Socialising cats

[EzriDax]

Hello I'm new round here

I have a 4.5 year old called Dax and a new kitten that we got yesterday called Ezri.

Obviously Dax is miffed because he has had rule of the house. He is neutered and we are trying to introduce the two so they can live in peace together.

So far I have been swapping scents and Ezri is fine with Dax's however as soon as Dax smells anything with Ezri on it he gets very angry and spits and hisses and has bitten me once yesterday. He goes out for 10 mins and then comes back in after he has calmed down. She is in a separate room at the moment with all her new stuff.

How often should I be scent swapping and will he eventually get used to it and his offensive behaviour stop? This is the first time I have done this, I have been reading up but I'm not sure of when to move on to the next stage. I'm nervous that they will never be friends or tolerate each other.

Any advice would be appreciated

TIA

[Lilith]

Hi there and welcome

Yes, this is terrifying at first, like having a new baby, and with cats there are usually ructions from the senior cat, who turns into a complete diva complete with dramatic arias and tantrums

The remedy is time and love. The scent swapping is an excellent idea, perhaps a couple of times a day, and if he bites you, just say 'no' and take your hand away, slowly, and give him five minutes and then give him a big fuss and tell him what a good boy he is. Underneath he's very bewildered and needs loads of love and support but chiefly it's down to change, which cats hate, and strange smells, and once Ezri starts to absorb the 'house scent' he'll be less alarmed (in fact if you've got a used garment, say a t shirt, that you can give her to sleep on, so that she'll begin to absorb the 'you scent' that might be a good idea too.)

Personally I'd try to keep him in the house, just in case he gets miffed and wanders off; you don't want the added stress of that - or am I being a bit too fussy here?

There is a member on here who was in just your situation and who posted a wonderful video of the older male cat pretending to ignore the flirtatious girl kitten but being unable to resist her charms, Mary, hope you read this

There will be other members along with more experience and advice but hope this helps for now, congrats on your new addition and reassurance to Dax and fusses to the pair of them

[EzriDax]

I read on this forum about pet remedy and Dax loves valerian but isn't bothered by catnip. Dax seems immune to feliway...and I think he actually hates me! He is being a total diva, it wasn't like I didn't tell him

He has never been much of a wanderer and spends short times out. He has been in fight with the ginger tom down the road recently because he is a territorial sod where he got bitten.

Ezri has been sleeping on an old fluffy dressing gown in the cat carrier and I have just brought it into the living room and sprayed some pet remedy around it (but not on it) and he had a good sniff and there was no hissing or growling or spitting and then came and gave me a headbutt (might be on to a winner here!) although does the valerian over power kitten scent? She is totally fine with his.

Valerian stinks and now my house smells of feet! Even the airfreshner can't handle it! But if it facilitates then I can cope! I really hope he takes to her and I don't have to rehome her

[MarySkater]

There is a member on here who was in just your situation and who posted a wonderful video of the older male cat pretending to ignore the flirtatious girl kitten but being unable to resist her charms, Mary, hope you read this

The video is here, if you want a look: (Not sure I'd call it "wonderful," but it's good to have a record of the behaviour.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxbQDhW ... e=youtu.be

Rocky is 6. I brought Ria home as a 3-month kitten. She had been with me about 2 months when I filmed this. Another month on from then, Rocky had started to interact with Ria, play-fighting or taking turns to play chase-about. He still hisses at her sometimes, but he has grouchily accepted that she is part of the household.

Rocky used to have a friend that he was bonded with, but she died last summer. If he had been older, maybe upwards of 10, I'd have left him as an only cat, but at his age, and since he was used to a companion, I thought it was better to get another one. Has your Dax ever lived in close contact with another cat? If he has been on his own since he was weaned, you may have a tougher job on your hands.

Good luck with Dax. (Curzon? I recognise where the names came from. ) And Ezri. If Ezri is pushy, and Dax slaps her down, I'd encourage him to do so. He needs to be the top cat in the household, but he shouldn't take his temper out on you. And Ezri needs to learn her place, something I'm still trying to do with Ria. Kittens have too much energy!

Mary

[EzriDax]

Dax hasn't lived with any other cats since he was about 8 weeks old I wanted to get 2 kittens when we got him but my partner said no.

We have got to the point where he will smell Ezri's stuff but then runs to the bedroom and sits on the windowsill. And takes his anger out on me if I go near him to open the window. But he isn't getting angry in the livingroom anymore. Is it normal for him to run away and be angry? Is he ever gonna stop being a pain? He has stopped purring too although is still eating and drinking.

We named him Dax as Dax in ST:DS9 had 9 lives and Ezri because Ezri is the 9th Dax host! Geeeeks! Most people don't get it.

[EzriDax]

Just watched your video, I can't wait till I get to that stage!

At what point do I call it a day if they aren't getting on?

[Lilith]

Bless him, it's early days yet - just keep introducing, slow but sure, and as Mary says, bolstering Dax's confidence, and you'll get there. You may have to do a lot of soft-soaping and apologising to Dax of course lol.

I love that video too - thanks for posting, Mary

I once had a boy who resembled the Beast of Bodmin and who'd always been a communal cat but whose lady-love, my Siamese breeding queen, kept going off to the stud for a few days and returning, smelling of another man's aftershave (growl!) Not for long though; despite being neutered he would mount and mate her When the kittens came it was also 'growl', but I once snuck up on the gigantic George and a tiny Siamese scrap - and caught him washing it!

Cats don't blush and a black cat certainly couldn't but I swear George did. 'Growl!' he said again, and walked off.

Cats are communal by nature and I bet you anything that Dax will soon come to realise that a girlfriend is great fun; in a couple of months' time you may be dodging low-flying cats as the terrible two play pirates round the living room

[EzriDax]

He actually hates me, doesn't want to be near me or want strokes or cuddles and just has a bitchfit when near me so I can't comfort him The only thing we have maintained is when I go to bed and he has his blanket and I get purrs then.

Totally covered in scratches from the both of them. Ezri has got some confidence since arriving yesterday and she is the licky monster and loves cuddles and plays with just about everything. Am I okay to leave her on her own? I have been going in several times a day spending an hour in there at a time but I have to make sure Dax gets some time and I have to do things round the house etc

[Lilith]

Yes. All sounds pretty normal, in fact, but no harm in making it clear to Ezri that she has to spend a bit of time alone at the moment; a little gentle training doesn't come amiss, even if she yells for attention.

After I last posted, I remembered something else, the time I sold a kitten to someone with an only cat, a bluepoint Siamese who was 10, I think, and didn't realise that she was NOT the only cat in the universe.

Well. For a week, every evening, Misty and Thor's owner and I chatted on the phone. She really didn't know if she could stick it out, and I was prepared to take Thor back if necessary - but then, suddenly, Misty relented. Thor was HER kitten. She used to pin him down on the hearthrug and turn his ears inside out, washing them.

It might not seem like it at the moment, but you WILL get there, but keep on posting, we're here for you

[EzriDax]

Thank you all for your advice! I'm going to persevere and see if i can get him to accept her. I don't want to miss out on all the kitten stuff with her because I have to go between the both of them.

I'm going to apologise in advance for my worried anxiety posts that everything is going wrong

I have been posted on another pet forum site and have to say this site is definitely friendlier!

[MarySkater]

I don't have experience of introducing a kitten to a lifelong solo cat, but I think you're looking at months. If Dax doesn't want affection from you, how about treats? Bribe him with food when Ezri is out of the way. Make him see there are still good things to be had in the house. But I think, for the time being, you need to aim for "armed neutrality" rather than friendship between them.

[EzriDax]

I'm trying with treats and he is fine with them (he is overweight so I shouldn't be feeding him tons) but I can definitely see a change in our relationship and he is ****! I can't keep Ezri in a small spare room for months on end. Its not fair on her.

From the info on the Internet I thought it would be around a month or so.

[Lilith]

Well, they're all different, but while it's commonsense to keep them separated when not supervised at first, I very much doubt you'll have to keep Ezri segregated for months, even if it is an armed truce as Mary describes (and it can be) they will learn by trial and error to share their space. I confess the last time I introduced a new cat, an adolescent 'devil kitten' I hadn't planned for (she just needed a new home) I didn't have the facilities to give her a separate space and she had to muck in with the rest right from the start but the others were all ex-ferals and used to a cat community and she was a right little horror once she settled in; she didn't need any bolstering-up.

Unfortunately it's not like say growing a cabbage plant - sow it in March, transplant in April, sort of thing, and I'm not on the spot, observing the behaviour of your two, and Dax is clearly being a right pain in the backside at the moment and that will hurt and moreover you'll be feeling very guilty about upsetting him - but do try not to be. He WILL get used to the situation. He's purring at night when he comes to bed; that's a good sign. Keep on loving him and talking to him and trying to stay calm (and I know how jittery it feels, inside, quite dreadful) and just let these first days pass, and then maybe open Ezri's door for a while and let her loose in the house, let him see her, worst case scenario, more sulks, he won't kill her and kittens tend to have a MASSIVE ego anyway; they think they're BIGGER than the big cat. Cats are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. Then go after your sulkpot and tell him what a good boy he is, and give him something nice to eat (oh dear, it'll have to be a case of post Christmas diet )

There's a section on here about introductions and I'm sorry if I'm not sticking to this advice, because it's good, but I can't remember how to access it, far less post a link. Anyone out there ...???

It IS a gradual process but with very rare exceptions they DO bond, or at least live calmly together; my Molly, within the month, was playing with and snuggling up to my old tomcat Finn (sadly missed.) It took years for her to start playing with Emily (avatar cat) and Mouse, middle cat, was always timid with her until a short while back. Now Mouse is dominant and 'allows' her on the bed. The dynamics keep changing.

Oops sorry, this is becoming a blog. But all the very best, commiserations to Dax, please keep updating, and glad you find us friendly

[MarySkater]

Edited to add: Lilith got in ahead of me! This is the intro info she mentioned:
http://www.catchat.org/index.php/new-cat-introductions

I agree you can't keep Ezri shut in for months. Have you tried shutting Dax in one room for maybe an hour, and letting Ezri roam the house for that time? Then when he gets out again, he'll have to get used to her scent. (I'm guessing here; I don't want to do anything that might encourage him to start spraying in the house Or to leave home and look for somewhere else to live. )

When I got Ria, I only kept her in a separate room for one night. Then I let them mix (although for a while I separated them if I was going to be out of the house). Mainly it resulted in Ria chasing Rocky because she wanted to play, and Rocky running away. He learned that if he jumped up on something high, he was safe from her. He hissed a lot, but never really attempted to harm her.

Have you tried mixing them at all? The first time you do, it would pay to have the means to hand of breaking up a fight - a spray bottle of water, say, or a towel to throw over the aggressor. But it would be rushing things to do that now, since Ezri has only been there a day.

I'd persist with the treats for Dax; it seems to be the best bribe you have available, you can tackle the weight problem later. Or maybe give them in a treat ball that he has to push around, to get them out. Another possibility is, put some treats on Ezri's dressing gown blanket, and see if he'll eat them from there.

Good luck, and please come back with progress reports.

Oh, and Happy Christmas... I hope...

[EzriDax]

Thanks all again!

Yep he will eat treats off the dressing gown (which is still on my living room floor!! :/ ) I got some headbutts and purring from him when he was in the bedroom and having some treats, Ezri hasn't been in there and I think that's his safe room.

He has seen her and went a bit crazy and went into a sulk, that's when he physically bit me when I tried to give some attention. I've had a tetanus shot recently so all will be fine!

I feel so guilty and I don't want him to think I hate him or that he will hate me cos he is being a total ass right now!! I don't want him to run away and find somewhere else to live. I am an anxious ball of mess!!!! He made me cry before because he was being just downright nasty to me.

Ezri has been in the living room for a couple of hours this morning whilst Dax was out or asleep in the bedroom. She loved it in here this morning because our living room is tons bigger than the spare room but I can't risk a confrontation yet because she seems so tiny and he is the size of a baby lion!!! He stands about 6-10ft away from her and hisses and screams then runs away to the windowsill.

He hasn't sprayed before that I know of but he did do something when he saw her and it didn't smell that great. I thought they didn't spray when neutered?

I love all your long posts so please keep them coming.

[EzriDax]

http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q72 ... gxny4u.jpg

http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q72 ... usyhn5.jpg

http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q72 ... xuh79i.jpg

Hopefully this works, first one is Dax last week before Ezri arrived, second is Dax is bed this morning - I bought Ezri's pillow in for him to sniff and I got a hiss, he went out and came back in and smelt again and I tried to give him some attention and he hissed and yowled at me and went out again.

Last picture is of Ezri

I tried editing the pictures but it made them really poor quality, and could get the website to accept IMG links. Its nigh on impossible to get a good image under 300kb!

[MarySkater]

Hi EzriDax,

I enjoy playing around with images, so I downloaded your photos and did some editing:

I cropped the pictures a bit, then resized them so that the longest side was less than 650 pixels, and set the resolution to 100 pixels per inch. I have in the past found that the forum doesn't like a link with IMG tags, so I don't attempt that any more.

He hasn't sprayed before that I know of but he did do something when he saw her and it didn't smell that great. I thought they didn't spray when neutered?

That time was probably due to stress, if it was the first time he saw her. Better not let them come into contact again for at least a few days. If you have to do any cleaning up, there is advice to be had on the forum, but the basic rule is, don't use bleach, because to a cat bleach smells like cat pee, and encourages them to pee over it. Biological washing powder is said to be good, or you can get special stuff to neutralise the odour (but Christmas day isn't a good time to be shopping!).

Yep he will eat treats off the dressing gown (which is still on my living room floor!! :/ ) I got some headbutts and purring from him when he was in the bedroom and having some treats, Ezri hasn't been in there and I think that's his safe room.

Good that he'll eat treats from something with Ezri's scent, and also good that he has a safe place. You're doing fine there.

I feel so guilty and I don't want him to think I hate him or that he will hate me cos he is being a total ass right now!! I don't want him to run away and find somewhere else to live. I am an anxious ball of mess!!!! He made me cry before because he was being just downright nasty to me.

You know, of course, that he will pick up on your anxiety! So what will help you relax? Stiff drink? Chocolate? Indulge yourself! It's all for the sake of peace among cats. And remember, Ezri has been in the house less than 3 days. Dax hasn't really had time to get over the shock yet. But at least he hasn't run away, so keep going with the treats, and do what you can to make him happy in spite of the intruder. If you don't already do this, you could try washing your hands after you've been handling Ezri, and if you cuddled her, change your sweater as well, so that you are not altogether covered with her scent when you go to Dax.

In future years, you're going to look back on this as a very memorable Christmas!

Best wishes,
Mary

[EzriDax]

Thanks for doing that! I was at my wits end with photobucket this morning!! I got a photo of her yesterday that's been dubbed Meerkat Ezri! I have just been in with her, and then went to see Dax on the bed and he was a terror. He isn't hissing at me but is warning me with a growl to get lost and if I don't move quick enough its a warning bite. I did go in with her scent all over me though. He gave me a headbutt 5 mins later when being fed, then another growl warning sound when finished, mixed signals or what? Has he never heard of 'don't bite the hand that feeds you?' literally

I have been washing my hands with santising gel but I will wash them with something with a scent in it so that I'm not so offensive to him! And will have a top especially for seeing him. He has been sleeping on one of my T-shirts on the bed too.

I have got some shake and vac, but that's really it for carpets as I normally just hoover! He hasn't done the spraying since and hasn't seen her. The spare room is connected to the hall which he has to use to move around the house, will he be able to smell her as he goes past the room? He hasn't been hissing at the spare room door or taking any notice.

Ezri is petrified of water and when she tries to take a drink she doesn't quite get what to do and puts her paw in it and defo doesn't like it. Should I try kitten milk? I was told she was weaned but how would she not know what a water bowl is and be so surpised by water? She seems to be going for a wee fine in the litter, but she had pooed on the floor when I went in this morning at it was quite runny. Sorry for TMI and everyone eating Xmas dinner!

On the relaxing front, I ate chocolate cake for breakfast with a woo woo cocktail! I miss him being a softie who gives me constant headbutts and I am questioning my whole decision. I am trying to not let myself get too attached incase I have to give her up but I just love how quickly she is becoming more confident and she is gonna be up them in curtains in less than a week. She has now mastered jumping from things and getting better at climbing!! I can't wait for the animosity to dissipate and we can all be friends!!

No idea how to post photos, I resized them to 650x650 and they are 96kb each but it keeps telling me that they need to be under 300kb.... even if I upload one photo it complains its too big!

http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q72 ... w7vpc.jpeg

http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q72 ... e3nax.jpeg

[MarySkater]

At the risk of side-tracking the thread, I'll talk a bit about photos, in case anyone else is interested. I don't use Photobucket. If I need to host a photo online, I use Flickr. But for this forum, I do all the preparation on my own computer (desktop PC with Windows 7). I use a program called Paint.net, which is not the same as Windows Paint, and is better. You can download Paint.net from here:
http://www.getpaint.net/index.html
It's free, although they suggest you could make a donation, which I have done, because I find it such a useful tool.

As an example, I took a photo of my kitten Ria in the garden. This picture was 10 Mb when I downloaded it from the camera. First, I cropped away all the background, leaving just Ria. That brought the size down to 1 Mb. Then I resized it to 649 (not 650) wide, and resolution 100 pixels per inch. However, that was still a bit over 300 kb. So I went back to the 1 Mb version, and this time took the width down to 600 pixels wide. That brought the file size down to 290 kb, and I think it's acceptable quality:

I did the same with your Meerkat Ezri picture - in this case it's the height that needs to be 649 or less:

I suspect that if you offer the forum a pic of 650, it registers that as "too big," and the "300 kb" warning then triggers, even if the file size is actually less than that.


Going back to your socialising problem: Yes, Dax will get Ezri's scent as he goes past the door, and that's fine, he'll get used to having her around. Don't give up on the idea yet, it's still very early days. Maybe by next weekend you could give Dax a sight of her again - at a safe distance, and while shoving a bit of chicken under his nose! Meanwhile, let Ezri have the occasional run round the house while Dax is in his "safe" room. (And even once you have them together, you'd do well to keep Ezri out of there if you can.)

Interesting that she doesn't like water. My kitten loves it. Her favourite game is to sit in the bath while I set the cold tap running a trickle, and she plays with the water. If you feed Ezri wet food, she may not need to drink much, but by all means offer her kitten milk.

Keep trying!

[Lilith]

Well said Mary, I can't improve on that advice, except re milk, have just read that last post which overlapped with this; personally I don't risk milk,even kitten milk, with a new kitten but that's just my personal view and not writ in stone, oh and the photos - Mary is the photo magician, Emily (avatar cat) and I owe our avatar to her, many thanks again Mary

Now the chocolate cake and woowoo breakfast I can relate to, and I'm not a breakfast person

I wonder if the spraying by Dax was a fear thing? You mention a fight between him and a neighbourhood cat and maybe he has to learn that not all stranger cats are aggressors; it may be a comfort to him to realise that the author of this terrifying smell is just a little black scrap of kitty - she IS little isn't she, still got her blue eyes. HE'S a handsome hunk, wow

At her age and with all this upheaval, changing homes, the odd wonky motion won't be surprising. Have you any info about whether she's been wormed/fleaed etc? But if not the vet will advise. If you know what she was eating before she came to you, stick to that; keep her food as plain as possible, though a scrap or two of plain poultry or fish won't come amiss.

Many cats put their paws into water before drinking - don't know why. But she sounds to be doing fine. Cute little meerkat!

Ohhh, I seem to remember similar fraught Christmases - happy days eh and as Mary says, memorable.

I look forward to the next instalment - hang on in there and good luck with the pair of them

[EzriDax]

I'll start this again as my laptop ran out of battery mid post!!

I'm very lucky that I am friends with a vet nurse who will get a surprise when she comes round next and I will ask her to have a look at her. She has been wormed but that's it. In real life her eyes are a green/brown colour - it was one of the first things I checked because they lose their blues around 6 weeks isn't it? Dax was 6 weeks in reality - we were told 9 weeks but after research that was a massive lie, they wanted rid of him cos they were going on holiday! He is a fatty now who is overweight due to his mastery of opening the dreamie box and catching prey!

We have a name for the ginger cat that I can't repeat on here! But he is a pain because he specifically aggravates by coming on our driveway around round the back of the house and repeatedly walking across his view.

So we just had a meeting that was totally unplanned but she has learnt there is a world beyond the door... after 2 days (I thought this would come later!!) and Dax just happened to be there and saw her. There was a growl and then he ran to his safe place, is this an improvement of the relationship? I put Ezri back in her room and then came in living room, to which Dax then comes in for food. I get a headbutt, but when given attention I get a stern warning. Boyfriend however gets multiple headbutts and no warnings..... He is treating us differently. I have put the feliway diffuser in the hall between the two safe rooms and have ordered some feliway friends but thats not coming till 27th.

I love that Mary is the photo magician!! I just about got my avatar to work and hope to update soon with a 2 kitty picture!!!

Have you all had a good Xmas? I am about to have tea then off to my friends!!

[EzriDax]

Okay so we got back from our friends and had to get Dax in cos ginger cat was outside.... And he was screaming! So got Dax in and I got headbutts, as he was coming through hall he could hear Ezri on other side of door and listened patiently then came into livingroom and sat down - no hisses - I have had a shower and not handled her since so I must be clean of scent! And I got purrs too.

I have put his food about a foot away from her door to encourage hearing and smell contact plus the feliway plugged in and no hisses. I am not gonna attempt face to face just yet as I don't wanna ruin the progress. I only have kitten food and he isn't fussed on it so I will get his proper food tomorrow

I'm now coming down with what my bf had last week which is more like flu than a cold bleh

Sorry for my incessant posting but I'm just so happy cos I think it's a step forward

[Lilith]

Ha, congrats! No wonder the poor chap was screaming, but perhaps he'll appreciate his home comforts now, even with a pesky new kitten underfoot. Also her 'new' smell won't be quite so new now. I'm so glad he's being friendlier to you; there may be ructions in future of course, but this does sound like a turning point.

Commiserations re the cold, hope that doesn't last too long (more woowoo sounds to be a good idea) and all the best

[EzriDax]

I fell asleep on the couch last night with the duvet and this morning Dax woke me up and we had some cat cuddles and getting purrs off him as we speak. I'm not at all confident that it will last and I'm going to still mix scents.

Am I okay to be with Ezri if I'm ill? I feel drained today and sipping a hot toddy and I don't want to possibly pass anything on (if that's even possible?)

[Lilith]

Yes, you're fine to be with her; there's no way you can infect a cat with a human cold

Glad his lordship is still being friendly too. Meant to say in my last post, it doesn't matter about how many times you post; this situation can be like a roller-coaster and I think we all understand. Always seems to happen at Christmas too; I remember one fraught Christmas when one of my girls pulled out all her spay stitches except one on Christmas eve (they don't usually; she just had to be awkward) and I was dashing to the vet in between trying to clean up all the cat hair off the furniture before the in-laws came for Christmas day (used to do a conventional Christmas then) and ...oh what fun eh?

Hope you manage to have a peaceful snooze with Ezri, and more of the hot toddy

[EzriDax]

Just in Ezri's room now and she has learnt so much and is now climbing practically everything and is tons more confident! Currently having a mad half hour whilst Dax is out! She has just rolled over into her water bowl and is a bit soggy. She used to mew when up heights but is now a pro! I'm covered in scratches though! She has started to give headbutts too And now she is curtain climbing which didn't take her long.

I have moved Dax's food right next to the door now, and he ate it then went out with no fuss. No hissing and he could hear her behind the door. When should I do face to face?

[Lilith]

When you're feeling better and also feel that the time is right. There aren't any hard and fast rules; you're the one dealing with the situation, but you need to be feeling strong and in command.

But when it happens, take no notice of growls, hisses, dirty looks etc; they WILL settle. You may have a surprise; I'll never forget the time a tiny month-old kitten fluffed himself out and danced crabwise at my most ferocious girl; even humans were nervous of Sulah! 'Mew-ew-ew-ew!' he sang, and poor Sulah growled and slunk off, poor girl.

What's worked for me has been, unless WW3 has broken out, has been just to leave them to it, apart from dreadful cheery Mary Poppins/Joyce Grenfell comments - 'now, children, how are we getting along? Would we like some Dreamies? Oh no, Dax, we don't use language like that in front of ladies, do we? Ezri, do please leave poor Dax's tail alone, that's Dax's tail, not your tail ...' Lol Well you get the gist

WW3 never has broken out, in my experience though I may have been lucky. I've encountered wonky group dynamics developing between older cats, but not with kittens; you'll get there.

All the best

[EzriDax]

When they have met previously Ezri has been scared of him and meows and he hisses and runs away. His bowl is right up to the door now and eating fine with no hissy fits but if I smell of her or there is something with her smell on then it's war. Gives me totally mixed signals - headbutt then a warning.... He has started coming in living room more but is still very dismissive of me but is fine to my partner. He thinks that Dax might think I'm below him in the pack and my bf is top dog?

She does seem to like tails, her mum pinned her down and told her to stop it and she has a toy cat with a tail and drags it round by the tail... Dax will tell her off for that.

Feel awful today and been mostly sleeping, done some online sale browsing and not spent a penny! Just been to asda looking like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards :/

[MarySkater]

I think Lilith is right that you shouldn't try to move things forward with the cats until you feel well in yourself. Does your partner interact with Ezri? If not, or if he doesn't smell so much of Ezri as you do, that's probably why Dax is giving preference to him.

[EzriDax]

He goes into her room when I tell him to because I can't be with her 24/7 but even when he comes out there is a lot less aggression than towards me. Little Miss got out of her room today when I opened the door and into the livingroom and Dax smelt her, hissed, growled and ran away. Closest contact there has been.

Feeling tons better after decongestants and currently in her room at the moment and she has been sitting on my knee watching YouTube videos which really seem to settle her down.