Advice on handling timid cats

[Claire58]

We adopted two rescue cats about six weeks ago, seven year old sisters who came from a multi-cat household. They are sweet natured and gentle cats but very timid. They appear not to have had much human socialisation before being rescued several months ago, though they apparently did well with their foster carers. We are experienced cat owners and are happy to give them the time they need to get used to us. However, we can’t touch one and can’t pick up either of them yet. This meant it was a nightmare trying to catch them and pick them up to go in their carriers when they had to go to the vets earlier this week (both have poor teeth). Once in the carriers, they were fine in the car and easy to handle at the vets. They have sort of forgiven us but have certainly lost some of the confidence they were just beginning to gain. Both have to go back to the vets in the next month, and we are dreading it. Can anyone advise us on how to get the cats used to being handled and picked up? The problem isn’t putting them in the carriers, which are the mesh top opening ones, but just being able to catch them and pick them up at all without them being terrified.

[Mollycat]

Oh wow you have my sympathy - my timid girl is only recently starting to be almost a normal cat, aged 15 and after nearly 9 years with me.

Are you looking for how to get them handleable generally, or how to deal with this second vet visit in particular?

[Claire58]

Hi Mollycat.

Nine years – that is a very long time, though it must be so rewarding for you to see her finally becoming a 'normal' cat.

Our immediate concern is being able to pick up the cats without a major scene to put them in their carriers . How do you manage with your girl?

Longer term it would be lovely for them to enjoy a stroke or even for us to be able to pick one up to move her to her own food bowl when they both go for the same bowl without her panicking! Are we better trying to sneak in the occasional stroke or just to ignore them? They are still spending a lot of time under beds.

[Mollycat]

Warning, long post! There are a few much more timid cats than mine here and each of us has handled our unique cases in our own unique ways, so hopefully you will get lots and lots of ideas.

I have an indoor only home and Molly was brought in as a companion for the desperately stressed, lonely and friendly Boo, who we lost 3 years ago. I had no idea what Molly was like, I was only told she was indoor by choice and that she was a bit nervous until she got to know you. Understatement of the decade.

On arrival all I saw was a streak of grey as she shot under the bed and after that I heard her about in the night but didn't actually see her for a week. I worked from home back then and the day she came out was the day I was out all day, so that was my first lesson learned. She would bolt for cover any time I moved, she was terrified of plastic bags and shoes, and yet thunder and fireworks were nothing to her. Over months I gradually got her to stop bolting so much, I would get up very slowly with plenty of warning and if she got ready to go I would stop and back up a little, talking gently to her the whole time.

I started sneaking one single stroke when I put her food down. Then what I called a stroke-and-go or walk-by stroking once she stopped bolting, but still backing up if she was about to bolt. I was also very careful only to tell her it was ok and safe if it really was, so when guests came I would encourage her to go and hide away safely before opening the door. I noticed she was beginning to trust my judgement after a while and when there was a noise or something unusual she started to look at me - is this ok, should I run, is it safe?

After a long while she started to ask me for what I called a cuddle but it was hardly anything, she would get in the loaf position in a specific spot on the floor facing away from me and I could get down with her and tickle the side of her neck - nothing more - and she would suddenly get the fear pop into her head and walk away very abruptly. Then she started coming back sometimes. Other than the walk-by strokes I didn't push her at all, possibly for too many years.

As far as getting to the vets, I had no choice but to grab and dump her in the carrier, I had to catch her completely by surprise. Once I lured her out of hiding with treats and that was a huge betrayal and she made me work hard for a fortnight before she would cautiously forgive me! As she doesn't go out she isn't vaccinated so we were able to go several years without seeing a vet, and my regret is not using that time to work on picking up. There are quite a few good guides on You-tube on how to teach a cat to enjoy being picked up and how to pick up a scared cat - as an experienced cat owner you will be able to see straight away which ones are good and which ones are stupid. But we are still having to grab and go and I think as she is overweight it might actually be uncomfortable for her.

The one time I did pick her up happily, special circumstances. She had gone out exploring the stairwell outside our flat and gone down a full level, then tried to go home but forgot about the stairs and was crying at my neighbour's door below. I tried calling, I tried going down to her and encouraging, nothing would get through to her in her growing confusion and panic, so I had no potion but to scoop her up properly under her back end, and to my astonishment she went quiet and leaned into me until we were close enough for her to know she was home. That incident is what makes me regret not working on earlier. But being at home and confident, I'm just not convinced she would accept it and as I have a scar in my eyelash line from the one and only time I stroked her on her cat tower, I'm a little nervous trying to pick her up so close to my face when she isn't in need of help! Oh, I can kiss her tummy without her even opening her eyes, but being picked up when the only reason she ever has been is to go in the carrier, hmm.

What she needed in order to start trusting me was that I would leave her alone. She wanted to trust me, she craved affection, but from what I can gather firstly her mother was not protective enough of her and secondly she was in a home for the first 9 months where she was overloved, handled inappropriately and not given her space, a noisy chaotic household, and that's what made her so nervous. She then went to a quiet loving home for 5 years before a relationship breakup so I'm guessing tension and raised voices resulted in her rehoming to me. So the reason your cats were given up and what life they had before is important. If you don't know much about it, just watch carefully and they will give you clues by what they are ok with and what they are afraid of. Plenty of time, plenty of patience, and after this round of essential vet visits leave them alone to settle as much as possible so they know they are safe and respected.

Another great source of help believe it or not is horse trainer Monty Roberts. When you listen to him and watch his join-up and problem solving videos, and figure out how to apply his methods to a cat, he is amazing, way better in my eyes than the so-called Cat Whisperer. You may find having the two of them that they don't need you and interaction with you quite so much though, and are more reliant on each other. My instinct says work on the more nervous one first, and the less nervous one will follow, but that's just me.

If they feel happy under beds, let them be under beds and let them understand that is their safe place and they won't be bothered there. Then they can always go there if they feel a bit unsure, and gradually the area where they feel safe will expand to fill your home.

[lilynmitz]

Excellent advice from Mollycat. If you're two aren't quite as extreme as Molly, I found with a few nervous pusses I had that lying on the floor talking to them quietly works quite well. Maybe extend a toy (bit of string, feathers on a stick) to them to get them used to your hand going near them without being a threat. Elsie hid under the bed for days when we first got her, so we let her do so, but after nearly a week of me doing this she decided I probably wasn't going to eat her and we never looked back. Patience, empathy and consistency are key.

Our lad Zig was terrified of everyone but us. The first time I met him with his fosterer he was clawing the carpet trying to get away from me. But using these tricks (including me lying on the floor behind the fosterer's sofa for an hour!) by the time I left he came up and sat next to me, giving his seal of approval. He always ran and hid from all visitors, so people thought we only had one cat, but he was a perfectly happy cat with us, eventually. We just let him work things out for himself at his own speed, let him hide when he needed to, and just took things slowly.

[Claire58]

Thank you both for your advice. I will look on YouTube for guidance on how to pick up a scared cat, and the Monty Roberts videos sound interesting. Otherwise it sounds as if we are working on the right lines, but it will just take a long time to get there. One girl will play with a feather on a stick, but the other isn’t interested in toys. They are both very greedy cats though (as a result of being neglected in their original home, I assume) so I shall go back to hand feeding them bits of chicken as a treat in the hope that may relax them a bit around us. It’s just a pity that one really does need her teeth done so has to go back to the vet in a couple of weeks. I will let you know how they progress!

[Mollycat]

Oh, my one regret is not keeping a diary of progress