Trying to make our new house a peaceful home for all
Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 5:54 pm
I have just moved in with my boyfriend into a new house. We're all stressed out for a number of reasons, but the main thing that seems to trigger my stress is the boyfriend's cat. That's why I am seeking advice.
Here are some facts that are complicating the whole thing:
The boyfriend says that his cat is unusual and does not display "warning signs" in the same way (or order) that most cats do. He also describes the cat as "mercurial."
I have a large dog who is very attached to me and I love dearly. "Get rid of the dog" is not an option. He wants nothing more than to sit at my feet and be petted. For the past 2 weeks, he has been confined to the guest bedroom and the backyard. The cat gets the run of the rest of the house.
He and his cat arrived in the new house 3 weeks ago. My dog and I arrived 2 weeks ago. We had not lived together prior to moving into the new house.
The cat sits at the back door, waiting for the dog to come inside. As soon as the door opens, he's immediately hissing. The dog mostly ignores him.
The cat wants to sit in my lap and get cuddly. I am aware of "petting induced aggression," so I don't pet him for very long at a time. When I move to either get up from my spot or shift to a more comfortable position, he hisses. HISSES at ME in MY lap. When he's trying to get at my food, I gently brush him away. He hisses. He wants to get down from the back of the couch by using me as human stairs, and I move away. He hisses. I am walking through the house, he is in my way, so I slowly move in his direction to give him time to get out of the way. He hisses. I don't think this has anything to do with the new house or the dog because he did the same thing to me when I visited my boyfriend's old apartment.
Until about a year and a half ago, I was an ailurophobe and felt uncomfortable even being in the same room as a cat. I have gotten to the point where I am able to pick this cat up VERY briefly when he is being calm and friendly. I still don't like cats to walk behind me. I'm more comfortable if I can see where they are. I have watched several videos and done a lot of reading in order to try to better understand cats. I believed it has helped me in understanding cats in general, but with this cat, I am at a loss.
My boyfriend is every bit as attached to his cat as I am to my dog. "Get rid of the cat" is not an option. The cat is 100% purrs and cuddles with him. He can get away with anything with this cat, even intentionally irritating him. I'm not asking for that. All I want is a right to my own space and body without being hissed at. And to answer his rhetorical question of, "Isn't he adorable?" No, he isn't. He looks like the same jerk that was bullying me earlier.
Believe me when I say that I REALLY want to get along with this cat and have all animals and humans coexist in this house peacefully. I don't want to resent the cat for literally walking all over me or causing my dog to need to be isolated. I am feeling desperate and would appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.
Here are some facts that are complicating the whole thing:
The boyfriend says that his cat is unusual and does not display "warning signs" in the same way (or order) that most cats do. He also describes the cat as "mercurial."
I have a large dog who is very attached to me and I love dearly. "Get rid of the dog" is not an option. He wants nothing more than to sit at my feet and be petted. For the past 2 weeks, he has been confined to the guest bedroom and the backyard. The cat gets the run of the rest of the house.
He and his cat arrived in the new house 3 weeks ago. My dog and I arrived 2 weeks ago. We had not lived together prior to moving into the new house.
The cat sits at the back door, waiting for the dog to come inside. As soon as the door opens, he's immediately hissing. The dog mostly ignores him.
The cat wants to sit in my lap and get cuddly. I am aware of "petting induced aggression," so I don't pet him for very long at a time. When I move to either get up from my spot or shift to a more comfortable position, he hisses. HISSES at ME in MY lap. When he's trying to get at my food, I gently brush him away. He hisses. He wants to get down from the back of the couch by using me as human stairs, and I move away. He hisses. I am walking through the house, he is in my way, so I slowly move in his direction to give him time to get out of the way. He hisses. I don't think this has anything to do with the new house or the dog because he did the same thing to me when I visited my boyfriend's old apartment.
Until about a year and a half ago, I was an ailurophobe and felt uncomfortable even being in the same room as a cat. I have gotten to the point where I am able to pick this cat up VERY briefly when he is being calm and friendly. I still don't like cats to walk behind me. I'm more comfortable if I can see where they are. I have watched several videos and done a lot of reading in order to try to better understand cats. I believed it has helped me in understanding cats in general, but with this cat, I am at a loss.
My boyfriend is every bit as attached to his cat as I am to my dog. "Get rid of the cat" is not an option. The cat is 100% purrs and cuddles with him. He can get away with anything with this cat, even intentionally irritating him. I'm not asking for that. All I want is a right to my own space and body without being hissed at. And to answer his rhetorical question of, "Isn't he adorable?" No, he isn't. He looks like the same jerk that was bullying me earlier.
Believe me when I say that I REALLY want to get along with this cat and have all animals and humans coexist in this house peacefully. I don't want to resent the cat for literally walking all over me or causing my dog to need to be isolated. I am feeling desperate and would appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.