Separation Anxiety

[Happypenguin18]

I adopted a 3 month old Russian blue/domestic shorthair. He was found at an apartment complex and was in two foster homes before I adopted him. I have had him for 3 weeks. He is neutered.

He constantly has to be with me. He either is sleeping on me, following me around the house, or I am playing with him for hours a day. He will not play on his own even if I set him up with a game he can play independently. He instead attacks me (not really hard, he’s just trying to get me to play).

I am working from home currently and he makes it very difficult because he attacks my computer when I am working because I am not paying attention to him.

If I place him in “his room” (with litter box, food, toys, bed) he meows loudly and for a long time. I get some things done and then let him out when he is not meowing and he sometimes will attack me like he is mad that I put him away.

I do not want to get another cat. Any suggestions on how I can get a little space and get him to be a little more independent?

Thanks for any help anyone might be able to provide.

[Mollycat]

I would think your weapon of choice is going to be a lot of patience, and be prepared to start all over again when you are no longer working from home. It's not surprising this kitten has some separation issues, with his background. It's going to take a lot of time for him to fully experience the stability of a forever home and human that you are providing. He will need you to prove to him every day how much he is loved and how nothing would ever make you give him up again, for potentially a very long time to come. At the same time, kittens do need a lot of socialising and interaction, and maybe needs more dedication than you planned for because of his background but also just because of being a kitten.

I honestly don't know how this idea of a cat's room started when there is only one cat in the house, to me this is about introducing two cats to each other and keeping them safely separated during that process. The idea of the cat's room with the door closed is alien to me. My cats always form day one are free to roam the house, they will choose a safe quiet place for themselves to use as a base for exploring the rest of the house, and they don't need a strange human to supervise them doing that. I keep well out of the way until they approach me, when they are confident enough with our home to start getting to know the human they have to share it with.

[Happypenguin18]

Thank you for your response. I did kind of figure he has the separation anxiety because of his past. I am just hoping there is something I can do until he knows he has a permanent home.

I read a lot of articles before adopting and they all suggest starting the new cat in one room so the cat can adjust to the new home and reduce the amount of stress placed upon the cat. He found a cozy spot in his room. He also learned where his food and litter box is and he has not had any accidents. I sat in there and let him approach me which happened very quickly. I visited very often while he started off in that room. Slate (my kitten) did really well with me slowly introducing him to the home room by room. It also helped me to supervise and help him learn what is okay and not okay to play with. Slate is free to roam the house now although he chooses to stay in whatever room that I am in.

The only time I place him alone in the back of the house, which includes his room, is when I absolutely have to. Like when I have a work deadline and need to concentrate. Even then it is only for a short period of time.

[booktigger]

Keeping kittens especially in one room was something we were told to recommend on CP home visits, when I did the follow up after a week, the ones who ignored me where ones who ended up with little accidents or other issues, as the kittens hadn't always seen a full house, so it was a lot bearing in mind they had also been taken away from mum and siblings. Adults don't tend to tolerate it as well, it was my idea with Lucy after spending 18 months in rescue, but I caved in after 6 hours.

[Mollycat]

It's a fairly new thing though isn't it? It's been a very long time since there was a kitten in my life but my adult newcomers have never been confined at all and kittens certainly never were, and we never had any issues with anyone. They could hide or go to a quiet room of their choice if they wanted to. Even shy Molly was released into the quiet bedroom and chose to shoot under the bed where she stayed for a week, but all doors were open and when she felt ready, including while I was out or asleep, she was free to explore in her own time and return to her safe place any time she felt the need. I don't know it's an alien idea to me, I'm not disputing rights and wrongs!

I guess I'm maybe old-fashioned but I can't imagine there really is a substitute for living breathing company for anyone, kitten or any other life form. Would it be an option to give kitten a comfy bed on the desk next to you so that you can give a reassuring stroke or word and gradually build up a bond and confidence that way? Then separation isn't a panic situation. I can't help instinctively feeling that responding to pleas for reassurance and attention by delivering isolation that might even be experienced as rejection and ignored (all be it a room so a big comfy cage, but still confinement to a room and isolation) is likely to cause more anxiety and compound the problem. I don't believe anyone grows more confident or independent by being told to go away when asking for reassurance, that's all.

Molly drove me crazy with her constant need for my attention, for years, while I worked from home. She's a traumatised rescue, neglected and badly handled rather than abused, and twice rehomed. She was desperate for affection and terrified to receive it, a massive challenge for me. I could have strangled her at times. But I invested the time to put everything down and go towards her every time and let her have her minutes of running away, trying to come close, sometimes letting me stroke her once, hissing, finally walking away. I would go back to my desk and a few minutes later she would be back screaming at me for attention and we would start again. Eventually she learned that I would always be there, I think the final seal was put on the deal when she was hospitalised for 2 weeks and I picked her up, that was when she finally understood that I was never going to let her go, and it was a huge step forward. It took 6 years to reach that point. She is a bit extreme and not a kitten though. Now, my partner has lived with us for 3 years and she is going through it all again with him, not as bad, quicker, but the same circus.

I'm in no way saying they shouldn't be offered their safe room, in fact I agree with it, the quietest room in the house. I just don't agree with closing the door, and obviously never be picked up and taken to another part of the house but always allowed to explore at their own pace.