Fostering arrangement gone very sour...advice appreciated...

[mrmurgatroyd20]

Hi there all cat lovers, I am new, and I have a dilemma, and I thought 'cat people' would best understand and be able to advise me...so here goes..

Where do I start...sorry if its long winded but I need to lay out all the facts..

My stepdaughter has fostered 4 cats for somebody, for just over four years., possibly 5. They are all pedigrees- those flat faced ones....I believe all from same litter. The background is this, they belonged to a lad who had to move overseas to work within his family's business, he had to move there and it was not suitable country/location for cats due to skyscraper etc, not to mention cost of getting them there so it was out of the question. Consequently he wanted them fostering all together this proved impossible and at the final hour, Elaine was asked to do it. She loves cats has two or three of her own too, and lives in a large countryside property, plenty of room (lucky) horses too. So nice and safe, no main road, etc. The foster four have settled great.

At the time of handing them over the lad was very distraught and cried so much, he'd come with his mother, whom Elaine immediately noticed was incredibly overbearing.(hyacinth bouquet) He actually missed his flight as he couldn't bear to leave them and insisted in staying several hours with them. He'd left it all until the last minute. Despite it being a little inconvenient Elaine stayed off work (swapped shifts) and allowed him to be reassured. He then when leaving asked if he could come back again the next day,to see if they had settled, but came much later than he'd arranged, and with his mother again. He was 40 years old.

Time went by, he sent the odd email, Elaine emailed him photos of the four, however by doing this he then repeatedly demanded more then asked her to do a webcam each day of the cats to him which was not convenient...ie countries 8 hour time difference etc.. every year he arrived unannounced at xmas holiday times, sometimes also summer, determined to see them no matter what Elaines arrangements were, even arriving once at 7.30 am and turning his nose up at the overnight litter trays having not been cleaned yet.... but mainly Arriving very late, for further visits(than arranged) and always with his mother, then nit picking, complaining there were flies in the house, he was very outraged and tearful when trod in horse poo, en route to house from the garden, he demanded cat collars be changed to a type he wanted, Elaine wanted safety elastic ones..his mother complaining that the last fosterers has 'made them too fat' then demanding Elaine turn the heating down...

He sent Elaine £30 per month per cat, asking they had very expensive sachets food, this money had to cover cat litter, cost of transporting to vets, flea and worm meds, treats, name tags and engraving, - in other words the money wasn't enough to cover their requirements but as Elaine loves animals she was happy to buy them extra stuff, such as fresh fish and meat and any other stuff which her own cats had. She kept food/provision bills to show to the mother who once said she thought Elaine had used it for her own cats and not fed his...often turning up out of the blue and criticising building work being done and brick dust / mess bad for the cats, etc..

This continued until one of them died suddenly and unexpectedly. Elaine took them for yearly innoculations and health checks -(didn't pick up on heart problem) - never simple to take four together and appointments for 4 at once notoriously difficult to obtain..( a new type of vets - not traditional) The lad was informed what had happened, but chose not to reply for 3 weeks, claiming he was too upset..however still went on a weekend break.. and in the meantime Elaine had taken the cat for a post mortem as she needed to know what had happened and if it had been poisoned or anything as it was so sudden. It turned out to have been a heart attack. It had underlying heart problems. She emailed him the report which he demanded. No he's saying he didn't want a post-mortem and as such he refuses to pay for it, it has left her out of pocket approx. £500. the mother claimed to have no money, then went on holiday, Elaine had to pay it to get the cat released and buried., and avoid cold storage charges. In the meantime the mother demands photos of the remaining cats to check they are still alive and Elaine not pocketing the money, criticising each picture..which were later used for the *ad ..

I think she was right to do the post mortem, not least as she took her responsibility very seriously.And obviously rule out foul play in the interest of the others.In the meantime Elaine finds out that his mother and sister have immediately put an *advert for 'desperate rehoming' they need a 'forever home'..however he pretends to know nothing of this and is suddenly claiming he wants to take the cats - the remaining 3 overseas to him. Something he never wanted to do in the first place. I think this is a lie, however she has never intended to not hand them over when he feels ready to have them - and the best of it is, there have been 3 lots of fosterers to elaines knowledge and there has never been a straight answer as to why he has done this, - repeatedly changing their home, though technically they are his - he has had them only for the first few months of their lives - and would not allow his mother to look after them as she is an alcoholic and has dogs.

Can Elaine insist on being re imbursed for her post mortem bill? She is so deeply upset and feels her integrity has been questioned, and she has had her kindness thrown back in her face.

I said she should just hand them over and let someone else come forward to take on the other three and save herself the hassle, see if they will be happy with unreasonable/unrealistic demands and being scrutinised. The only thing is she has become attached to them and is worried now that the others siblings may have also got the same genetic defect, being in quarantine may exacerbate their demise, as could a radical change in climate, and living in a city that never sleeps- in a skyscraper- if he is to be believed, or else being unsettled again to go to another fosterer.?

I want to help Elaine with advice, but I don't know how , so any feedback/comments much appreciated. I just don't know how to advise her, and she doesn't know how to proceed for the best interest of the cats. It just seems to me the owners wanted to have luxurious and decadent 'cat hotel facilities' but not the pricetag...

[Crewella]

Hello and welcome.

I feel for your stepdaughter, this couple sound a nightmare to deal with and she's in a rotten situation. However, I've tried to look at this objectively rather than emotionally and I'm afraid that, personally, I don't see how she can insist on them paying for the post mortem when they were given no choice as to whether or not it was done. As you explained it, it was something she decided to go ahead with for her own peace of mind, and even if they have since benefitted from the report I still don't think it's fair to expect them to pay for something when they had no say in whether or not it was done. Having said that, if they were decent people they'd be grateful for her care and pay anyway, but clearly they aren't.

Similarly, the cold hard facts of this are that they aren't her cats, and all she can really do is look after them to the best of her ability whilst they are in her care. Please don't think me unsympathetic to your stepdaughter, she's obviously done her best for the cats and the owners sound like horrible people who have treated her most unfairly, but I think your advice to hand them back is sound.

[Lilith]

Elaine has my sympathies! I agree with Crewella.

There are some people who, the more you give, the more they use you and treat you like dirt. A case of cutting your losses and putting it down to experience...however, this leaves the cats out of the equation. These vile (censoreds) are practising emotional blackmail and also scamming...there will no doubt be a tale of woe told to the next cat-fostering mug...who will believe it until they realise that they've been scammed in their turn...

I agree with you that the bottom line is, let the cats go. It will be an awful wrench after all this time and especially after that death, but these people are making Elaine's life a misery by the sound. I'm afraid I doubt whether she'll get any money back from these manipulative skinflints.

There is, of course, the possibility that once she says, right, fine, take them, that these scammers will do a runner and leave the cats with her!

Cat adoption/sitting/fostering would be a doddle if it was only the cats that had to be dealt with; 'owners', so called, can be a nightmare!

I do hope that Elaine finds a solution to this problem - all very best wishes!

[Kay]

what a sad and sorry situation - just shows that proper contracts should be exchanged even if arrangements are last minute and done on an initially friendly basis - especially as it seems this family have mental health/sociological problems and finding a reasonable outcome may now be impossible

if Elaine's ideal outcome is to have the cats permanently without any further contact with the family I think she should offer to take them, in writing, and add a clause that there should be no more visits or emails - if they really do care for the cats they would leave them with her - if they won't then I think she should insist they are removed within a reasonable period

[bobbys girl]

My first reaction on reading your post is best summed up like this -

I do agree with what the girls have said. Elaine can't go on like this. It would be lovely if these wretched people would just sign over the cats, but I wouldn't hold my breath. They sound thoroughly unpleasant.

I really hope she can find a solution to this problem. Please give her my best wishes.

[nannymcfee]

Did Elaine have anything in writing stipulating all the requirements of the cats,payment and veterinary care when she first agreed to foster them?

They do sound a very strange family, and i for one would take everything they say with a pinch of salt.

[Cussypat1974]

What an AWFUL situation! I honestly have no idea as to the legalities here, but would consult a solicitor if I were in Elaine's shoes.

I CAN say that heart problems are not always audible at vet check-ups, and that there would be an increased risk of the others having heart issues if they are siblings, but they also may not have any. It is pretty much like humans..... An increased risk yes, but they might also have perfectly good hearts. If they DO have heart issues then stress will of course add to the risk factor.

If I were Elaine I would want to keep the cats too, so I understand how she feels. She is clearly a genuine person who truly cares for these cats, while the family involved sound like complete nutjobs who expect the world to fall at their feet. It may not be possible for her to keep them, but this is a legal matter and I really think that consulting a solicitor would be a good idea. Only then will she know where she stands legally. I would imagine that she would be entitled to reimbursement of vet costs and food, litter etc way above what they were paying. If she has evidence of their demands and can provide receipts then I would think that coild be used as a bargaining tool. If the mother and son are as tight as they seem, they might well just give up and relinquish the cats to her if they were presented with a large bill accompanied by a solicitor's letter.

It would also be less hassle for her to hand them over of course. The decision is hers at the end of the day. I know well that I am a stubborn so-and-so and would go see my solicitor for advice. God those people sound just HORRIBLE!

[mrmurgatroyd20]

Hi there and many apologies for taking a while to get back, strange shifts, overtime, etc, and getting to see Elaine..

I would like to thank you all for taking the time to post up replies and advice, it is really very much appreciated indeed, nice to have feedback from people who know 'cat things'...I have printed off for Elaine,

Well certainly she feels the owners have benefitted from the post mortem, by knowing it wasn't malicious, that the others have not been in any danger nor will they be, having that piece/peace (?) of mind, and closure, now knowing the others may have same genetic defect and acting accordingly, being able to read the post-mortem report and learn from it, but, they don't feel that as the owner they should have to pay for it, but that Elaine should instead..Hmm.

Elaine didn't have any contract or agreements just a sum of money paid monthly for their food, not litter, meds, vets transports, cleaning stuff, oh lots of things to take into consideration, extras, in short the money did fall short, but she didn't mind, as a cat lover, paying for stuff from her own pocket.

Cat adoption and the owners that have to be dealt with - couldn't agree more with that posting!

will update on any progress further, thanks again, bye for now.

[Lilith]

Elaine's story still makes me so angry!

Let yourself get labelled as an 'animal lover' and you're fair game for these crooks!

If they're running their own business and the son's jetting off to who-knows-where they're not short of a bob or two are they? (And that's why they're not short of a bob or two because they'll take advantage wherever they can!)

Maybe Elaine now needs to put up her prices for board and other expenses and also to state boundaries re access. While the cats aren't hers legally, by now they're far more hers than the 'rightful' owners'. If she could appear to be as coldblooded as these sharks (and that's an insult to sharks) maybe it would bring them to their senses. Also I wonder if it might help having a word with the local Citizens' Advice Bureau; these guys are very knowledgeable. (My ex's partner has just retired from the CAB so I sort of have inside knowledge here; she's a great person and they really do walk the extra mile for their clients; could be they could give Elaine tips on how to outwit the crooks and fight her corner.)

I think we've all let ourselves be taken advantage of where animals are concerned, but this is extreme. It's bullying and abusive.

I really do hope a solution can be found - please do keep updating when you can, and all the very best of luck to Elaine!