Cat anxiety
Cat anxiety
Hi, about 6 months ago I rescued a cat from a local shelter.y last cat had passed at 18 years old and I waited 6 months but wanted another cat. My issue is she suffers with bad anxiety. She eats all her food, uses her litter box and seems happy, but is very anxious. I use feliway plugins, she has toys, and nice big house and it's just me and her and not sure what else I can do to make her more confident. She is about 8 years old and has been passed from home to home via the shelter 4 times, but I will not give up on her. I'm determined that now she has her forever home and will pay/do whatever it takes. Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated. She's my world and I want to help her feel more at home
-
Mollycat
- VIP Cat Chatter!
- Posts: 2705
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
- No. of cats in household: 1
- Location: UK
Re: Cat anxiety
Hi, good on you and welcome to the forum. I have an extremely anxious cat too and will gladly share everything she has taught me and is still teaching me after 7 years. Is your girl nervous of people or any triggers in particular, or just generally highly strung or timid? What sort of age is she, do you know? And does she respond to treats or toys or affection? Do you know the reasons she kept getting handed back in to the shelter?
Re: Cat anxiety
Hi, she is 8 (well going on her dental) as not 100% sure. She kept getting handed back for being timid and not using her litter box. I think she has had a rough time of things, even more reason for me too try extra hard to give her a nice life. I'm lucky that I have had no issues with her not using the litter tray and she is happy and rolls around in the sun etc, loves her toys but is just scared of people (me included). Bought her a water fountain last week and she uses her paws to catch the water. She is happy so I'm not overly worried but just want her to be less jumpy. She comes to me if I get the dreamies out then backs away.
Re: Cat anxiety
Also in the 6 months I haven't been able to stroke her as she back away and runs off. So I'm letting her come to me rather than the other way around.
-
Mollycat
- VIP Cat Chatter!
- Posts: 2705
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
- No. of cats in household: 1
- Location: UK
Re: Cat anxiety
I have so much respect for you, giving a forever home to a cat who as far as you knew at the time had litter box issues as well as being so timid. She really has landed on her feet, finding you. It is hard work but so incredibly rewarding when they take their first steps to letting you get closer.
You know when you just get an instinctive feeling from a post? I smiled when I read that in 6 months you haven't been able to stroke her. That was my Molly 7 years ago, she is now 13. I honestly thought she hated being touched but it turned out that's not true, she loves it but she was afraid of it. 3 years ago I was able to put both hands on her at the same time, some time last year I was able to rub her ears for the first time, and now she is just letting me touch her paws.
I did push her, and I was sneaky, I made 'mistakes' on purpose. Big influence from Monty Roberts the horse guy, I really recommend watching some of his stuff on You-tube. People said I shouldn't pander to her or tiptoe around her and I should carry on as normal and she would get used to me. I don't agree, cats reinforce their own fears and we have to help them actively to overcome them, build trust, and eventually they get better. Cats are more like horses than most people realise, similar ways work very well.
I'll try and remember the details of how I did things in the early days and post properly in the morning.
You know when you just get an instinctive feeling from a post? I smiled when I read that in 6 months you haven't been able to stroke her. That was my Molly 7 years ago, she is now 13. I honestly thought she hated being touched but it turned out that's not true, she loves it but she was afraid of it. 3 years ago I was able to put both hands on her at the same time, some time last year I was able to rub her ears for the first time, and now she is just letting me touch her paws.
I did push her, and I was sneaky, I made 'mistakes' on purpose. Big influence from Monty Roberts the horse guy, I really recommend watching some of his stuff on You-tube. People said I shouldn't pander to her or tiptoe around her and I should carry on as normal and she would get used to me. I don't agree, cats reinforce their own fears and we have to help them actively to overcome them, build trust, and eventually they get better. Cats are more like horses than most people realise, similar ways work very well.
I'll try and remember the details of how I did things in the early days and post properly in the morning.
-
Mollycat
- VIP Cat Chatter!
- Posts: 2705
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
- No. of cats in household: 1
- Location: UK
Re: Cat anxiety
Ok so, helping to build trust and confidence, lessons from Molly.
Most important, talk to her! I expect you already do but it really does work. She may have got past this stage by now but you can still sit on the floor near her and read to her. Tell her when you're going to do something that might make her uncomfortable, it makes you less unpredictable and gets her attention in a calm way so she can prepare. If she's a cleversocks she may learn to associate certain words with where you're likely to be going. It feels a bit silly but it helps her to know you care about her anxiety and are trying to help her, they're not stupid.
Home environment
The obvious first, offer plenty of high places and hiding places so that she can observe you going about your daily life from a place where she feels safe, and has somewhere to retreat when life gets a bit much. Never block her way to her best places, so doors open.
As much as possible, put scratch posts in strategic places so that they can serve their second purpose as territory markers. Near doorways and windows seems to work well and at the far end of rooms, so that the whole room is hers. Any that don't get used, experiment with moving them until they see more use. Same with litter trays, though that's more difficult. Water bowls in various places too.
If you have some places with restricted access - mine are a big walk-in cupboard full of 'stuff' and the wardrobe - it's within their territory but not accessible all the time so make it a treat to go nosing around in there occasionally. It smells like home but a little different, and there's lots to sniff and explore, so it's a great way to help build confidence. If she seems shy going in there, encourage and reassure from a distance - this helps build trust in you as she will associate your encouragement with something that feels new and challenging but turns out to be safe.
If she is nervous of noises outside the home, acknowledge them but calmly so that she knows you've heard it too and are not worried by it.
Your normal everyday life
Whatever your routine I'm sure she knows it already. The more reliable signs there are before something happens, the more chance she has to prepare mentally and make choices about her best course of action. Talking her through it helps. When you go out, say bye-bye - she knows you have left the house but the routine is reassuring. Call hello when you come into the house to announce your presence. Always be conscious of where she is and minimise sudden movements and noise, it might feel like a drag at first but it quickly becomes second nature.
Don't stop having people round or doing more active or noisy things, just make sure she has plenty of warning and options to go and hide. Hiding in itself isn't a problem, it becomes a problem if it's always panicky bolting out of fear. But choosing to hide away when the doorbell rings or the vacuum cleaner comes out, that's ok, what you're aiming for is a walk to the hiding place not a bolt. Letting her choose to hide is respectful of her nature.
Special cases - vacuum cleaners, doorbells etc
She's bound to be scared of the vacuum cleaner, right? So give her plenty of warning, get it out slowly but making sure the sounds are distinctive and give her time to pick her hiding place. I have a rule never to do the whole flat in one go, so Molly gets to hide under the bed while I do the living room and behind the curtains while I do the bedroom. As soon as I'm done I put it away and call her to say it's safe now. When the doorbell goes I give her time to get into the bedroom before I open the door and encourage her to do this. if it's a delivery I leave it on the floor in the middle of the living room so that when she comes out she can inspect it - it's something new in her territory and this way she knows exactly what is in the house, no nasty surprises she can run into that smell funny.
Stop Doing and Just Be
Just sit quietly or take a nap so that she can get used to being relaxed in the same room as you. If we're always Doing Stuff we are a source of stress, so we need to show them that we are a source of calm and safety too. If you're a very busy person, make time every day to sit or lie down and Just Be.
Help her forget she's scared
Get on the floor and invite her to play. She has to make a leap of faith to play near you, but when she does she is rewarded with some fun time and every time this happens she realises she was near you and not running away and nothing bad happened. I'm not a fan of treat training, play or affection should be their own rewards and pumping animals full of treats only sets you up for problems later. Make sure sometimes you walk away first, so back away gently and slowly and turn your back to her before standing up, minimise the threat and the surprise.
Prove to her that you will leave her alone
Sounds either stupid or obvious, but shy cats need to know that you will leave them alone. They usually need more than just passively letting them walk away from you without following or chasing, they actually need to know that they can stay put and you will walk away. But also the first times she ventures near you, don't reach out. Then start to reach out to let her sniff your hand, and take your hand away. Keep your hand low down, no higher than her chest level. If every time she is brave enough to come near you you reach out to touch her, and it's too soon for her, she will stop coming close.
Looking away and the slow blink
When moving around talk to her but don't look directly at her. If you have to walk past her, look at where you're going not at her, or she will think you're coming to get her. When you are both relaxed in the same room, practice the slow blink, you know it? Look at her, call her, when she is looking at you blink slowly. I'm not a fan of Jackson Galaxy but he describes it very well. She should respond, at least narrowing her eyes a little.
Nose and feet
Here's a lesson direct from horses, use her feet. When you offer a treat, hold it near her but just far enough that she has to put one foot forward towards you to take it. Moving the feet creates a powerful association in her brain, that if she comes towards you something good happens. Plus taking the treat from your hand gives her a dose of your scent, reinforcing that you are a friend. WIggly fingers are irresistible, same again, just out of reach so she has to stretch her neck forwards to investigate.
Next step - make 'mistakes'
Does she go with you when you put her food down? Oops did you accidentally give one light stroke all the way down her back while she was focused on her food? Shame! She is learning two things here - your touch is associated with good feelings, and you are respectful of her space and nervousness by walking away.
As she gets more confident and stops bolting when you want to walk past her, just one stroke like this in passing once she associates it with positive feelings will help build up towards more affection.
Be clear, realistic and respectful
Don't expect miracles, and don't expect them yesterday. There will be setbacks and off days, you're not back to square one, it's just one day she needs to repeat to have it sink in. You want for her to feel comfortable in her own home with you, beyond that anything is a bonus. Another good lesson from horses, I think this one is Parelli - if you act like you have 10 minutes, it will take all day. If you act like you have all day it will take 10 minutes. You have the whole rest of her life, relax and enjoy the journey.
Keep a diary. It's so easy to forget how bad it was at first, how long it took before she first sat on your lap, took a treat from your hand, let you touch her, and so on. Any time things get tough, she has a setback or you just feel stuck, look back and see the mountains you have already climbed. Be prepared for the possibility that every time she is brave and lets you do something, the next day she will seem to have a setback, it's just her processing what she's just done, it's normal.
Don't be anxious for her
Be aware of what triggers her anxiety and do your best to prevent it, but do not become anxious on her behalf. She will pick up your anxiety but won't know what it's for, and she will think she is right to be anxious because you are too. Fast track to full blown neurosis. If she is terrified of fireworks, be completely calm and acknowledge the noises, but don't feel sorry for her. Just make sure you are there, you are calm, you praise her when she comes out of hiding and pretend she doesn't exist when she wants the ground to swallow her up.
Finally, don't set measures on love!
With shy cats and traumatised cats, they may have their own way of giving love that doesn't fit the norms we expect. They might eventually feel comfortable enough to sit next to us but not on our lap, and we have to understand this is a big thing for them and appreciate it, and not feel disappointed that they don't go the next step. Let go of expectations and ambitions and feel proud of what she is able to give. If she senses that what she gives you is never enough, she will stay nervous. Remember she has her own specific issues and don't let her saying no to one thing put you off trying other things you may think of as more advanced. I can't touch Molly's tummy with my hand, but I can kiss it when she's relaxed enough. Don't ask me what on earth possessed me to even try, I must have had a death wish, but it worked.
PS separation anxiety
Having been abandoned 4 times you may find that once she bonds with you she could be a bit anxious about being abandoned again. This most likely won't show up in everyday life as she will be used to your routine long before she is able to invest that level of attachment to you, but more likely when you have to take her to the vets or you go away for a weekend or a holiday.
Covid has messed things up a bit but if at all possible don't let her out of your sight when visiting the vets. If she needs to give a blood sample for instance (probably a good idea at her age to get a full panel to screen for any early issues) vets now take it from the neck not the paw. This is much less stressful for the cat but extremely stressful for an owner not expecting it! so they usually take the cat out the back to do it. If you don't want them to take her away, insist, explain why, and they should respect that.
If you have to go away overnight anywhere, try to get a trusted sitter in rather than take her to boarding. She is used to you coming home, being boarded she will think she is being given up again. I had the trauma of leaving my girl in hospital first for a 2 day assessment then 2 weeks treatment and you don't want to go through that unless you absolutely have to. If you ever do, give me a shout, there are things you can do to make it much easier on you both.
Most important, talk to her! I expect you already do but it really does work. She may have got past this stage by now but you can still sit on the floor near her and read to her. Tell her when you're going to do something that might make her uncomfortable, it makes you less unpredictable and gets her attention in a calm way so she can prepare. If she's a cleversocks she may learn to associate certain words with where you're likely to be going. It feels a bit silly but it helps her to know you care about her anxiety and are trying to help her, they're not stupid.
Home environment
The obvious first, offer plenty of high places and hiding places so that she can observe you going about your daily life from a place where she feels safe, and has somewhere to retreat when life gets a bit much. Never block her way to her best places, so doors open.
As much as possible, put scratch posts in strategic places so that they can serve their second purpose as territory markers. Near doorways and windows seems to work well and at the far end of rooms, so that the whole room is hers. Any that don't get used, experiment with moving them until they see more use. Same with litter trays, though that's more difficult. Water bowls in various places too.
If you have some places with restricted access - mine are a big walk-in cupboard full of 'stuff' and the wardrobe - it's within their territory but not accessible all the time so make it a treat to go nosing around in there occasionally. It smells like home but a little different, and there's lots to sniff and explore, so it's a great way to help build confidence. If she seems shy going in there, encourage and reassure from a distance - this helps build trust in you as she will associate your encouragement with something that feels new and challenging but turns out to be safe.
If she is nervous of noises outside the home, acknowledge them but calmly so that she knows you've heard it too and are not worried by it.
Your normal everyday life
Whatever your routine I'm sure she knows it already. The more reliable signs there are before something happens, the more chance she has to prepare mentally and make choices about her best course of action. Talking her through it helps. When you go out, say bye-bye - she knows you have left the house but the routine is reassuring. Call hello when you come into the house to announce your presence. Always be conscious of where she is and minimise sudden movements and noise, it might feel like a drag at first but it quickly becomes second nature.
Don't stop having people round or doing more active or noisy things, just make sure she has plenty of warning and options to go and hide. Hiding in itself isn't a problem, it becomes a problem if it's always panicky bolting out of fear. But choosing to hide away when the doorbell rings or the vacuum cleaner comes out, that's ok, what you're aiming for is a walk to the hiding place not a bolt. Letting her choose to hide is respectful of her nature.
Special cases - vacuum cleaners, doorbells etc
She's bound to be scared of the vacuum cleaner, right? So give her plenty of warning, get it out slowly but making sure the sounds are distinctive and give her time to pick her hiding place. I have a rule never to do the whole flat in one go, so Molly gets to hide under the bed while I do the living room and behind the curtains while I do the bedroom. As soon as I'm done I put it away and call her to say it's safe now. When the doorbell goes I give her time to get into the bedroom before I open the door and encourage her to do this. if it's a delivery I leave it on the floor in the middle of the living room so that when she comes out she can inspect it - it's something new in her territory and this way she knows exactly what is in the house, no nasty surprises she can run into that smell funny.
Stop Doing and Just Be
Just sit quietly or take a nap so that she can get used to being relaxed in the same room as you. If we're always Doing Stuff we are a source of stress, so we need to show them that we are a source of calm and safety too. If you're a very busy person, make time every day to sit or lie down and Just Be.
Help her forget she's scared
Get on the floor and invite her to play. She has to make a leap of faith to play near you, but when she does she is rewarded with some fun time and every time this happens she realises she was near you and not running away and nothing bad happened. I'm not a fan of treat training, play or affection should be their own rewards and pumping animals full of treats only sets you up for problems later. Make sure sometimes you walk away first, so back away gently and slowly and turn your back to her before standing up, minimise the threat and the surprise.
Prove to her that you will leave her alone
Sounds either stupid or obvious, but shy cats need to know that you will leave them alone. They usually need more than just passively letting them walk away from you without following or chasing, they actually need to know that they can stay put and you will walk away. But also the first times she ventures near you, don't reach out. Then start to reach out to let her sniff your hand, and take your hand away. Keep your hand low down, no higher than her chest level. If every time she is brave enough to come near you you reach out to touch her, and it's too soon for her, she will stop coming close.
Looking away and the slow blink
When moving around talk to her but don't look directly at her. If you have to walk past her, look at where you're going not at her, or she will think you're coming to get her. When you are both relaxed in the same room, practice the slow blink, you know it? Look at her, call her, when she is looking at you blink slowly. I'm not a fan of Jackson Galaxy but he describes it very well. She should respond, at least narrowing her eyes a little.
Nose and feet
Here's a lesson direct from horses, use her feet. When you offer a treat, hold it near her but just far enough that she has to put one foot forward towards you to take it. Moving the feet creates a powerful association in her brain, that if she comes towards you something good happens. Plus taking the treat from your hand gives her a dose of your scent, reinforcing that you are a friend. WIggly fingers are irresistible, same again, just out of reach so she has to stretch her neck forwards to investigate.
Next step - make 'mistakes'
Does she go with you when you put her food down? Oops did you accidentally give one light stroke all the way down her back while she was focused on her food? Shame! She is learning two things here - your touch is associated with good feelings, and you are respectful of her space and nervousness by walking away.
As she gets more confident and stops bolting when you want to walk past her, just one stroke like this in passing once she associates it with positive feelings will help build up towards more affection.
Be clear, realistic and respectful
Don't expect miracles, and don't expect them yesterday. There will be setbacks and off days, you're not back to square one, it's just one day she needs to repeat to have it sink in. You want for her to feel comfortable in her own home with you, beyond that anything is a bonus. Another good lesson from horses, I think this one is Parelli - if you act like you have 10 minutes, it will take all day. If you act like you have all day it will take 10 minutes. You have the whole rest of her life, relax and enjoy the journey.
Keep a diary. It's so easy to forget how bad it was at first, how long it took before she first sat on your lap, took a treat from your hand, let you touch her, and so on. Any time things get tough, she has a setback or you just feel stuck, look back and see the mountains you have already climbed. Be prepared for the possibility that every time she is brave and lets you do something, the next day she will seem to have a setback, it's just her processing what she's just done, it's normal.
Don't be anxious for her
Be aware of what triggers her anxiety and do your best to prevent it, but do not become anxious on her behalf. She will pick up your anxiety but won't know what it's for, and she will think she is right to be anxious because you are too. Fast track to full blown neurosis. If she is terrified of fireworks, be completely calm and acknowledge the noises, but don't feel sorry for her. Just make sure you are there, you are calm, you praise her when she comes out of hiding and pretend she doesn't exist when she wants the ground to swallow her up.
Finally, don't set measures on love!
With shy cats and traumatised cats, they may have their own way of giving love that doesn't fit the norms we expect. They might eventually feel comfortable enough to sit next to us but not on our lap, and we have to understand this is a big thing for them and appreciate it, and not feel disappointed that they don't go the next step. Let go of expectations and ambitions and feel proud of what she is able to give. If she senses that what she gives you is never enough, she will stay nervous. Remember she has her own specific issues and don't let her saying no to one thing put you off trying other things you may think of as more advanced. I can't touch Molly's tummy with my hand, but I can kiss it when she's relaxed enough. Don't ask me what on earth possessed me to even try, I must have had a death wish, but it worked.
PS separation anxiety
Having been abandoned 4 times you may find that once she bonds with you she could be a bit anxious about being abandoned again. This most likely won't show up in everyday life as she will be used to your routine long before she is able to invest that level of attachment to you, but more likely when you have to take her to the vets or you go away for a weekend or a holiday.
Covid has messed things up a bit but if at all possible don't let her out of your sight when visiting the vets. If she needs to give a blood sample for instance (probably a good idea at her age to get a full panel to screen for any early issues) vets now take it from the neck not the paw. This is much less stressful for the cat but extremely stressful for an owner not expecting it! so they usually take the cat out the back to do it. If you don't want them to take her away, insist, explain why, and they should respect that.
If you have to go away overnight anywhere, try to get a trusted sitter in rather than take her to boarding. She is used to you coming home, being boarded she will think she is being given up again. I had the trauma of leaving my girl in hospital first for a 2 day assessment then 2 weeks treatment and you don't want to go through that unless you absolutely have to. If you ever do, give me a shout, there are things you can do to make it much easier on you both.
Re: Cat anxiety
Thank you so much. I know the do's and do nots to a degree but never experienced a cat like her. I had 2 main coons before and by there breed they are very affectionate and every animals have different personalities but coffee (that's her name btw) is amazing and challenging at the same time. She went to the vets back in February and I insisted I didn't leave her side. Good news was she was given a full bill of health and good dental which was great news. I did think maybe she struggled with her litter box in the past due to being prone to uti's so another test I was insistant on having. All clear tho. I have discovered that she likes 2 litter boxes one with clay litter and one with wood litter and uses one for number ones and the other for numbers twos. She is getting used to my routine and she has the spare room all to herself so that's her safe place to go, and she sleeps in the sofa at night (through her choice). She loves watching the TV. Tipping point is her favorite as she tries to chase the moving bits. Thank you for all your advice. I just want her to be happy, I'm not fussed if she never becomes a lap cat just as long as she is content. I will keep you updated with progress we make.
-
Mollycat
- VIP Cat Chatter!
- Posts: 2705
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:58 am
- No. of cats in household: 1
- Location: UK
Re: Cat anxiety
Wonderful. I said exactly the same about Molly, just a whole new level of ball game and same as you all I want is for her to be happy.
More than any other poster on this forum ever I wish you well and yes please keep us posted and ask anything, and I'm sure your experience will also be valuable to others.
Coffee ... wonderful name, love it.
More than any other poster on this forum ever I wish you well and yes please keep us posted and ask anything, and I'm sure your experience will also be valuable to others.
Coffee ... wonderful name, love it.