My cat has disowned me

[GHarris]

Hi all.
I needs some advice.
I have an older cat who I inherited recently. He is 9 and such a loving boy but has had a quite traumatic life. He was abused and then my uncle rescued him about 3-4 years ago. My uncle sadly passed away and I have taken him on. I already had purchased a kitten who I got about 2 weeks after my uncles cat moved in with me. My uncles cat is used to other cats as my uncle had two so was absolutely fine. He is even fine with the new kitten. The first day he hissed a few times but apart from that has been fine and even played with the new kitten. He is normally very affectionate with me and likes to be with me 24/7. He usually sleeps with me and gives me head buts constantly but since the new kitten has arrived he will not sleep with me. Only lets me stroke him if I go to him but he refuses to come to me unless its dinner time. I have had the kitten two days now so I know its early days but my old boy has been through so much already and it breaks my heart that he has disowned me the way he has. I have ordered some Feliway so am hoping this will help.
I guess I am looking for more reassurance than advice. When will he go back to his normal loving self. Is there anything I can do?

I hope this makes sense.

[Kay]

Does he still come to you when the kitten is not with you? He might have been at the bottom of the pecking order in your uncle's house, and so with a new arrival he feels supplanted, and just accepts his lower status. Rather than him disowning you, he may see it as you disowning him in favour of a kitten.

Make sure he gets lots of one on one attention from you, but accept that he may not chose to share you in future

[GHarris]

Thank you for your response.

He was top cat at my uncles and was still extremely affectionate towards him even with the other cat there.
He is happy to sit on the sofa and even curl up with the kitten. Just doesn’t want to know me. I give him affection but I have to go to him where he used to come to me. I really hope it’s just a phase and not long lasting

[GHarris]

Hi
Just thought it would quickly update this. I have now had the kitten 5 days and my older cat and him get on really well.
The older cat has started coming to me in the morning only but still wont come to bed with me like normal. He is normally on my bed when I wake up though. I have some feliway that arrived yesterday but I was wondering if there is anything else I can do to get my affectionate boy back to how he was. I have even considered getting rid of the kitten so he does not feel pushed out anymore. I have trying to give my older boy as much one to one as I can but he still wont really come to me like he used to.

Anymore advice would be great. I am slightly desperate to have my boy back.

[Mollycat]

Less than a week and already improving, I would just be patient and keep going as you are, it sounds like you're on the right track.

Up to a point the family dynamics are bound to change a bit, with more characters in the home. Your boy has to learn to share you, and you have to learn to share him, if you both want this new member of the family. Be thankful that the cats get on, that is the most common problem! It's early days, some cats sulk for longer than that if you're an hour late home from work one day. Try to see how much has been achieved - your boy has accepted another cat into the family and that is huge. He might be a bit off with you for a while but what would taking the kitten away again do to him? It might send him into an even worse sulk!!!

[GHarris]

I really hope so. I don't want to have to get rid of the kitten as he is such a lovely little one. I guess I just panic as my old boy has been through so much in his life with coming from an abusive owner to then my uncle passing away. I just want him to have the best life possible and its horrible to see him sulk. I will keep going and hopefully things will carry on improving.

[fjm]

I think that if he has accepted the kitten so quickly, and is also regaining his happy confidence with you in less than a week, it speaks of an excellent temperament and a strong bond with you. Things may not be exactly the same with two cats, but he may be even happier with human and feline companionship. You are clearly doing things right - I would just keep on as you are, and enjoy both of them.

[Mollycat]

I really hope so. I don't want to have to get rid of the kitten as he is such a lovely little one. I guess I just panic as my old boy has been through so much in his life with coming from an abusive owner to then my uncle passing away. I just want him to have the best life possible and its horrible to see him sulk. I will keep going and hopefully things will carry on improving.

I do understand you there, Molly had me in a terrible state for 6 months waiting and then 2 weeks hospital stay. One update phone call very nearly had me driving over in the middle of the night to get her the hell out of there when the vet said "she's not settling and we've had to give her an appetite stimulant" and this was on top of the trauma of leaving her with no way to tell her that she was not being abandoned for the third time in her life. If anyone who thought I was being overprotective had any doubts at all of what I knew, the way she loved up on me all the way home and then for the only time in 7 years let me stroke her chest proves beyond doubt how happy she was to see me and come home.

The trick is to understand and do our best for them without giving in to panic and anxiety. Easier said than done when they have had a traumatic life before we came along, but that is how we help and support them best.

[GHarris]

I will be his 4 or 5th owner we are not sure how many he has had but his first few were awful to him. I connected with him when my uncle first got him. I would go over there and he would be waiting for me at the door and would then follow me around until I left. I am seeing small improvements as time goes on. They are two peas in a pod now and sleep together. I guess I’m jealous over how much attention he is giving the kitten sounds crazy I know. Thank you all so much for your words it brings me great comfort to know that I am not alone in feeling this way and hopefully I will have my loving, dribbling boy back in no time

[Mollycat]

There's more ... my Bobby who we lost last August, he was a retired stud. Although pampered and well cared for, he had never lived in a house and had been through 4 or 5 homes too, as far as I know all of them comfortable outdoor runs with heated beds etc. But he had to learn to walk on carpet, to play, and that laps and beds were his for the asking. He was a cuddlebug and my loyal and devoted companion for 4 years, but when my partner moved in with his dog the dog and my boy almost switched - the dog will go to the bathroom when I tell him to, whereas my partner had to drag him out from under the table - and Bobby would sleep all day and wake up to my partner's key in the door and sit on the sofa demanding his daddy cuddles. My old Henry cat from a previous relationship remained my cat for a couple of years and became my ex's cat after our other cat died. Funny little critters.

[GHarris]

I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was truly pampered. I just want to give both my boys the best life’s possible. I live alone and would be totally lost with out them both. My older boy has really helped me deal with losing my uncle as I feel like I have a part of him in my old boy which brings me great comfort.