Extremely nervous cat

[garyp84]

Hi all,

As a fairly recent cat owner/carer/slave this is my first post here.

Firstly - sorry for the essay but I always think it's better to give as clear a picture as possible on these things.

We recently rehomed a 5-year old female cat called Mimi from a 'friend of a friend'. We had been looking for a cat to give a good home to for a while and then we heard that a vague acquaintance was reluctantly looking to rehome her cat. She explained that Mimi was her first cat, but that she had two other cats which would often bully her - pounce on her while she was sleeping, steal her food etc. Nice! She also had 2 young boys (6 and 8) in the house, who loved the cats but as young boys tend to do would run around the house screaming and fighting and generally scaring her. As a result she apparently spent most of her time outside at the end of the garden or out of sight, only normally coming in for meal times and during the night to sleep inside.

This is the backstory we were given and we had no reason to doubt it, as Mimi was extremely nervous when we first went to meet her and her previous owner was visibly upset at having to let her go.

So knowing all this, we decided we could give Mimi a good home and (hopefully) a better life than she was used to. While Mimi is the first cat I have looked after on my own, my parents always made an effort to rehome cats with a difficult past and I am no stranger to nervous and/or fearful behaviour. I therefore knew that patience, lots of love and a nice quiet house (ours definitely is) should help her to eventually feel more relaxed, settled and hopefully confident.

We have now had Mimi for nearly 3 months and she is still extremely, and at times inexplicably nervous and fearful. This is not all the time however and her behaviour tends to flip-flop from being vocal, apparently happy and at times playful (rubbing and bumping into things as they do) although admittedly this is often a request for food. Then at other times she seems absolutely terrified of us, hiding under the bed, in tiny gaps between furniture etc. Perfect example - when I left for work this morning she was rolling around and being vocal and seemed reasonably happy. I went off to work before realising I had forgotten something and returning an hour later. When I walked in the door she bolted upstairs and hid under the bed. Even after I came up and spoke to her quietly so she knew it was me, she stayed put and just stared at me suspiciously.

She is also extremely nervous around anyone she doesn't know. This is not so unusual for a cat still obviously adjusting to her surroundings a bit, but it is worrying as (for example) we had family to stay for 4 days and she barely left her 'hiding places' - not really eating or drinking. Then people leave and she will be running around the house (literally) pretty much straight away, playing and miaowing. It seems to suggest 'I've got my house back'.

Finally, for some reason she has absolutely no interest in going outside. This in itself is not that unusual as I have known plenty of happy house cats in my time but for a cat who apparently used to love spending time outside hunting, climbing etc. it seems strange that she now has no interest. Even on a sunny day, with the back door wide open, she will only come downstairs to eat or use the litter tray - yep despite the door being wide open and the enclosed garden welcoming her. She has shown interest a couple of times and once went as far as next door's garden, but she was back an hour later apparently shaken by the experience and has not attempted to go out since.

As I said I have some experience of nervous cats and I understand that a) a lot of this will just be the personality that she has developed over a few years of living 'in fear' and that patience is key. I am also aware that factors such as limited exposure to different people as a kitten can affect an adult cat's ability to cope with meeting new people. However, after the initial couple of weeks of settling in and getting to know us, she does not seem to have relaxed any more in the couple of months since. Sometimes we will go to approach her and she will flinch like she thinks we will strike her which is upsetting. It has led to us questioning if we have the full story about her past, again not nice to contemplate.

I am posting here in the hope that someone has had similar experience and can offer some advice on how we can help her to feel more settled and relaxed. I think she knows this is home now and that she knows we take care of her but we just feel like she could be a lot happier if she allowed herself to be.

Thanks in advance.

[Lilith]

Hi Gary and welcome

I too have a very nervous/timid cat; Mouse (she got nicknamed this when her mother started bringing her to my house for food and never acquired a 'proper' name) was brought up more or less on the street; although there was an 'owner' around sometimes, he was often off on the razzle, sometimes feeding the cats catering scraps, sometimes not...he was fond of them but the cats had become like wild animals, they did their own thing and I don't think Mouse got much socialisation until she was six months when she, her mother, and her cousin Emily, moved in with me. That was back in 2002 and her behaviour is still exactly like Mimi's...I'm certain that although there was neglect, there was no background of cruelty or abuse; she's just a timid cat. Emily was a year old when she got to know me; the CP, who were trying to supervise this incipient feral colony, couldn't get near her during a kitten-catching episode (there were a LOT of kittens!) but when Emily, the 'wildie' and I met, it was love at first sight. She has always been a most laid back and possessive cat.

I used to breed Siamese and one litter had to be born by C-section. Two kittens were bold and outgoing; the third was the wildest and most timid cat I've ever known; I didn't sell her of course, and I can vouch for it that that cat spent her life in a calm environment, a quiet house, no children, no loud music or TV ...when she came out to play with her mother I used to sit very very still, as if a young wild animal was in the house...if she noticed I was watching her she disappeared. I don't know whether the delayed birth and C-section caused some brain damage.

So I'm led to believe that some cats just are timid, regardless of environment, and that your Mimi was undoubtedly in the wrong home...poor little girl, it sounds horrendous for a nervous cat and I'm so glad you were able to take her, especially as you've had experience of nervous and shy cats before.Three months isn't long; you're obviously giving her a lot of understanding and love and there's every chance of her improving, but it may be that she'll continue to dislike visitors or any upheaval; all you can do is what you're doing already, giving her privacy to hide. Please don't feel that you're letting her down in any way when she appears to be scared of you though; I feel this is just how she is, and that your love and understanding are the best remedy, and time too of course. I do hope she begins to get bolder, but given her personality and background, I feel you've made an excellent start with her, good on you, there are never enough homes for the more difficult cats, and you've given her a very good one by the sound of it.

[Kay]

excellent advice there - but just to add a thought I had reading your post - is there any chance Mimi has impaired hearing or sight? if she is OK once she sees it's you, or OK once she hears it's you, it might be an explanation for her erratic behaviour

[nanny pamy]

Hi Gary. This sounds so like my cat Theo. Ive written all about him on here. We had him for a full year before he even made a sound. The vet said he had probably been "traumatised" as a kitten and wouldn't meow until he felt safe. Then after a year be finally meowd. A weak little warble but so nice to hear. He's fine with just me and my husband and very affectionate but hides away if anyone else is here. He's frightened of birds, noise, people, newspapers. He just seems frightened of everything and I can't see him changing now after 2 years. The rescue place we got him from said they think hed been cruelly treated because when he was taken there he was full of scabs and very scared and unhappy. I,m. so glad we got him. Its been a work in progress getting him to be more confident but I think its just his little personality. We put him in a cattery for a week last month (a highly recommended one) and he didn't eat for 3 days and hid at the back of his pen the whole time. He looked absolutely terrified when we went to collect him. So we won't be doing that again. He makes no attempt to go out which I'm quite glad about. He just loves his peaceful house and home comforts. And us. Lol

[garyp84]

Thank you so much for all of your replies; I really appreciate it and feel a bit more reassured! Emily, Mouse and Theo all sound very sweet.

With regards to her sight and hearing, I hadn't thought of that although we took her to the vets a few weeks ago and they didn't raise any concerns. Strangely she seemed fairly relaxed at the vets!

Thanks again for your all of your thoughts and suggestions.

[Crewella]

I have little to add to the excellent advice and comments already given, but I have a little 'scaredy' foster cat that sounds similar to your girl. She was never handled in her first four years and, after more than a year, is still very wary of me. I tend to follow little routines to help her to feel more in control, and as long as I stick to the routine I can now stroke her, even brush her, in her 'safe' place (her bed) and she will really enjoy a good scritch and even roll over, but if I try to approach her anywhere else she'll run a mile and hide, and she still rarely ventures beyond her 'safe room'.

It sounds, to me, as if you're doing everything right and have made good progress ..... just give it time. I hope she does start to settle and gain confidence, and wish you luck!

[lilynmitz]

I agree with the others, you're doing all the right things, just keep it up. My little lad Ziggy is very nervous and hides from all visitors, we don't know his early history (stray, rescued at around 6 months) but I suspect he was never socialised as a kitten, possibly feral at birth. Being very small and submissive his first instinct is always to run, so we just let him, and make sure he has somewhere he feels safe to retreat to whenever he wants to. If he hides away for long periods, we put his food and water with him, or even his litter tray, but as our visitors mostly don't stay too long he can usually cross his legs till they go, or sneaks out to use the tray at night.

His fosterer did some great work with him - in his case it was other cats that helped him build his confidence, but I'm not sure that would work with Mimi, unless you found a bomb proof gentle and friendly little cat. We were very lucky that we already had Elsie when we got Zig (who was even more scared than him when we first brought her home), and they've worked wonders on each other.

Just keep it up, keep giving Mimi ways to learn that the world isn't as dangerous as she fears, that you in particular are her safety blanket, and you may find that her confidence starts to grow. I keep seeing changes in all my rescue cats for years after I bring them home, so Mimi may well be the same, and it's so rewarding seeing them start to relax and enjoy life more.