New rescue cat upsetting older cat's Chi :(
Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2016 1:23 am
Kitty came from the RSPCA in 2007 and up until until recently she has been the only cat in the household. She has never really had any cat friends, except a ginger cat when we lived in Leeds a few years back.
She is very nervous of other cats. She's not aggressive as such, until approached by one, and then she'll growl and hiss and maybe have a swipe at them with a paw. Even with people, she is friendly on her own terms. She doesn't like children or loud voices. She responds best to calm people, mostly men, quiet voices and no sudden movements. She sleeps a lot. She loves her home comforts and the central heating. She is probably aged around 12/13 or so, at the vet's estimate, but she's still fairly agile and has the odd crazy run around the house, especially after disgracing her litter tray.
We moved back to the family home four years ago when my father became ill. The next door neighbours have six cats, all lovely, friendly kitties, three of which are often in my garden or miaowing to come in but Kitty hates them, and is very reluctant to go outside if she can see them out there. We try to keep them at bay, although she has started to ignore them a bit more as time has passed.
There is a young black male across the road who has been coming to greet me for fuss lately. He'll wander into the hallway and she'll be sat there watching him... no aggression, no growling or hissing, and this has given me hope that perhaps she has started to mellow out a little.
These last six months or so, I've been visiting the local animal rescue/sanctuary, originally with a friend who was in the process of rehoming a dog, but more recently on my own. I go mainly to see the kitties. I take some treats and some fuss, stir their food up a bit, shake out their blankets and remake their beds, and give them a little brush. It's just become a part of my Sunday routine. I'd been getting to know the longer-termers and wondering if any of them might be suitable as company for Kitty. There was a particular trio who had been there for some time, maybe a year or so, which they were struggling to rehome. Hugo, a big gentle masked giant of a cat, quiet, pensive and very tolerant, if somewhat timid, and his two ladyfriends: two lovely, friendly, bouncy cats who took the odd swipe at him if he went for their treats or got in the way of the fuss. He never swiped back however, he just ambled off and left them to it. He seemed to be the ideal choice and that brings me to where I am now. I bought him home in January. I followed all the usual advice about keeping and feeding them apart and gradually swapping scents on blankets etc. He lived in the spare room for the first three weeks or so. She knew he was there, and she seemed quite nervous about him which was only to be expected, she gave the odd sniff and growl at the door, and now and then would go patrolling round the house checking for stowaways. About four weeks in, I started to let him out in the evenings whilst I was home but I would still shut him away at night to give her a break. And shortly after that I started to let him roam about over the weekend when I was there, and he would have the whole of the upstairs during the working day, and eventually I started to let him roam about at night too. He tends to settle at the end of my bed and as far as I know, he doesn't move until morning. He isn't going out yet and it will be some time before I am confident that he won't just bolt at the first loud noise. He doesn't come to me when I call him, nor for food or treats. He's not ready for the big wide world just yet.
I've got a Feliway diffuser plugged in downstairs, and 'Pet Remedy' diffusers plugged in downstairs and upstairs too. Kitty is on a daily 75mg dose of Zylkene although the efficacy of that may be limited by her fussy eating habits. She rarely finishes a bowl of food, unless it's freshly steamed salmon, which is starting to cost me a small fortune! Nothing restores balance to domestic injustice like a steamed salmon supper...
Anyway. The short of it is: Kitty still isn't showing any signs of accepting Hugo. If anything, it feels like we have gone backwards in the last week or two. She used to sleep on my bed every night and sometimes in the daytime too. Now she rarely comes up the stairs and if at all, she comes in, has a sniff around and then leaves again very quickly.
She rarely seems 'at rest' either. She's always watching out for him. She knows that he trots around after me and that wherever I am, he's soon to follow. If he's been shut away for the night or the day, long enough for her to have forgotten about him, she might come to me for some fuss and I may even get a purr out of her. As soon as he shows up though, she's wide-eyed and on-guard again and will sometimes growl at me too. She is eating, although her appetite isn't great. She's using her litter tray although it's become a bit difficult to monitor that, now that he's also using that one occasionally (he has his own litter box upstairs). There are no obvious outward signs of illness or discomfort. She's still very vocal when I'm chopping up her salmon and blowing on it to cool it down. But she's behaving like the nervous newcomer whilst he's ambling about like he's lived here all his life. It's very upsetting to see her like this. It's almost like a rejection, a perpetual sulk, like she hates me for upsetting her Chi and ruining what was a relatively peaceful and happy little home.
He has never (that I have seen) been aggressive to her. As he walks past her, sometimes he'll stop and look up at her with his little eyebrows raised, only for her to growl at him until he moves on. He more than often gives her a wide berth and won't try to pass too close to her. They sometimes sit at opposite ends of the room and 'eye' each other. He's very interested in her though and it certainly seems to me that he just wants to be friends.
It is early days yet, granted. He's been with us for around seven weeks now. I accept that these things take time, but I also accept that sometimes, these things never work out. I'm really hoping this isn't one of those times.
Have I rushed this? Given Kitty's reticence with other cats, should I have kept them apart 24/7 for a bit longer? I have family coming to stay next week (uninvited guests, and not my choice, else I'd have cancelled the visit) so he won't be able to stay in the spare room for a few days. I don't know what to do for the best during that time, or afterwards.
I would hate for Hugo to have to go back to the sanctuary. I would feel like I'd let him - and them - down badly. He has really come out of his shell these last few weeks. He's a big cuddly clown of a cat and I adore him. All my visitors adore him too and he just seems right at home here. I did this for all the right reasons and genuinely thought I'd found the perfect companion for Her Majesty. If this isn't going to work out though, when will I know this? How long is 'too long' to keep striving for harmony when I may just be making things worse for them both?
If you've made it this far, thank you, and any advice on what I'm doing wrong or what I could do differently, would be very gratefully received. I'm ready to try anything.
D.
She is very nervous of other cats. She's not aggressive as such, until approached by one, and then she'll growl and hiss and maybe have a swipe at them with a paw. Even with people, she is friendly on her own terms. She doesn't like children or loud voices. She responds best to calm people, mostly men, quiet voices and no sudden movements. She sleeps a lot. She loves her home comforts and the central heating. She is probably aged around 12/13 or so, at the vet's estimate, but she's still fairly agile and has the odd crazy run around the house, especially after disgracing her litter tray.
We moved back to the family home four years ago when my father became ill. The next door neighbours have six cats, all lovely, friendly kitties, three of which are often in my garden or miaowing to come in but Kitty hates them, and is very reluctant to go outside if she can see them out there. We try to keep them at bay, although she has started to ignore them a bit more as time has passed.
There is a young black male across the road who has been coming to greet me for fuss lately. He'll wander into the hallway and she'll be sat there watching him... no aggression, no growling or hissing, and this has given me hope that perhaps she has started to mellow out a little.
These last six months or so, I've been visiting the local animal rescue/sanctuary, originally with a friend who was in the process of rehoming a dog, but more recently on my own. I go mainly to see the kitties. I take some treats and some fuss, stir their food up a bit, shake out their blankets and remake their beds, and give them a little brush. It's just become a part of my Sunday routine. I'd been getting to know the longer-termers and wondering if any of them might be suitable as company for Kitty. There was a particular trio who had been there for some time, maybe a year or so, which they were struggling to rehome. Hugo, a big gentle masked giant of a cat, quiet, pensive and very tolerant, if somewhat timid, and his two ladyfriends: two lovely, friendly, bouncy cats who took the odd swipe at him if he went for their treats or got in the way of the fuss. He never swiped back however, he just ambled off and left them to it. He seemed to be the ideal choice and that brings me to where I am now. I bought him home in January. I followed all the usual advice about keeping and feeding them apart and gradually swapping scents on blankets etc. He lived in the spare room for the first three weeks or so. She knew he was there, and she seemed quite nervous about him which was only to be expected, she gave the odd sniff and growl at the door, and now and then would go patrolling round the house checking for stowaways. About four weeks in, I started to let him out in the evenings whilst I was home but I would still shut him away at night to give her a break. And shortly after that I started to let him roam about over the weekend when I was there, and he would have the whole of the upstairs during the working day, and eventually I started to let him roam about at night too. He tends to settle at the end of my bed and as far as I know, he doesn't move until morning. He isn't going out yet and it will be some time before I am confident that he won't just bolt at the first loud noise. He doesn't come to me when I call him, nor for food or treats. He's not ready for the big wide world just yet.
I've got a Feliway diffuser plugged in downstairs, and 'Pet Remedy' diffusers plugged in downstairs and upstairs too. Kitty is on a daily 75mg dose of Zylkene although the efficacy of that may be limited by her fussy eating habits. She rarely finishes a bowl of food, unless it's freshly steamed salmon, which is starting to cost me a small fortune! Nothing restores balance to domestic injustice like a steamed salmon supper...
Anyway. The short of it is: Kitty still isn't showing any signs of accepting Hugo. If anything, it feels like we have gone backwards in the last week or two. She used to sleep on my bed every night and sometimes in the daytime too. Now she rarely comes up the stairs and if at all, she comes in, has a sniff around and then leaves again very quickly.
She rarely seems 'at rest' either. She's always watching out for him. She knows that he trots around after me and that wherever I am, he's soon to follow. If he's been shut away for the night or the day, long enough for her to have forgotten about him, she might come to me for some fuss and I may even get a purr out of her. As soon as he shows up though, she's wide-eyed and on-guard again and will sometimes growl at me too. She is eating, although her appetite isn't great. She's using her litter tray although it's become a bit difficult to monitor that, now that he's also using that one occasionally (he has his own litter box upstairs). There are no obvious outward signs of illness or discomfort. She's still very vocal when I'm chopping up her salmon and blowing on it to cool it down. But she's behaving like the nervous newcomer whilst he's ambling about like he's lived here all his life. It's very upsetting to see her like this. It's almost like a rejection, a perpetual sulk, like she hates me for upsetting her Chi and ruining what was a relatively peaceful and happy little home.
He has never (that I have seen) been aggressive to her. As he walks past her, sometimes he'll stop and look up at her with his little eyebrows raised, only for her to growl at him until he moves on. He more than often gives her a wide berth and won't try to pass too close to her. They sometimes sit at opposite ends of the room and 'eye' each other. He's very interested in her though and it certainly seems to me that he just wants to be friends.
It is early days yet, granted. He's been with us for around seven weeks now. I accept that these things take time, but I also accept that sometimes, these things never work out. I'm really hoping this isn't one of those times.
Have I rushed this? Given Kitty's reticence with other cats, should I have kept them apart 24/7 for a bit longer? I have family coming to stay next week (uninvited guests, and not my choice, else I'd have cancelled the visit) so he won't be able to stay in the spare room for a few days. I don't know what to do for the best during that time, or afterwards.
I would hate for Hugo to have to go back to the sanctuary. I would feel like I'd let him - and them - down badly. He has really come out of his shell these last few weeks. He's a big cuddly clown of a cat and I adore him. All my visitors adore him too and he just seems right at home here. I did this for all the right reasons and genuinely thought I'd found the perfect companion for Her Majesty. If this isn't going to work out though, when will I know this? How long is 'too long' to keep striving for harmony when I may just be making things worse for them both?
If you've made it this far, thank you, and any advice on what I'm doing wrong or what I could do differently, would be very gratefully received. I'm ready to try anything.
D.