My cat has gone backwards in confidence :-(

[Anicca79]

Hi everyone,

So I adopted my Ollie my rescue cat three weeks ago now and when he got here he was pretty confident most of the time with occasional hiding under the bed when he got scared. I was so pleased he seemed to be settling in. Now it feels the opposite way around. When I come in from work he's skittish and cowers and it doesn't seem to matter how slowly I move or how gently I speak to him he just appears scared of me. The only exception is when I'm lying on the couch when he will feel brave enough most evenings to sit at my feet on a cushion and when I'm eating he will charge up demanding food.

I think it is because the other day I tried to pick him up. I was warned that he's not great with it but I thought well I'll have to put him in the carrier sometime let's have a little go. He seemed to be doing so well. Anyway he went mad squirming and scratching me instantly and I know I should have just dropped him so he didn't feel constrained but I was just trying to put him down gently so held onto him longer than I should. Anyway ever since if I make any movements with both hands he cowers and backs away. It's awful. We had a time when he would leap on me and nudge me when I got in and I don't know if I'll get it back Will it get better?

[Lilith]

Hi Anicca, sorry to hear you're having problems but time is the remedy.

Many new cats show 'false' confidence on their arrival - my youngest, Molly did. Three years on and though she's possessive and sleeps next to me, I still feel honoured when she comes to be stroked. She's a funny mixture of bravado and fear despite this being a very quiet house...I think she's an extreme example, mind, but that's the trouble with cats, we can't understand all their fears and likes and dislikes and they can't tell us!

You must feel awful about experimenting with your boy's nervousness re being picked up - BUT - if you HAD to put him into a carrier to take him to the vet, then you'd HAVE to do it, no matter how he objected. Try not to worry too much that it's been a setback; you're still bonding with him and he with you; you've put in a lot of work even in this short time and it won't go unwasted.

He's being a bad lad - I notice that he will turn on the charm when it comes to titbits and I'd want to indulge him myself - though not too much. But as for the anxious behaviour - if you're moving about quietly and he's still being spooked, it could be a good idea to talk to him in a low voice: 'I'm doing this, I'm doing that' but not to be spooked in your turn; your nervousness could communicate to him. It's a bit like parenthood; you have to be the strong calm one and give him security. Don't worry if he runs and hides, just give him space and let him come out and approach you - especially if you've got a nice plateful of chicken or whatever, and then tell him he's a clever boy (although I expect you do that already.)

The shy ones are so difficult - but so very rewarding; the smallest sign of normality is a huge achievement. You will both get there and the bond between you will be ten times as strong

[PeanutsFriend]

I had many skiddish cats. I kept talking to them. Made friends. And let them decide if they liked hugging, just pet the body and/or love me all over.
They are like people or a little kid. Build them up to be the people they are ment to be. Not what you think they should be.
My Mittens is my hider. But he has his days when he just has to visit me on my lap. Then I don't see him for days. His two brothers, from the same litter, are different. They talk to me and love to be stroked and held.
Jill

[Crewella]

Several of mine have seemed more confident on the first few days and then seemed to go backwards, but that's really not what's happening - it's all part of the settling in process and it really IS progress. I think with some cats they have a sort of adrenaline buzz and explore for the first couple of days, and then they start to calm down and process their new situation more seriously.

As has been said, time and patience will get you there - talk to him as has been suggested, and in the long run you will be forgiven for any handling. You're getting there, really.

[meriad]

Yes it will get better - as everyone has said; give it time and patience and he will get there eventually.

and it doesn't seem to matter how slowly I move or how gently I speak to him he just appears scared of me.

Personally I'd behave as normal around him as possible - obviously don't crash and bang about the place but live your life as you usually would. You walking slowly and extra quiet etc is possibly putting him on guard more than normal because he thinks something is up. When you come home and feed him talk to him in a normal voice - tell him about your day but just continue with your evening routine.

And as much as you probably shouldn't... when you're eating, have some treats for him to hand and when he comes to you give him a treat and gradually put the treat on the sofa next to you and I bet it won't be long when he will be quite content snuggled up next to you on the sofa

[Kay]

I so agree with that - when my petrified Tosker first started to come into the house I tiptoed around him and stopped moving when he was near, and it panicked him because he wanted to be invisible - it's like when a cat flattens itself on the vet's table to make itself as small as possible, a reaction conditioned, I suppose, from having to fend for itself outside in a hostile world

the big breakthrough with him came when I realised he was much happier if I totally ignored him, and carried on as if he wasn't there - I touched him for the first time when I was lying on the sofa and he sat just beneath my hand, so I could stroke him without inflicting the rest of my body on him

[Anicca79]

Thanks everyone. I agree he's much happier when I ignore him! Doing better

[meriad]

I'm glad; let us know how you get on