My cats are fighting

[Libbyd]

Hello, thank you for accepting me into the group. I could really do with some advice, I’m worried sick what to do about my cats. I apologise this is so long.

10 days ago our 2 British Shorthair cats were asleeep in their usual spot in our daughters bedroom. Our 9 year old cat Matilda is a bit timid. Angelica the 10 yr old is sassy and more dominant. They’ve always been really close, the odd spat but nothing bad. My daughters room is their favourite spot and our dog doesn’t go in there.

Anyway our dog ran upstairs and got into our daughters room as she had left the door open. The cats were asleep, and he jumped up onto daughters bed and startled the cats. She wasn’t aggressive but the cats obviously got frightened and they cornered her growling and hissing. I think she really startled them. Our dog just froze and didn’t do anything. The cats then out of the blue turned on each other and had a very severe fight. My husband got hurt trying to break it up. Thankfully they got away with a tiny scratch on a chin. No bad physical damage. The noise was horrendous and fur flying about.

We broke the cats up and put them in separate rooms but then my son accidentally let one out and she got into our daughters room and they had fight number 2 about 10 minutes after the first one. That one was worse than the first. We managed to break them up and since then after some advice we have been keeping them separate in their own rooms to sleep, eat and relax.

They took about 2 days to stop being scared and stop meowing. We’ve been swapping rooms so they smell each other’s scent.We’ve been letting one out for exercise while one is away. They are house cats so we don’t want to keep them cooped up in one room all the time.

Finally Matilda had stopped being so scared as she is a very timid cat anyway, the fight really made her anxious for about 48 hours. She was so jumpy. Then last Wednesday morning somehow when Angelica was having a walk around the house she got into my daughters room where Matilda was sleeping with my daughter. Angelica was fine she just jumped up onto the bed and tried to lie down in her usual place next to Matilda as usual and Matilda started hissing at her. Obviously Matilda must be still very scared of her and a fight broke out. My daughter said Angelica the sassy one didn’t fight she just wanted to lie down and carry on as normal but Matilda started hissing and it all went off.

My husband again managed to break up but it still was quite nasty. It wasn’t as bad as the original fight. it was a bit quieter but it was still a fight.

Our plan had been to give them a few days to cool off and then put the baby gate on the living room door and feed them either side of the gate with the door ajar and each day open it a little more. so that they see each other and we will supervise. We were going to see how that went for as long as it took until we were satisfied that they were okay with seeing each other and then the plan was to get their new toys that we bought and have a meeting with the two of them together, but on a positive note with new treats and toys. That plan now just doesn’t seem possible.

I am absolutely devastated that they’ve had another fight. I wasn’t going to mix them so soon, I was hoping it would help them calm and forget it. Now this has happened by accident and for them to have a number 3, it’s made both a lot more stressed and anxious. Since that fight a week ago today, both cats have been quite timid, even the sassy chilled one. We decided to keep them separate for a few days. No seeing eachother will eating. One in the living room with all she needs and the other has my daughters room and the walk of the house as her room is small. Then we swap later on at dinner so one has the living room and the other a walk around and access to my daughters room. It’s been working and watching Jackson galaxy On YouTube he advises scent swapping by swapping rooms so we’ve been doing that twice a day.

Then we decided to start feeding them either side of the baby gate on the living room door. Door only open about 5 inches so they see eachother. Matilda our timid cat the other day started growling really horribly at Angelica who is the more sassy cat. Angelica didn’t react in a negative way she just became quite scared and backed off. Matilda continue to hiss and growl so Angelica moved away onto the bottom of the stairs. We then fed Angelica about a meter and a half away from the door and they seemed to calm a little bit. Since then when they see eachother at feeding they constantly look up from their bowls to stare at each other then back down at their food. If there is any hissing or growling through the gate it is always initiated by Matilda.

When they had that fight a week ago today, when they accidentally escaped their rooms, my daughter said it was Matilda who initiated the fight. Angelica just jumped up on the bed where they normally cosy up together and try to go to sleep. Matilda straightaway started hissing and growling and in the fight broke out. So it is Matilda who is actually the more timid nervous cat that is being really aggressive and then that triggers Angelica to fight back.

We have stopped feeding them in view of each other the last few days and they’ve not seen eachother at all and just we feed them now either side of the door with the door closed. We are still continuing to swap the room a couple of times a day so that it’s fair they get to stretch their legs.

It’s now been 10 days since the initial fight broke out and 7 days since their accidental meet up that broke out into a fight. I’m crying as I type this because I just want my cats to be back together and happy, it is causing a lot of stress in the house for everyone. My daughter has grown up with the cats since she was 4 and she is devastated that they’re not both cuddled up on her bed anymore with her like they always were. I’m just so scared that I won’t be able to mix my cats again.

I just need some advice like a plan on what to do because I’m confused I keep getting conflicting advice and I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing because I don’t want to rehome either of them because there’s no way we could choose and it breaks my heart to even imagine doing that. It’s really sad because they’ve always been best friends and it’s really upsetting everyone in the house. We need them to work this out.

We’ve of course kept our dog away from them since all of this in another area of the house. Our focus is getting our girls back to harmony.

What’s confusing us is if they see each other they’re aggressive (well Matilda is then they both fight), it’s really bad hissing and loud growling from Matilda and then wham in seconds it breaks out. It’s such loud fighting and they run from room to room. Luckily neither were hurt but my husband got a bit hurt breaking them up as loud noises and a cushion between them did nothing to break it up. It terrified us all and my daughter and I felt sick for days.

When Angelica has her turn in the living room during the day or over night she meows constantly and doesn’t sleep but she will settle fine on my daughters bed. Matilda will settle in the living room fine she doesn’t seem to get distressed, where as Angelica really gets distressed when it’s her turn in the living room will meow all night. As it’s got the most secure door in the house and a baby gate on it I like a cat in there and I let the upstairs cat have the walk around the house and access to sleep in my daughters room, and that’s why I seal the cats twice a day so they both get a walk if the house but I know the other is super secure in the living room and no one can accidently open the door. It was last Wednesday when my daughter opened her door forgetting Angelica was out of the living room that all hell broke loose and the dog in her room started.

It’s just really confusing because when they see each other they’re hissing and growling, mainly Matilda, which then triggers a fight. Yet when they’re apart they’re looking for each other and standing by the door they know the other one is in, meowing innocently like they miss eachother but when together they fight. They both don’t seem as stressed as they were a week ago after that accidental meet up fight broke out but they’re still not themselves.

I’m using Feliway friends diffusers in their rooms, pet remedy spray on their blankets and calming collars. They’re also having zyklene in their morning feed, 1 capsule of powder each. They’re been on that for 5 days now.

Can anyone offer me advice please? I’m so confused and so worried

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to give as much info as I could.

Libby

[Mollycat]

Seems like it all kicked off because the dog startled them and them turning on each other is redirected aggression, a fairly common problem between cats and one that needs a great deal of patience and care to help resolve.

You are absolutely on the right track but two things - slow down, and control your own anxiety. For the cats it's micro-steps, one tiny step and give it a week of it being 100% ok before taking the next tiny baby micro step. Think months. Keep two closed doors between them to prevent accidental meetings, as every fight even if it's not as bad physically makes it much worse psychologically. Just like covid precautions, there has to be a new normal in the household.

Both cats, and the dog for that matter, sense your anxiety and desperation, but have no idea what it's for. All they know is they feel stressed and you do too, which to them means they are right to be stressed because there must be something to be stressed about. I would sit down and make a plan with the whole family, how the cats can be social distanced and assume it's forever (it isn't but you can't be thinking they need to hurry up and sort it out because you need a room back) - make it the new normal, and settle into it. The cats will settle into it and calm down, then start again with the baby steps.

[Libbyd]

Thank you so much Mollycat.

Yes, I’m upset but when around the cats I’m trying to be normal me stroking them and happy. But the whole house does feel strange and sad.

I just don’t know what plan of action to take. I feel if I ha da plan and knew what I was doing week by week I’d feel more confidence this could be resolved.

Thankfully our teenage children all understand the cats need separating and are now being extra careful and checking before they open doors if a cat is there so no accidents happen again as last Wednesday has really set them back.

Thank you for replying.
Libby

[JMoney99ca]

Hi LibbyD,

I am in a similar boat. I do not know what set off my cats, but they are brother and sister and lived harmoniously for 8 years. Something happened over 7 weeks ago where there was hissing and growling and lucky for me, no actual fight, but the sounds coming from the girl cat were horrible. I was able to use a water squirt bottle to deter the male cat (whose tail was fluffed) as he slowly was moving towards the corner of the bed where Lily was.

Yes, you read that correct, i am on week 7 or 8 of separation. I have one upstairs, one downstairs with double stacked baby gates and a sheet to keep from seeing each other. I have the diffusers, calming treats, sprays, jackson galaxy book and flower essence oils, etc. I have been doing the eating on opposite sides of the door (still closed) and treat time where i feed them each treats while one is behind the baby gate and they are about 3 ft away from each other. it goes well for a week or so. then i try to move to the next step and i am back to square one.

Both cats seem normal and fine when alone. Stan, the boy cat is more upset by the changes of access to rooms etc. they both hung out in my daughters room most of the time too and now he has limited access to it and when he does get to go in there, he gets closed in to allow Lily to roam the house (the switching for smells and comfort like suggested).

there have been a few 'accidental' interactions, when Stan jumped the double baby gate at the top of the stairs, something i didn't think he could do. Then yesterday i tried a slightly different location scenario and it backfired, with Lily running right into Sta in my room. There was hissing and growling and Lily retreated...but Stan left. if they just would go about their business after that, i feel like it could be progress, but one of them always comes back looking for the other. Usually Stan because he just doens't like being locked in or out of anywhere.

I live alone so everything is some sort of complicated process. I work home (even before COVID) and my office is in my room. which means i have to go up and down the stairs often during the day for food, drinks etc. The logistics of moving and placing the baby gates and stuff is exhausting! I get worried leaving the house for too long, wondering how they will be, where to put whom etc. The one day Lily destroyed the carpet in my daughter room trying to get out.

I know my stress adds to theirs but i am desparate to avoid a 'fight' like you have experienced. I wish i at least knew what started it. I have new neighbors ( i rent which adds complications of one if not both cats howling and meowing when locked up) that are VERY NOISY and all i can think is the noise level got to them somehow or a particular sound startled them.

i experienced this only once before with the two cats when i took one to the vet. He came back sick and smelling funny and it took 3 weeks to get them back together. that was a year ago. My one vet said i should bring them both in for physical to be sure nothing health wise is going on. I have been avoiding that because i feel like that adds a new layer of dislike for them each since they will be traumatized and smell funny. I was hopeful to find a home-visiting vet, but with COVID, I have had no luck.

I feel like every time i make some progress, i see some improvement, something happens and i feel like i have ot start back at square one, separate completely for weeks etc. Its exhausting and im stressed etc. Like you, i cant imagine re-homing either of them and have considered installing some door at the top of my stairs (even though i rent) and dealing with this permanent separation.

On top of it all, i have very mushy loving cats who both just want to be near me. so i feel guilt spending all day in the office with Lily while Stan is down stairs. I go down at 5p, and he jumps on my lap the minute i sit down. i then lure him upstairs, close him in, give Lily 2 hours downstairs while i eat dinner etc, then i put her back upstairs, spend an hour or two with him, then go upstairs and spend another hour with her and then go to bed. its exhausting. I dont let anyone sleep in my room so i have to put her in my daughters room for the night, Stan sleeps downstairs and at 6a like clockwork, he is outside my door and we start he day all over again.

Lily wants to go downstairs now that she has been down there more often, but if i open the gate for her to go down, Stan shows up at the bottom of the stairs and sits there. for him he wants to come up, she wants to go down, but neither is going to pass each other. Lily chatters at him and he looks at her and talks back, she chatters a bit more, then she calming walks back into my room instead of venturing down the stairs.

I am going to try a joint play session when my daughter comes over in the same room. i got to that point a few weeks ago and it went well, but then i think he jumped the gate shortly afterwards and she went back to being scared.

I will send good thoughts your issue gets worked out.....just remember slower is better everything and everyone says. I get overwhelmed when a mishap occurs, but then i settle back into a routine.

-Jennifer