6-year old cat constantly meowing, anxious and attention seeking (esp at night)
Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2021 12:25 pm
Hi all- seeking help of seasoned cat owners for help with our 6 year old cat, E. I will provide more backstory below, but the main question of our topic is- how to help an anxious and attention seeking cat with constant meowing or need for external soothing?
Backstory:
My partner adopted our 2 cats almost 6.5 years ago. They were 6 weeks old, neutered/spayed, litter mates. Our cat E was the runt of the litter, and all of his life he has been anxious and very attached to my partner. I have known him his whole life, and moved in 2 years ago, and he has taken very well to me and is comfortable around me/sees me as his other owner. Both of our cats are lovingly attached to us, and we love them very much. They follow us from room to room. Although they are litter mates and depended on each other much their first year, our dominant cat M no longer calls out to E and generally likes her space from him/gets annoyed with his neediness. They are not hostile, but when he is being too loud sometimes (especially in her face) she will eventually go up and “whop” him. Otherwise, she pretty much ignores him. My partner has been working from home the past year and a half, and our cat E stays by her and sleeps on and off through the day but asks for attention whenever he is up (cries, asks to play, asks for cuddles). He will often cry aimlessly during the pay until she pets him until he can finally go to his cat bed by her feet and fall asleep. (AKA- needs her help and soothing to get him comfortable and calm enough to lay down).
Our problem: our cat E is VERY co-dependent and needs us humans to respond to him whenever he is lonely or bored. It is particularly bad at night, during the normal trouble hours (before bed and between 3am-7am.) Both of our cats sleep in the bed with us (very attached, with us 24/7) and our cat M has no problems staying in the bed at night. In fact, both my partner and I have had many cats and have NEVER had a cat as needy and loud as E. When he is anxious about his environment (all visitors including friends and family, outside construction, when we are gone for trips or vacation, or moves) he will escape to a hiding place for long hours and cannot be soothed to believe he is safe until hours have passed. Then he comes out at night and wreaks havoc. We have observed him for years, and know that it is not just anxiety but he becomes bored from sleeping his days away and cannot figure out what to do with himself. We have tried so many tools over the years to help him, and have worked with vets to get as much help as we can. We have tried anxiety medication, CBD treats/oil, food for anxiety, calming supplements, pheromone sprays/collars/diffusers, thunder jacket, new toys to keep him engaged. We try to keep him up during the day with attention and playing so that he’s tired at night. We have electric feeders that we time to go off throughout the day and night so he is not dependent on us for food, as well as a slow feeder he can eat whenever he wants.
At our past apartments we have been in converted house apartments where our neighbors can hear him if he cries too loudly, so we have had to get up and tell him to stop/spray him/call him back to bed (all reinforcing the habit). Overall, however, we try to ignore the behavior until it passes in the hopes of not reinforcing it. CURRENTLY, however- We just recently moved to a house where our neighbors can’t hear him and have REALLY stuck to ignoring. We have read many posts that say it gets worse before it gets better, get earplugs, noise machines- don’t give in!! We have even tried closing the door at night, but that makes him EXTREMELY upset and he will try to open it and scream outside the door for hours without stopping. This has gone one for 3 weeks since we have been able to fully and completely ignore him, now that we know our neighbors don’t hear him. But this problem truly has gone one for years.
HELP. We are so lost as to what to do. It has been months of interrupted sleep for hours a night. (He has been particularly bored/loud even before we started packing and moved). He has always had a habit of waking us up 1-2 times a night and crying anywhere between a minute and an hour. But it has never been THIS bad before, and no amount of ignoring seems to help. We are on a waitlist to get into a cat only vet (a new opportunity for us now that we moved), and are hopeful that her expertise exclusive to cats may help us. But my partner and I are so exhausted and each night we are anxious just to fall asleep. Has any seasoned cat owner gone through this with a grown cat needing constant attention and being incredibly loud- particularly at night? How did you finally get it to stop? Are there other medical problems we should be looking into? None of our other vets have suggested any medical problems before, but given his age we are wondering if it isn’t just behavior. HELP!!!
Backstory:
My partner adopted our 2 cats almost 6.5 years ago. They were 6 weeks old, neutered/spayed, litter mates. Our cat E was the runt of the litter, and all of his life he has been anxious and very attached to my partner. I have known him his whole life, and moved in 2 years ago, and he has taken very well to me and is comfortable around me/sees me as his other owner. Both of our cats are lovingly attached to us, and we love them very much. They follow us from room to room. Although they are litter mates and depended on each other much their first year, our dominant cat M no longer calls out to E and generally likes her space from him/gets annoyed with his neediness. They are not hostile, but when he is being too loud sometimes (especially in her face) she will eventually go up and “whop” him. Otherwise, she pretty much ignores him. My partner has been working from home the past year and a half, and our cat E stays by her and sleeps on and off through the day but asks for attention whenever he is up (cries, asks to play, asks for cuddles). He will often cry aimlessly during the pay until she pets him until he can finally go to his cat bed by her feet and fall asleep. (AKA- needs her help and soothing to get him comfortable and calm enough to lay down).
Our problem: our cat E is VERY co-dependent and needs us humans to respond to him whenever he is lonely or bored. It is particularly bad at night, during the normal trouble hours (before bed and between 3am-7am.) Both of our cats sleep in the bed with us (very attached, with us 24/7) and our cat M has no problems staying in the bed at night. In fact, both my partner and I have had many cats and have NEVER had a cat as needy and loud as E. When he is anxious about his environment (all visitors including friends and family, outside construction, when we are gone for trips or vacation, or moves) he will escape to a hiding place for long hours and cannot be soothed to believe he is safe until hours have passed. Then he comes out at night and wreaks havoc. We have observed him for years, and know that it is not just anxiety but he becomes bored from sleeping his days away and cannot figure out what to do with himself. We have tried so many tools over the years to help him, and have worked with vets to get as much help as we can. We have tried anxiety medication, CBD treats/oil, food for anxiety, calming supplements, pheromone sprays/collars/diffusers, thunder jacket, new toys to keep him engaged. We try to keep him up during the day with attention and playing so that he’s tired at night. We have electric feeders that we time to go off throughout the day and night so he is not dependent on us for food, as well as a slow feeder he can eat whenever he wants.
At our past apartments we have been in converted house apartments where our neighbors can hear him if he cries too loudly, so we have had to get up and tell him to stop/spray him/call him back to bed (all reinforcing the habit). Overall, however, we try to ignore the behavior until it passes in the hopes of not reinforcing it. CURRENTLY, however- We just recently moved to a house where our neighbors can’t hear him and have REALLY stuck to ignoring. We have read many posts that say it gets worse before it gets better, get earplugs, noise machines- don’t give in!! We have even tried closing the door at night, but that makes him EXTREMELY upset and he will try to open it and scream outside the door for hours without stopping. This has gone one for 3 weeks since we have been able to fully and completely ignore him, now that we know our neighbors don’t hear him. But this problem truly has gone one for years.
HELP. We are so lost as to what to do. It has been months of interrupted sleep for hours a night. (He has been particularly bored/loud even before we started packing and moved). He has always had a habit of waking us up 1-2 times a night and crying anywhere between a minute and an hour. But it has never been THIS bad before, and no amount of ignoring seems to help. We are on a waitlist to get into a cat only vet (a new opportunity for us now that we moved), and are hopeful that her expertise exclusive to cats may help us. But my partner and I are so exhausted and each night we are anxious just to fall asleep. Has any seasoned cat owner gone through this with a grown cat needing constant attention and being incredibly loud- particularly at night? How did you finally get it to stop? Are there other medical problems we should be looking into? None of our other vets have suggested any medical problems before, but given his age we are wondering if it isn’t just behavior. HELP!!!