6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

IMPORTANT: If your cat is in any distress or discomfort, please consult your own vet as your first priority.
Post Reply
jhick3
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2021 11:43 am
No. of cats in household: 2
Location: US

6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

Post by jhick3 »

Hi all- seeking help of seasoned cat owners for help with our 6 year old cat, E. I will provide more backstory below, but the main question of our topic is- how to help an anxious and attention seeking cat with constant meowing or need for external soothing?

Backstory:
My partner adopted our 2 cats almost 6.5 years ago. They were 6 weeks old, neutered/spayed, litter mates. Our cat E was the runt of the litter, and all of his life he has been anxious and very attached to my partner. I have known him his whole life, and moved in 2 years ago, and he has taken very well to me and is comfortable around me/sees me as his other owner. Both of our cats are lovingly attached to us, and we love them very much. They follow us from room to room. Although they are litter mates and depended on each other much their first year, our dominant cat M no longer calls out to E and generally likes her space from him/gets annoyed with his neediness. They are not hostile, but when he is being too loud sometimes (especially in her face) she will eventually go up and “whop” him. Otherwise, she pretty much ignores him. My partner has been working from home the past year and a half, and our cat E stays by her and sleeps on and off through the day but asks for attention whenever he is up (cries, asks to play, asks for cuddles). He will often cry aimlessly during the pay until she pets him until he can finally go to his cat bed by her feet and fall asleep. (AKA- needs her help and soothing to get him comfortable and calm enough to lay down).

Our problem: our cat E is VERY co-dependent and needs us humans to respond to him whenever he is lonely or bored. It is particularly bad at night, during the normal trouble hours (before bed and between 3am-7am.) Both of our cats sleep in the bed with us (very attached, with us 24/7) and our cat M has no problems staying in the bed at night. In fact, both my partner and I have had many cats and have NEVER had a cat as needy and loud as E. When he is anxious about his environment (all visitors including friends and family, outside construction, when we are gone for trips or vacation, or moves) he will escape to a hiding place for long hours and cannot be soothed to believe he is safe until hours have passed. Then he comes out at night and wreaks havoc. We have observed him for years, and know that it is not just anxiety but he becomes bored from sleeping his days away and cannot figure out what to do with himself. We have tried so many tools over the years to help him, and have worked with vets to get as much help as we can. We have tried anxiety medication, CBD treats/oil, food for anxiety, calming supplements, pheromone sprays/collars/diffusers, thunder jacket, new toys to keep him engaged. We try to keep him up during the day with attention and playing so that he’s tired at night. We have electric feeders that we time to go off throughout the day and night so he is not dependent on us for food, as well as a slow feeder he can eat whenever he wants.

At our past apartments we have been in converted house apartments where our neighbors can hear him if he cries too loudly, so we have had to get up and tell him to stop/spray him/call him back to bed (all reinforcing the habit). Overall, however, we try to ignore the behavior until it passes in the hopes of not reinforcing it. CURRENTLY, however- We just recently moved to a house where our neighbors can’t hear him and have REALLY stuck to ignoring. We have read many posts that say it gets worse before it gets better, get earplugs, noise machines- don’t give in!! We have even tried closing the door at night, but that makes him EXTREMELY upset and he will try to open it and scream outside the door for hours without stopping. This has gone one for 3 weeks since we have been able to fully and completely ignore him, now that we know our neighbors don’t hear him. But this problem truly has gone one for years.

HELP. We are so lost as to what to do. It has been months of interrupted sleep for hours a night. (He has been particularly bored/loud even before we started packing and moved). He has always had a habit of waking us up 1-2 times a night and crying anywhere between a minute and an hour. But it has never been THIS bad before, and no amount of ignoring seems to help. We are on a waitlist to get into a cat only vet (a new opportunity for us now that we moved), and are hopeful that her expertise exclusive to cats may help us. But my partner and I are so exhausted and each night we are anxious just to fall asleep. Has any seasoned cat owner gone through this with a grown cat needing constant attention and being incredibly loud- particularly at night? How did you finally get it to stop? Are there other medical problems we should be looking into? None of our other vets have suggested any medical problems before, but given his age we are wondering if it isn’t just behavior. HELP!!!
User avatar
lilynmitz
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1090
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 2:41 pm
No. of cats in household: 2

Re: 6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

Post by lilynmitz »

This is a tricky one, which is probably why you no one has come back to you. It does sound like you've been doing a lot of the right things, but try some of the tips on this link.

https://www.catchat.org/index.php/meowing

I'm wondering if there's something outside that he wants to get to? As no doubt you realise, cats are nocturnal/crepusclar hunters and it may be his hunting instinct is in overdrive. Or maybe he's getting territorial and wants to beat up the new kid on the block? Either way, short of letting him out (which I'm loathe to suggest, as that's when most cats go missing or get injured) that may be difficult to resolve.

I hope you get on ok at the vets. He's very very lucky to live in such a patient and understanding home, so I hope you can find something that works soon.
Clawsy
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jul 03, 2021 12:18 am

Re: 6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

Post by Clawsy »

I dont have any answers but I rescued a stray cat, and a relative is going to take him. She is lovely with cats but wont be able to have him sleep in the bed.
So she is making a room for him, she is going to make a big pillow stuffed toy for him that will emit the sound similar to a heart beat. She said they used to do this with orphaned puppies and kittens, put a ticking clock in a big stuffed toy for them to cuddle up to when no one is there, to stop them crying and being upset. She is going to try it so he doesnt feel so alone at night while people are sleeping. She is going to try put a human heart beat sound playing into it with headphones off the computer in the the stuffed toy and put a heated pack in it also so it is warm. If that doesnt work shes going to use a clock in the toy(how they used to many years ago). I didnt know people used to do this, but apparently they did and it helped young animals to stop them crying when left alone. IDK do people still do this for cats?

Also another thought, have you asked vet next time you see them, if its a possible hyperthyroidism? Not sure if its similar symptoms as my cat, my cat was not clingy like yours during the day, and was quite independent, but at night time, she really would not leave us alone, she was running about alot and wanting attention, wanting us to pat her while she ate food at 3am, 5am kind of thing, just got very active at night time and waking us up alot at night to give her attention and we lost a lot of sleep, because it was a given she would wake us up a few times during the night. She would whack plastic bags, books about the room and scratch the bed to make a racket to wake us up. (She usually did not meow but that is her, she hardly ever meowed normally either) She did not look Atypical for hyperthyroidism (vet said this as she had a good glossy coat and at this time had not lost much weight, so vet said he was not thinking she had it because he expected a bad coat and thin) and we only found out by accident later, (when a vet tried getting blood for something else, she had a bad reaction to the stress and needed an oxygen tent to recover, so they tested her for it then). But apparently she had it, and when I read about it, being active at night more than normal can be a symptom.

For her I dont think she was like that when we first got her, but slowly got more and more "awake" and waking us up at night time. So she wasnt always like that. But she was like it for a long while before she got tested.
User avatar
Mollycat
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 2705
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: UK

Re: 6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

Post by Mollycat »

I adopted a 6 year old cat 8 years ago who at times has driven me insane, because on top of her need for attention and affection she was also too nervous to accept affection in any normal way. I worked from home and the moment my attention was focused on something other than her she would sit up looking at me and squeak at me, every few seconds, until I got up and walked towards her, and no matter how carefully I moved she would bolt and hide under the bed, only to reappear and start again as soon as I sat down and focused on my work again. It seemed if I wasn't concentrating hard she didn't bother, and i thought that seemed a bit far fetched. But this cat can be lying next to me, not touching, in silence and with her eyes closed, and I don't move or make a sound or look at her, but if I mentally focus on her she starts to purr.

Cats or at least some cats are capable of picking up incredibly subtle changes in our mindset and emotions. I don't know maybe indoor cats are even better at it because they have nothing else to tune into. I suspect this is a two-way escalating thing going on, the more clingy and needy this cat has become, the more anxious its human companions are for its welfare and their own sanity. If I felt insecure and the people around me were stressed and shouted at me or sprayed me or ignored me, I don't think I would feel better. I might end up being quiet, but it would me a miserable defeated giving up quiet, not a reassured and happy quiet. There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries for certain times like sleep time, but I get a sense of this being a 24/7 frustration with a little living creature that just needs to be part of everything in its world which feels unsafe and uncertain.
User avatar
Mollycat
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 2705
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: UK

Re: 6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)

Post by Mollycat »

Clawsy wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2021 1:32 am She is going to try put a human heart beat sound playing into it with headphones off the computer in the the stuffed toy and put a heated pack in it also so it is warm. If that doesnt work shes going to use a clock in the toy(how they used to many years ago). I didnt know people used to do this, but apparently they did and it helped young animals to stop them crying when left alone. IDK do people still do this for cats?

Also another thought, have you asked vet next time you see them, if its a possible hyperthyroidism?
Night time yowlies is a symptom of hyperthyroidism, mine did that too but hers didn't stop completely when she was cured but it helped. Mine wasn't typical either, in fact she was obese and the HT was only spotted also by chance because she had some kind of liver-related crash.

My partner found a 4 week old puppy in a box left to die in December, he was given a teddy and had a 6 week old kitten to curl up with. Nearly 11 years on he still has teddies especially whenever he feels a little bit uncertain or nervous and always takes one to greet visitors, go for a pee, go for a walk though he drops it and we have to carry it. But yes the clock thing should still be well known and commonly done for little ones when first separated from mum. Last time I had a kitten was 34 years ago and she was fine (little monster) without one.
Post Reply