Burmese Cats Quandry

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Tahirua27
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Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by Tahirua27 »

Hello everyone.
I am in a dilemma about what is best for my two very beautiful and personality filled Burmese cats, Tahi and Rua, who are 11.
They have been much adored family cats but with a sad marriage break-up and children leaving home, I was left with them. They are used to almost constant attention and adoration and have spent many years in teenage girls' beds being loved non-stop. The girl, Rua, in particular is incredibly needy and can actually be very grumpy and has a fine line in scratching when she gets annoyed with too much or too little love! If she isn't happy or is unsettled by changes, she can start peeing and pooing under the bed and in random places :( The boy, Tahi, is the kindest, loveliest, crusiest boy but also gets demanding when he decides it's time for attention and can scratch to be let in and throw himself at doors all night (I am not joking!).
I now have a wonderful new partner and have moved to a new house but it has been hard with the cats. My partner is not at all a cat person and really doesn't like cats constantly jumping on the bed and demanding attention. I tried hard to get them used to more boundaries but Rua was clearly very unhappy and the pooing increased. Tahi was also terrified by two enormous Maine Coone cats next door who beat him up and despite us chasing them away constantly, he has been scared to go outside. He ended up running away twice, we think scared by the mean cats and getting lost coming home.
In the end, I asked a lovely student friend of ours to look after the cats at her house. She has three flatmates and they totally adore the cats. Rua is permanently in someone's arms or bed and Tahi has the run of the neighbourhood again. Both of them are clearly very happy.
I feel terrible to have not been able to provide for the cats and I miss them, particularly Tahi, terribly. I think what I have done is the right thing for the cats but I still wonder whether it would be possible to have Tahi here with me and to just create firmer boundaries for him in terms of demanding attention. But then there's still the evil next door cats issue, and I wouldn't want to split up two best friend cats ... .
I'd love your thoughts - even just to assuage my guilt. thank you!!
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Mollycat
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Re: Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by Mollycat »

If it had been a simple matter of choosing the new partner over the cats, I have made that mistake. Thankfully I was eventually able to put it right as my girl had stayed with my mother, and as she had chosen to remain my cat throughout it was simple, as soon as I was able I took her back and told the new man the cat was here first and if he didn't like it he knew where the door was. (Yes I did actually say that, he said equally blunt things to me, it was all good)

However as the cats have a place and people who are better able to meet their needs, and they seem comfortable and happy, it seems a happy ending for all concerned and nothing to feel guilty about, if you're taking care of the cats' happiness and best interests first. Again, it would be very different if you had decided they were an inconvenience and dumped them, but that's not how it is at all.
Tahirua27
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Re: Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by Tahirua27 »

Thank you Molly - I really appreciate that. Yes - the cats are very happy and I think, ultimately, that is all that matters :)
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fjm
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Re: Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by fjm »

I had a neighbour some years ago with a very beautiful blue Burmese. They loved the cat dearly, but the cat was always stressed and unhappy, to the point of refusing to eat. He loved a friend of theirs, though, and the friend offered to look after the cat in his own flat while they were on holiday. They came home to a relaxed, happy, well-fed cat who made it very clear he preferred life where he was, and they accepted his decision. They did continue to visit him regularly though. Sometimes you have to do what is right for the animals, even when it feels wrong to you - I think you are making exactly the right decision in leaving your cats where they are happy.
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Mollycat
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Re: Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by Mollycat »

Fjm reminds me of how I acquired my Henry, he just kept spending more and more time at our house with our cat Sarah sho didn't mind. He was from a neighbour 200 yards away, and they also had the respect for H to let him go with their blessing. Their house was noisy and chaotic and as much as they loved him, they also understood that was not what he needed. In one way we never quite felt we owned him - he was our cat by his choice, he chose us and the house - so he continued to go visiting other people in the street and we never felt entitled to complain. That was just sociable Henry. When Sarah grew old and frail he would spend more time with her in the garden watching over her.
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Ruth B
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Re: Burmese Cats Quandry

Post by Ruth B »

I have to agree that if the cats are happy where they are then you have nothing to be guilty about, in fact you should be proud of yourself, you have put their welfare first.
It's going back a good number of years now, but at the time I had a mother and daughter cat, the mother was diagnosed with a terminal disease and I knew her time with us was going to be measured in months. Her daughter was quite a bit younger and i decided it would be nice to get her a playmate as she would try and play with her mother quite a bit as there was several years age difference between them. I adopted another cat, slightly younger than the daughter, but unfortunately everything went wrong first the new comer started inappropriate toileting, then the mother cat started it, and finally the daughter did. The stress levels in the house rocketed as I was coming home from work not knowing what i was going to be walking into. In the end, heartbroken I contacted the charity and handed the new cat back. Things settled down here, and I heard from them that after a week being kept apart from other cats the new cat hadn't failed to use her litter tray once and was later adopted as an only pet. My house just hadn't been right for her, but for a long time afterwards I felt so guilty that i hadn't been able to make it work. That was really when I started reading cat behaviour books and finally came to under stand the dominance struggle that had been going on, they may not have been going at it tooth and claw, but the fight was real. I finally came to accept that i had made the best decision I possibly could when I let that cat go back to the charity, for the few months i had her no one in the house was happy and the stress for both cats and humans had been through the roof.
In the end cats are intelligent, independent animals and we mere humans can't always provide them with the perfect home, no matter how much we might want to, yours are now happy in a new home, perhaps if things change in the future and you find you are in a position to take in another cat, then I am sure that you will find the perfect cat waiting for you somewhere, grateful for the loving home you can offer.
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