Lila's squamous cell carcinoma journey..

[Kay]

my Trigger was interested in food until his final moments, and didn't hide away at all, but I knew it was time to let him go when I saw how haggard he looked in a final photo I took of him - I realised he was in pain and almost certainly not sleeping much because of it, despite Metacam

we are all different, but personally when there is no hope of them getting better, and when their world has shrunk so much their quality of life is really poor, I would rather say goodbye before reaching a bitter end - it does help you to become reconciled, and spares you perhaps nightmare memories of far from peaceful last moments

we all know how hard it is, and our thoughts are with you

[faerieevenstar]

Thank you guys. I'm in tears right now, but it's all for the right reasons.. it's because I care. I can't get over how quickly this all happened... I had no idea at Christmas time.

[JulieandBarney]

we are all different, but personally when there is no hope of them getting better, and when their world has shrunk so much their quality of life is really poor, I would rather say goodbye before reaching a bitter end - it does help you to become reconciled, and spares you perhaps nightmare memories of far from peaceful last moments

we all know how hard it is, and our thoughts are with you

[/quote]

I can only reiterate what Kay has said above....my lovely boy even perked up on the day we took him on his last trip to the vet, which made it doubly hard...I kept thinking ..."maybe one more day with him....." but I knew it was because I wanted him with me, as long as I could...but he was in pain, his moments of happiness were getting less and less and I could not put my dear friend through it anymore, my poor boy was only 7 years old when he left us, but I thank God every day now, that I never left it until he was in such agony that he couldn't bare it any longer, that wuold have been terribly cruel....sometimes we have to search our soul and do the most selfless thing in our life that we have ever had to do....My boy died of the same cancer too...xxxx

[faerieevenstar]

I had a talk with the Mr, and he thinks I'm worrying too much... actually since he got home she's perked up, has been looking out of the window and wandering around on patrol. She never ate much even before she was ill, that's part of the problem here.

I might be reading into things too much, it's what I do.. he could be right. he said not to give up just *yet*

I did have a cuddle with her not long ago, and she seemed happy- she purred and kneaded with her paws, and leant into me for kisses like she does. The Mr thinks she's just tired more than anything. She's currently scratching a post behind me (after having scratched the upstairs one too) so we're doing the rounds making sure the house is safe, which is a good thing, right?

[faerieevenstar]

NOW SHE'S EATING!!

[Lilith]

Hey that must be such a relief...

It doesn't change the fact that she's very ill, and though I'd still speak to the vet tomorrow, it would be great if you could keep her comfortable and enjoying life a while longer, really do hope this isn't a false improvement, lots of love, paws crossed x

[JulieandBarney]

That's good, your hubby sounds just like mine, we had the same conversation before we lost 'cc'....

As Lilith said though, please be aware that you need to make sure that she is having more 'good ' times than bad....my hubby wanted me to cancel the last appointmet at the vet as he had perked up significantly, and like yours, beieved I was overreacting, but as the vet said, it would not be long before he would go downhill again...and maybe in far more pain than he was at that time....he had the same terminal cancer as Lila...I just could not allow him to get to the point where I was making a mercy dash to the vets, whilst he was in a lot of pain, many on here advised me to never wait until it got to that point, thankfully I heeded their advice and his end was dignified...I do understand how you feel, but please don't let it get to that ......xx

[bobbys girl]

Oh girl, I really feel for you. I don't know what to say other than you, your husband and Sweet Lila are in my thoughts tonight. God Bless. x

[greenkitty]

I've been through this recently and I know what a tortuous decision it is. Hector was battling with, what we thought was an ear infection, when after a couple of weeks he was getting worse not better we knew it was time for some further investigations, they showed he had a massive brain tumour that was affecting his balance and co-ordination. For various reasons I made the decision not to put him through surgery and decided palliative care was in his best interests, the vet thought we could have a few weeks to a couple of months before I had to make the dreaded decision.

In the end it all happened really quickly, he was diagnosed on the Wednesday night and put to sleep the following Tuesday. I wanted more time with him but on that Tuesday morning I knew he'd had enough, he had spent the previous 3 days hiding under the bed, eating only a little bit and the life had gone from his eyes. He had no quality of life and I knew it was time.

It was the worst decision to have to make, a traumatic event to go through and the sadness at losing my best boy almost overwhelming but I know it was the right decision. No one knew him like I did. Trust that you'll know x

[Cussypat1974]

I recently had my Holmsey PTs for lymphoma of the intestinal tract. He had been losing weight and looking unkempt, se we had been to the vets multiple times. He had various courses of treatments and it took a few attempts to get blood from him for tests. Lymphoma is very difficult to diagnose, but the et and I are pretty sure that is what he had. When his blood finally got taken, I asked the nurse if she thought he was in pain. I should know these things myself, but it isn't the same when it is your own animal. (I am a student vet nurse and we have covered pain in detail). I was afraid A was blinded by my desire to keep him going, but I knew he was very very sick before the diagnosis...... She said he probably wasn't in pain, but felt miserable. I agreed with her.
Turns out lymphoma isn't in itself painful. But he was miserable, and it was incurable (I have read the studies and statistics with various chemo protocols and they are bleak). S I had him PTs before he got any worse. That was my decision, and it was based on HIS personality. He was always very outdoorsy and couldn't enjoy the weather we have been having. He had his own life and he was so sick, he could not live it any more. had he been a lap cat like my Lozzie, I would have tried steroids to prolong her life, so long as there was quality.
You have to assess what the cat used to enjoy, and to what extent that enjoyment of life has been impaired. It is all individual and relative, and that is your job, as the owner, to assess. A vet cannot make that call for you (I have begged them to in the past, believe me!)

I am not sure if my post helps..... I hope it does. I think you now all this already and will do the best thing. It makes the decision harder when they keep rallying...... I have been in the exact same position with a dog who had Chron's disease....... Big hugs to your entire family. Xxxxx

[faerieevenstar]

She was definitely so much better last night. Please don't think I'm letting her suffer, I may have made her sound worse her.. I am taking it all into consideration. She seems very tired during the day, then when night falls, she's very bouncy actually. After a chat last night, my husband and I agreed with think it will be time in the next few weeks though, sadly, and we won't leave it to the point of desperation, rest assured.

Today I decided I would bypass the stress of eating food, for us both, and syringe the meds. It wasn't easy, but her [protest was more about me approaching her than pain, and once I'd got her to stay still, it was quick actually. It was more the build up, than me *actually* hurting her. I feel relieved to know that no matter what, I know that today she had pain relief at a good time, and a full dose, because that troubles me more than anything else. She's always been a picky and small eater, and liked to graze, so it's been a battle to force her to eat anything. The vet did say if she wouldn't eat, it was ok to give her Metacam on an empty tummy.. after all, stomach damage is small potatoes right now isn't it?

I'm going to phone my vet shortly, but I'm trying to work out in my head what I want to say first... :\

[faerieevenstar]

We had a big discussion, me and the husband. I cried lots. We have agreed, that if nothing else changes either way, serious discussion will be held on Thursday, so we don't make her suffer over a weekend when it's hard to access a vet... If she deteriorates significantly, he's prepared to discuss it sooner, but he still thinks she has a bit more fight in her. I'm unsure, but it needs to be unanimous. He loves her and I don't doubt that for a second.

We had a lovely cuddle earlier. I gave her some Dreamies, and then she finally ate some biscuits about an hour ago, for the first time all day. She's awake and patrolling now, like yesterday. She played a bit, but is tired. I threw a mouse, she watched it but was too tired to chase, I waved her stick feather toy, she watched but didn't chase. She's enjoying that- so that's something.

She's lost a lost of her inner sparkle, but every now and then it still shines through. I just don't want to leave it til it's burnt out I'm fairly sure she'll be gone by next week

[Crewella]

My heart goes out to you, it's the hardest decision in the world to make, but you're going about it in the right way. From what you've written, sadly, you are nearing the end of the road, and it has often been said on the is forum "better a day too early than a day too late". As you say, you don't want to leave it until she's in pain and has nothing left .... and you don't want to be looking back and wishing you'd make the decision earlier.

To a degree, it will never feel absolutely right and you will always want to keep them with you forever, but there is a time when you do feel they've had enough, and that the bad days are outnumbering the good ones. You know her best, and you love her, so you will make the right decision.

Give her a gentle fuss from me. (((hugs)))

[Lilith]

Good on yer for being able to syringe the meds down her - I ended up taking Shashi for injections rather than try to get antibiotic pills into her. And it's good that she's still eating and taking some interest in things - this respite is giving her the chance to enjoy life as much as she can in her state of health, and giving you the chance to come to a decision about her. You're in enough shock about the fact of the cancer happening so fast; at least now you're getting a breathing space to prepare for what must be...cold comfort I know.

You're giving Lila so much love and practical care and wanting what's best for her; no cat could be better placed in this sad situation. As always, thinking about you and Lila, lots of love, Lil x

[Cussypat1974]

I hope you didn't think I was implying that I thought you were doing the wrong thing by my previous post. It wasn't what I meant at all, honestly. I just shared my own story about Holmsey to highlight the fact that each case is different, and that you, as a caring owner, know your own cat better than anyone else possibly could. I don't believe in giving up too soon, and have kept animals going in the past when others would have had them PTS, simply because I believe that life is precious and that so long as there is quality of life, and the animal hasn't given up on themselves, then it is worthwhile. But it is individual, and there is no right or wrong way to approach end of life issues I think, so long as there isn't uncontrollable pain and suffering involved, obviously.

As a student nurse, I have known people put cats to sleep for ringworm (I have adopted many of those cases myself to treat and rehome them), and also people whose cats are clearly terminally ill and in terrible pain who just refuse to say goodbye. Both are awful situations. That is why I admire owners who have your attitude. You truly want the best for her, and are keeping her free form pain to enjoy what she can of life. You will say goodbye when she lets you know she has had enough. Please don't think I was criticising you at all. I will say that I think the metacam is very important, even if it means using the syringe to get it into her, but that is something you know already too. Xxx

[faerieevenstar]

I've asked my husband to book tomorrow off work. We're going to say goodbye tomorrow.

I just gave her her meds, and she cried so hard she sounded in agony. Every time I've gone near the room she's hissed at me, just for being upstairs.

I'm expecting a supermarket delivery any minute now, and I'm in tears.

Think of us tomorrow... and hope she isn't too afraid to go to the vets. I felt awful contacting my husband and work to ask that, but he can't book time off once he gets home, he needs to be there really.

I feel so devastated but I know it has to happen. Going to phone the vets to book her in now.

[faerieevenstar]

9.50 tomorrow morning. We have tonight to say goodbye.

[Walesgang]

Oh no, I am so very sorry to hear this, but it does sound like you are doing absolutely the right thing.

I have found it difficult to post replies to this story because it reminds me of losing my precious girl, Luna three years ago. Every day is an emotional roller coaster. You know what is best for your girl, and from what you have said it does sound like the balance is now the wrong way for her. You are really doing the kind and caring thing.

I will be thinking of you all tonight. Spoil Lila, and fuss her gently from me. I will be particularly thinking if you tomorrow.

Val

[Cussypat1974]

Oh sweetheart...... I too will be thinking of you tomorrow. I think you have made the right decision, given the new circumstances.

It has consoled me in the past to know that I am ending their pain, whilst taking that pain for myself. After she has peacefully passed, she won't hurt anymore. You and your husband will. You are taking her pain for yourselves, in the final act of love and kindness you can give her. You are hurting yourself rather than hurt her. You are putting her needs before your own, and that IS love.

Enjoy your time with her now, and rest assured that it is the right decision. Xxxxx

[JulieandBarney]

We will all be thinking of you.....

Poor Lila sounds like she is in some pain......I so feel for you, I know its difficult, but mindful that you say she is crying out in pain, could you get her to an emergency vet tonight, as she may be suffering a little too much, to have to wait a number of hours like this until tomorrow..or will she just sleep?

I so feel for you.......xxxx

[Lilith]

So very very sorry to hear of this sudden deterioration, yes, thinking of you and Lila, lots of love, Lil x

[booktigger]

I'm sorry to hear this, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow

[greenkitty]

Years ago when I first joined Cat Chat I heard someone use the phrase "better a day too early than a day too late". It does sound like it's time, will be thinking of you all tomorrow, take care of yourselves x

[JulieandBarney]

Years ago when I first joined Cat Chat I heard someone use the phrase "better a day too early than a day too late". It does sound like it's time, will be thinking of you all tomorrow, take care of yourselves x

I too remembered this, from the wondeful people on this site when I went through the same, I think we have all been in this awful emotional position.....and shared the tears too, you are not alone, we are all sharing your heartbreak with you....xxxxx

[Crewella]

Absolutely, you are doing the right thing but I know how much that hurts. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow too. (((hugs)))

[bobbys girl]

So very sorry to hear the news. It's so hard for you, but you know in your heart it is time.

Holding you close in our thoughts. much love,

Sue xx

[faerieevenstar]

She passed peacefully at 10am. I will say more when I can. I am relieved and broken all at once. The vet said we did the right thing when he saw her face.

[JacquiA]

Aww - bless you, so so sorry but Lila is at peace now ... and had the most wonderful life with you ... you couldn't have done more. Take care xxx

[JulieandBarney]

Play happily at the bridge Lila, all our loved ones will be there to welcome you...RIP little one.....xx

Thinking of you at this time, heartfelt thoughts for the kindness that you have done for Lila today, totally selfless and full of love for her........xx

[Crewella]

You really couldn't have tried any harder for her, I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

Rest in peace much loved Lila. xx