Letting go

[issiandarchie+68]

Hiya, I'm not sure if I am posting this under the right thread, but I would like some advice from my Cat chat friends [hi Viv!]. Some of you will recall that in 2016 I tragically and unexpectedly lost 2 of my cats Armand and Cody within the space of 4 weeks . Well, although they are still very real to me and I miss them badly, I promise I have moved on physically and emotionally. But... my recurring problem is this,what do I do about the numerous text messages sent back and forth at the time of their illness and demise. To let you understand, I am normally fastidious about deleting texts and emails, ruthless at ditching 'drains', so why can't I delete these messages? If I read them, they upset me very badly, especially the one telling of Cody's last trip to the Vet in response to queries on her health. So what the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I just bite the bullet and get rid? Anybody else faced this problem?

Issi

[Ruth B]

Grief and loss affects us all differently, some are happiest clearing everything out as quickly as possible, others almost make a shrine to the lost one, and no one is wrong with how they react.

I freely admit to being a total tech muggle so I don't know if what I am about to suggest is even possible. Instead of deleting the texts is there a way to transfer them to a storage medium, somewhere you could keep the text and photos and other digital reminders together, or even the old fashioned idea to print them off and store them in a shoebox or similar. They wouldn't be gone, but they wouldn't be in your face everytime you looked at your phone either, if you ever did feel the need to read them again they would be there.

When it comes to clearing everything out after the death of a pet I know someone who did. After he had to have his cat pts he swore he would never have another it was just too painful, he threw everything of hers out, gave the excess food away, hovered everywhere to try and remove every reminder. The last item was an unstarted bag of cat litter that he returned to the pet shop. Just as he was leaving the shop he spotted an advert for a kitten, rang the people, went over to see the cat, came out with kitten in carrier and went back to the pet shop (with kitten in carrier) to replace everything he had just thrown out. He never regretted it, it was just a case of the right cat suddenly being in the right place at the right time.

[bobbys girl]

Hi Issi, OH just suggested you might be able to 'share' them to an email - if your phone will let you. Perhaps you could experiment with a text you don't mind losing.

[BobbiRobbie]

I'm sorry for your loss, Issi.

I'm early stages into my experience, but I totally agree that we all grieve differently. I often worry that people might think I'm weird for some of my choices but one of my friends said to do what's right for me and nevermind what anyone else thinks.

There are some things of my Charlie's which were removed when we got home. One was his litter tray. To be honest I was reluctant at first but my husband said that we'd only be keeping it for sentimental reasons when we had other things we could keep. He's right; it would have sat in a cupboard anyway and even if down the line we do get another kitty I'd want to buy a new tray anyway. I have some unused renal diet food which I'm taking back to Pets At Home as I only ordered it a couple of weeks ago and seeing it in the cupboard upsets me. I've kept Charlie's bed and asked my husband not to remove it from where it was, for now. I also have lots of paperwork/invoices relating to Charlie's many tests which I wouldn't want to part with right now.

I would say if something is stopping you from deleting the messages then don't delete them. Like others have suggested perhaps transfer them onto something which you can look at if you choose to, but so the messages aren't"in your face".

Jo

[Mayday21]

Hi Issi alas I’m not really tech savvy but believe iCloud has storing & sharing functions. Everyone’s suggestions are great. And believe the reason why you’re unable to delete is coz it’s not meant to be. I’ve a recording of Mayday’s purr on my ph. She had such a loud one. One afternoon having fallen asleep with Mayday on my stomach when she was young, a friend, who was sharing my house, was laughing which woke me “Mayday purrs like you snore!” Not surprising as ever since I rescued her from drowning as a tiny kitten she always slept with me. I loved that little girl & while grateful for the famous four from Oz, Mayday will always be so special to me as are Armand & Cody to you. Fusses to Gandhi. Vivian

[Kay]

When I lost my Tuptim I kept her bed by the stove where she'd loved to sleep for months. At first it was in memory of her, but gradually it became a promise to myself that one day another cat would sleep in it.

And so it came to pass ...,

[alanc]

Afraid I will be no help to you at all, Issi. I still have the emails regarding Badger's death 2.5 years ago now. I have left his blanket on the chest of drawers where he loved to sleep, even though Tilly very rarely uses it.

[Lilith]

I think you will let go when you need to. Perhaps this is the start. I like the idea of printouts in a box though.

When my Tess had to be pts after a road accident 11 years ago, I took off her collar and wore it as a bracelet for quite some time; then I hung it over a framed photo of her. It's still there.

Hugs x

[issiandarchie+68]

Thanks guys, I really enjoyed [I know.. I blame my age] reading your responses, like chatting with a bunch of old friends. I am tech savvy and, in the past have had many wee mobis where filing, saving, blocking etc has been a simple matter. Now I have been upgraded to all singing, all dancing touch screen Android which frankly, is all fur coat and nae knickers! Talk about going right round the houses just to cross the road. I have tried all your suggestions but to no avail. So, as we say in Scotland, I will just have to 'thole' it until I either a: get another upgrade from EE b: feel the time is right. I still have Cody and Armand's favourite water bowl, I love my cats printed on the side, their catnip cushions and soft rubber balls plus a photo of Cody taken by my cat sitter the weekend after the death of Armand. I was away in Aberdeen, worried sick about her, plus the text telling me all ok and 'Cody so gentle', but I can't look at them. It's odd because what are they but inanimate objects? Sweet Cody and my wee geezer Armand are cemented in my heart along with all the other pets and loved ones I have loved and lost.

Issi

p.s. I knew you would solve it. I have just had an epiphany...I shall take the sim card out of this phone and put it in my trusty old mobi where I know it's easy to 'file' messages. Thanks guys, you are bunch of clever little bods :]

[issiandarchie+68]

[quote="Mayday21"]Hi Issi alas I’m not really tech savvy but believe iCloud has storing & sharing functions. Everyone’s suggestions are great. And believe the reason why you’re unable to delete is coz it’s not meant to be. I’ve a recording of Mayday’s purr on my ph. She had such a loud one. One afternoon having fallen asleep with Mayday on my stomach when she was young, a friend, who was sharing my house, was laughing which woke me “Mayday purrs like you snore!” Not surprising as ever since I rescued her from drowning as a tiny kitten she always slept with me. I loved that little girl & while grateful for the famous four from Oz, Mayday will always be so special to me as are Armand & Cody to you. Fusses to Gandhi. Vivian

[issiandarchie+68]

Hi Issi alas I’m not really tech savvy but believe iCloud has storing & sharing functions. Everyone’s suggestions are great. And believe the reason why you’re unable to delete is coz it’s not meant to be. I’ve a recording of Mayday’s purr on my ph. She had such a loud one. One afternoon having fallen asleep with Mayday on my stomach when she was young, a friend, who was sharing my house, was laughing which woke me “Mayday purrs like you snore!” Not surprising as ever since I rescued her from drowning as a tiny kitten she always slept with me. I loved that little girl & while grateful for the famous four from Oz, Mayday will always be so special to me as are Armand & Cody to you. Fusses to Gandhi. Vivian

Beloved Gandhi sleeps on my husbands pillow, his furry chin resting on his cheek, paws either side of his head, not at all perturbed by hubby's impression of a revving motorbike. Cody and Armand slept either side of my feet, I do miss the leg cramps, but other cats showed no interest in the bedroom whatsoever. I must mention though, Vivian, what have a I told you about sending fusses, hugs and kisses to Gandhi? He blissfully accepts the adulation, but now I have a face covered in fur and a 7kg cats worth of drool on the keyboard. You are a very naughty girl.. :]

Issi
xx

[bobbys girl]

Really glad you sorted it out!

I updated my steam-driven mobile in August - just because I was so impressed by my friend's Phone's camera (I know, sad). My old one was a pay as you go £40-£50 pound a year job. This flippin' thing may have an excellent camera but it is costing me £40 a month! I have switched off everything but the phone and of course camera and switch the phone off when I am in the house.

I bought OH a new 'old' Nokia for Christmas. His first mistake was to go to our local O2 shop to transfer his Phone book. The guy somehow managed to lose all his frequently used numbers (mine, his kids and friends) and keep numbers that he hasn't used for YEARS! Then he teamed it up with the car's 'phone system' (no I don't know either?) now the car reminds him 'not to forget his phone'. Don't you just hate smart axxed technology.

Now I've rambled on, totally off topic (sorry) I have forgotten why I fired-up the laptop in the first place.

[issiandarchie+68]

Oh heck, I think I would have been very annoyed at that, expert too clever for his good. I am going to be very smug and tell you that as well as my last wee mobi [a big buttoned affair] I also have an old T Mobile Samsung slider, on which I keep all my names, addresses, birthdays, phone numbers,passwords and momentous dates. Nobody would look twice at it, such an innocuous little thing, but that's all I use it for, sort of an electronic filofax. Happily, it also holds some lovely images of Cody and Armand looking healthy and happy, oh but I do miss my wee darlings. I absolutely adore my big grey cat, but he is getting on in years and sadly, my dear hubby has pronounced that on Gandhi's demise, there will be no more pets. it will be hard to come to terms with but it will be time. I can still remember bringing them all home, their first days, as if it was yesterday. Where have the years flown to?

Issi