Anxious girl cat when boy cat outside

[Bluebell]

I recently posted for advice about letting my two rescue cats out for the first time. It is going well, we've been taking it slowly and so far so good. However there is a slight problem. Boy cat is by far the more adventurous, he has been happily going off exploring for half an hour or so and coming back again. Girl cat is much less interested in the outside world, in fact I think she'd quite happily be a house cat. She'll pop out for a few minutes, have a little sniff around, then come straight back in.
I have noticed that when boy cat is off on his adventures, girl cat won't leave the kitchen and spends her time gazing out of the patio doors. As if she is waiting for him to come back. More worryingly, she has started to wee on the doormat by the back door. This is where the cat flap is, although neither of them are reliably using it as yet.
I wondered if she is deliberately scent marking so that he'll find his way home, or if it is just a sign of her distress at him going? Any advice? I don't want her to get used to weeing there, she's been so good about usng the litter tray. Thanks.

[Ruth B]

I think it is fairly common that even in neutered cats the lads tend to have a far bigger territory than the girls do. My own Saturn can disappear for almost 24 hours without me worrying too much, I guess I have gotten used to him, if either of the girls aren't in for a meal I immediately start to worry.

As for weeing on the mat, the best option might be to put a litter tray there for her if there is room, at least for a while until she becomes more confident in her home and in outside. I doubt it is to let him know where to come home to, my thought would be it is more likely to mark it as her territory to anyone else that might come around while he is gone. It could be that she is a little concerned about defending the home while he is out. Alternatively it could be that she is leaving a subtle message for him that she is in charge, but only wants to do it while he is away as a way of avoiding it seeming like an open challenge to him.

[Bluebell]

Thanks for your reply Ruth, I did wonder about putting a litter tray there, but it is near their food which I thought was a no-no. Although the fact that she wees there probably means she's not bothered! You could well be right that she is concerned about defending the home. They are a bit of a funny pair, she is definitely dominant around food to the point where I have to feed them in different rooms to stop her gobbling his! Whereas when play fighting he will pounce and leap on her until she retreats! So a bit of a 'complicated ' relationship! They're not siblings but have always been together and were rehomed to us aged 3 1/2.
Anyway hopefully things will settle once she gets used to him coming and going.
Thanks again

[Ruth B]

Litter trays really shouldn't be near the food as it isn't hygienic and some cats won't eat if the two are too close, they instinctively know that the food could be bad. However if the food is already near where she is choosing to wee then I think it would be a the best option and then slowly move the litter tray away from the back door and hopefully she will learn not to wee there. You might have to replace the doormat unless it can be machine washed to make sure there is no smell left on it, and give the floor a good clean with a special cat urine odour remover not normal bleach to make sure it doesn't smell as well.

[Bluebell]

OK thanks for those tips, I will look into the urine remover. Although I put the doormat through the wash, she keeps sniffing it, so can obviously still smell it. Thanks again I appreciate the helpful advice

[Bluebell]

Well the weeing has stopped but she has now started to attack him when he comes in! Today he wouldn't come in as she was sittng in the kitchen table staring at him. I had to take her in the lounge and shut the door before he'd come in, I then distracted both of them with dreamies (a particular obsession of girl cats and special treat!) and all was well. I guess I will have to be around to supervise for a while yet before they can be allowed to come and go freely. Sigh. Any bright ideas gratefully received!

[lilynmitz]

Wow, can I relate to what you're describing! I've had the same with my two, Elsie and Zig, both timid young rescue cats, brought in off the streets into rescue and pretty traumatised, so who knows what their life experiences were before they came to me (a few months apart from different rescues), each just over a year old. Elsie is a really gentle sweet natured cat, and really isn't fussed about going outside, she never stays out long or goes far, and is much happier inside. But when we started letting Zig out, she turned into an absolute demon, she attacked him, chased him round the garden, and beat him up when he finally plucked up the courage to come in! Poor lad didn't know what had hit him! And he's such a sweetie as well, he didn't have the courage to stand up to her so he would just dash for cover and she had the upper hand for months and months like this.

Eventually we realised she's so nervous about being outside, despite her fairly relaxed body language, that it doesn't take much to tip her over the edge and she sees any other cat out there as a threat, so her response to Zig was out of fear, not aggression or territorialism, so that was what we had to work on. I'm pretty sure this is why your girl is peeing by the cat flap - anxiety over this apparent "intruder" who she's afraid might hurt her, and so scent marking to warn this "stranger" outside to stay away. (Yes, Elsie really is that dim that she couldn't relate "indoor Ziggy" as being the same cat as "outdoor Ziggy"! Your cat sounds much the same.)

So we decided to work on Elsie first. Zig was so paranoid about getting beaten up that he didn't mind being kept in for a few months longer, or we only let him out when Elsie couldn't see him out there. Meanwhile we helped Elsie build her confidence at being outside by going out with her, playing with her in the garden, turning it into a place where, for her, nice things happened. Then very gradually we started letting Zig out with her. We still had moments where she freaked out, but these are pretty rare now, and Zig learnt to give her a wide berth in the garden. It was tough on Zig, and given that they are both very timid cats, it's been a long journey, but the end result is we have two happy relaxed cats who can share the garden, even play together outside, without either of them freaking out, as well as being best buddies indoors.

Recognise your girl's behaviour as one being born out of fear, and I reckon you're on the road to helping her deal with this. But she does need your help, and you will need to be patient. You'll get there in the end.

[Bluebell]

Lilynmitz thank you for your helpful reply. Good to know that you were able to sort it out eventually, it sounds like you were very committed to helping your cats. What you describe does sound very similar, although our girl doesn't go for him outside, only when he comes back in. I think you are right that she is afraid outside. Her body language when she is out there is certainly not relaxed, she looks all around, then does a short creeping sort of run with ears flat, then stops and looks around again, she never stays out for more than 10 minutes. I actually don't think they've had much, if any, experience of the outside world, they certainly don't know what to do with the cat flap! The thing is boy cat loves it outside and I don't want him feeling scared to come back in.
Once the weather is warmer I intend to spend time out there with both of them. Your idea of making the connection that it is a nice place to be is a good one. In the meantime I think I need to make sure she has some outside time so she at least gets used to all the smells out there. She always sniffs him before bashing him! Then let him out and make sure I supervise when he comes back in. He is also a timid cat and although she's tiny she is definitely the boss!
Thanks again for your suggestions I'll let you know how it goes!