Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

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murph+soph+milkdud
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Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by murph+soph+milkdud » Mon Sep 02, 2019 3:22 am

So, i've just recently adopted a 2 year old cat from my local shelter. he was a dream at the shelter, he would love all up on me and let me pick him up, basically anything. now that hes been home for a few days though, hes been different. i know a change in environment can be stressful to a cat, especially coming to a home that already has 2 cats, (hes secluded in one room and the other cats are not allowed near the room, ive done a lot of research lol :lol: ). anyways, ive had him since friday evening, and its now sunday night. he used to let me pet him and would smell me but didnt initiate any reaction. now though, when i enter the room, he starts drooling excessively and gets very stressed out and almost makes himself gag. i dont know what it is, ive asked the girl i know at the humane society and she said its just stress, but its only when he sees me or if i stand up after sitting down with him. ive been playing him music for cats (has purr sounds and sounds that help soothe cats, like i said ive done my research lol) and it seems to be helping until i make any kind of movement. it makes me feel really bad because i love him so much and i just want him to love his new home but hes HATING it so far and i know it hasnt been that long but im wondering what i can do to help make this an easier transition for him... please help!!!!! :( im wondering if something happened in a previous home that the shelter didnt tell me about, because he was an owner surrender..

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Kay
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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by Kay » Mon Sep 02, 2019 9:48 am

cats don't really do hating - most adverse reactions arise out of fear

my bet would be that when you enter 'his' room he can immediately detect the smell of your other cats on you, and gets all tensed up, reacting to any movement

he'll get used to it given time, but I would strongly recommend you don't interact with him more than necessary at the moment - go into the room, do what is necessary, and then leave him be - once he is used to this start spending some time in the room, reading, watching TV, listening to the radio, or whatever, but still ignoring him

chances are he will start initiating interaction with you quite soon, but in a way he feels safe with - and the reward when he does will be all the sweeter for the waiting

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lilynmitz
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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by lilynmitz » Mon Sep 02, 2019 1:47 pm

Just to say I agree with Kayks advice, and this is VERY early days yet. I often find rescue cats are on their “best behaviour” when they first move in, but after a few days the real adjustments begin as they learn about their new environment and co-habitees. Take it very slowly, and remember he’s not able to give anything to you at the moment (in terms of initiating contact, cuddles etc) as he’s too busy feeling anxious about what’s happening to him. When he seems calmer, just sit quietly in the room with him, if it doesn’t worry him slowly offer your hand for him to sniff (bring it in below his eye level) and take it one small step at a time. I've found with very anxious cats it sometimes helps to lie down on the floor a short way away from them (so as not to be in their personal space) and talk softly to him. I won over a couple of real scaredy cats that way. Move very carefully when you're in the room, no sudden noises or movements, gradually he’ll realise you're ok. It may take a while for him to settle in given his reactions at the moment, and we have no way of knowing what emotional baggage they bring for last life experiences, but let him dictate the speed.

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by alanc » Mon Sep 02, 2019 5:42 pm

Just a thought, but have you tried giving him an igloo type bed? They give them somewhere where they can hide in comfort and look out onto what may be going on in the room. I had one for my Misty when I first got him. He hardly came out of it for months except to go to the litter tray. Later on, when he had overcome his fear and become a very friendly cat he slept on top of it and only went in on high stress days such as firework night.

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by Mayday21 » Wed Sep 04, 2019 1:02 am

Hi Murph all good suggestions here. Another thing I was told is when looking at a cat blink a lot until they get to know you. If you look directly at them, they may think you’re being aggressive. Keep us posted. Vivian

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by Mollycat » Wed Sep 04, 2019 5:39 am

My girl is 12 years old and I adopted her straight from her previous home (no shelter) 6 years ago. She came from a loving home but had a traumatic kittenhood (you probably don't know your cat's history and early kittenhood trauma runs deep).

For 6 months I believed she hated being touched. In fact she is very affectionate but she is also traumatised from early experiences.
For two years I couldn't walk across the room without her bolting under the bed.
She has sat on my lap twice in those 6 years.
She bolts under the bed when there's someone at the door and won't come out until she decides they sound ok. Some visitors have never seen her.
I can never pick her up, I can't give her pills or any medication whatsoever.
I couldn't touch her ears until about 3 years ago.
My partner moved in 2 years ago and she still bolts when he gets up and moves around.
She hisses and can lash out if people don't back off, I got overconfident and have a scar in my eyelash line for my troubles - that was a year ago. But on her terms she is very loving and demands affection several times a day.

Some cats can take a very very long time to settle into a new home with new people, no matter how comfortable and confident they were where they lived before. Patience and respect. The first thing your cat needs is to know he will be left alone when he wants to be.

Taking treats from your hand does not mean you have permission to touch him. Walk away often, respect his personal space. Sit quietly on the floor in the room well away from him and take no notice of him, read a book out loud so he gets used to your gentle voice. When he first comes over and sniffs you, ignore him, don't look at him, just keep talking in a soft gentle reassuring voice and let him explore you at his own pace. Remember this new world he has been brought into feels dangerous to him, he can smell other cats and he knows he is in their territory and he expects to get a fight and be chased away and he knows he has nowhere to run. It's a very scary time for him.

Personally I don't recommend using treats to bribe him to come to you. It creates the wrong foundation for your relationship, all based on food. Let pleasant experiences being close to you be their own reward. It takes longer but it runs much deeper.

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by booktigger » Wed Sep 04, 2019 11:41 am

Mollycat wrote:
Wed Sep 04, 2019 5:39 am
Personally I don't recommend using treats to bribe him to come to you. It creates the wrong foundation for your relationship, all based on food. Let pleasant experiences being close to you be their own reward. It takes longer but it runs much deeper.
That's interesting - I decided not to do that with my three, despite being told I was wrong for doing so. Admittedly, the semi-ferals haven't come round that well after nearly two years, but not sure food would have helped much - I tried chicken with the mum, but they used that to trap her (and she wasn't trapped correctly), so she reacted really badly to it. Ironically, mum will eat food off my hand most days, kitten has never grasped that. They do however love being read to, and don't appreciate me sitting reading in my head!

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by Mollycat » Thu Sep 05, 2019 5:24 am

booktigger wrote:
Wed Sep 04, 2019 11:41 am
That's interesting - I decided not to do that with my three, despite being told I was wrong for doing so. Admittedly, the semi-ferals haven't come round that well after nearly two years, but not sure food would have helped much - I tried chicken with the mum, but they used that to trap her (and she wasn't trapped correctly), so she reacted really badly to it. Ironically, mum will eat food off my hand most days, kitten has never grasped that. They do however love being read to, and don't appreciate me sitting reading in my head!
It's not any kind of researched or accepted wisdom just based on my own thoughts and experience. Also my partner's dog was never treat trained and we're always being complimented on how well behaved he is. He was already 7 when he moved in with me but he quickly learned to wait at roads and walk very nicely off leash, and to let me remove thorns from his feet and bath him which used to be a battle. An ex friend of mine got a puppy and thought she was doing so well with recall, until the day she had no sausages and when the puppy came back only to find normal dry treats on offer, she ran off and would not come back!

I'm really interested in ferals and they way they make sense of the world, my girl is a little insight with her huge issues. I refer to her as my indoor feral, I know it's an exaggeration but she is not a normal pet cat. She has the intelligence and self-protection instincts that would make her a successful feral, you can't use tricks or bribery with her. And now that she refuses tuna, which she used to love, knowing her like I do, I'm wondering if she has associated it with my other cat's illness. I used to give them both tuna water whenever he was dehydrated in the last months of his life. She's clever enough to make a connection like that! But I think her need for affection was the driving force with her and she is only like that with me, as if she has that need met and doesn't see the value of putting the effort into trusting anyone else.

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by booktigger » Thu Sep 05, 2019 11:46 am

Mollycat wrote:
Thu Sep 05, 2019 5:24 am
booktigger wrote:
Wed Sep 04, 2019 11:41 am
But I think her need for affection was the driving force with her and she is only like that with me, as if she has that need met and doesn't see the value of putting the effort into trusting anyone else.
My Lucy is a lot like that, she loves attention from me, but rarely bothers with other people - when I go away, I have to have two people looking after them, as she will only accept fuss from one friend, and only when I'm away, when she comes round after I'm back, Lucy comes and sits on my feet! I'm glad she trusts one person enough. Despite being a domestic, she has a lot of semi-feral tendencies. Me and my neighbour often disagree about her!

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by murph+soph+milkdud » Thu Sep 05, 2019 4:45 pm

hey guys, quick little update, we went to our first vet appointment today and he opened up to me a little!! he has found a safe place in his carrier so im letting him keep it and stay in it. he let me pet him ad comfort him at the vet which felt like a very big step!! i was so happy :D when we got home i did ive him a couple treats because i know going to the vet was probably very stressful for him, but all the ladies at the vet said he was so well behaved when they took him back to get some blood i was so proud. ive also gotten him a feliway pheromone diffuser for my room to help comfort him a little and de stress him and it seems to be working, he isnt drooling anymore when i come near and when i offer him my hand he reaches out and smells it which he hasnt done before, it seems like hes getting more and more accustomed to my home and he is settling in pretty well for a shy little cat. :)

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by Mollycat » Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:54 pm

Great news thank you for the update. It's a great idea leaving the carrier out all the time to use as a den, it makes it much easier to catch and load them when you need to take them anywhere and much less stressful for them.

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Re: Newly Adopted 2 Year Old Cat HATES ME

Post by lilynmitz » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:23 pm

That’s good progress, but remember to let him take it at his own pace, and let him hide as much as he wants to. You can’t force an animal to trust, it has to come from them learning that you are not a threat, which takes time and patience. Keep it up.

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