End of the road for adopted cat

[emmab]

We adopted a wonderful cat back in November. He has come out of his shell so much and is utterly adorable with us but he is not getting on with our existing cat. It's a terratorial thing and no matter what we do they just aren't getting on. During the day they may have a little tif but for eg tonight Gemo is restless so put her out for a wee but he chases her back in. It is horrible to see this as she was fine before we got him. I love him to the moon and back but even trying them on a Royal Canin calm dried food doesn't seem to be helping them to de-stress. We have asked friends if they would have him as he really suits a single cat household but they cannot accommodate him. We would not part with him at a rescue centre as he is part of the family and cannot bear to see him go back after spending so long in the centre already. We cannot stand seeing Gemo like this and are really stumped to know what to do.My little girl is becoming scraed to go out and as she was here first, feel we are making her life unhappy by trying to help another needy cat. Help please

[Ruth B]

You really have my sympathy, I once had to send a cat back to the rescue charity she came from as she was cause too many problems for the resident cats, and as you say, the ones that were their first have to come first. i was lucky I knew the rescue well and after only a week or two i heard they had rehomed her as a only cat.

As for your problem, firstly if possible put at least two, if not three litter trays down in different rooms so that Gemo doesn't have to worry about going outside or having access to all the litter trays guarded, if she knows there is always somewhere she can get to to go to the loo it will certainly help her stress levels. I would also suggest you do the same with numerous bowls for dried food and water. Make so that if he tries to block her from using one thing she knows she only has to walk back into another room to find what she wants.

As for rehoming, keep asking around or see if any local charity does a direct rehoming scheme. You would have to keep him until a home was found but at least he wouldn't be in a pen all the time. Posters in shops or at the vets are other options. Finally, much as I hate to say it, there is always the online option as a last resort. In all cases, unless the charity does a home visit, you try and visit the new home to chat with the owners and make sure that you think it is the right place for him. Anyone who has the cat's best interest at heart is not going to take offence at this, anyone who does take offence probably isn't the right owner for your cat.

I know you have tried so hard to make things work out but while this might be a heartbreaking decision for you it is probably the best decision you could make for both cats and I hope you find somewhere for him.

[emmab]

Yes it seems like a new home is the best option but nobody can seem to take him. I am rather annoyed as one of our freind wants a kitten which annoys me as our SPA is full with cats and people seem set on getting kittens. This is my bug bear when they could take him and offer him a lovely home. They have just lost theirs too.

[Kay]

what are their ages? do they actually fight? does Gemo always run away from him? does either of them hiss or growl at the other, with raised hackles and bushed out tail? does he chase her in the house?

saying you put Gemo out for a wee sounds a little odd to me - do you have a cat flap, and is the boy outside because you have let him out, and do both cats have to be let back in? how big is the garden, and are there places in it Gemo can get away from him, both outside and in the house?

what about feeding time? are they fed together? do you play with them together? can you give an idea of how they interact generally, and how they share the house?

sorry for all the questions, but I'm in full on Jackson Galaxy mode here - and finding ways to get them to live in harmony may well be easier than finding a new home for him, and would surely give you more peace of mind - and a little tiff sounds promising to me - my two have full on fisticuffs a couple of times every day, after living together for 8 years, and neither is unhappy or has ever been hurt, so I am wondering if your two are just not as bonded as you would wish rather than being totally incompatible

[emmab]

Yes they have a cat flap and use it but Dabs chases Gemo in when she does go out so she stays in expecially at night. They do eat together but occasionally she growls at him. He sometimes teases her and chases her in the house which she hates. They occasionally scrap. Only once she ended up at the vets with an abcess.
They both play but not together so play with them separately. Gemo will not play if Dabs is around.
Gemo hates going out now unless we are there too hence her using the litter tray, mainly at night.

[booktigger]

I'm assuming you have tried Feliway, Zylkene etc? I seem to recall you adopted him from the SPA, in which case it might be in your adoption papers to return him to them if you can no longer keep him.

[emmab]

Yes have tried Feliway and stress reliever from vets. They are on RC Calm atm but not seeing any difference. Gemo is scared going out now which is not helped having chickens as well as the new cat. I would never return him to the Spa as he has had a bad start and would only let him go to a new home with friends or neighbours.

[Kay]

would it be feasible to keep Dabs in while Gemo goes out? and the chickens too if that is a big issue for her

of course ideally a new loving home would be ideal for him, but in the meantime I think from what you say that the situation can be improved, and that in any case the damage is not severe

is your ideal solution a good new home for him, or getting him and Gemo to live together without problems?

[emmab]

The chickens can be sorted with fencing but the cats are not so straight forward. Letting one out when the other is in just gets far too complicated. You cannot force a cat the stay outside if they are scared and you end up spending all your days doing nothing else. We have come up with a solution of taking Dabs over to our holiday home where he can be on his own with a house sitter and then Gemo will be happier and we will be kind of happier as he will still be with us. I have put feelers out for a new home locally for him but not hopeful and under no circumstances will be put him back into a refuge.

[Kay]

that sounds like a good plan - and it will give you a chance to observe how both cats behave on their own

[emmab]

...in the short term yes as long term we are moving to the house so they will soon confront each other again! Such a hard thing to have to go through. this evening Gemo was asleep by the open door and Diabolo just krept up on her to try and swipe her. She is peeing indoors from time to time and using the litter tray all the time. Even if I was harsh enough to put him back into the refuge it is full.

[Ruth B]

Unfortunately Diabolo's behaviour does sound a bit like my Saturn's early behaviour to our Tiggy, Saturn is a typical lad who should have a list of ASBOs as long as his arm, Tiggy is our Grumpy Granny, who unlike your Gemo is happy enough to metaphorically wave her walking stick at him and give him a thick ear when he gets too much. It sounds like Gemo just wants the quiet life and Diabolo isn't wanting to let her have it.

I think separating them for a while is a good decision and it will give you a chance to see how they behave when by themselves, particularly Gemo. The only thing that might improve the relationship is if at the holiday home Diabolo has more room to roam and more things to fill his time with, if he is always coming home tired he might be more willing to give Gemo the peace she wants. At two and a half years old Saturn has turned into quite a roamer being out for 12 to 24 hours at a time, often bring home dead mice and rats, but when he is home he just wants to eat and sleep so things have eased off a bit.

At the very least it will hopefully give you a chance to widen the search to find Diabolo a suitable new home.

[emmab]

Oh I hope so. Yesterday I noticed he was a little better with her but maybe because we were around. I keep saying to hubbie that of she would stand her ground a little and maybe rip into him just once he may back off....we live in hope. Dabs is out all day too. I may see him from a distance half way through the day and en he is gone until he is hungry. He is out all night too so that is one saving grace.Sounds like you have the same issues so whilst it is great to hear there are other people with the same problems, it sounds like yours are sorting it out between them.