jealous cat

[chickadee76]

A little long winded, will try to keep it short bear with me

I had 3 cats, Fraggle (female spayed age 7) Doozer (male neutered age 6) Vader (male siamese cross, neutered age 3) all from kittens, the males were best of friends, the female is very timid, just kept out their way, I had a pretty settled household until a year and a half ago. I took on 4 x 3week old kittens from a friends farm, feral mum, they wanted the kittens removed before they too became feral.

My problem is Vader, he has a very Siamese personality and was very bonded to me and my partner, sleeping with us every night, he is also a big fighter and hunter, has a very strong prey drive frequently bringing home mice/rats even squirrels :O We were wary of him around these 4 tiny kittens, the older 2 cats accepted the kittens straight away, Vader hated them from the get go, snarling around their pen and taking his jealousy out on everyone including us and his best friend Doozer.. Our downstairs is open plan so the kittens came up to bed with us every night so the other cats could have the run of the downstairs/still come in and out the cat flap and the kittens needed bottles the first few weeks ... this did not help Vaders jealousy one bit He would throw temper tantrums getting on the sides and knocking stuff off on purpose. When the kittens were a couple of months old we thought we were having some progress, he would sometimes sleep with them but just as often snarl and swipe at them but the sleeping with them soon stopped again.

Almost 2 years later I have 6 cats who get on great, they eat, sleep, play together apart from Vader, he is still so very jealous, he still snarls and swipes at them (he has never attacked them) then runs off, he won't eat with them, and he still snarls at his old best friend Doozer ... I have had a lot of success getting Vader to bond with my eldest daughter, she gives him his treats and he mostly sleeps with her now and goes to her for cuddles but he still hates the "kittens" I feel awful that Vader got pushed out, he was just a year and a half when we got the kittens, very playful and we thought he would love the extra company, we all try to give him as much affection/attention as we can but if a "kitten" comes near him, even if he is on our lap or eating he still snarls and runs outside, he will even swipe at us if we get to close when he's in that mood, Everyone is starting to dislike Vader, he had a UTI last month which I put down to stress, he is permanently moody and time doesn't seem to be helping.

[exlibris]

Firstly, a most excellent selection of names for your cats

Something that apparently works really well is positive association, i.e. feed them there favourite food on either side of a closed door. They start to associate the other cats with good things. Maybe start with Dozer as they were once pals? There are lots of handy suggestions on this website http://www.wvcats.com/integrating_cats.htm Some may be irrelevant as it's been over a year, but others will still stand. Hopefully it will give you some ideas.
It's good that Vader has bonded with your daughter, that will most likely help. How old is your daughter? Is she getting close to university / moving out age?
Another good idea is to have somewhere that Vader can escape to when he's fed up of everyone. Anyone can be over stimulated by too much company.
Also, if he craves attention and he's getting it when he's being bad, he'll probably continue that behaviour. Try rewarding affection more if there is an opportunity - have cat treats on standby? It might help.

[chickadee76]

Thank you so much for your reply, I will check out that link

Vader and Doozer are fine together if the "kittens" aren't around, they will eat happily together even sleep together on rare occasion but when a kitten walks nearby Vader will sometimes snarl and swipe at Doozer and run, Vader just takes out his frustration on whoever is closest. Luckily Doozer is a big, fat, chilled out kitty, he tolerates a lot

All the cats are fed in the same area, though I try to feed Vader first before the kittens come in for food, if one kitten comes to the bowls while he's eating he will carry on eating, if two come over he snarls and runs, it's rare that happens anymore though as the kittens are all too wary of him now, only the male kitten is brave enough to go and eat next to him but if Vader so much as looks at him he is instantly submissive and will back away. All the "kittens" give him a wide berth and all are submissive if he corners them. They nearly always sit back while he is eating and wait for him to finish.

Vader is still very playful and the "kittens" are still young, occasionally i see them almost play together, a kitten will chase Vader or Vader will chase a kitten but without malice, it's like sometimes he forgets that he hates them, it's rare but it happens sometimes which gives me hope

Vader has several places of his own that none of the other cats (dare) use, my older daughters bed, my sons bed and a cat bed in the utility room where he sleeps at night, All the other cats are kept in at night (the cat flap is in the utility room, i close that door at night) Vader mostly refuses to stay in at night since getting the kittens, if i try to keep him in around midnight/1am he will start making a racket (noisy siamese yowls)

We have an uneasy status quo around here but it doesn't feel good enough for Vader for me, he is still too unhappy.

Thank you for pointing out the bad behaviour thing, I just realised he is only naughty when I'm in the room so definitely attention seeking

btw the kittens are called Princess Leia, Stewie (family guy) Bubbles (little britain) and Cleopatra My daughter is 15 so she will be here for Vader for a few more years

[exlibris]

Again, excellent names
I hope I've been of help. I'm sure things will eventually pick up, I'm glad you're daughter isn't heading off anywhere for a while (otherwise she'd need to sneak him into her digs at uni!).

[Mrs Kane]

Do you tell him off when he snarls at the kittens or do you let it slide? I do wonder if it is a power issue in the household. He needs to look strong to you so you won't think of him as unfavourable or weak. Or as you say it could be attention.

Siamese can be very stubborn in their ways but they're very intelligent cats and also be very manipulative. I would say above all your other cats he needs the most attention in the household because of his jealousy. But if he's coming between you and another cats love then he should be completely ignored at that time. His bonding with your daughter is a good sign and the fact that he has territorial space is also good. One can only hope he will mellow with age.

I would say that Siamese are one of the most likely breeds to bond with their owners for life so... rather like a scorned sibling he's going to take this jealousy thing the whole hog. I'm afraid there isn't an immediate fix on this issue. I've been reading guide after guide for you from the web and from my little cat books. (Yes, I'm sad, before Sofi came I bought a ton of behaviour books, sue me!) It's just a question of tip toeing the fine line and making sure Vader is appreciated and also making sure your cats haven't packed their little tuna sandwiches in red spotted cloth and headed for the hills.

On the very slim chance you need to rehome because of this issue, pick Vader last. He will take it the hardest.

[chickadee76]

Thank you very much again, both of you, all suggestions and ideas much appreciated

I do ignore it when he snarls at the others, the only time he gets told off is on occasion I've gone to pick him up when he is in a mood (stupidly) and he has attacked me ... If i catch him giving one of the others the "death stare" I will quickly distract by calling him, that works about half the time.

I've been trying to give him more attention since his UTI which in some ways is helping, he seems happier, but I think he is switching his bond back to me again, in the last few days especially he has been following me around a lot wanting more attention which has caused a few conflicts as the kittens tend to follow me around a lot too ... Maybe that will be for the best and they will just have to learn to share me, I honestly don't know, Mostly the reason he bonded so much with my daughter is because he was so grumpy towards me to start with so she started giving him more attention knowing he wouldn't accept it from me at the time ... maybe he's finally forgiving me lol .... It's definitely been an interesting few days

It has really helped getting it all out on paper (so to speak) spotting the patterns in his behaviour, things are definitely changing, i'm just not sure if for good or bad yet