New cat / old cat situation worsening: what now? Is all hope lost?

[Ducky]

Hello everyone,

I've already had some valuable help and reassurance with my new rescue cat trials and tribulations (http://www.catchat.org/felineforum/view ... 718#p32718). Alas, since then, things have worsened somewhat and I am hoping some of you can give me some advice about where I go from here. I'm sorry that this is such a long post but if you make it to the end and have any advice for me, I would be very grateful.

Over the weeks, Hugo has 'blossomed' (for want of a better word) from a shy, skittish, henpecked clown of a cat, and he is now waltzing about the house like he's been here forever. He spends his days sleeping, playing with his flappy whizzer or sitting in the lean-to in the sunshine and watching the birdies. He hasn't officially been out yet (I'll come onto that in a minute!) but I don't think he's quite ready for the big wide world just yet (he's still a bit skittish and wary of other cats) and I wanted to have his insurance in place before then.

His coming out of his shell is wonderful for us to see, although it has shaved about three years off his estimated age and I've realised that he's not quite as old as I thought. Unfortunately Kitty hasn't taken too kindly to his new lease of life. Whereas before they would avoid each other most of the time, now they seem to lie in wait for each other in key places like doorways, the top of the stairs and on the landing leading to my bedroom, where they both want to sleep at night. He actively seeks her out, wandering around and bleating for her, to be met by a deathly growl and her raised paw. I'll have to intervene frequently throughout the day and night, when I'll find Kitty growling and hissing like the cat-from-hell or trying to swat him away, and Hugo sat just inches away, staring at her, almost taunting her. I'll wave Hugo away and Kitty will run in the opposite direction. Sometimes she'll make a run for it before I get to them and he'll follow her. He makes to pounce on her, albeit playfully I'm sure, and he bats her tail as she runs away. Now Kitty spends her days in the outhouse and only comes in at night, and when she's in she just creeps around with her tail beneath her, as though she's expecting him to jump out at her, or hides away somewhere, like in the drawer space under the bed, like she has been for the last few hours tonight. She's not all sweetness and light either: she'll growl and hiss at him when he's passing by and will sit and stare at him even when he's minding his own business. She clearly hates him. She rarely purrs these days and I really miss the old Kitty, as I'm sure she does too. I have tried separating them on separate floors at night; him downstairs and her upstairs with food, water and litter. He scratches at the door occasionally throughout the night and wakes us up, although at least they're not fighting, and it all starts again at breakfast time. That's not really a long-term solution either.

I've let him have the briefest potter round the garden a couple of times, and brought him in when he looked like he was getting spooked by next door's cats and was about to flee. I was considering getting a collar for him before letting him out properly and I still need to sort some insurance out for him. Last night, I found a moth flapping around in the kitchen. Big brave Hugo was first out the door! I left open the very top hinged window opening for it to escape of its own accord. At 7am this morning, after three more rounds of Kitty vs Hugo, I noticed that he hadn't come down for his breakfast. After about twenty minutes of searching for him, it became clear that he wasn't anywhere in the house, and the only escape route was through that tiny window opening. He'd have had a 1 metre jump from the window ledge (over the sink) and a two metre drop outside - not a mean feat for a 7kg cat. To cut a very long and comical story short, he eventually sauntered back over the garden wall at half past ten, to my palpable relief. He'd even made himself a little friend: the local ginger bruiser, of all things.

Back to the behaviour issues: my concern is that things are just going to get worse between Kitty and Hugo and that the stress is going to make her poorly again. She hasn't had much of an appetite for a while now and we had a complete hunger strike a month ago. She hasn't got much weight to lose and we've also had some fairly messy poops this last week, including a full-blown puddle on the kitchen floor last week (sorry if TMI). It's been three and a half months, give or take, since he joined us. I was really hoping we'd have seen some levelling-out by now, or at least, to not have things get worse. I mentioned it to the lady at the sanctuary on Sunday and she said that we should just open the door and let him out and hopefully if he could blow off some steam on his wanders, he would be less boisterous with Kitty. Obviously since then, he's had his first outing and come back seemingly unscathed. I am planning on letting him out again at the weekend (although his insurance cover won't have kicked in by then, I'm aware).

Dare I hope that things will improve at home if Hugo is able to come and go as he pleases? I wouldn't like him to up sticks and leave because of the tension here. I would love him to be able to stay; as a family we've really fallen for him. He has a massive fan club and my friends even push bags of Dreamies through the letterbox for him. Kitty hasn't been forgotten either; she gets lots of fuss and treats and a prime spot on the bed at night... she's my little princess and I'd do anything for her.

After three and a half months, is this as good as it's going to get? It's a very stressful environment here now, and there are tears (mine) most days. I haven't had an unbroken night's sleep since he joined us, and I often have to get up in the night to break up the rows. I'm on the verge of handing myself in for rehoming! I can't bear the thought of him going back to the sanctuary though... as wonderful as they are there (and they are; I help out with the kitties on Sundays so I see it for myself) it's still a prison and he's done nothing to deserve going back there again.

I'm going to get some insurance on the go as soon as I can (tomorrow if I can) and maybe let him out again on Saturday to wander over the gardens, when I can be at home to wait for him. I'm also going to sleep in the spare room for a few nights to see if I can get them to sleep in separate rooms so as to lessen the chance of them crossing paths. I have a Pet Remedy diffuser on the go upstairs and downstairs but I can't see that it's doing much, nor do I think the Feliway worked. I was giving her Zylkene in some cat milk for a while but she stopped drinking that. I will try and put it in with her food from tomorrow.

Other than that, I'm totally out of ideas and I could really use some help... or at least some reassurance that I'm going about this the right way.

Thanks for making it this far.

D.

[Crewella]

The ray of hope here is that he went out and came home again. I'm hoping, as I'm sure you are, that when he can go out regularly he will get his social needs met and will be less likely to seek out Kitty out of boredom. I know my house is more peaceful when Daz goes out more in the summer and is therefore less likely to chase poor old Grumpy Nellie, who doesn't appreciate his advances. Paws crossed.

[Jacks]

I can't remember if I said this before, but I have 6 cats and one of them (my big lad) chases the smallest female and she's scared of him, so for the last couple of years he's stayed in the back of the house overnight (we have doors from lounge into kitchen and a couple of other rooms) and she stays with the other girls in the rest of the house. I'm integrating no. 6 who is also a boy and chases the little one, so he at 8 weeks integrating spends the night into the bonding room, which he's used to and quite happy with now. I'm taking the long view, and things are improving between the boys and the girl - but in the short term (even a couple of years in my case) I think it's important that there's a time of peace during the day - so I think you should go on separating them at night for the time being. Hugo will get used to it - he might have the odd grumble here and there, but cats are pretty good at adapting to consistent patterns.

He makes to pounce on her, albeit playfully I'm sure, and he bats her tail as she runs away. Now Kitty spends her days in the outhouse and only comes in at night, and when she's in she just creeps around with her tail beneath her, as though she's expecting him to jump out at her, or hides away somewhere, like in the drawer space under the bed, like she has been for the last few hours tonight.

My new boy, Bobby, does this. I've had him since 13th March and when I started letting him out he would do this to the younger girls but not the queen (my boss cat), interestingly; she established with the first whack that she is the boss and he tippy-toes round her. With the girls he does just this in an attempt, I think, to engage chase play - they're not interested and one of them was creeping around the perimeters with her tail between her legs and stopped coming upstairs at night, although he was in his room. However after a few weeks she has realised that he doesn't actually attack her or hurt her and she's back to her usual patterns. He is still boisterous and he needs a LOT of play - there are all sorts of toys around and we do feather chasing (daBird). He loves the Catit toys where you roll balls with your paw. I think in time (maybe quite a lot of time) he and the smallest female will do play chase - she would love it too - once she realises that he isn't a threat, and that he's all bluff and bluster and wants to play. He's learning his name too, and will desist if I say 'no, Bobby, be good boy, be good boy' in an encouraging voice...

Now Kitty spends her days in the outhouse and only comes in at night

I deliberately have not allowed my girls to vote with their feet - I think it only encourages the pattern that the resident cat is being 'driven out'. So I would not let the girl concerned bolt outside if he saw her, but if she was scared tempt him away with play and food, and let her settle somewhere in the house. Things are getting better.

The sad thing is for Hugo that he'd probably appreciate another boisterous cat friendly youngster to play with - and then leave the older girl alone. This would be a big risk however... One thing does strike me though - has your girl had a recent vet check? I wonder where there's something else wrong with her which is impacting on her ability to deal with this youngster? It's so difficult to tell whether it's organic or emotional, but if we're not well it's always harder to deal with stresses, and a health problem could be making things worse, particularly if she's having food issues. Worth checking out.

Thinking of you - and no, Hugo is not going to be send back, bless him!