My rescue cat loved laps, now won't sit on them

[Hattiejones]

Hi everyone! First time posting on Cat Chat. 2 months ago I adopted two very closely bonded cats. Max (4) and Mouche (8 months). They had been found abandoned by their owner trapped in a house. They obviously aren't litter mates but I think maybe the trauma of what happened to them made their bond extra close. They are inseparable. When we first brought them home we kept them in one room for the first 3 days. As advised. Max was the less shy of the two at first and within 24 hours he had sat on both mine and my mums laps. He was also slower to purr but in that little room he became a regular lap sitter and purrer. When we let them out into the rest of the house he seemed to become much more stressed. The little one adapted right away but he seemed to be a bit overwhelmed. We didn't expect him to be purry like he was during this time. But after a few days he was back to cuddling in our nooks and laps and purring. However as time went by he has become less and less 'lappy'. It seems the more he's settled (we have had them two months now) the less interested he is in laps and cuddles. And he very rarely purrs. Only at night when he sleeps on my bed will he purr now. It seems he's progressing backwards? I would have expected he would be distant at first and then come round to laps but the opposite has happened. I don't think it's the weather getting warmer because it barely is. It's still pretty cold where we are (London). maybe he sat on our laps because he was scared and needed the comfort and now he is happy he can be independent and doesn't need that level of affection. I'd really like to know if this is normal behaviour in rescue cats? Because the girl has become more and more friendly and I've never heard of a cat becoming less friendly after settling into a new home.
I'm happy if he doesn't want to be a lap cat, I just want him to be happy and comfy. But purring and cuddling is so often a sign of happiness that it's hard to tell if he is.
Thanks for reading this far!
Hattie

[Lilith]

Hi and welcome

My youngest cat was adopted at 6-8 months, and she seemed very quiet and meek at first. Then she turned into a terrorist! Although possessive and affectionate, 5 years later, it's still all got to be on her terms. We love each other though.

I think there is a period where a new cat arrives and feels strange - after that it finds its paws and you do see a personality change. Also there are different sorts of purr:- the affectionate purr and also the 'I don't know you but I'll trust you purr'.

As your relationship develops with them you'll probably see different behaviours, but sounds like you've got off to a good start and hopefully Max will start to show and accept more affection - when he sees Mouche cuddling he may be afraid of missing something and start joining in again.

There will be people on here with more advice re socialisation but hope this helps for now - a personality change isn't unknown in these circumstances

Good luck with them and please let us know how you go on.

[booktigger]

Lucy is like this - at the rescue, all she did was sit on peoples knees, as soon as she came here that stopped. I put it down to getting limited attention at the rescue so she had to sit on people, whereas here she has the space and knows I'm always here to fuss her (plus she has the option to sleep on my bed). I just accept her for who she is, even if it isn't the cat I saw at the rescue!

[Kay]

when I first had Tosker he was the third of three cats, and he spent every moment trying to get close to me, but after Trigger died he became more interested in getting close to Tiffany, despite a million rebuffs, and still prefers to sleep as near to her as she will allow rather than next to me on the bed

so cat dynamics can be complex things, though fascinating too, or at least they are to me

and as Tosker's sinus problems make him a very snory, wheezy, grunty cat, I am more than happy to forgo his close company at night!!

[TheCatsMum]

We had two kittens who both loved laps as soon as they found them. As time moved on my boy realised there were other things in life that apparently he found more interesting and rarely wanted a lap. My girl still loved laps, but as time moved on I found that as soon as we got to this time of year through to September, they didn't need a lap. I think it was naturally light and warmer (which does us all good) and they didn't need laps. I know it must be a bit of a struggle for you, but give him time and try and let him be the cat he wants to be and settle in - we have high hopes for our kitties but sometimes we have to accept they are who they are. Try and enjoy them both, I'm sure they'll be worth it.