Girlfriend's cat hates my guts help

[dizzyspacetime]

Hello,

My girlfriend has a calico cat that pretty much hates my guts, and with good reason (at least in her cat mind). Jenny, my gf, lived alone when she first got Ara as a kitten. The cat met me that summer when I started to stay over a few days a week. Ara hadn't really been socialized at that point, so she was alternatively afraid of me or hissing at me if I was near her when she was walking. Until she went into heat, when she would crawl all over me and Jenny and we would have to shove her off of us. We kept trying to get her spayed, but then she would go into heat and then she would have to reschedule. So we started to lock her in a different room at night when she was in heat until we finally got her spayed mid summer.
All this time, and still now, Ara loves Jenny. Jenny can pick her up, trim her nails, wash her, and she doesn't do anything. She is a little hypersensitive though and Jenny can't pet her long without getting batted, but that's normal cat behavior.

Anyways, due to a changing living
situation and Jenny having to work, I had to be the one to drive Ara 7 hours to Jenny's mom's house where Ara had to stay for 3 months, where she was stuck in a room, and there were multiple dogs/cats outside of that room. I don't think she's forgiven me since, because once we moved to the new place, Ara hated me.

I couldn't go near her, she would hiss, and sometimes attack me. She guards doors, stairways, and hallways, preventing me from moving freely in my own home. She does not run away or stop being aggressive if I hiss or clap, this makes it worse. At this point she would still sometimes sleep in bed next to me without freaking out.

Now, with COVID-19, it has gotten worse because I am home more and maybe because we have again moved to a new place on the first floor that is loud and there is constant traffic noises along with a couple of stray cats outside, plus people walking by all of the time. The room we keep her in during the day and all of the windows at this point are shuttered though. But, I can't walk into a room with her without her at least hissing, if not yowling, or attacking my legs or feet. She gets herself cornered (even though she's not actually cornered) and will growl and yowl at me. Every time I do something to startle her so I can move down the hallway or go into a bedroom, she hates me more.. We've tried the pheromone plug in (made her more aggressive and she rubbed herself on everything marking it, so we think it made her more territorial), prozac (made her nicer to Jenny) and she's still on that and has been for months now, and the calming collar, which made feel comfortable enough to sleep next to me in bed, but every time I moved my legs she would hiss. If I try to give her cat nip or food, she gets even more aggressive.

We now keep her in her room most of the day and let her out when Jenny is home, so Jenny can call her away so I can move through the house safely.

Please help.

[Ruth B]

I am no expert and I do wonder if you really need expert advise from a cat behaviourist.

My thoughts are that you and your girlfriend have a very traumatised cat. As you say she wasn't socialised when she was young so views strangers as a threat, and then she has gone through a load of changes in a very short time. The one person she had as a constant grounding point, Jenny, isn't around that much anymore either so she is left to try and work out where her territory is and to defend it from any intruder, that unfortunately seems to include you at the moment.

My advice would be to go back to stage 1 introduction techniques as if you were introducing a new cat to a household. She is already kept in one room most of the time, make that her base camp, keep her in there all the time. Have all her food, water, litter trays etc in there, and make sure there are plenty of beds for her to sleep on that will help absorb her scent. It may be noisy outside, but unshuttering the window so she can see outside will help her get used to all the noise and give her something to do looking outside and slowly taking it all in at her own pace. If she is still fine with Jenny, i would suggest that she is the one to go in and feed her and play with her to start with.
Once Ara is comfortable in the one room, walking around like she owns the place, watching out of the window, eating and drinking happily, then start putting some of your dirty clothing in the room with her to get her used to your scent. When you go to bed get Jenny to put in for example the shirt you were wearing that day, and to put some nice treat at first near to it, and then gradually move the treats closer until they are on the item of clothing. Ara will start to learn that your scent is associated with nice things. Only when she seems happy with your scent in her room should you think of letting her out of the room, take one of her beds and put it outside the door to the room and then Jenny can open the door and let her explore a little, don't force her to come out any faster than she wants and if she starts to get upset, to hiss or growl entice her back to her safe room with a toy or a treat. This may take weeks to get her to feel safe in her own home.

Toys can also be a great way to distract her from guarding doorways or attacking you. Make sure you have one of the ones that include a wand, a length of string and a toy that attaches to the string and you can make sure her attention is entirely on the toy while you walk confidently past her.