled by and chooses to check out. A few bits of chicken or other very desirable treat timed scattered near the new thing or timed for the new sound may help her associate New with Good For Cats.

[Kim 10]

Thank you for your reply!
I am trying to keep to routine but the trouble is she really scared me also and the hissing is making me nervous.
So as much as I startled her she also startled me! I’m scared to walk past her in case she goes for me again and unfortunately, in my way is her favourite place to be! She also usually sleeps on the end of my bed and I don’t want to spook her in the night if I need to get up to use the bathroom or whatnot.
I’m conscious that she might be picking up on me being uneasy and so I’ve left the house for a few hours.
Not really sure what to do when I get home.

[Kim 10]

Thank you for your reply!
I am trying to keep to routine but the trouble is she really scared me also and the hissing is making me nervous.
So as much as I startled her she also startled me! I’m scared to walk past her in case she goes for me again and unfortunately, in my way is her favourite place to be! She also usually sleeps on the end of my bed and I don’t want to spook her in the night if I need to get up to use the bathroom or whatnot.
I’m conscious that she might be picking up on me being uneasy and so I’ve left the house for a few hours.
Not really sure what to do when I get home.

Update: it didn’t go well when I got home
She freaked again and bolted! Unfortunately, I had to close the door leaving her in the dining room/kitchen. (Her food/water/litter box are all in there with her)
She’s cried all night but when I try to soothe her through the door she’s still hissing at me
Feels like she hates me and I’m still nervous of her!
Been to the shop for treats to see if she will forgive me.
Do you think feliway will help to calm her! If she is calmer then I think I will be too?!

[Mollycat]

If she is calmer then I think I will be too?!

You're the human, you are conscious of the need to be calmer and the cat will follow your lead.

You can do this! Whatever it takes to help you be calm, meditation, music, every time you appear you're tense and fearful and disappear again very quickly. This is escalating the situation and needs to stop before damage is done that can't be repaired.

Hissing is not aggressive, it's defensive. Cats hiss because they are so scared that if the threat doesn't back off immediately they will attack in self-defence. That's why the ears are flat back against the head, to protect them. The question isn't what to do to stop her attacking, it's how to help her stop seeing you as threatening. You also need to understand that your cat doesn't hate you, she is terrified of you.

So, what's threatening about a human, from a cat's perspective? Size, of course, we are huge. We move in a certain amount of space and then we have the power to move objects in a much bigger area in unpredictable ways - think changing the sheets on a bed and how much space that takes up, compared to a little cat settling in its bed. We are so big that kittens can pretend our feet are not part of us at all but something in the bed to be attacked. We are intimidating, the fact we're not shows how much trust they put in us not to hurt them.

From another angle, cats can fall out with each other even if they have always been close, and it can be triggered in exactly the same way by a sudden unexpected movement and noise, one turns on the other, other defends itself, there is a fight, and it takes a long time to repair. Some cat bonds never recover and they have to be separated permanently. Obviously that isn't an option for you and your cat.

What is the layout of your home? Does the door lead directly into a room, or is there a hallway? Does she normally come to greet you when you arrive home? What I'm thinking is, can you be already in a room sitting down preferably on the floor calm and quiet when your cat walks in? No eye contact, no touch, no movement, just sitting still, talking quietly and in an upbeat positive tone, and do not flinch or squeal while she comes in and see if she responds differently to you. If she approaches nervously and sniffs you, maybe moves away and comes back, if her tail is raised or she arches her back a little, that would all be sure signals that she still loves you and knows this can be repaired.

Also, what was your relationship with her like before the incident that triggered this off? Did she lash her tail a lot, how affectionate was she, was it all on her terms? How do you play with her? How often did she run off from you rather than a yawn stretch and wander away? As a first time cat owner it's possible there have been subtle signs of all not being well that you might have missed, because cats are very complex creatures.

[Kim 10]

If she is calmer then I think I will be too?!

You're the human, you are conscious of the need to be calmer and the cat will follow your lead.

You can do this! Whatever it takes to help you be calm, meditation, music, every time you appear you're tense and fearful and disappear again very quickly. This is escalating the situation and needs to stop before damage is done that can't be repaired.

Hissing is not aggressive, it's defensive. Cats hiss because they are so scared that if the threat doesn't back off immediately they will attack in self-defence. That's why the ears are flat back against the head, to protect them. The question isn't what to do to stop her attacking, it's how to help her stop seeing you as threatening. You also need to understand that your cat doesn't hate you, she is terrified of you.

So, what's threatening about a human, from a cat's perspective? Size, of course, we are huge. We move in a certain amount of space and then we have the power to move objects in a much bigger area in unpredictable ways - think changing the sheets on a bed and how much space that takes up, compared to a little cat settling in its bed. We are so big that kittens can pretend our feet are not part of us at all but something in the bed to be attacked. We are intimidating, the fact we're not shows how much trust they put in us not to hurt them.

From another angle, cats can fall out with each other even if they have always been close, and it can be triggered in exactly the same way by a sudden unexpected movement and noise, one turns on the other, other defends itself, there is a fight, and it takes a long time to repair. Some cat bonds never recover and they have to be separated permanently. Obviously that isn't an option for you and your cat.

What is the layout of your home? Does the door lead directly into a room, or is there a hallway? Does she normally come to greet you when you arrive home? What I'm thinking is, can you be already in a room sitting down preferably on the floor calm and quiet when your cat walks in? No eye contact, no touch, no movement, just sitting still, talking quietly and in an upbeat positive tone, and do not flinch or squeal while she comes in and see if she responds differently to you. If she approaches nervously and sniffs you, maybe moves away and comes back, if her tail is raised or she arches her back a little, that would all be sure signals that she still loves you and knows this can be repaired.

Also, what was your relationship with her like before the incident that triggered this off? Did she lash her tail a lot, how affectionate was she, was it all on her terms? How do you play with her? How often did she run off from you rather than a yawn stretch and wander away? As a first time cat owner it's possible there have been subtle signs of all not being well that you might have missed, because cats are very complex creatures.

Thank you so much for your response!
I have made some progress this morning. I opened the door to the dining room to let her out, put down some treats and toys and sat quietly on the sofa, staring at my phone and not looking at her/ignoring her.
She has come over to me sniffing and even jumped up onto the sofa and walked across my lap. I was scared to spook her again so didn’t move. She has sat on the stairs (which are open in the living room) staring at me and I’ve spoken to her a couple of times with no hissing! I’m calmer than I was but still apprehensive and don’t want to do anything to undo this small progress. I’m also conscious of the fact that I need to leave the house shortly and will need to stand/move around. I don’t want to scare her again.
The door leads directly into the living room and she usually will be behind it when she hears me coming in (occasionally she will be asleep upstairs though and wont make it to the door before I’m in)
I think coming back in is making me nervous. Maybe if I enter with treats it will be better? The sofa is also kind of in the way - so you have to walk behind the length of the sofa to be fully in the living room! This is where she usually greets me.
I’ve had her from a kitten and she generally isn’t very affectionate. She likes to be in the same room as me and will sleep near me but is not a lap cat. She will come over for affection but only likes to be held for a short time.

[Mollycat]

Oh that is very very positive news already. Just wanted some idea of where the relationship between you was already, so she isn't one for great shows of affection but she is bonded with you in her own way and comes to greet you.

I think I would opt for kindness and gentleness rather than treats. I'm not a fan of treats personally anyway but I like to think non-material things are where I like my relationships with animals to be - approval for dogs, being respected, left alone, affection, whatever the individual values most. I was also wondering if that might be what your girl needs most, to know that you won't push yourself on her as we humans instinctively and wrongly do when we want to show love and how sorry we are.

So perhaps at the door does this sound possible - call her from outside in a gentle soothing voice and keep talking to her as you open it slowly, if you have lots of stuff and bags with you put it down and go back to fetch it once she has greeted you. Make yourself small and low, if she approaches you there, until she is comfortable, or come into the room still slow and quiet. An upward flick of the tail as she walks away is probably the most common and obvious way for her to say Ok, carry on! but it sounds like you're already on a really positive road now.

For the future I would agree it sounds like she might benefit from a controlled increased exposure to unexpected noises and events, but let's recover fully from this one first.

[Kim 10]

Oh that is very very positive news already. Just wanted some idea of where the relationship between you was already, so she isn't one for great shows of affection but she is bonded with you in her own way and comes to greet you.

I think I would opt for kindness and gentleness rather than treats. I'm not a fan of treats personally anyway but I like to think non-material things are where I like my relationships with animals to be - approval for dogs, being respected, left alone, affection, whatever the individual values most. I was also wondering if that might be what your girl needs most, to know that you won't push yourself on her as we humans instinctively and wrongly do when we want to show love and how sorry we are.

So perhaps at the door does this sound possible - call her from outside in a gentle soothing voice and keep talking to her as you open it slowly, if you have lots of stuff and bags with you put it down and go back to fetch it once she has greeted you. Make yourself small and low, if she approaches you there, until she is comfortable, or come into the room still slow and quiet. An upward flick of the tail as she walks away is probably the most common and obvious way for her to say Ok, carry on! but it sounds like you're already on a really positive road now.

For the future I would agree it sounds like she might benefit from a controlled increased exposure to unexpected noises and events, but let's recover fully from this one first.

Thank you!
I only spent an hour or so with her this morning and stayed in the one spot. I left when she was upstairs so I don’t know what she will be like with me walking around the house yet. She often stands in doorways or on the stairs so in my direct path and isn’t one to move out of the way so if she starts hissing at me and she is in front of me this is when I get nervous! The hissing turns into loud screeches and thats what scares me! Do I just stay in the spot until she moves off? Or make my way past her? That’s the bit thats stressing me out!
I’ve been to the pet store and got some calming spray so I’m hoping it is effective!
I just don’t want to take one step forwards and 2 steps back!

[Mollycat]

Has she always stood in doorways or is this new?
And has she ever hissed and screeched before, I presume not?

If she has always stood in your way but never hissed before, how has she behaved when you have passed her, has she stayed still, or moved away trotting with tail up or down, bolted away fast, or sort of slunk away at slow walking pace with tail down?

Sorry for all the questions, but the calming spray, is that for around the house? Not at her?

[Kim 10]

Has she always stood in doorways or is this new?
And has she ever hissed and screeched before, I presume not?

If she has always stood in your way but never hissed before, how has she behaved when you have passed her, has she stayed still, or moved away trotting with tail up or down, bolted away fast, or sort of slunk away at slow walking pace with tail down?

Sorry for all the questions, but the calming spray, is that for around the house? Not at her?

The spray is for around the house, blankets, furnishings etc. I’m hoping to only use it for a day or 2 until we are back to “normal”
She is quite a nosey cat so the standing in doorways isn’t new she is usually checking to see what I’m doing! Normally if I head towards her she would turn and trot off in the direction I am also going - tail up almost like its a race! If she’s on the stairs she either lets me pass or she comes with me again like a race. She’s never hissed at me when passing before! I think that’s why I’m scared of it - because I’ve never experienced it until now!

When I returned home today she didn’t come to greet me at the door (so I worked myself up over nothing ) she came to sit on the stairs and watched me for a few minutes and has gone back to sleep upstairs and been there ever since!

Do I just wait for her to come to me again and see what mood she is in? If she will play etc? I’ve just been sat watching tv so she knows where I am! But I obviously need to be able to move freely round the house without her scaring me or me scaring her!

Thank you for all your advice, I really do appreciate it. For a while there yesterday I couldn’t see a way out of all this!

[Mollycat]

It sounds so much better already.

Personally I think I would just try to move gently and quietly but not silently like sneaking around, and give plenty of warning that you're moving around by just talking to her. I talk to my animals all the time anyway, but a reassuring voice when they are feeling nervous or spooked goes a very long way. Also when you give way to her or pause if she looks like she is about to be startled, again talk gently to her. I'm sure with your care she will be back to normal in a few days at most. My cat was extremely nervous when I got her, it was a couple of years before I was able to move around the house normally and I think slow deliberate and gentle actually became the new normal. But she was spooked constantly for the first 9 months of her life, not by me, then she went to another home which seems to have been gentle but ended in a relationship breakup, then came to me aged 6, so there was a lot of old trauma there. She is 14 now and we have a normal that I think has taken a lot of her, and a bit of me, to achieve.

[Kim 10]

It sounds so much better already.

Personally I think I would just try to move gently and quietly but not silently like sneaking around, and give plenty of warning that you're moving around by just talking to her. I talk to my animals all the time anyway, but a reassuring voice when they are feeling nervous or spooked goes a very long way. Also when you give way to her or pause if she looks like she is about to be startled, again talk gently to her. I'm sure with your care she will be back to normal in a few days at most. My cat was extremely nervous when I got her, it was a couple of years before I was able to move around the house normally and I think slow deliberate and gentle actually became the new normal. But she was spooked constantly for the first 9 months of her life, not by me, then she went to another home which seems to have been gentle but ended in a relationship breakup, then came to me aged 6, so there was a lot of old trauma there. She is 14 now and we have a normal that I think has taken a lot of her, and a bit of me, to achieve.

I don’t think we are out of the woods yet but hopefully will get there soon! She has stayed upstairs all afternoon so I’m still unsure where I stand with her and feel like she has the upper hand! I was hoping she would have come to me by now! I would feel more comfortable with her coming to me rather than me going into her space! Is that ridiculous? I feel like if I approach her I will upset her again! And I’m not sure my voice would be reassuring to her!

It sounds like you definitely know what you are talking about and your animals are very lucky to have you

[Mollycat]

I'm on my 9th cat and I'm half a century old, and still learning. They are magical little creatures. The more you get to know them, the more fascinating they become. Relax, you guys will be fine, if you can listen to her, she will teach you, and we're all here to help translate when needed.

[Kim 10]

I'm on my 9th cat and I'm half a century old, and still learning. They are magical little creatures. The more you get to know them, the more fascinating they become. Relax, you guys will be fine, if you can listen to her, she will teach you, and we're all here to help translate when needed.

Ah thank you - it’s so nice to know there are people out there who are so helpful and understanding.
It’s been a very stressful couple of days and I haven’t slept or ate much as its really affected me! Some family members seemed to think I was overreacting and “it’s only a cat” so thank you for helping me through it

We seem to be a bit better today so far ! She came over for affection this morning and we played a little. Yesterday she mostly slept!
I’ve moved around the house a little but like to make sure she see’s where I am going and I’ll only move if she is not in a corner so she knows she can run off (I think that’s partly the reason she freaked out so much the other day - because I was (unintentionally) blocking her exit!)

I’ve had a puffy tail once this morning and a small hiss but It was brief - I’m hoping we are on the right track!
I’m slightly nervous about tomorrow as I’m still working from home and will be back to the scene of the original incident. Whilst today I can take my time and go at her pace - tomorrow will need to be “business as usual”

One day at a time eh

[fjm]

It sounds as if you are making excellent progress - if she felt trapped while you shrieked and leapt in the air it would explain why it became so fraught for both of you. Have you tried the slow eye close, if you catch her looking at you? It is a way of communicating trust and affection - a hard stare is interpreted as challenging and aggressive, but a slow blink is quite the opposite.: https://pets.webmd.com/cats/features/ca ... language#1

[Kim 10]

It sounds as if you are making excellent progress - if she felt trapped while you shrieked and leapt in the air it would explain why it became so fraught for both of you. Have you tried the slow eye close, if you catch her looking at you? It is a way of communicating trust and affection - a hard stare is interpreted as challenging and aggressive, but a slow blink is quite the opposite.: https://pets.webmd.com/cats/features/ca ... language#1

Thank you - I’ve mostly avoided too much eye contact at the moment but I will give this a go!
I’m led on the sofa currently and she’s curled up by my legs, which is a usual spot for her. She seems a lot better but is still a little jumpy by the odd noise outside/next door etc. that are out of my control! She does do this normally though and will look up briefly but then go back to sleep.

I think I’m going to pull the desk out a little when I’m working tomorrow just to create a bit of space between us. As she sits on the window sill next to me whilst I work and that’s where she was when I scared her!

[fjm]

Moving the desk sounds like a good plan, just in case of sudden attacks by spiders or aliens! I'm glad things are settling down so quickly - you were very sensible to give her space when it first happened, and not rush to pick her up. Does she have high spots she can watch from - a folded towel on top of a fridge freezer or an accessible shelf, for example? Many cats like the sense of security they get from being off the ground, and it might help her to relax.

[Kim 10]

Moving the desk sounds like a good plan, just in case of sudden attacks by spiders or aliens! I'm glad things are settling down so quickly - you were very sensible to give her space when it first happened, and not rush to pick her up. Does she have high spots she can watch from - a folded towel on top of a fridge freezer or an accessible shelf, for example? Many cats like the sense of security they get from being off the ground, and it might help her to relax.

Yes, she has a tower that she can sit on and she likes to be on the stairs. She occasionally gets on the fridge and sometimes on top of the wardrobe (although she gets on it by climbing curtains ) there is also a mattress in the spare room (where I work) that she likes to climb and sleep on top of! Other than that its windowsills! I think I’m best just letting her go wherever she wants for now!
I’m finding that no eye contact is working the best for now! She is wanting to be near me but not really wanting me to interact with her unless she instigates it I feel!

[Mollycat]

That's all great, most of all that you are sensitive to her needs and what is helping her the best. You seem to have a strong instinct for how to respect, encourage and support a cat and make it feel at ease. Sometimes on the internet you read things that make you feel concerned for someone's pets or for them, but it's clear your girl is in great hands with you.

Pictures are always welcome, by the way, and her name? How did you come to be a first time cat owner so recently?

[Kim 10]

My sisters cat had kittens right before the first lockdown and so I was offered to take one as a bit of company really! She’s 15 months old and I’ve had her since last May!
She’s been my shadow ever since and can be a bit of a rascal at times but we’ve always got along until this incident

I’m learning as I go along and often worry if I’m getting it right.
I’m so glad I found this forum as the information I was finding on the internet was very generalised and very matter of fact! Often the advice is just “take her to the vets”
I’ve stressed myself out all weekend and there’s no real advice for how I should be acting or feeling. I was genuinely scared of her and was finding it difficult to be calm around her!
I’m still not 100% and I’m anxious of how the next few days will pan out or if we will ever get back to how we were before! I’ve felt silly that such a small creature has had this effect on me and I don’t think that friends/family understand!
We are sharing the same space and there is no escape from each other so there is no option but to find a way through it - I hope its not much longer until I can feel finally fully relaxed again!

I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible or I am able to! And I’m hoping I will know when we are back to being friends again

[Mollycat]

She is utterly beautiful. I'm sure you will get back to normal, maybe it will take you longer than it will take her, she only has her own experience to go by but the curse of being human is how we can do all the ifs and but and what-ifs and maybes.

Play can be good for engaging without pressure, gentle, calm, upbeat and normal. Does she have catnip toys or any kind of catnip? was she on a catnip high when she got startled?

[Kim 10]

She is utterly beautiful. I'm sure you will get back to normal, maybe it will take you longer than it will take her, she only has her own experience to go by but the curse of being human is how we can do all the ifs and but and what-ifs and maybes.

Play can be good for engaging without pressure, gentle, calm, upbeat and normal. Does she have catnip toys or any kind of catnip? was she on a catnip high when she got startled?

She has catnip toys but I’m not sure she gets the “high” of catnip - I have bought a catnip spray though so will try and spray some of her toys and post!
She was quite boisterous through the night and is still unsure of me this morning! We’ve played again briefly this morning but she is watching me like a hawk and it makes me uneasy! To the point I’m shaking but still trying to act normal and like everything is ok!

[fjm]

It sounds as if perhaps you are both now in a cycle of high alert stress - her anxiety is winding you up, your nervousness is are making her more anxious. One of my dogs is so attuned to my stress that she will become physically ill with trembling, diarrhoea, etc if it goes on too long, so I have had to find ways of calming both of us down whenever possible. A walk somewhere green can help, especially with a dog, but breathing exercises are quickest and easiest and can be done anywhere and anytime. I would look online to find a method that works for you, and do it before coming into a room where she is, whenever she is watching you, whenever you feel your anxiety rising, etc. High stress levels can take days to dissipate, and you are both still recovering from a shock.

[Kim 10]

Yes I think you might be right! We seem to be getting somewhere and then something will happen to set me back again.
This morning, I have sat down to work (pulled the desk out a bit first) and tried to carry on as normal. She has come in and sat on the windowsill (the scene of the crime) and I have just continued to work. At one point I shifted in my seat which she did not like! She hissed and screeched at me but I kept my head forward and did not react. She seemed to calm down and has since jumped onto my knee for a few seconds and sat on the desk beside me! At the moment however, when she does this I feel I am not able to move suddenly for fear of spooking her again!
She is now asleep on top of the upright mattress in the same room!