Unhappy cat

[Nicole_cat]

Morning, I hope you can all help me.
We have a beautiful tortoiseshell cat called Lola, we’ve had her since she was probably around 4 weeks old, she was a rescue from a terrible house.

We had never had a cat before her so I’m sure we did lots of things wrong in raising her but she’s physically healthy and loved, and she is at times VERY loving but she is super aggressive and always has been. You can’t take your eye off her for a second, if you walk past her she attacks your legs, if you reach for a charger then she’ll attack your arm. She digs up the carpets, miaows a lot randomly... she’s 5 years old and for the first 3 years this was totally manageable although unpleasant but we now have a 2 year old who she’s starting to show signs of aggression to. When she attacks she draws blood, she has no manners, she will use her front claws to hold you and her back claws to bunny hop but with her claws out, she’s NOT playing and if you try and remove her she scratches bites and hisses. As an adult it’s EXCEPTIONALLY painful and I can’t risk my daughter being scarred for life because she’s moved suddenly and the cat attacked.
I think Lola genuinely is fearful when she attacks but obviously I can no longer give her smoothings and cuddles when my daughter is around (which is always) because I can’t have them in the same room and my husband doesn’t want to anymore because she keeps attaching him and I think she is now quite unhappy in our home, she must feel very unloved, which is so sad in itself.
We’ve tried felliway and the usual, I am very uncomfortable with drugging her for my own benefit as I’m not sure that’s a way for a cat to live. We did a few sessions with a behaviourist which cost a fortune and had very little effect.

I want to do what’s best for her as well as us and whilst I desperately don’t want to rehome my first baby I also have to consider all angles..

I’m worried with rehoming her that no-one will want her because she’s got so many issues and I can’t bear the thought of her being mistreated. Really she needs a sedate home with no chance of there being young children or babies and an experience cat owner home...

I don’t know what I’m looking for here, I suppose some advice, reassurance, guidance on what to do next as I think we know in our hearts we need to rehome her... can anyone help?

[Ruth B]

Welcome to the forum and i'm sorry it isn't in better circumstances, everyone here will try and offer help and advise, but I'm afraid there are no easy answers in a situation like yours.

Firstly I will give what I think is a bit of an explanation for her behaviour, while not an answer it might help you understand what is going on. You say you got Lola at 4 weeks old, but you don't mention the mother or any litter mates so I'm assuming that she was separated from them at that age. This is extremely young to separate a kitten from her mother and siblings, normally 12 weeks is reckoned to be best, 8 weeks as a minimum. She would only just have been weaned at that age. She would also just be learning to explore her surrounding, how to play and what good manners are for a cat, her mother and siblings would be teaching her all these things. This would include how to cope with the frustration of not getting what you want (Mum suddenly deciding the milk bar is only available when she wants not when the kittens want) and how hard to bite and claw while playing (the general rough and tumble of kittens playing). Unfortunately I would say that Lola never learnt these lessons and at the time you didn't have the experience to know that you had to teach her instead. (I'm not intending to criticise you you did your best for her).

I'm not saying it is too late for her to learn, but it will be a longer and harder path as she has gotten away with bad behaviour for so many years. You say you think she is fearful when she attacks, but you also mention she will attack you randomly when you walk past or just reach out your hand for something which unless she has it in her head that she is going to get kicked or struck doesn't sound like behaviour of a fearful cat, but a controlling cat, without actually seeing her and her body language at the time of the attack it is hard to know just what is going through her mind.

Moving forward, the first think I have to say, which I think you already realise, never leave your daughter and the Lola together without an adult in supervision, and until her behaviour is better then I would be wary of having them in the same room even with an adult present. Unless you can teach Lola manners you are also going to have the problem of teaching your daughter to respect and love animals and not to be afraid of them.

My method for teaching her to behave is when she does attack for no reason, is to tell her firmly NO once and then turn your back on her and ignore her for a time. When you are ready, approach her and hold out your hand and if she accept the fuss and attention then praise her and give her the attention she wants, if the ears go back and the eyes go wide when you hold your hand out then just with draw and ignore her again. She will soon learn that she gets fuss and attention when you want to give her it and when she is well behaved. For some cats (as well as some children) any attention is a reward which is why I suggest just ignoring her as her main punishment. If you are needing to reach for something and she is stopping you then have a cushion or a small piece of board around that you can place between her and the item so she can't stop you getting what you want.

Attacking the legs is more of a problem unless you are willing to wear thigh high boots around the house so you can just ignore the attacks, but the basic method is the same ignore the attacks as much as you can and only give her attention when she is behaving herself. If she really does seem fearful when you are walking around then try freezing and letting her sort out an escape route, this is something i have to do with my nervous cat, she get very upset if you walk anywhere near her, but she has now learn that I will stop when she is obviously upset, and sometimes she will just run past me if she decides that is the safest option.

I would also suggest keeping a diary of when Lola attacks you or your husband, what you were doing and how she reacted. I do hope that you can sort out her behaviour, and there will be times when you think she isn't improving at all, having a diary can help show you that her attacks have become less even if it doesn't seem like it, progress is likely to be slow and some weeks will be better than others.

In the end you do have to face the option of rehoming her. Like you know cat bites and scratches are painful (that holding you with the front paws and bunny hopping with the back paws you mention, is the cats method of disemboweling an animal they have caught, not exactly a playful maneuver when you think of it in those terms) I know i have had more than a few claw marks myself, they are also notorious for becoming infected so have to be cleaned out well and a good antiseptic cream needed. A cat that lets a child know when it has gone too far with mauling it about is one thing, one that attacks without good reason is another. There are people out there that are happy to take on problem cats as long as they know what they are getting (The rescue i got Freyja from, half expected her to be a long term resident as she was so fearful and couldn't be handled), for an experienced cat owner the challenge such a cat offers is more than made up for the reward when things do go well. If you do decide that rehoming is the best option, you might also want to consider having another cat instead of Lola, a good rescue will understand the problem she is giving you and will be able to recommend a well behaved adult cat that would be a good companion to your daughter.

I will also say that for me, drugging Lola so she can stay with you would be the last resort, Feliway, while useful isn't the miracle cure all that some would have you believe, and anything stronger is wrong in my mind, an experienced home without the worry of her attacking a toddler would be a far better option.

Sorry the reply turned into such an essay, but I like to try and explain what i feel and and my reasons for any advice I give.

[Antonio]

Hi and welcome.
You say that you got Lola when she was 4 weeks old from a terrible house.
Do you know, or can you explain what happened in that house. Did they abuse her? Was she held in dark and small spaces? Was she fed regularly? What other animals were in the same environment?

It sounds like she was traumatized by something in her prime and this left a deep scar in her mind and heart. And now all these fears and scaring situations are paying back...

Ruth said that kittens should stay with mom and siblings for 10-12 weeks. This is true, they learn to behave as cats and control their reactions and interactions.
On the other hand it isn't always true.

My Rainbow Bridge cat was named Lola. Her story was similar to yours.
Lola was a tortoiseshell cat that I rescued when she was only 10-15 days old. I had to read her and her brother. I had to bottle feed them, weane them.
And I hadn't internet, very little information was available, it was all about asking people and vets.
When my Lola opened her eyes I was the first thing she saw and she was imprinted with me as her mother. I couldn't teach her how to be a good cat, how to play and interact with others. It was impossible for me to be a mother cat. And she was my first experience with a cat, so not the best situation at all.
Nonetheless she grew up as the sweetest cat ever. She never over reacted unless necessary, and was a blessing.

So, although she grew up without a proper teacher, she became an angel.

This said I think that the origin of your Lola attitude is in what happened before you got her.
What can be done now is even harder, I think that Lola is now a grown up cat and her mind is shaped in a certain way. Only time and patience, lots of them both, could heal the situation. Sometimes when they get older they get sweeter.
My cat Pallina was a devil when she was young, now I can even pill her.

Try to entice her with good food and play. Never use your hands and feet as toys. Do not shout at her when she bites and scratches. Though I do not believe in the Feliway, I would suggest you to keep using it. There are also supplements, like Anxitane and Zylkene, they're natural products, not meds, that might be helpful.
I managed to smooth Pallina's sharp edges with a product called Sedovet, but I don't think it's still on the market, it was 16 years ago.
I also tried with Bach's Flowers, with very poor results.

[fjm]

Lots of excellent advice already - I would add that I think sometimes you just have to accept that the home you have to offer is not right for the needs of a particular animal, and seek a better match for them. Managing the increasingly risky situation between a toddler and a potentially aggressive cat is going to get more and more difficult as your child becomes more mobile, and the stress will quite possibly make Lola's behaviour worse. As Ruth implies, I would look for a well respected local cat rescue, who can evaluate both the needs of your cat and prospective owners, rather than trying to do it yourself.

I took on a cat who had been hand reared - she was about 3 when she came to me. Her problem was not aggression but quite the opposite - excessive need for attention. She would launch herself at anything that might be a lap, and cling there begging for stroking and cuddles while sucking on fingers or clothing. I eventually realised that she had been hand reared, but never weaned in the way a mother cat would - a few months of tough but gentle love improved things a lot, but she was never really happy in my working household. What she needed was someone who spent most of their day sitting and who wanted a lap cat. I have always regretted not rehoming her - I loved her, but was not really at home enough during the day to give her what she needed.

[Nicole_cat]

Thank you both for your replies.
So a bit more about Lola, she had open eyes and was weaned when we got her but her eyes were still blue.
My understanding is she came from a “druggie” house with over 10 adult cats and at least 5 of them had a litter, with mothers having multiple litters a year to then be sold on. Apparently the house was squalor (you could certainly smell it from outside!)
We took her in from a neighbour who was hand rearing a few of the kittens that for some reason or another were separated from their mum when police got involved.
Now I would know to get so many more details but then we really didn’t know enough about what to ask and thought we were helping.

Lola has certainly never been hit or hurt by us and funnily enough the only one she mildly tolerates is my daughter and like I said she can be so loving but in a blink that changes. We went on holiday last year and our neighbours teenage son came in to feed her and let her out and every time he put her food and water bowl down she attacked him, he ended up wearing garden gloves and wellies when he came in.

She will now generally respond to a click of the fingers when I need to walk past her and therefore have her move but it’s taken almost 5 years to get to that point. My daughter loves her and says “we go home see Lola” but stands stock still if Lola walks past I think she’s probably picked up that Lola could hurt her.

I really don’t have the time to invest (sounds terrible doesn’t it!) to train her in the hope that I’m 5 years she gets better and in the interim doesn’t hurt my daughter or worse leave my daughter petrified of animals in the long term.

I think rehoming is the only option especially with the additional joy that Lola often pees where she shouldn’t, digs up carpets and scratches on closed doors.
How do I make sure she goes to a good home where she is loved and gets to lead the happy life she deserves?

[Nicole_cat]

Lola

[Ruth B]

The first thing to do is find the local charities and visit them to discuss the situation. Have a good check around the place and see how the cats they have in are housed and how they behave. Make sure all the cats look healthy and the pens look and smell clean. Some might decide to place Lola with an experienced fosterer to see how she actually reacts in a home environment and try and improve her behaviour, which would probably be the best option.

I hate to say this bit but find out how long they will keep cats that aren't easy to rehome, a good one will keep them indefinitely or look for experienced foster homes so that the cat stills belongs to the charity but is in a home environment, unfortunately there are some that due to the pressure of the numerous cats needing to be rehomed will opt to put old or difficult cats to sleep to make space for those that have a better chance of being rehomed, you certainly don't want her to end up in one of those.

I do feel that rehoming would be the best option, like others have said the stress levels will only increase and the worry about your daughter being hurt will just make matters worse. Don't blame yourself or feel guilty, you did your best for Lola, hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it shouldn't be used to judge what happened in the light of what you know now. Every so often there comes a cat that isn't suited to the home offered and the best option is for it to have another home. As I said before, don't judge all cats on how Lola behaved, i have know several cats who would have made wonderful pets to households with children.

Let us know where you are based and someone here might be able to point you in the direction of a good charity.

[Nicole_cat]

We live in the Bristol/ South Gloucestershire area. I’m happy to keep her with us until a suitable home can be found if needs be as I don’t think an environment with lots of cats or chopping and changing will help her and I really do want the best for her both now and in the future. I’m also happy to travel further afield to make sure she’s homed appropriately.

[Ruth B]

As you are in the UK I would certainly suggest trying your local branch of Cats Protection, and they do offer a 'direct homing' scheme, where they do a home check but the cat lives with it's original owner and any potential new owner is put in touch with them, so Lola could stay with you and you would meet any potential new owner and make sure they understand the problems.

Alternatively there is a list of shelters on the main Cat Chat site sorted by county so that might be worth a look.

If there is anyone on here from the Bristol / South Gloucestershire area they might also come on to recommend a charity for you.

[Janey]

Hi and welcome. This link takes you to Cat Chat’s rehoming advice page, which gives advice on rehoming safely and will be helpful if you think that is the best option: https://www.catchat.org/rehome.html