Cat Chat Feline Forum

Hi, my wife and I recently adopted two 4-month old kittens from a shelter, perhaps they were semi-feral when they were first brought there at about 2-months old. We've had them for almost a month now, kept in a single room. All the advice about socializing kittens suggests we should handle them a lot, but that has not been possible, as they always run, hiss, and scratch. They come over at feeding time and will even sit in our laps- so they don't appear to be afraid of us. They also play and fight all around us. But if we attempt to pet them at any other time, they will hiss, retreat, and lash out.

One of them, the girl Hana, is worse- she will sniff an incoming hand, think about it for a few seconds and show no signs of fear, then whack it with claws out. This pause is what makes me think she feels dominant. It is definitely not play- we never play with them with hands. It is usually accompanied by a hiss and sometimes a foot stomp. Another example- after a feeding session I attempted to stroke her, she raised a paw like she was going to strike so I raised my hands far away. She took a second, then smacked me in the side!

I have never seen a cat do that- attack another body part than the one that might have threatened them- especially after a lag of a few seconds.
What to do? Currently we just leave her alone when she does that, as it seems any attempt to punish is negative. But I have no doubt this is what she wants. These cats tolerate us for food, it feels, but feel no emotional connection, despite our best efforts. The rare occasions we can pet them (during feeding, very softly) they do not purr and do not seem to enjoy it.

I feel if we continue the way we have been, then she will simply become a near-feral cat indoors, having learned her aggression has no consequence that bothers her. It seems she gets all her emotional needs met by her brother and has no desire to form a bond with us.

Help! All suggestions very welcome. We are beginners at this. Thank you.

Hi Mike and welcome

I've known characters like these before - I had an ex-feral tom who'd go for my legs (yeeowch!) and at present I have one like this and they're a headache, I agree. She too smacks me, defies me (if you flap a hand at an ordinary cat to get down off something, for instance, it goes down. Not Molly. She wallops you!) Affection is on HER terms (it's a bit of a joke by now but 'stroke the wrong ear and you've had it!') In her previous home she'd run upstairs on a night, go into the children's room, jump on their beds - and smack them across the face! Her owners feared for the newborn baby, which is how I came to get her. She's also, nowadays, a most loving, possessive character who OWNS me. I can't move without her.

But all this has taken 4 or 5 years ...

You're also up against double trouble because Hana has her brother to relate to and he's her first priority socially, not you. This IS normal - all kittens love a companion to play with and spend hours at it. But I think you've made a good start, bonding over food - even if they do behave in such a horribly mercenary manner. What has worked for me, with Molly, is a low growling scold 'No!' when she shows aggression, and to uplift my own 'paw' (I can reach higher than her) and to glare hard until she looks away. And then, as you rightly do, withdraw all contact, but, if a friendly overture is made, tell her she's a good girl and speak in a welcoming voice to her and do the 'blinking' gesture (make eye contact, then blink, then glance away; cat gesture of friendliness.) It's been an uphill battle. Eventually she'd start following me about and bashing herself against my legs. I rarely get a headbutt on my hand though. But a lot of purrs and company. She will never be a normal soppy puss but we have a strong relationship.

I'm also wondering, could you use their present preoccupation with food to your own advantage, such as hand-feeding a few treats or titbits such as chicken or whatever they like when they come to sit on your knee before a meal (Molly's never sat on my knee in her life lol!) and perhaps even getting in a crafty stroke while they're begging. You could also try the treat ploy when they're flaked out after play and not quite so focused on each other.

I do hope you make headway with these two thugs lol - believe me the challenging ones are worth it, and there will be other people on here with advice, hope this helps for now, all the best