Old VS New: trying to get my cats to adjust to each other

[MagiaZe]

So my story is layered, and makes my problem more complex. Apologies for the length. I've had my 12 year old female, Crystal, since she was a kitten and she was hated by the older family cat from the moment they met. For Crystal's entire life, they never learned to get along, just tolerated each other up to a point. The queen of the house would hiss furiously at my poor kitten just for sniffing at her and would often kick her out of the way to get at the food bowl. Whenever Crystal would jump at her and try to play, she'd be hissed at and batted away. However, Crystal wouldn't hiss at the older cat, and would often try sniffing at her until she was inevitably rejected.

When I moved out, I took Crystal with me, and my already clingy cat got even more codependent since we were the only 2 in the apartment. More often than not, she'd sleep in my bed and stick to my side at my family home, but at the new apartment I could hardly have a moment alone! When I left for a few days for a work trip and had family members check in on her, she was distraught. I decided to take in another cat so she could have a companion, one that hopefully wouldn't hate her like the other did.

A few days after deciding this, and researching nearby shelters, a stray cat that I'd seen hanging around my new apartment adopted me. Really, the friendliest cat I've ever known, and once I gave him even a little attention he was showing up at my doorstep each day. I debated for a long time about taking him in, asked around to see if he was anyone's pet, and eventually caved. I named him Apollo, and moved him into a spare bedroom to keep him separated from Crystal until he had been cleared by a vet. While they were still separated, I introduced them to each other's scents with spare cloths, and Crystal was intensely curious about the cat she could hear on the other side of the door. I thought this was a really good sign.

Not so much once Apollo had his vet appointment and I introduced him to the rest of the apartment. Apparently I named him TOO well - he's enamoured with Crystal, but she will tolerate him sniffing at her for about 2 sniffs before she's hissing at him. I accepted this largely as a territory thing and was pretty amused - she's a senior cat, small, indoors her whole life, and he's a year old former stray twice her weight yet he runs the moment she starts hissing.

It's been nearly 3 months but the situation isn't improving. He's a bundle of friendly energy, she's wary and hissing the moment he tries to play, and no amount of pointing out how hypocritical she's being has been effective. Worst of all, my once sticky kitty mostly sticks to her cat bed and certain spots of the apartment now. Apollo is a cuddle bug who enjoys sleeping on my bed, but Crystal rarely even goes in my bedroom anymore. To go from sleeping curled up with my beloved cat almost every day for the past 12 years to this is a little heartbreaking. I don't want a repeat of two cats barely tolerating each other til death.

Tldr; my hypocritical senior cat rejects my new cat, how can I encourage harmony in my household and regain the love of my senior cat?

[Ruth B]

My thought would be that she is feeling like the newcomer is pushing her out and has taken her place in your affections you need to make sure that she knows she still has priority. If he is young and boisterous and she is small and older it could also be that she is feeling a little intimidated by him.

My first thought is that you need to learn when Crystal has had enough of him and try and intervene before she starts hissing too much, just start getting between them and encourage him to leave her alone (be careful that neither is getting to the point of attacking, you don't want to be on the receiving end of any claws), you might be able then to give them both a fuss so they understand that they haven't done anything wrong and you are still happy with them both.

The next suggestion would be to separate them for short periods. If possible could you once more shut Apollo in the spare room at night so Crystal can get use to having you and the bed back. If he accepted being shut in to start with hopefully he won't be too objecting to it again. If he starts getting too boisterous when wanting to play with Crystal you again might have to shut him in his room to give him some time out and let him calm down. Make sure you do give him a lot of fuss while he is shut in there so he understands it isn't meant as a punishment.

Finally I am assuming you had to have him neutered when he moved in and that he wasn't already done, it could be that even after 3 months his hormones are still high enough that he can be interested in a female cat, even one that has been spayed, in which case time should also help settle him down. Cats that are neutered as adults do seem to take a while to forget about things, and I have heard of the odd one that never forgot (he was an ex stud so had the added problem of having been 'taught' to perform whenever a female was put in front of him).

Hopefully others will be along with other ideas and possible solutions.