Advice needed, Cat refuses to use litter tray (for poos), hates men and might have a mental condition

[rosealinea]

Hi there,
I am at my wits end, I really need some advice because I am at a loss as what to do.
About 2 years ago, one of our beloved cats passed away. Her brother started to vocalise and often wandered all over the house to try and find her, to cut a long story short, a friend of ours was driving somewhere and in the middle of a busy road this cat was running around in circles. She went knocking on doors for a while to try and find the owners, but no one claimed her. Her partner had told her no more cats, so she gave the cat to us, knowing that our other one was mourning his sister.

At the time, my husband was away training up with his new guide dog, we got him home and he was introduced to the cats. We thought that all was going well, however, we soon noticed that she wouldn't play with cat toys (this was even before my husband got his guide dog), she would play with thin air, foil and she would run round the house throwing herself at doors and walls. She chitters a lot as well (to me anyway) and also whenever she is playing with thin air, or if she sees insects etc.

She also absolutely detests men. She will not go near my husband or any of our male friends, he has tried for the past two years to make friends with her, but all she does is run away from him. This is the first part of the problem.

At the beginning, for a few months, she would use the litter tray, however, she would not poo in there, so, we changed the litter and the problem kept occurring. Then it seemed to settle down for a bit. In January, the problem has started again, except it has now escalated, it is now getting out of control and she has started pooping all around the conservatory. My husband is blind and he keeps on stepping it (because he can't see it) and treading it through the house. It has got to the stage where we are both extremely frustrated ans my husband has turned round to me and given me two options. 1. To let her outside or 2. Find her a new home.

I decided to go with the outside option to see how she would get on (she has been kept indoors) We have only let her out a bit at a time because we think she has mental issues. For the first few times, it seemed to go ok, but today, she was asking to come in after an hour and she was covered in head to toe with poo and one of her claws has gone missing! I rang my husband in a panic. I cleaned her up.

I have taken her to the vets, she is healthy but her reactions are slow. Me and my husband are starting to argue about this escalating poo problem, I really don't want to let her go, however, I may not get a choice. I love this cat to the moon and back, we have tried absolutely everything, however she is still pooping in the conservatory and I am a bit reluctant to let her outside again after what has happened today. I have no idea what had happened for her to get into that state.

My husband is starting to resent this poor cat and I am a total loss as to what to do, can anyone give me any suggestions or help? Please.

[Lallum]

I'm sure other people will have good advice for you.

Having read your posting, my first thought is try a second litter tray. My cat (Midnight) will not wee and poo in the same tray. He was pooing behind my curtains, on the bath mat and behind the tv. I got him a second tray and he has changed. The trays are next to each other but he has sorted out which one he needs at any given time. He hated the first tray as it was covered and dark. He wanted to see everyone! Maybe try a second tray in the conservatory? I now have 3 cats. The other two go outside and wouldn't dream of using cat litter but Midnight comes in to his cat litter. He doesn't play with toys. He likes chasing bits of paper or one of the girls. He prefers sitting in front of the tv.

They are all different!

[Lilith]

This is a dreadful situation - for you, your husband, and above all the cat.

She's had quite a lot of upheavals in her life, and now this.

I agree with Lallum about the extra litter trays - I've been having words with my youngest cat on the same subject; I switched to a different litter, which she used, and now she won't, so another litter tray, with the former litter, that she did use regularly, has had to be provided...cats!

Incidentally, my youngest and your cat sound very similar - my Molly hurls herself about in manic mode all the time - you should see her kick-boxing the bathroom wall. It's a catchphrase in this house - 'Ginger, you're barmy!'

A lot of cats don't play with toys. I have a basket full of toy mice etc and the one who really used to empty it and strew them everywhere was my old feral tomcat who moved in in middle age.Moll, even as a kitten, wasn't interested.

I find the incident of your cat coming home covered in mess deeply disturbing. At the risk of alarming you I fear that a neighbour is having a problem with cats using his/her garden and has either caught your cat in the act or grabbed her as a scapegoat and (I'm sorry about this) played that cruel old trick (supposedly a deterrent) of using the cat to wipe up its mess. She must have struggled if one of her claws has gone, and personally I wouldn't let her out again if such a thing's going to happen to her. (I can see the problem from both sides; I've had neighbours letting their cats mess in my garden and it's been foul; I solved that one with battery cat deterrents, and I like my lot to use their trays rather than do it in their secured garden; I'm not happy about them roaming and I certainly don't want them messing, or being blamed for mess, in other gardens. I would have dearly loved to wipe the muck all over the offending neighbours' front doors mind you! But a cat can't help itself and no-one should take it out on the cat!)

So now your cat hasn't a safe place to go, and matters are made worse by your husband's blindness...I do think the way ahead is an extra tray or trays, and, no matter how fraught you're feeling, a lot of extra fuss for the cat and making sure she feels safe in her house, has her private places etc. Hopefully there will be other people along soon with more advice but I do feel for you and the cat and wish you all the best

[rosealinea]

Hi there,
Many thanks for replying. We already have a second litter tray, we have tried moving it around the house, so that it is separate from the other one. That didn't work, she started pooing in the bath, so in the end, we moved it back downstairs with the other one. Both of the trays are now in the conservatory so that they are away from our guide dog.

They certainly are strange creatures aren't they lol. Still love them though.

I'm sure other people will have good advice for you.

Having read your posting, my first thought is try a second litter tray. My cat (Midnight) will not wee and poo in the same tray. He was pooing behind my curtains, on the bath mat and behind the tv. I got him a second tray and he has changed. The trays are next to each other but he has sorted out which one he needs at any given time. He hated the first tray as it was covered and dark. He wanted to see everyone! Maybe try a second tray in the conservatory? I now have 3 cats. The other two go outside and wouldn't dream of using cat litter but Midnight comes in to his cat litter. He doesn't play with toys. He likes chasing bits of paper or one of the girls. He prefers sitting in front of the tv.

They are all different!

[rosealinea]

Hello there,
We do already have two litter trays. We tried using the litter that she was using before she came to us, but then they had stopped doing it, so we have tried other alternatives without avail.(Thankfully our other cat doesn't seem to be too fussed about which litter that we use) I don't blame you, they are a nightmare at times aren't they lol?

I'm glad that it isn't just mine, I haven't seen/heard of another cat like her before. This gives me some relief. I like the catchphrase. Wow! That is pretty impressive!

If this is the case, then you are right, it is extremely disturbing, who would do that to a poor animal, I don't get it, I could never understand monsters like that. We know all of our neighbours on this street, they all seem to be fairly friendly apart from one chap at the end. However saying that, I don't think that she would go that far, but could be wrong. I really hope that this isn't the case. People can be disgustingly cruel.

Thankfully, her claw has now fully healed, it took her a couple of days to come round, she was shaking like a leaf, the poor thing. She doesn't like to be too far away from me. However, the weird thing is, she has started to ask to go out whenever I am near the litter trays. I know which ones that you mean, we use a spray around the garden to stop our guide dog from eating the neighbours cat poos (his favourite snack!)

Yes, I totally agree with you there, very true.

Will try getting a third tray and see if that improves things. She has just found a new hiding place, just behind the chair. She seems to be even more chittery now, it's very sweet. I am trying to get to the litter trays before my husband does, to see if that helps as well. It might make him less resentful of her.

Many thanks again for your advise, every little helps

This is a dreadful situation - for you, your husband, and above all the cat.

She's had quite a lot of upheavals in her life, and now this.

I agree with Lallum about the extra litter trays - I've been having words with my youngest cat on the same subject; I switched to a different litter, which she used, and now she won't, so another litter tray, with the former litter, that she did use regularly, has had to be provided...cats!

Incidentally, my youngest and your cat sound very similar - my Molly hurls herself about in manic mode all the time - you should see her kick-boxing the bathroom wall. It's a catchphrase in this house - 'Ginger, you're barmy!'

A lot of cats don't play with toys. I have a basket full of toy mice etc and the one who really used to empty it and strew them everywhere was my old feral tomcat who moved in in middle age.Moll, even as a kitten, wasn't interested.

I find the incident of your cat coming home covered in mess deeply disturbing. At the risk of alarming you I fear that a neighbour is having a problem with cats using his/her garden and has either caught your cat in the act or grabbed her as a scapegoat and (I'm sorry about this) played that cruel old trick (supposedly a deterrent) of using the cat to wipe up its mess. She must have struggled if one of her claws has gone, and personally I wouldn't let her out again if such a thing's going to happen to her. (I can see the problem from both sides; I've had neighbours letting their cats mess in my garden and it's been foul; I solved that one with battery cat deterrents, and I like my lot to use their trays rather than do it in their secured garden; I'm not happy about them roaming and I certainly don't want them messing, or being blamed for mess, in other gardens. I would have dearly loved to wipe the muck all over the offending neighbours' front doors mind you! But a cat can't help itself and no-one should take it out on the cat!)

So now your cat hasn't a safe place to go, and matters are made worse by your husband's blindness...I do think the way ahead is an extra tray or trays, and, no matter how fraught you're feeling, a lot of extra fuss for the cat and making sure she feels safe in her house, has her private places etc. Hopefully there will be other people along soon with more advice but I do feel for you and the cat and wish you all the best

[lilynmitz]

Having read your post, I'm beginning to wonder whether your cat might be partially sighted. This sounds like a lot of the problems I had with Mitz, who was about 90% blind (he had some peripheral vision in good daylight). This would explain her running round in circles in the road, not playing with toys, playing with thin air, throwing herself at walls etc, and to some extent, the pooping on the floor (Mitz knew where his litter trays were, but towards the end of his life tended to use the floor next to it instead, despite it always being clean).

The incident when she came back covered in poo is horrific, and I agree, I think a neighbour did this to her. There are some truly horrible people out there. This will only have reinforced her toileting problems.

Her not liking men is a tough one, and it's to your husband's credit that he has persevered so long with her, but you will never know what happened to her before the poor thing was found (probably dumped) in the streets. it's more than likely that she was badly abused by a man, and she can't shake that association. All you can do is give her a good home and just accept that she will always avoid your husband. It's sad for him that he can't enjoy some interaction with her, but so long as she's feeling safe and happy, and gets some comfort with you, then that's the best you can hope for.

So basically you're left with a very stressed cat, who had a rotten start in life, ended up dumped in a road, finds men scary due to past experiences, and now lives with a dog (you don't say how she gets on with the dog?). I'm pretty sure this will be the root of her soiling problems - stress. It sounds like she needs a calm quiet home, with no men, and possibly an only cat. It sounds like you're very fond of her, and it was really good of you to take her in. If you can look at her life from her view point, work out what she finds difficult to cope with in her environment, (particularly given her past history), and address that, you may find she can slowly settle down again and be more content.

If she is partially sighted (and you can test this by silently moving small things, or even just your hand, in front of her line of vision and see how she reacts), she shouldn't really be going outside, and you need to keep her surroundings unchanging in the same way that you do for your husband. Mitz coped really well with his blindness to the point that we sometimes forgot he couldn't see, until he got carried away and crashed into the furniture, poor lad.

Meanwhile, fiddle around with litter trays, (number, content and location), make sure they're always clean, try to put the tray somewhere where she won't be disturbed (eg by an inquisitive dog or busy people), and perhaps get a feliway diffuser going to help her calm down. This is a very distressed cat at the moment, and she can't change things on her own, it needs to come from you, to help her start to enjoy life again.

[Crewella]

Poor girl, she does sound like one very stressed cat. I'm afraid I have little of use to offer as I've not actually had to deal with many litter tray problems, but I have had a cat that was scared of men.

Daz came to us as a stray tom cat, he was trapped and neutered and then came to me - a big scaredy cat, who trembled like a leaf. I sat up with him that first night as he was overheating and panting, and at some point over that night we 'clicked'. He was still scared and trembly, but after that he started to come round and trust me, but we soon realised that he was scared of men, male voices and especially male laughter - even now he occasionally starts if OH laughs and looks as though he's going to make a run for it. It's taken a good three years for him to really trust my OH but he will now curl up on his lap, though he's still very much 'mummy's' boy. OH did try speaking to him in a higher pitched voice at first, but we then decided it was best that Daz got used to OH as he really is (including grumpy, loud and shouty sometimes! )

What I do find really helps with scared and stressed cats is to try to stick to as much of a routine as you possibly can. Cats love routines as it really helps them to feel in control if they fell like they know what's going to happen. You might also find that she has a toileting routine, which might possibly help you to cope with that issue?

I really wish I had something more useful to offer you, but bless you for trying to help her.

[rosealinea]

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Our special old man

(42.69 KiB) Not downloaded yet

Hi everyone,
Just to give you an update. Sadly, our special old man cat has passed away. We are absolutely devastated but he went peacefully. Hence the reason why I haven't replied. My husband has got a tattoo of his paw print to remind him. He was one of a kind bless him.

He will be missed so extremely much. We have buried him in the garden next to his sister.

Although we lost our special man, it has actually resolved the problem of our female cat pooping outside the litter tray. It makes us wonder if she resented our old man? We are now back down to using just the one litter tray and touch wood* no more problems. Thank you to the people who have replied, it really is appreciated. Hugs xxx

P.S Our female cat still hates men, hoping that will change eventually.

[Jacks]

Oh my! So sorry you lost your 'old man' - they are all totally irreplaceable aren't they. So glad though that your little girl has now sorted out her litter box problems. Hopefully now your husband will no be stepping in it, literally, and things will improve.

It's funny about men - we have 6 cats now - the first was a feral kitten born wild and it took her ages to acclimatise to my husband's size, deep voice and big shoes - I'm a foot smaller and she had no trouble with me, but I think it's more than that. Even now, when she loves him dearly and is fine with him, if he sneezes or laughs suddenly at the TV she dives behind the sofa for cover... If I sneeze or shriek she doesn't even turn a hair. Weird.

You just have to love them, though. All unique and it is such a privilege to share their lives. Fusses to your darling little girl x

[Crewella]

I'm so very sorry you lost your beloved old boy, some cats are just 'special' and you never forget them. Your husband's tattoo is a lovely way to mark his passing. (((hugs)))