Hi all - i'm new here and looking for advice - i have skimmed through a few threads, and not really found an answer, but if you want to direct me to specific earlier threads that are relavent, i'll happily take links! Otherwise, i'm so eager to hear your sage advice on how to select a new-companion cat for a dominant, maybe insecure kitty. Here's some background:
My gorgeous tuxie girl Tallulah is 2 years old now. I rescued her from the local animal control when she was about 5 months old; she was a feral kitten and I suspect on her own for most of her early life. She's still a tiny bit wild, but we are solidly bonded; I've just had to learn her quirks (do NOT touch the belly...) and respect her moods. I wouldn't call her aggressive, but, for example, she bites a lot when I pet her - I just don't think she ever learned not that it's not an appropriate response. She loves to spend time outside and is a impressive hunter - I don't really approve of it, but clearly it makes her happy. She roams a lot, which I also don't like, but I can usually call her home. Anyway, I'm just trying to make the point that we have a good relationship, and I don't want to upset it.
She gets along with some other animals, and some she does NOT like. There is a neighborhood cat, a large male (not sure if he's neutered, but he sprays my patio weekly) that harasses her. I'm not sure who instigates it, but there are frequent tiffs and yowling matches, and she often ends up scrambling into the house to get away from him. There are a few other cats in the neighborhood but to my knowledge he's the only one she has problems with. On the other hand, when I go to visit my parents, she comes with me - she travels really well. She's comfortable at their house, and mostly gets along with their older cat (female) and dog. When my parents have gone away on vacation, I've taken their pets into my home, and Tallulah has tolerated it. She would be a little aggressive toward the other cat, but it was ok.
So, I would like to increase our family and adopt a new kitty - in time I'd like to adopt a dog as well but this is not the time. I want to do it in a way that is least upsetting to Tallulah, because I think it will be difficult for her. I think she would benefit from a buddy. I'm not expecting her to be super-affectionate, but I think she needs more interaction.
So how can I go about selecting a good companion for her? I definitely want to rescue, I like to do as much for shelters as I can. The new cat will of course be sterilized asap.
-Would a kitten be a better choice, so that it can imprint onto her, and maybe she would feel less threatened (or even motherly? doubtful...)? Or would an older cat be more assertive and stand up to her?
-Since I know she has one male archenemy, and is capable of getting along with a female, should I focus on female cats? (i really would like a boy kitty tho).
-Should i look for a cat with a strong personality, or lots of energy, or one more laid back, who is likely to accept that he/she is NOT in charge?
-Should the new cat come from animal control or a shelter, where that cat has probably spent some time out of the cage, socializing with other cats? Where I live there is the county animal control, who are fantastic but still effectively 'the pound' and this particular AC is not a no-kill (they try to get all the animals out, but...). There are also tons of animal shelters who often rescue from AC and then foster the animals in 'group homes'. They are also very overwhelmed, but at least they are all no-kill. I'm happy to support animal control - they are the first line of caretakers and I want to do what I can to reduce their burden, but I wonder if I can pre-emptively prepare the new cat, so it's not completely overwhelmed by Tallulah who is likely to go into Bonzo mode, by adopting from a shelter instead.
Anyway, if you have any suggestions, or links, or think I'm TOTALLY over-thinking this, I can't wait to hear them! Thanks so much!
picking a new friend for alpha cat?
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nanny pamy
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Re: picking a new friend for alpha cat?
I do hope you get some answers because id love to add to my one cat family in the future but have exactly the same questions as you. I,l keep checking for answers. 
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Jacks
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Re: picking a new friend for alpha cat?
Hi there Magpi!
Well I've recently increased my brood to 5, having started with 1 feral kitten, so I do have something to offer, I think.
Firstly, the spraying male Tallulah has problems with sounds like an intact Tom. Some intact Toms will bother ALL females, neutered or not (we had one like this - he was wild and I trapped him after 5 months of his attacking all three of my females) and are a pest. This has nothing to do with whether your girl will integrate with another cat. From what else you say it sounds like she will.
So - NO problem with adopting a male as a companion; he must be NEUTERED and have been done I would say for at least 3 months if he's an adult. At 2 your girl will still be playful, so I would suggest a male of between 1 and 2 years, who has a history of getting on with other cats in the shelter. A good shelter should know whether their cats tolerate others or are dominant and aggressive.
Secondly, I would go for a cat who LIKES being picked up, and human contact. Ideally you want to encourage your girl that people contact = good and nice; my No 1 feral kitten (who was 4.5 months when we took her in; born in a garage at the bottom of our garden) was still skittish at 6 months but desperate to play, so I got No 2 - a 4 month kitten (girl as it happens) who was handleable, playful, pretty bold and well socialised - they were best pals within a couple of days. Now they are both over 2 and dynamics have changed with the new additions, as will always happen - but so do their needs. Cat No 3 came a month later and is a mature (5-6 year) female who wants to be (and is) the boss. She regularly puts the rogue Tom (who turned into a pussy-cat 8 months after being neutered and now lives with us - No 4) in his place on a daily basis.
The sex of the cat doesn't matter if they are neutered; the temperament is more important. HOWEVER most people I think will confirm that BOYS are more likely to be dominated by resident females, if they are neutered before they arrive, but GIRLS you never can tell until they get together. Cats will sort out their pecking order and in a really multi cat household some may be dominant in one area and others in different areas. This is not a problem. If they are loved, and their needs are met (in terms of interest and activity) and they have established where they stand in the pecking order and are not BULLIED, then they will be happy.
There are guides on this site for bonding and establishing hierarchies, but generally the 'queen bee' will expect to be fed first and will be the glue that keeps the tribe in order. My original kitten did not turn out to be the boss, although she was here first, but this doesn't mean she's unhappy. She can still whack the male, and the neighbour's male, when she wants to! My no 2 kitten turned out to be the roaming hunter, so that's her prowess, but in the home she expects the two other girls to be fed first, and she's fine with that. Now I've got a No 5 girl and am watching the dynamics unfold. After 2+ weeks No 2 (who as bottom girl was scared of a new girl) has found she can PLAY with No 5; No 1 ignores her, No 3 (boss cat) let her know she was boss on first meeting by sitting very quietly preening and when No 5 came cautiously close enough to sniff her administered a sudden and determined 'whack' which sent her flying. No 3 now ignores her unless she thinks No 5 is getting out of line - in which case a little 'meooowwrr' and a curling of the whiskers will suffice to put No 5 in her place. No 4, the male, has yet to meet No 5 face on, but they've 'communed' through a crack in the door with interest and no more than a brief hiss from No 5, but no signs of fright, so I think she has the measure of him already
My only problem remains between No 2 and No 4 - as they have a history of him attacking her when she was out hunting - and she hasn't forgiven him yet. That's a work in progress...
I hope this has helped!
Well I've recently increased my brood to 5, having started with 1 feral kitten, so I do have something to offer, I think.
Firstly, the spraying male Tallulah has problems with sounds like an intact Tom. Some intact Toms will bother ALL females, neutered or not (we had one like this - he was wild and I trapped him after 5 months of his attacking all three of my females) and are a pest. This has nothing to do with whether your girl will integrate with another cat. From what else you say it sounds like she will.
So - NO problem with adopting a male as a companion; he must be NEUTERED and have been done I would say for at least 3 months if he's an adult. At 2 your girl will still be playful, so I would suggest a male of between 1 and 2 years, who has a history of getting on with other cats in the shelter. A good shelter should know whether their cats tolerate others or are dominant and aggressive.
Secondly, I would go for a cat who LIKES being picked up, and human contact. Ideally you want to encourage your girl that people contact = good and nice; my No 1 feral kitten (who was 4.5 months when we took her in; born in a garage at the bottom of our garden) was still skittish at 6 months but desperate to play, so I got No 2 - a 4 month kitten (girl as it happens) who was handleable, playful, pretty bold and well socialised - they were best pals within a couple of days. Now they are both over 2 and dynamics have changed with the new additions, as will always happen - but so do their needs. Cat No 3 came a month later and is a mature (5-6 year) female who wants to be (and is) the boss. She regularly puts the rogue Tom (who turned into a pussy-cat 8 months after being neutered and now lives with us - No 4) in his place on a daily basis.
The sex of the cat doesn't matter if they are neutered; the temperament is more important. HOWEVER most people I think will confirm that BOYS are more likely to be dominated by resident females, if they are neutered before they arrive, but GIRLS you never can tell until they get together. Cats will sort out their pecking order and in a really multi cat household some may be dominant in one area and others in different areas. This is not a problem. If they are loved, and their needs are met (in terms of interest and activity) and they have established where they stand in the pecking order and are not BULLIED, then they will be happy.
There are guides on this site for bonding and establishing hierarchies, but generally the 'queen bee' will expect to be fed first and will be the glue that keeps the tribe in order. My original kitten did not turn out to be the boss, although she was here first, but this doesn't mean she's unhappy. She can still whack the male, and the neighbour's male, when she wants to! My no 2 kitten turned out to be the roaming hunter, so that's her prowess, but in the home she expects the two other girls to be fed first, and she's fine with that. Now I've got a No 5 girl and am watching the dynamics unfold. After 2+ weeks No 2 (who as bottom girl was scared of a new girl) has found she can PLAY with No 5; No 1 ignores her, No 3 (boss cat) let her know she was boss on first meeting by sitting very quietly preening and when No 5 came cautiously close enough to sniff her administered a sudden and determined 'whack' which sent her flying. No 3 now ignores her unless she thinks No 5 is getting out of line - in which case a little 'meooowwrr' and a curling of the whiskers will suffice to put No 5 in her place. No 4, the male, has yet to meet No 5 face on, but they've 'communed' through a crack in the door with interest and no more than a brief hiss from No 5, but no signs of fright, so I think she has the measure of him already
My only problem remains between No 2 and No 4 - as they have a history of him attacking her when she was out hunting - and she hasn't forgiven him yet. That's a work in progress...
I hope this has helped!
Re: picking a new friend for alpha cat?
Thanks Jacks (and hi Nanny Pamy!). That's very helpful. I think it's a good point that I might expect less difficulty integrating a male kitty, that makes sense when you put it that way. I'm glad that you've successfully put together a home for 5, impressive!