In desperate need of advice with elderly cat

[Gillerscat]

I'm really hoping some kind person can give me some advise as to the best way forward. Please excuse what I expect to be a ramble - I'm just soooo tired!

My husband and I have 3 cats which we seem to have acquired along the way. Each one has their own little personalities and we love them dearly. They all get on pretty well. The girl cats are very fond of each other and often play etc together. Our oldest cat, Amber, is 19 and has CKD. We got her when we was 3 after she was found as a stray on some waste land trying to look after her kittens so she had a pretty tough start. As she's got older, she's more and more wary of going outside (previously loved to explore) and we've not forced the issue as clearly she's safer indoors than outdoors!

She also gets extremely, extremely distressed on trips to the vet. We have tried everything but it was getting to the stage that we couldnt make the 5 minute journey without her pooing, vomiting and hyperventilating. In view of her age, her distress and her reluctance to venture outside, we discussed with our vet who agreed that it probably wasnt worth putting her through the trauma anymore so she has not been to the vet in about 6 months. She isnt on any special diet for CKD either as she refused to eat and it was difficult to manage with another 2 (very greedy) cats who scoffed her food anyway. Other than urinating more, drinking more, she has no other symptoms of her CKD and has a health appetitie etc.

As she has become older, she seeks out more and more attention from us. We are fine with this during the day (my husband and I both work but he tends to be home by about lunchtime) but it is now constant throughout the night too. This week, I have been lucky if I have slept for an hour before being disturbed by her and this happens until 7am when she will happily trot to her bed. She doesnt want food or water (which is in plentiful supply in every room due to her CKD) and her litter tray is also clean and available to her. Its basically a comfort thing I think). Music, background sounds etc dont seem to help either.

We are totally worn out and find it difficult to function but we love her dearly so try to make allowances. My problem is that after a 3 year struggle my husband and I are finally adopting a little girl. She is 18 months old and will be home with us in a couple of weeks. We have prepared the cats as much as we can and have purchased Feliway diffusers to ease the transition for them as much as possible. My issue is that I can barely function at work due to lack of sleep so I know I wont be able to give this precious little girl all the attention she deserves if I am still so sleep deprived when she arrives. All the advice I have read (and had from family and friends) is that we need to have as much energy as possible to cope with a new toddler who will have her own issues but the truth is, at the moment, I have no energy at all.

Amber is waited on hand and foot at the moment, I know her likes, dislikes, when shes happy, unhappy etc etc. I cant give her up as I think it would be too stressful for her to end her last days with someone she has no bond with and the idea of her being in a shelter etc appalls me (although I am sure some are excellent)

Ok, this is where I am sure I will get shot down in flames, but I have been considering putting her to sleep. The idea absolutely breaks my heart but I know if I was to give her up, I would be worried all the time that she was unhappy or wasnt getting her food served at the right temperature (she's a little diva!) or something.

Its really beginning to get to my husband and I, we have now resorted to staying in a hotel occasionally just so we can get a night of uninterrupted sleep however this doesnt always work, as I worry that Amber will be at home missing us and once our little girl is with us, a hotel will be out of the question for a long while.

I really, really need some advice - any ideas?

[meriad]

I lost my 21 year old cat Molly last year and I sympathise with a lot of what you say.

First question though is what does she do at night to keep you awake? Can you explain a bit more so we can try and give you the right advice

[nannymcfee]

She could be starting with dementia, many get restless and don't sleep during night time very much or losing her eyesight,or hearing and keeping you awake, wanting you close is her way of knowing you are still there.

what about a baby night light, or even a musical one, or perhaps radio on near her, ( if you can manage to settle her away from your bedroom)

Does she sleep with any of your jumpers? that may help..

[Gillerscat]

Her behaviour varies between being very vocal, running up and down the stairs or lots of head butts, purrs and snuggles. It would be quite amusing/endearing if it wasnt constant!

[Gillerscat]

We've tried a radio but its not helped. I might try a night light to see if it makes any difference - I'm happy to try anything at this stage! I agree that it could possibly be dementia and I hate the thought that she's maybe a little frightened at night. Even when we give her copious amounts of cuddles, she just wont settle.

[Kay]

we can be a bit inclined to advise not giving children precedence over cats, but that would be quite wrong in your circumstances - of course all your energies and time need to be available for your new arrival

do you have a room you could set up for Amber? or even a pen outside you can put her in at night? any solution will be a compromise of sorts for you all, but this one seems to me the one most likely to work

one of mine was a serial carrier pooper, but improved dramatically when I bought a carrier with bigger clear panels, sprayed it with Feliway before putting him in it and switched from a car to a much larger people carrier taxi for vet journeys - I don't know if it was the Feliway or being a lot less confined, but the difference was immense

[meriad]

My Molly was very vocal in the last few years of her time and admittedly she never was quite as bad as your girl, but it could get quite wearisome. Molly definitely had dementia and sometimes would wake up in the night to use the litterbox and then meow her little head off almost as though she was confused about where she was... cue me getting out of bed to pick up her up and reassure her and put her back into her bed. She had her bed next to me on my bed.

I also had a heated bed for her which she loved and it definitely was comforting for her.

Where do Amber and the others usually sleep? I agree with Kay about maybe trying to get her to settle in the kitchen; you may need to confine all three so she's not on her own. Also I found with Molly that she would eat little but often - could Amber be getting hungry at night?

Is the Feliway already plugged in and going? Another thing to try is Zylkene which is a natural milk protein based product. It comes in capsules that you pop open and sprinkle over the food / mix into the food; that may help as well

Best of luck - such a difficult situation to be dealing with

but on a totally different note, huge and warmest congratulations on your impending increase to the family; I cannot even begin to imagine how excited (and scared) you must be

[Marla]

Amber sounds very healthy for her age. I'm not sure a cat with dementia would be running up and down the stairs.

Our Rosie has a heated bed too. She loves it so much she rarely comes to sleep with us anymore. Might be worth a try.

A grain-free, high protein wet food before bed might help to make Amber sleepy. Most cat foods are loaded with carbohydrates which I think could result in excess energy.

[Gillerscat]

Thanks so much for your suggestions! And thanks so much Meriad for your kind words - yes, we're very excited but would be more so if we werent so worn out I think! I'll try the Zyklene but not sure about the high protein food - is this a good idea for a CKD cat? However I'm prepared to give anything a go!

She already has her little heated bed but its hardly used as she's much too active at night. Tonight I may try keeping the 3 of them in the kitchen (it extends into the sunroom so shouldnt be too cramped. However our boy cat has been known to spray everywhere when he's stressed (despite being neutered many years ago), so it may end up being a smelly mistake! He's also very boisterous and a big lad so this could be interesting!!

I've booked another hotel for this Sunday night so at least we've got some shut-eye to look forward to. On a positive note, I shall be well practised surviving on little sleep when our little girl arrives!

[nannymcfee]

You will certainly be ready for your little girl!

my daughter is an older mum and cats were her life until her little one's arrival in December, she was like a zombie for the first few months, ( her eldest cat always slept with her before and woke her before dawn chorus)

Her facebook status is now....baked cake .........next morning, cake baked.....chutney made....ceiling painted....and these updates are all before 6AM !!!!

Cats are very in tune, perhaps your's realises something is afoot and about to change,

Does she sleep all day and then just seem hyper during the night?

All the very best with your new family .

[Marla]

Ah sorry, if Amber is doing well on a low protein prescription diet, I wouldn't want to interfere with that.

Vets sell low protein diets for CKD cats, but there's a lot of evidence to say it's the phosphorus, not the protein, that should be reduced. We give our CKD cats a high protein wet food plus a phosphorus binder (Ipakitine or Pronefra). In addition, they both have Semintra for their kidneys and Felimazole for the hyperthyroidism.

[greenkitty]

What about putting something smelling of you, like an old jumper, in her bed so she feels close to you?

[Cussypat1974]

I had a cat who had dementia and she behaved in a very similar way. She always called me when she was ready to go to bed, and insisted I came lol. When she got dementia (she died at 24 on my pillow) she would run up and down the stairs and meow incessantly for attention.

I also had a cat who died from kidney failure (was PTS). I should have had her PTS earlier in hindsight.

I do understand your dilemma, and (I may get shot down in flames too here) but I don't think rehoming would be a kinder option in this particular case. I think there are worse things than death. I am NOT saying to just give up of course...... Life is very precious, but you obviously care a great deal about her and only want what is best for her. I do not want to see her dead or anything, but I think that rehoming her at this stage would be cruel to be honest, even with the very best person taking her.

There is no easy answer. For once I can say I will never have the same dilemma, because I don't "do" kids lol. Try all the suggestions given. What calmed my Brownie was sticking to routine and going to bed when she demanded me to, even for just ten minutes. It calmed her down and then she would just sleep for hours.

Constant wailing can be symptomatic of other issues though, like hyperthyroidism. Tere could be something else going on with her which is purely physical. I know it is terrible, but I would probably go for a vet consult and blood tests to rule physical issues out before making any drastic decisions.

I do understand and it can be SONSO hard to make the right decision, especially when vet visits are just so traumatic.....