New nervous cat

[emmab]

We decided to adopt after losing our little Grany. We saw Diabolo in the SPA when we saw Grany but Grany won the day. However we have been back and now adopted Diabolo. We knew he would be incredibly nervous. He arrived yesterday afternoon and has been under the bed or tucked in a corner the whole time. He had a little food during the night and used the litter tray but was hoping for some advice on ways of tempting them out. We know he will take months before he will tust us but he is adorable and worth the effort. I had a little stroke this morning before he scuffled under the bed again. I would appreciate any advice for very nervous cats, although time is the key I know. I want him to trust us.

[MarySkater]

When I first got Rocky he was nervous, and stayed behind the sofa for a while. I didn't really try to tempt him out or to touch him, I would just talk quietly to him. Even when he started coming out, I didn't immediately try to stroke him. I'd just talk to him, and try to get him to come to me, rather than me go to him. Waggling fingers can sometimes attract a cat, or gently waving a toy back and forth.

He's now a dedicated lap cat!

[Ruth B]

Congratulations on the new addition, and after the problems with poor little Grany, I really hope Diabolo proves to be simply happy, healthy cat for you.

When we got Freyja and Saturn, I knew that Freyja would need a lot of time to trust us, she was so nervous the rescue had almost accepted the fact she would be a permanent resident as they didn't think anyone would take a cat you could barely see when you went looking for one. Reading her story, my heart had gone out to her and i knew i wanted to give her a chance. Now 18 months on I am so glad I did.

For weeks she would just hide in the cupboard. To start with she would only come out at night or when we were at work to eat and use the litter tray. After a few days she learnt that we would put the morning food down and then just sit and watch breakfast news on TV, she then warily started coming out and nervously eating the food while watching us ready to run back into hiding if we moved. She would also come out to play a bit as long as I was well away from her. I got one of those wand toys with a wand close to 6' long and used that to play with. I also spend a lot of time in the evening just sat in the same room as she and Saturn were confined to often just reading a book quietly. Saturn was over confident and almost over friendly, i could guarantee that he would soon be sat on or by me, his forwardness help give her confidence.

After a few months she was happy to be out and about when we were as long as we didn't try and approach her, eventually I actually managed to stroke her and give her a bit of fuss behind the ears, its hard to explain what a feeling that gave me, it seemed such a break through.

Now after 18 months, she still won't let me pick her up, but she will come while I'm on the computer and put her front paws on my leg to let me know she wants a fuss.

A nervous cat is hard work and sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward 1 step back, but persevere and it is so rewarding.

Don't try and approach Diabolo to start with, let him come to you when he is ready. Reach out a hand and learn to watch for signs of tension in him, if he tenses up or moves away let him go, if he sniffs the hand or seems relaxed try a gentle stroke. It really is a matter of learning to watch their body language and take your cue from them. Give him the time he needs and I am sure he will soon be a friendly loving cat.

[emmab]

Ahh it sounds like I am not alone. Freyja sounds just like Diabolo. It will take time, we always try and rescue the cats that have been in the longest as they deserve a chance just like any others. It sounds like time is the main factor. We don't have kids so that will be a hige help being in a calm environment. If it takes time so be it. There will be some point he will be happy I am sure and just rescuing him alone is satisfaction for us. I am glad to hear all your cats are thriving. Thank you for your advice and guidance

[alanc]

Emma
Well done for taking on this poor chap. Sounds like he is going to need a lot of patience, but you will win him round in the end. My old Misty was also a very nervous cat and hid in his igloo for about 3 months before venturing downstairs. When he came out of his shell, though, he was a very affectionate cat.

[booktigger]

Good on you for giving a needy cat a chance - my Lucy is more temperamental than nervous, nearly 12 months on, she's still easily spooked and frequently uses her 'safe place'. She had spent 18 months in rescue though and was depressed. One major thing I would say is not rushing outdoor access

[emmab]

Thank you all. I was a bit deflated tonight as I went in and found him on top of the chest of drawers. I did stroke him but tonight he growled at me
I am not sure if initially (as one of you said) you just let him be? I don't want him to be in his room for the foreseable future and me show no affection towards him.

[emmab]

...as an add on to m previous posting, he is also meowing a lot when I leave him now? I noticed once in the night he was meowing and this morning he was constantly meowing after breakfast. I know it can be stress of being taken away from what he knows or being on his own in the room. I don't want to keep going in whilst he is doing this as he may get into the habit of doing it. Any suggestions please?

[Kay]

he wants you to let him be for the moment - let him get used to his new surroundings before he takes on his new humans

every time you invade his space you are reinforcing his fears, so hard though it is, best to do what he wants and ignore him

he'll come round soon enough, but the longer you can go without alarming him the sooner that will be - the important thing from your point of view is not to risk any setbacks - I have always found that once the fear has gone it stays gone, and they come on in leaps and bounds

[emmab]

Ok Kay. How can he get used to me if I don't go in? I see what you are saying totally but I am concerned that he will be scared of me for longer?

[Marla]

Congratulations on your new kitty!

We put our new kitty in a bedroom by himself with everything he needed including a litter tray. I sat on the floor on the opposite site of the room, reading to him but not approaching him so he would get used to me being around.

[emmab]

I am doing the same atm, except just talking to him. I notice though he is shaking a little so he must be so scared bless him. I keep telling him it is OK and we would never hurt him...which they could understand bless them. I have opened the window and closed the shutters so he can smell the wonderul air outside but is safe inside.

[Ruth B]

I would also suggest reading while in the room, as I mentioned it is what I did with Freyja. It's a matter of body language. If you are sat curled up with a good book, you are relaxed, you aren't paying direct attention to the cat and most importantly your eyes are on the book. When two cats look straight at each other it is in a confrontational situation, therefore making eye contact can be interpreted by a cat as an aggressive sign. Sidelong glances and turning your head away are all signs that you are not wanting to threaten him.

You might also want to try putting some treats in a bowl where he is normally fed and then sitting down to read the other side of the room. Once he has learnt the routine and is coming out to eat the treats while you are reading you can slowly move the bowl closer to where you sit. Eventually you should be able to feed him the treats by hand while he thinks your attention is on the book.

While opening the window and closing the shutters is nice to let him get some fresh air make sure he has time to look out of the window as well, either a different window or have a routine when you open the shutters and close the window at certain times of the day.

[emmab]

I am getting too old for getting on my hands and knees and chatting to him under the bed! I did that so will persist with it. Don't worry, he has two windows. One I keep the shutters closed to stop the toom getting too warm. Fresh air also, gets a bit stuffy otherwise.

[emmab]

Diabolo has been in his own room for 4 days now. Progress is incredibly slow. He is playing with string now and wondering around the room more, although play time is conducted under the bed. He is still meowing at night on and off which does keep us awake. He is eating and pooping fine and looks very healthy. We cannot approach him yet still looking for more technqiues please to aid his friendliness please? I am sure many on here have been theough it with your adoptions. When I maybe leave the room briefly to clean his tray or feed him I leave the door ajar and when I go back in he is by the door. He then legs it back under the bed when I go back in. Is this a sign he wants to wander? I am not sure this is a good idea as we have another cat and also if he goes elsewhere we will never get him back in again. He is also due a health check in the next 3 weeks at the vets which is a free health check given by the refuge. I really cannot see me getting him in his cage for this?

[Kay]

he's doing just fine - progress may be 'incredibly slow' in your eyes, but I doubt anyone on here is going to agree with you

I would not let him wander yet, in case he holes up somewhere unreachable - meanwhile, carry on doing what you are doing, be patient and you will be rewarded - in my experience shy cats can quite suddenly decide there is nothing to worry about, and come out of their shells with a bound, so to speak

[emmab]

he's doing just fine - progress may be 'incredibly slow' in your eyes, but I doubt anyone on here is going to agree with you

I would not let him wander yet, in case he holes up somewhere unreachable - meanwhile, carry on doing what you are doing, be patient and you will be rewarded - in my experience shy cats can quite suddenly decide there is nothing to worry about, and come out of their shells with a bound, so to speak

Thanks Kay. Need more patience sometimes. He is so adorable he is missing some huge cuddles.

[booktigger]

That sounds really good after only 4 days. Definitely don't let him out yet. Hopefully he won't be like Lucy, she still cries at night a year on!

[emmab]

He has come on leaps and bounds just today! He is playing now and has sat a foot from me. He suddenly leaps for the string and then leaps back as he forgets he is so close. Looking a lot more relaxed.

[Lilith]

Hi Emma and congrats on Diabolo's arrival

Time, as always, is the remedy, but he sounds to be doing well. Reminds me of the days when I had the ferals visiting me before they moved in; to socialise the very timid 6 month old Mouse I would sit on the pavement and use a 'lure' (bundle of pigeon feathers on a string) to tempt her closer and closer and even to get her to clamber on to my jeans, just to get her used to my presence and scent. I had to keep letting her 'catch' it and play with it, and then start luring again (she wasn't allowed the string in my absence of course.)

We put in a lot of 'Mousework' (happy days!) and now the little horror's so laid back and cheeky she sleeps on the bed and orders me about

[Ruth B]

It may seem incredibly slow progress to you, but it sounds like he is coming along really well, the hard part now is not to go to fast and undo the good work. You might want to give him lots of cuddles and it almost hurts to know you can't yet, but the wait will be worth it.

Most of the time now Freyja will let me fuss her and stroke her with one hand, only occasionally flinching away when I reach out to her. I'm starting work on getting her to accept me stroking her with both hands at the same time in readiness for when I start to hold her and eventually to pick her up. Normally when she realises that the second hand is near by she will pull away a few paces, so I let her go. Today was the first day that she let me fuss her behind the ear and then start stroking her at the same time. For me another landmark victory, even though I know tomorrow she may back off if I try it. Eighteen months after getting her and she has never sat on my knee or had a cuddle, but she is happy and just take every day as it comes one day at a time.

Give Diabolo a bit of extra string time from me, and maybe place a treat or two near you so he pounces on the string and finds the treat, that might make him associate the treats with you a bit more and help him learn that nice things happen when he is around you.

[emmab]

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Nicely put Ruth, thank you. Not a very good picture as it is the refuge one but will take more I am sure..when I can see him for long enough Just need to nip this night time meowing in the bud.

[danwiz]

Our cat hid for almost the whole first week we had her but you should see her now; she's very confident! It jsut takes them time to get comfortable around you!

[emmab]

Ok, now we do need to nip this in the bud. It is 3.30am and Diabolo has these episodes of meowing throughout the night..l do not want to go in each time as I think it just attracts attention and then he will keep doing it, but he has does it each night for a week now. I know this is common with some cats and it also can be cry for security and to know there is someone there. I am not sure what else we can do for him atm to help this? He took a step backwards yesterday and think something spooked him although may not have been much as he is so nervy. I know that if I go in and leave him he then starts again for a while, although he does do this sporadically too.I need to make an appointment with the vet for just a free check upmfor him. Is ere anything a vet can give him for the problem as a relaxant?
We have never had this with a new adoption so keen for advice please? Husband cannot use earplugs as he works shifts and needs to be up early and doesn't want to miss the alarm clock. He is starting to look a littlw weary!!!!!

[Janey]

Maybe he just doesn’t want to be shut in a room? I know this goes against the being in his own room initially thing but to be honest we’ve rarely done that with new additions, for more than a day or two at most anyway. Although they have been very elderly cats and I am at home most of the time, but we’ve never had any issues with introducing two cats. If we could see there was going to be issues then we would do that.

[emmab]

THE SPA said that he needs to stay indoors for a few months because of his nervousness. As mentioned previously we may lose him somewhere in the house if he is let out and as we cannot stroke him atm, is a major problem. We do have another cat but could keep them seperate in necessary.

[Ruth B]

Unfortunately going into him when he is crying at night is the last thing you should do, it only reinforces that they only need to call and you will come regardless of time of day. The best thing to do is to ignore the calling and try and stick to going in at set times of day, a cats body clock is incredibly accurate. However that is so easy to say and so hard to actually do.

My thought is would your other cat (Gemo I believe it was) be happy to be kept in at times. It might be worth starting the introduction process, swapping scents etc., then letting Gemo into Diabolo's room to see how they got on. Make sure all the doors to other rooms are shut so even if Diabolo got out he couldn't get any where he shouldn't. Eventually if Gemo is happy to be kept confined a bit at night it might be possible to let them be together in just a couple of safe rooms until Diabolo is more confident in himself. I certainly wouldn't be letting him out for several months, but if the weather is as wet an miserable where you are as it is here, no cat is that eager to go out in it.

I only really suggest this because Freyja, my nervous one, has really taken to following Tiggy around and gains a lot of confidence from her. When we got them we were told that she had becomes friends with Saturn and he was helping her gain confidence, however I think Saturn has grown up to become far too much of a bolshy teenager for her and Tiggy as an older cat is far more of a steady role model for her. I can't say that Tiggy is exactly enamoured with her little white shadow, but she does seem to put up with it grudgingly.

[emmab]

The vet has suggested that too however his meowing at night needs to be addressed as if he is let out and still meows outside our bedroom door that could be a problem for hubby due his job. He starts at 4 am so needs good sleep. Ironically he had his appointment for his first check up this morning at the vets. He was in his basket when we went in the room which was annoying as ideally we wanted to let him be. She was happy. She did say his temperature was up but still normal, however he is dreadfully stressed. She has given me something for his stress levels which should calm him a little. If I let him out I will have no control putting him back in his room atm. If I knew 100% the meowing would stop if I let him out I wouldn't hesitate.
As an add on to this posting. Diabolo has been out of his room for the first time after his trip to the vet and he seems settled. He has had a good wander and is sleeping behind the sofa upstairs. He has a litter tray upstairs and down, as well as food and water. No meoqing yet either so hoping this is progress, along with his stress reliever medication! Only annoying thing now is the feliway cannot work as he isn't in his room!